Since You've Been Gone (Welcome to Paradise) (13 page)

“Last year you gave me a bunch of reasons about why you did it. I’m sure that at the time, all those reasons felt right to you. And I can accept some of them, I really can.” He swallowed. “Yesterday Nate told me that Dad threatened to take us away from you if you left him. Is that true?”

“It’s true,” she said softly.

“Honestly, knowing that makes it easier to accept why you didn’t tell me, but you could have said something after he died, Mom. After the threat was gone.”

“I know,” she whispered.

“So why the hell didn’t you? I was fifteen years old, damn it.” Bitterness entered his tone. “Didn’t you think I could have benefited from knowing the truth? From having my real father in my life?”

Della’s eyes filled with unshed tears. “I
know
you would have benefited. Lord, Rice would have been a wonderful father to you.”

Frustration slammed into him. “Then why? Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because I was ashamed,” she blurted out. “And I was scared. You were fifteen, and you and your brothers had already been so negatively impacted by Henry’s behavior. The four of you grew to hate him, and I was scared that if you knew the truth, you might hate me too.”

As two fat teardrops seeped out and streamed down her cheeks, Austin’s heart constricted with agony.

“Hey, don’t cry,” he said gruffly, reaching across the table for her hand.

The gesture only caused the tears to fall faster. She squeezed his hand tightly, her anguished gaze locking with his. “I didn’t want you to think less of me. I slept with my husband’s brother, Austin. Henry had already alienated you and Nate and the twins. I didn’t want you to become disgusted or disillusioned with me too.”

He stifled a sigh and swept his thumb over her knuckles. “I probably would’ve been upset, angry even, but I could never hate you, Mom.”

“You mean you don’t hate me now?” Her voice wobbled as she posed the question.

“Of course not.”

She sighed. “But you’re still angry with me.”

He couldn’t lie, but he did try to focus on the positive. “I’m trying not to be, if that helps. I mean, I keep coming home even though a part of me wants to take off and never come back.”

“I know it’s hard for you to be here.” She visibly swallowed. “And I really am glad you’re home, sweetie. I hope that means you’re willing to let me be part of your life again.”

A lump rose in his throat. “Like I said, I’m trying.”

An awkward silence stretched between them. Austin sipped his coffee. His mom sipped her herbal tea. Neither of them spoke for nearly a minute, until he finally cleared his throat.

“Uh, I brought something to show you.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper, then slid it across the table.

Della wrinkled her forehead as she picked up the paper. She slowly unfolded it, read the neatly typed words on the page, and gasped.

“Oh sweet Lord! My baby got nominated for a Pulitzer!”

He had to smile. “Don’t get too excited. I didn’t win.”

“How many other photographers were considered?” his mother demanded.

“I’m not sure, depends on who submitted an entry. Hundreds, thousands?” he estimated.

“And how many final?”

“There’s one winner, and two finalists. Runner-ups, I guess.”

Triumph exploded in her gaze, mingling with the pride shining there. “And you were one of the two finalists! In my book, that’s an incredible accomplishment. Which photo did you send?”

“The black-and-white shot of the riot in Baghdad.” He shrugged, suddenly feeling bashful. “I think I emailed it to you last year.”

“I remember. That was a stunning photograph.” She smiled wistfully. “I’m so proud of you, sweetie. Can I keep this letter so I can frame it?”

He chuckled. “Sure. I have another copy.”

Della reached for her teacup, her expression relaxed for the first time in more than a year. “Now tell me about your recent assignment. Nate said something about Main Streets?”

Austin nodded. “Honestly, it wasn’t as exciting as I would’ve liked, but once Mari joined me, it ended up being kinda fun.”

“Mari…” Della looked thoughtful. “She seems like a sweet girl.”

“She is,” he admitted. “She’s pretty amazing, actually. I mean, she babbles a lot, and she’s got a weird sense of humor, but she’s also got the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever met. She came all the way to Colorado with me because she knew I needed a friend.”

