Single Wide Female: The Bucket List Mega Bundle - 24 Books (Books #1-24) (84 page)

“What’ll it be?”

“An Everything bagel, please—with light cream cheese.”

“Light cream cheese.” He scrunched up his nose. “Have you tasted that stuff?”

“Yes.” I laughed. “It’s not so bad once you get used to it. I’ll take a small coffee as well, please.”

“Alright.” He turned away to prepare my order.

As I waited, I felt the excitement build in me for my class later that day. In the past I would have avoided working one-on-one with a man, especially a good-looking, fit man. I was proud of myself for evolving to the point that I could sign up for a class that was taught by someone like Raul. A small part of me wondered if I was making a mistake, but that part of me was easily silenced with my focus on positive thoughts.

“Here you go.” He slid my bagel and coffee toward me. “Eight-fifty.”

I winced at the price but handed over the cash. As he was getting me my change, I noticed the way his hands shook. It was almost as if he was nervous.

“Are you okay?”

“Huh? Oh, sorry.” He handed me my change.

I noticed that he started to sweat.

“Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Sure, I’m fine. Sorry. I just get nervous.” He avoided looking at me.

“Okay, thanks.” I took my coffee and my bagel and left the shop.

As I walked toward the small boutique at the end of the block I thought Chuck’s behavior was pretty strange.

I was just about to step into the boutique when Max texted me.

What happened to dinner?

Sorry, I got caught up in writing.

What are you doing now?

Buying new workout clothes and trying to figure out why the cashier at the bagel shop was so nervous.

He probably liked you.

Haha.

I’m serious. I hope you let him down easy.

I looked back over my shoulder at the bagel shop. I hadn’t even considered the possibility.

I was nice.

I’m sure you were. So when can I come over and see your new workout gear?

Never!!!

I laughed and walked into the boutique. There was a section for exercise clothing. I remembered the first time I’d purchased a pair of yoga pants. I had been so nervous about wearing anything tight that would show off my curves. I felt a surge of pride as I realized that I wasn’t nervous about that any more.

I shifted through the rack until I found a black leotard in my size. It had a black slip skirt attached to it. I could just see myself spinning in that skirt.

After paying for my items, I decided to duck back into the bagel shop to test out Max’s theory. Before I did I fluffed my hair. I pulled the neckline of my blouse down low. I licked my lips and made sure that there was no gunk on my face. I did my best to appear sultry as I stepped back into the shop.

To my surprise, it wasn’t Chuck behind the counter, but a woman who looked at me oddly.

“Can I help you?”

“Oh, I was looking for Chuck.”

“He went home. He had a fever.”

“Oh. Okay.”

At first I was crushed that I’d misinterpreted his shaking hands and sweat. Then I was disgusted that I’d been served coffee and a bagel by someone with a fever. Now I had to worry about getting sick.

Luckily, I wasn’t sick when it was time to get ready for class. However, the outfit I’d chosen was a bit snugger than anticipated. The pants were fine but the leotard stretched very tightly across my chest. I decided to try stretching it out. I stuck my hands into the chest of the leotard and stretched it way out. It worked! Only a little too well.

I now had two sagging spots on my chest.

“Ugh!” I checked the clock. There wasn’t time to buy a new leotard or go searching through my closet for something else. I was just going to have to deal with the strange sags.

I hurried out the door so that I wouldn’t be late. On the drive to the dance studio I kept trying to get the leotard to bounce back into the right shape. However, the more I tried the worse it seemed to get. Finally, I decided to fill out the sagging spots with some tissues. I always kept a box in my car.

I grabbed it from the glove compartment. When I reached a red light, I began stuffing my leotard. I was so focused on getting the right shape that I didn’t notice when another car pulled up beside me. It wasn’t until that person honked their horn that I realized I was putting on quite a show.

“Nice!” The man shouted and laughed.

I glared at him through my window and gunned the engine. Luckily the light had turned green. I could see how ridiculous my plan was now. I began tossing tissues out of my leotard. It would just have to sag.

I parked in front of the dance studio and shot a glare in the direction of the psychic shop. I noticed that the neon light wasn’t on.

Chapter 6

After I entered the studio, Raul walked up to me.

“Samantha, you look amazing!” He smiled and reached toward me.

I was horrified, as he seemed to be intent on squeezing my breast.

Then he drew his hand back with a piece of tissue pinched between his fingers. “Must have gotten caught on you somehow.”

“Oh, thanks.” I tried not to melt into the floor.

“Come with me. We have a private studio.” He led me to one of the empty studios.

I had to admit it was a little uncomfortable being alone with him.

“Wait just a moment.” He stared at me.

I froze at the edge of the dance floor. It was very odd to have him gazing at me with such determination. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking or feeling. The roaming of his eyes made me feel like I was under a microscope.

“Now, let me see you walk.” He crooked his finger toward me, indicating that I should walk toward him.

I didn’t think that I’d ever had anyone watch me walk before. I’m sure that people looked at me when I walked, but not for the purpose of actually watching me walk. I had not really thought about walking either. It was something I just did. Now that I thought about it, it seemed a much more complicated ordeal. Was it heel to toe or toe to heel? Did my hips sway too much or too little?

I began to walk forward. As I moved he winced. It was not a very encouraging expression.

I stopped.

“I see now why you say you are so clumsy.”

“You can see that from how I’m walking?” I eyed him with doubt.

“I can. Your body does not move as one. It moves as all different parts.”

“Well, it is all different parts. There are my feet, my legs, my arms.”

“No, it is one part. It is one vehicle that transports you from place to place.” He smiled at me. “Watch me.”

