Since I Saw You (32 page)

“What is it?” she demanded tremulously. “What’s happened to you?”

He looked at her face. She stared up at him, her shattered expression stabbing at him. He shut his eyes and looked away from her when he saw a single tear skip down her cheek. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I did that . . . tonight of all nights.”

“Why
tonight of all nights
? I don’t understand what you’re talking about. I can’t understand you at all ever since Ian told me that you planned to ask me to work for you.”

The water pounded on the shower floor in the silence that followed.

“I know that you’re in love with Ian.”

He met her stare. The water was starting to wet one side of her midnight hair. Water droplets clung to her neck and breasts. Her cheeks were still flushed from arousal. As he watched, her mouth fell open slowly in disbelief.

“What are you talking about?” she asked, her voice flat from shock. When he didn’t immediately respond, she searched his face wildly. “Have you spoken with Richard St. Claire? Did you go to the
hospital
?”

A sick feeing swept through him. He hadn’t really believed he was wrong in his assumption about her feelings for Ian. Still, proof he’d been correct was a blow for which he hadn’t prepared himself.

“No. I guessed it. From something Ian said.” Some of the vibrant color washed out of her cheeks. “
He
doesn’t know,” he assured her, guilt suddenly swamping him. It was unforgivable, the way he’d been acting. He was lashing out at the woman he’d fallen in love with because of something she couldn’t help. Love was blind, isn’t that what they said? She’d fallen for Ian long before she’d ever known Kam existed. He swept his hand through his damp hair in a frustrated gesture. It seemed ludicrous in the aftermath of his storm of chaotic emotion that he’d convinced himself he was angry at her for not being honest with him. As if he would have ever taken it well, hearing from her lips that she was attracted to him because he resembled his brother, or that while she may enjoy him in bed, her heart belonged to another man.

Yeah, he would have taken that
really
well, he realized simmering in self-deprecation.

“I figured it all out when Ian told me to buy you purple lotus flowers yesterday. He said they were your favorite,” Kam explained to her hollowly. “I remembered how you had several pressed ones in your bedside drawer . . . the ones Ian had given you over the years, right?”

She didn’t reply. She seemed shell-shocked upon having her secret revealed so unexpectedly. He raised his hand to touch her face—comfort her—but the memory of how he’d treated her earlier made him drop it. He exhaled, suddenly feeling weary.

“That, and a lot of other things I’ve learned since I’ve gotten to know you these past few weeks, led me to it. You’re so contained. So controlled. I figured if there was anyone on the planet who could take the pain of a broken heart day in and day out, and still be so strong and loyal, it was you.” He met her stare. “I just figured it out, Lin.”

Her stunned silence was like a shouted condemnation. He stared sightlessly at the tile surround.

“Are you okay? Did I hurt you?” He waved vaguely toward the direction of the bedroom.

“No,”
she whispered.

He swallowed thickly, relief at her answer barely penetrating the dense weariness that had come over him. “I’ll just go and give you some privacy.” He reached for the shower door and then turned back. She stood in the exact spot, unmoving.

“I didn’t sleep with you to influence you to work at Reardon Technologies. I did that because I can’t keep my hands off you. I’ve fallen for you, Lin. Hard,” he added grimly. “I thought it must have been obvious, but what do I know? I don’t have much experience with something like this. Any, to be honest.”

He stepped out of the shower, shutting the door between them.

W
hen Lin had finally recovered sufficiently from her shock and got out of the shower to dress, she discovered Kam and Angus were both gone. Had Kam taken Angus for a walk to offer her the opportunity to make a less awkward exit if she chose?

Lin was so overwhelmed by the events of the night, she took that chance. She fled. She was distraught and confused by the things Kam had revealed. Part of her was thrilled that he’d told her he’d fallen for her. She still couldn’t believe it, though. But she also felt guilty. She should have told him about Ian. Shouldn’t she have?

But there’s nothing left to tell, is there?

Lin had recently realized that her romantic fantasy of Ian was nothing,
nothing
compared to the vibrant, amazing, uncontrollable feelings she had for Kam.

Perhaps the main reason she slunk away from Kam’s apartment to gather herself that night was that she knew herself to be a fool. She’d spent a good portion of her adult life pining for an insubstantial dream. It’d taken Kam’s raw, uncompromising brand of honesty to prove that.

Was it too late for her to admit her true desires? Had she built such a secure façade around herself that she’d never be able to escape the thick walls?

•   •   •

A strange feeling slowly began to rise in Lin that night. It was akin to hearing the wail of a distant alarm come ever closer until that blaring sound filled her consciousness. She’d returned to her condominium, but had never slept that night as that alarming, swelling feeling mounted. It was as if now that she’d discovered the trap she’d made for herself, she could no longer find peace in her confinement.

