Simply Heaven (23 page)

He tore himself away from her. "Not here. Upstairs. In my room." He stood and reached down for her.

Raven looked from his outstretched hand to his face. She could see his heated gaze, his flushed cheeks, the nerve twitching in his jaw. His shirt was unbuttoned to his waist, and she could see the thick mat of hair, trailing downward. He stood with legs slightly apart, and she fought to keep from staring at the swell between them. She was not sure exactly what she wanted, only that she wanted him, in all his glory, then and there. But above and beyond the drums of desire that were beating within, something told her that once her fingers closed about his, there would be no turning back. He would take her upstairs, to his bed, and once he did her heart was lost to him forever.

He saw her hesitation and dared ask, "You weren't trifling with me again, were you, Raven? Are you going to scream and bring everyone running to make me look like a fool? I think not. I
hope
not...."

He drew her into his arms again, and though she commanded herself to pull away, she could only yield to the longing.

"Miss Raven, are you here? Miss Lisbeth said you were...."

Steve recognized Elijah's voice and this time was not glad to hear it.

They sprang apart. Steve stooped to retrieve her towel and thrust it at her, along with the bundle of clothing he had suddenly spotted. Giving her a push toward the shower stall, he whirled to disappear around the corner of the barn so they would not be caught together.

"Give me a minute, Elijah," she answered, hoping he did not notice how her voice trembled. Oh, Lord, what had she been thinking? Another few seconds, and Steve would have carried her inside and up the ladder to his bed, and then he would possess her body as well as her soul, for though he did not know it, he already possessed her heart.

After wiping away the dirt from rolling on the ground, she dressed quickly and left the stall to hurry into the barn where Elijah was waiting. Smoothing back her hair, hoping she had regained her composure, she said, "I'm all cleaned up. Maybe Miss Lisbeth will let me in the house now." She stopped short to see the stricken look on his face and was barely able to ask, "Elijah, something is wrong. What is it?"

"It's Master Ned. He's bad off, Miss Raven, real bad. I done sent for the doctor, but"—he made a choking sound as he swallowed around the knot in his throat—"he might not get here in time. I hate to tell you this, but I'm afraid your daddy is dying."

Steve came in the front door then, having circled around. He caught only the tail end of Elijah's wrenching words, but it was enough.

"Let's go." He held out his hand.

This time, Raven did not hesitate to take it.

Chapter 17

Dr. Sawyer had come as quickly as he could but knew it was almost over. There just wasn't anything else he could do. The poison from Ned's ill-functioning kidneys was spreading through his whole body. His tissues were swelling with fluid and his skin was turning the color of mustard, while an ever-climbing fever took him in and out of consciousness.

Looking at Steve, he shook his head ever so slightly.

Steve understood and felt as though he were dying himself. Ned meant more to him than any man he had ever known. When he went, he would take a piece of Steve's heart with him.

Raven had pulled a chair close to the bed and sat holding one of Ned's hands. It was so cold.

She was all knotted up inside with guilt over how she had despised him her whole life but now understood him and why things had happened as they did.

She could no longer hate him but could feel only pity for how he had suffered because of his mistakes.

She squeezed his hand and swallowed back a sob to feel him squeezing back, ever so slightly. A second later, he opened his eyes and said, "I wish I could be at your party, child. I wish I could be there to see people's faces when they see what a beauty you are. I'm so proud of you. But I'll be there in spirit, you can be sure of that."

"Don't talk about that now, please. You need to rest and save your strength. The party isn't important."

"Oh, yes, it is..."He drew a breath that rattled all the way down into his chest.

Dr. Sawyer shot Steve a worried look. The noisy breathing was not a good sign. It meant the lungs were filling. Some called it a death rattle, for it usually meant the end was near.

Ned struggled to get the words out. "I want the whole county, the whole state, to know about you. I want them to know the only thing I was ever ashamed of in my past was not being man enough to claim the only woman I ever loved."

"Please." She begged him to be still, reaching to brush his hair back from his feverish brow.

Ned turned to Steve with rheumy eyes. "You're going to see to it, aren't you? You'll make sure things go on like I planned?"

"Don't worry." Steve was also having trouble speaking, his throat constricting.

Through the gray mist that was rapidly swirling around him, Ned searched for Raven again and was able at last to focus on her. "I'm not asking you to make any deathbed promises. That wouldn't be fair. But I will ask you again to think about staying and keeping what's yours. Lisbeth and Julius won't like it, but they'll grow up one day and see it was the right thing to do and fair to them, too. They're spoiled and willful, but they've got some goodness in their souls somewhere. At least I like to think they do."

Raven appreciated the touch of Steve's hand on her shoulder just then, a reminder that he was there for her. Neither were thinking of the passionate moments of only a short while ago, too lost in the sorrow at hand.

Ned struggled onward to empty his heart. "That first day, I said I wouldn't ask you to forgive me. I'm not asking you to now. All I can hope is that you don't think too harshly of me. Try not to hate me. I swear I loved your mother... and I love you."

Raven's lips were trembling; without Steve's touch to lend her strength, she would not have been able to speak at all. "I've realized I never really hated you, and I do forgive you, and I love you too..."

Her voice broke on a sob, and she could hold back the tears no longer.

Steve leaned forward and put his arms about her, also anguished to the core.