“Friend… Is that all she is to you?”

He hesitated, then shook his head. “She’s more than a friend,” he confessed. “But before you ask, I have no idea what’s going to happen with us. Eventually she’ll be going back to Des Moines.”

“And until then?”

“Until then, we enjoy spending time together.”

It was Della’s turn to hesitate. “I’m enjoying spending time with
you
. It’s been so long since we just sat around and talked. I missed you.”

“I know.” He swallowed that annoying lump in his throat. “I missed you too. But I—”

He was interrupted by the sound of the front door opening, and then his uncle’s voice wafted into the kitchen.

“Hey Del, sorry for showing up without calling, but—” Rice strode into the kitchen like he lived there, then stopped in midsentence and froze when he spotted Austin. “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.” He glanced at Della. “I took the day off work. Thought I’d come by for a coffee.”

Della shifted in her seat, clearly uncomfortable, but Austin knew his mother was far too good a hostess to turn Rice away. Sure enough, she pushed back her chair and said, “Why don’t you sit down? Let me get you a cup.”

Rice edged toward the door, his gaze darting to Austin. “Nah, it’s all right. I can come by later this week.”

“You may as well sit,” Austin muttered. “You drove all the way here.”

His uncle looked surprised. “Are you sure?”

In response, Austin stiffly gestured to one of the empty chairs.

After a serious show of reluctance, Rice rubbed his palms on the front of his faded jeans and sat in the chair across from Austin’s. Eyeing the other man, Austin couldn’t help but notice how youthful he looked. And he was still in great shape thanks to years of manual labor at Paradise’s paper mill. Austin knew Rice was in his mid-fifties, but he appeared two decades younger.

As Della went to the coffee maker, the two men watched each other uneasily. The silence was eventually broken by Rice’s heavy sigh. “Let’s just clear the air, then.”

“You mean you’re finally willing to stop pretending the truth didn’t come out?” Austin couldn’t keep the sarcasm out of his voice. “Because you’ve done a damn good job of avoiding the subject this year.”

“I was waiting for you to come to me,” Rice admitted. “But you never did.”

He shook his head in disbelief. “It wasn’t my place to come to you, for chrissake.”

“I was trying to give you time, damn it.” Looking frustrated, Rice softened his tone. “I’m sure you have a ton of questions for me. So go ahead and ask them.”

“I only have one,” he said evenly. “Why didn’t you step up and claim me as your kid?”

Rice met his accusatory gaze head-on. “Because your mother and I decided it would cause more harm than good.”

Della returned to the table, handed Rice a steaming mug, and turned to Austin with imploring brown eyes. “He’s being overly kind. It was
my
decision to let you believe that Henry was your father.”

“And I supported that decision,” Rice said firmly. “Henry’s temper was notorious. Who knows how that son of a bitch would’ve reacted if he found out we had an affair.”

Discomfort lodged in Austin’s chest as he suddenly envisioned his mother and uncle in bed together. The image induced a rush of nausea, so he promptly pushed it right out of his head.

“We made our choice,” Rice went on. “And despite my brother’s shitty parenting, you had a mother who adored you and an uncle who tried his damn hardest to show you that not all men were like Henry.”

Austin shot him a bitter look. “I think I would have preferred a good father to a fun uncle, Rice.”

“I know.” Remorse flickered in those green eyes, so much like his own. “But like I said, we made our choice, and there’s nothing any of us can do to change it now. All we can do is move forward.”

As Rice and Della exchanged a look of solidarity, an unwelcome thought occurred to him. “Are the two of you still involved?” he asked warily.

They were both quick to shake their heads.

“Like I told you, the affair ended once your father came back that summer,” Della maintained.

“Your mother and I are friends,” Rice added. “As we’ve always been, and as we’ll always be. And…you’re our son.” The man looked increasingly nervous, his gruff voice cracking slightly. “I’d like to try to be a father to you, Austin. I know it’s probably too late, and you’ll probably tell me to fuck off, but I want you to know I’m here for you. I want us to have a relationship, if that’s in any way possible.”