Why had she left last night? What was she doing wasting time in this bed? She had to speak to Kam. She realized this mounting feeling was all of her emotion bursting through her defenses, all of the unspoken words she wanted to say to Kam crowding into her mind.

Just before dawn, she rose from her mussed bed and rapidly showered. Forsaking any makeup and leaving her hair to dry naturally, she hastened into some jeans, a fitted T-shirt, and an overshirt along with a pair of boots. She snatched her purse and keys and rushed out her front door.

Fifteen minutes and a cab ride later, she waited impatiently at the doorman’s station of Kam’s building.

“Is Mr. Reardon there?” the doorman asked into the phone. “He has a visitor. Oh, hello Mrs. Noble,” the man said deferentially after a moment. He glanced up and gave Lin a pointed glance. What was Francesca doing in Kam’s apartment? “Oh, Mr. Reardon isn’t there?”

“Can I speak to her?” Lin asked, holding out her hand for the phone.

“Francesca?” she asked a second later.

“Lin, is that you?”

“Yes. I’m looking for Kam. I need to find him. It’s important.”

“Is everything all right?” Francesca asked worriedly.

“Yes,” Lin said, realizing that she hadn’t hidden her growing franticness. “Well, not really. I need to speak with him. Do you know where he is?”

“He’s at the airport,” Francesca said. “He called the penthouse at around midnight last night and said he’d changed his mind about visiting the Gersbachs in Geneva next week. He decided to go now. He booked a flight for this morning, and was calling to ask if I’d take care of Angus while he was gone. I thought it was strange, but—”

“What time was his flight?” Lin interrupted her.

“It’s at eight o’clock. He left around ten minutes ago I think. You just missed him. Lin, he said something about possibly not returning to Chicago. He said he might arrange for Angus to be returned to Aurore.”

“Airline?” Lin pressed.

“United.”

“Thanks. I have to go,” she said hurriedly, handing the phone back to the doorman.

“Good luck,” she distantly heard Francesca call into the receiver.

“You didn’t see Mr. Reardon leaving a little while ago?” Lin asked the doorman in frustration as she started to back away.

“I took a bathroom break a few minutes ago—”

Lin made a sound of irritation and charged through the revolving doors.

“O’Hare.
Fast
,” Lin told the cabdriver succinctly as she flew into the backseat and slammed the door.

“Morning traffic. I’ll do the best I can.”

“I’ll pay you ten times the amount of your fare if you do better than that.
Significantly
better.”

In the rearview mirror, she saw the driver’s eyebrows go up in interest and braced herself against the seat divider when he punched the gas. The alarm amplified to a wailing scream in her head as she hastily dug her cell phone out of her purse. She hit Kam’s number. If she begged him to postpone his flight, would he hear her out?

The cabdriver met her challenge, risking about a dozen different tickets to get her to the airport in record time, given traffic. Her sense of alarm became tinged with dread, however, when Kam didn’t answer his phone after several tries. Why was she growing so panicked? Surely, even if she missed him, she could fly to Geneva or France or wherever he was to seek him out?

Now that I’ve stopped playing it safe, I’m tired of wasting time.

She shoved four one-hundred-dollar bills into the cabdriver’s hand and rushed out of the taxi, slamming the door behind her, her mind focused ahead on the target of Kam.

Suddenly she was falling. She hit the sidewalk with a jarring lurch.

“You all right?” a nearby skycap called out to her.

Lin grimaced. Her hands stung badly from bracing herself from the fall. She’d tripped over a concrete curb in her haste. Cursing under her breath for her idiocy—she couldn’t recall ever taking such a header in her life—she pushed herself up, only to almost fall again when she tried to stand. Her confusion over her sudden unsteady state was replaced by desperate irritation when she saw that the heel of her right boot had broken off.

Kam might be passing through security check any second now, moving out of her reach.

She pushed a mass of wild curls out of her face and limped onto the sidewalk, her gait awkward because of the three-inch disparity of height in her legs due to the missing heel. She staggered through the busy airport, looking for the nearest security check-in.

Security was packed. She searched wildly for Kam’s tall form and signature dark, wavy hair, her helplessness and dread mounting until it felt like it’d choke her throat. Nowhere. Not a sight of him. She moved her position anxiously searching, hoping to catch a glimpse of him at the actual security checkpoint.

She checked her watch, and then closed her burning eyelids. It was seven twenty-two. He’d be boarding soon. Even if she pulled the stunt of buying a ticket to get through security, the lines were too long. She’d never make it.

She’d missed him.

Her limbs suddenly felt very heavy. Her heart did. Pain waited until that moment to rush into her awareness. Her knees and palms throbbed with a stinging pain from her fall.

Gone. He was gone. And she was stuck in the sticky web of her own life.

She’d have to catch a cab back to the city on the departure level, she thought dully. She turned around and walked her graceless, defeated walk to the elevators.