Ned's eyes closed. He was drifting away, into the mist. But the mist was no longer gray. It had begun to take on multicolored hues.

And then he saw it: the rainbow of his dreams, the prismatic colors of the arch in the heavens—pink, lavender, yellow, and green, with a brilliant golden light radiating all around.

The arch came closer, and Ned could see it was no longer merely a rainbow but a bridge, a beautiful spanning bridge, with blue skies beyond and lights so dazzling that he blinked against their splendor. And out of the radiance came the familiar honey-colored hand reaching out to him. Only this time, when he held out his fingers to clasp it, it did not withdraw, and the haze did not become a fearsome creature of the netherworld.

"Lakoma!" he cried, as the clouds parted for her to step onto the rainbow bridge. "Oh, sweet Jesus, my beloved, it is you! Take my hand, darling. Don't let it go."

A dazzling light framed her as she spoke. "Never, my love. I will never let you go. We will be together for all eternity... as I promised. Come with me now. Forget yesterday. We have only endless tomorrows in the great world that awaits us."

His eyes opened to fix upon Raven, his face igniting in a smile of happiness and peace. "Lakoma," he said strongly, heartily. "Yes, I'm coming... now..."

Raven felt his hand go limp.

Dr. Sawyer was waiting with a small mirror, which he held beneath Ned's nostrils for a few seconds to confirm he was no longer breathing; then he touched his fingertips against Ned's eyelids to draw them closed. Drawing the sheet up over his face, he quietly said, "He's gone."

Raven sat motionless. She felt a sudden need to be alone with her grief. Dear God, it hurt so bad; she had come to love him so much.

Without a word, she got up and went to the door, just as Julius and Lisbeth appeared. They had been in earlier but had left to give Raven time alone with Ned.

Seeing Raven's expression, Lisbeth whispered, "Is he gone?"

Raven managed to murmur, "Yes. He's not suffering anymore." She hurried out.

* * *

Steve would have liked to go after Raven and make sure she was all right, but he hung back to make sure Julius would be able to take over and make all the necessary arrangements.

Julius bit back his grief, for despite everything he had cared for Ned, though he never showed it, and now he found it difficult to maintain his composure but knew he had to do so.

He turned toward the sound of weeping that came from a shadowed corner of the room. In the dim light, he saw Elijah and Mariah, their arms about each other as they cried together. Gently, he said, "There'll be time for grieving later. Right now, we've got things to do."

He crossed the room to clasp Dr. Sawyer's hand.

"Thank you for everything you tried to do for him."

"My deepest sympathies to the family." Dr. Sawyer gave a slight bow and left.

Julius avoided looking at Ned's body as he began giving orders. "Elijah, tell the carpentry shop to stop what they're doing and make a casket. It should have been done long ago, but Ned wouldn't hear of it. Mariah, you and the other women prepare his body. You know what to do, how to dress him.

"Couriers need to go out to deliver notices of the funeral. It will be"—he pressed a finger to his chin to think—"in five days. That should allow people coming from Montgomery and Birmingham to make plans to be here. The weather seems stable, so that should be enough time."

He began to circle the room, thinking out loud.

"The grave will be next to Mother's, of course. I need to get busy writing the funeral letters. That's going to take awhile, and they need to go out as soon as possible." He paused to wipe his hand across his forehead and felt how he was perspiring. He was nervous, talking fast, and knew he was slowly losing control. He was also racked with misery. How he wished he had treated Ned better before it was too late!

Suddenly he wanted,
needed,
a drink. He started for the door.

"Julius."

He turned and looked at Steve blankly, as though trying to remember who he was and why he was there. "Yes?"

"I think you should know that one of Ned's last wishes was for the party for Raven go on as planned. People will assume it won't." He steeled himself for Julius to refuse. He could understand if he did, but for Ned's sake, since it had meant so much to him, he hoped he wouldn't.

"Why, of course." Julius looked at him as though he were surprised he could think it would be any other way. "We'll do exactly as Ned wanted, even though some people will be shocked since we're in mourning. But it will be done in good taste, and I'll make sure they all know it was Ned's wish. Don't worry." He nodded and smiled tightly. "I intend to take very good care of Raven."

Suddenly his tone made Steve wary. When Ned had taken his last breath, two things had happened: Raven had suddenly become a very wealthy woman, and Julius would soon discover what it was like to work for a living. But maybe he already knew and had decided that Raven was his key to a better future.

Steve went to look for her.

Something told him he might not like what Julius had in mind for her.

* * *

In the morning, Raven wept against the great horse's neck, her arms about him, her tears dampening his silken mane.

She was standing in the far pasture, out of sight of the house. Starfire had distanced himself from the other horses. He was not grazing. He was not doing anything, just standing perfectly still, his nose to the summer breeze as though he could sense his master's soul as it passed by en route to the rainbow bridge that led to infinity.

Raven wondered if Starfire knew, somehow, that Ned was gone. When she had first approached him to put her arms around his neck, he had seemed to lean into her embrace, and she had been too consumed by grief to think he might harm her. All she was concerned with was the hope that he would somehow make her feel closer to her father.

She ran her fingers over his back and sides and could feel his leanness, despite how she had managed to get him to eat during the past weeks. Now she worried he would stop altogether and die unless he mustered the will to live.