Austin’s heart twisted in his chest, and for one brief moment, he experienced a sense of longing. Christ, what he wouldn’t have given for a dad like Rice growing up.

But instead, he’d gotten Henry Bishop, a man who’d been completely indifferent to his sons, who acted like they didn’t exist half the time.

The memory evoked a rush of resentment. “You had the opportunity to be there for me years ago but you passed,” he said dully. “I think the father ship has sailed, Uncle Rice.”

Rice’s expression became strained. “I understand.”

Della, however, wasn’t as accepting of that response. “Austin, he’s trying to make amends. What’s the harm in giving him a chance?”

“He had his chance.” With that, Austin scraped back his chair and got to his feet. “I’ve gotta go.”

“Austin—” Della protested.

“Let him go, Del,” Rice said.

Austin fixed his gaze on his mom. “I heard what he had to say, okay? But we can’t just snap our fingers and suddenly become father and son.” A tired breath slipped out. “I’m trying here, Mom. I really am.”

Sorrow washed over her face. “I know.”

“The more pressure you put on me, the more I want to shut down again. You want everything to go back to normal, but I don’t know if it ever will. And every time I come back, I hope I’ll feel differently, that the anger won’t be as strong, but then I get pressured from all directions and all I want to do is leave again. So please, let me try and get past this on my own time.”

She was quiet for so long he thought she wouldn’t answer, but finally she spoke, her tone sad but resigned. “I promise to give you all the time you need.”

Mari had figured the novelty of Paradise would wear off eventually, yet she only seemed to fall more and more in love with the idyllic town. A week had passed since Della’s birthday party, and over the course of that week, Mari had become completely immersed in the small town and its residents.

Yesterday she’d gone shopping with Charlotte and Lexie, then enjoyed a tour of the
Paradise Post
offices from Lexie, who was the editor-in-chief of the local paper. The day before that, she and Austin went over to Maddie and Owen’s for a movie night. And although Jake and Bree were back in Denver, Mari was now Facebook friends with Bree and the two women constantly chatted online.

She couldn’t believe how amazing Austin’s family was. They’d welcomed her into the fold with open arms, and she was even beginning to forget that Charlotte was a famous singer—the woman was so laidback and fun to be with that Mari felt like they’d been friends for years.

The only thing that put a damper on her happiness was the fact that Austin was moving at a snail’s pace when it came to making inroads with his mom. He’d gone over to Della’s several times this week for breakfast or lunch, but Mari could tell that his guard was still up, and when he spoke about the visits, his voice lacked enthusiasm.

It was almost like he was standing in front of a massive wall, trying to figure out how to scale it, all the while oblivious to the door right in front of his face. He couldn’t seem to move forward and fully forgive his mom, and Mari desperately wished he would just open that door of forgiveness so he could finally reach the other side of the anger wall.

Which was why, on this bright Monday morning, Mari decided it might be time to speed up the process. Austin had gone to help Owen and his crew with a construction job, but he’d left Mari the SUV—and her first order of business today was a visit to Austin’s mother.

She hadn’t told him she was going there, but she had called ahead to make sure it was okay with Della, who’d sounded thrilled to have some company. Mari knew that Austin’s mother had been a homemaker her entire adult life, and was now living comfortably off her late husband’s life-insurance policy, and she imagined Della got pretty lonely all by herself in that big house. It made sense that she tried so hard to be involved in community events. Mari couldn’t imagine not having a job and twiddling her thumbs in boredom all day long.

Standing on Della’s porch, Mari hoped that Austin wouldn’t think she was overstepping by visiting his mother. But she didn’t intend on spilling his secrets or anything. She genuinely wanted to spend time with Della, and maybe see if there was a way to bridge the distance between mother and son.