“Lin?”

She paused in her progress down the departure level toward the cabstand, her heart leaping into her throat. She turned slowly, her skin prickling, too afraid to believe, and yet . . .

Kam stood behind her, wearing jeans and a long-sleeved, striped button-down, the handle of a rolling suitcase in his hand. He stared at her incredulously. Suddenly he was rushing her.

“What happened?” he demanded, his eyes a little wild. “Why is there blood on you?” He touched her cheek, his brows slanting ominously as he looked down at her. He lifted her hand. Lin realized dazedly for the first time her palm was bloody. She must have brushed her cheek and smeared blood on her face.

“I fell getting out of the cab. I’m
so
glad to see you,” she said, her voice shaky with relief.

He looked at her face, amazement dawning on his rugged features. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to ask you not to go. Not now, anyway. I’m sorry I left last night,” she said in a pressured rush. “I was . . . overwhelmed by what you said. By everything . . .” she broke off, realizing how inadequate she sounded. She shook her head in frustration. “I’m not in love with Ian, Kam. I thought I was. Once. It’s recently been brought to my attention by my friend Richard that my feelings for Ian were an excuse to keep me safe . . . to keep me from taking a risk.” She swallowed thickly, the pressure in her chest and throat making speech difficult, even though she’d never wanted to communicate so much in her life. A tear skipped down her face and dampened a tendril of hair that had stuck to her overheated cheeks. She pushed the errant curl out of her face. God, she was a mess. “Even when Richard mentioned that to me recently, though, I was already starting to suspect what he said was true. What I felt for Ian was a girl’s infatuation that would have evaporated a long time ago, if I hadn’t willfully clung onto it.”

“When?”

“When,
what
?” she asked, confused.

Kam stepped closer. She suddenly was inundated by his closeness, by his long, hard body and bold features and piercing light eyes. He was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen in her life. His scent tickled her nose. She inhaled it deeply, prizing the unexpected gift of it. Of him.

“When did you start to suspect you weren’t really in love with Ian?” Kam prompted.

She met his stare and felt all the walls tumbling down.

“I didn’t realize it until now, but I think maybe . . . ever since I first saw you,” she whispered.

He mouthed something soundlessly, and then he was taking her in his arms. She hugged him tightly against her, clenching her eyes closed in the grip of powerful emotion.

“You said last night that if there was one person you knew who could contain the hurt of a broken heart, it was me,” she muttered in a rush against his chest. “But that’s not true, Kam. That’s how I knew, I really knew for a
fact
I never really could have been in love with Ian. Because when it feels like this,” she hugged him tighter, her voice choking, “it’s not something you could
ever
contain.”

“Shhh. That’s a
good
thing, baby.
Such
a good thing,” he said warmly near her ear, his hand stroking her back in a soothing motion as she gasped, out of control. “It’s going to be all right. It’s going to be better than all right. You’ll see.”

Lin nodded against his chest. She wasn’t sure how long they remained like that, clutching at each other desperately while strangers rushed past them in either direction.

She finally removed her pressing cheek from his chest and looked into his face. Despite a veil of blurring tears, she saw his smile, the tenderness of it a poignant contrast to his rugged, masculine aura. He brushed her hair back and cradled her jaw. “You’re a wreck,
mon petit chaton
. I’ve never seen you more beautiful.”

She beamed up at him.

“I never thought I’d see the day Lin Soong came undone,” he said.

“I didn’t, either. But I’m glad it came,” she replied earnestly. His smile faded slowly, his expression hardening.

“Je t’aime, mon amour.”

Warmth and wonder flooded into her chest, bathing her heart. Her French was good enough to understand
that
, but even if it hadn’t been, the message gleaming in Kam’s eyes at that moment was unmistakable.

“Yeah. It kind of took me by surprise, too,” he mumbled, his handsome mouth tilting in a self-deprecating grin. She laughed and he joined her, the moment effervescent. Golden. He must have recognized her amazement at his declaration of love.

“More like a miracle,” she breathed out, awe tingeing her tone.

He brought her wrist to his mouth and kissed her pulse, his passionate gaze seeming to bore straight down into her. How could she ever have even considered forsaking
this
for the safety of her heart? His warm lips lingered for a heart fluttering moment.

“Come on. You should go into the bathroom and wash those cuts on your palm,” he said gruffly after a moment.

“I never asked you what you were doing here instead of getting onto your plane,” Lin said as they walked to the women’s restroom side by side.

“I decided I’d given up too fast. I was coming back to beg for your forgiveness for how I acted last night. I was coming back to put up a fight for you,” he said, giving her a hard, glittering sideways glance that caused that all-too-familiar swooping sensation in her lower belly.

“Neither thing was necessary,” Lin assured. “But
thank you
, all the same.”