I watched as he walked toward me. Everything about him was graceful. He didn’t just walk. His entire body embraced the movement. He leaned with his shoulder in the same moment that his foot lifted from the ground and his hip swiveled forward. He didn’t put one foot down and pick up the other. He glided one foot to the floor while the other was already beginning the process of lifting. There was no stomping involved. It reminded me of the way a feather would dance in the wind, weightless and driven by an invisible force.

“See?”

“I do.” I shook my head. “But I don’t think that I could ever walk like that.”

“Well, that is part of the problem too, then. Your mental state is just as much a part of your movement as your physical body. If your mental state is not free and flowing, then your body will reflect that. You have placed limits on yourself that your body can’t overcome. Not on its own.” He paused in front of me and placed his hands on my shoulders.

His touch was much stronger than I expected. Since his tone was gentle and his movement was gentle I expected his grasp to be limp or at the very least loose. Instead it was firm.

“I am going to help you find your sensuality, Samantha. I will draw it out of you, and you will see that you have no limits.”

I felt my face grow warm at the mere mention of sensuality. I felt a bit childish, but I couldn’t help it. How could I speak openly with a stranger about something I barely allowed myself to think about?

“Don’t worry, Samantha. I will be your guide.” He thrust his hand out in my direction.

When he held out his hand to me I felt as if the world spun around me. Here was this gorgeous man who wanted to focus all of his attention on me. It didn’t matter that he was being paid to give that attention. I was going to enjoy my time with him.

I put my hand in his and he escorted me out further across the dance floor.

As he walked me through the first few steps of the dance, I felt as if I had two left feet. He showed me how to move my feet. I watched. Then when I tried to do it, I ended up doing the opposite of what he showed me.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. This is you and your body getting to know one another.” Raul touched my shoulder. “Move with me.”

When he moved his feet, I tried to mimic the exact same movements.

“No, no, Samantha. Don’t worry so much about getting it right. Think about getting into the flow. What does salsa make you feel?”

The truth was that it made me think of Max and Anisa on the dance floor, which made me just a little jealous.

“I don’t know.”

“Sure you do. Why is salsa calling to you, Samantha? Why are you here?”

I frowned. “I want to be able to dance.”

“But why this dance?”

“I don’t know.” My frustration seemed evident in my voice.

“You want to be able to seduce!”

When he said it out loud it sounded a bit scandalous. But I still nodded.

“There’s nothing wrong with that, Samantha. You shouldn’t be afraid of your sensuality. It is time to embrace it.”

“I’ll try.”

“Dance with me, Samantha.” He grasped my lower back and pulled me close.

“I am.” I met his eyes.

“No. You’re not.” His own gaze was sultry as it held mine. “Dance with me.”

My heart jumped at the way he spoke to me. Suddenly I felt it—that spark of passion that had been missing from my life. I stopped worrying about how I looked or whether I was doing the steps correctly. I felt the heat of his body against mine. I moved with his movement rather than with the rhythm of the music.

“Yes!” He laughed and spun me away from him. “Now you are dancing with me!”

When he snapped me back against his chest I felt a rush of desire. It wasn’t for him in particular—it was pure undirected desire. All of the years I’d spent believing that I would be okay if I were alone became dust in my memory. I knew in that instant, as the music came to an end, that I absolutely had to have someone in my life that I could share my passion with. I didn’t want to wait any longer. I didn’t want to let another year pass by with the great love of my life still a stranger to me.

Chapter 7

That night, as I tried to fall asleep, I remembered the sensation of Raul’s skin against mine. It was a delightful feeling. It was not just because he was so handsome, but because I’d allowed him to be so close. All of the dates I’d been on recently had been duds. It had been a long time since I’d been caressed. It stirred in me a need to be touched, not necessarily in a sexual way, but in a loving way.

As a child I was often embraced and shown affection. Why was it that as adults that was taken from us? At a time when stress and uncertainty about our future was rampant, why were we expected to deal with it without compassion or gentle touches?

I closed my eyes and steered my thoughts in a new direction.

I thought of Max. I recalled the way he danced with Anisa. I tried to picture myself in Anisa’s place. Max’s hand grasping mine, Max’s arm around my waist, Max’s eyes looking into mine. It was all I’d wanted for so very long, and Anisa had taken it so easily.

I had no idea if he and Anisa were seeing one another as a result of that dance, but that was not the point. The point was that what I’d wanted and been so terrified to take, Anisa had simply asked for. She had the confidence and the determination to make a desire into a reality.

I’d taken many steps in my life recently to turn my desire to be a writer into a reality, but I couldn’t seem to cross that same line in my romantic life.

It dawned on me just as I began to fall asleep. It was so much easier to remain held back by my insecurities than to brave stepping out beyond them.

In the morning, I woke to the ringing of my alarm. I had a plan for the day—a certain amount of words to write and then a session with Raul. But when I opened my eyes my body ached. What had felt amazing the night before now felt as if an elephant had trampled all over me. I had no idea that dancing could be so taxing.

I shut off my alarm with the intention of going back to sleep. Just as I closed my eyes, my cell phone rang. I grabbed it in an attempt to turn off the ringer but accidentally accepted the call. I put the phone to my ear with no idea who I was about to speak to.

“Hello?”

“Samantha! What’s this I hear about you quitting your job? Why didn’t you tell me about it?”

“Hi, Mom.”

I turned my face into my pillow and wished that I’d never answered.

“What’s going on? Are you okay? You’re not depressed, are you? My friend Sandra’s daughter is depressed and she didn’t tell anyone. You know you can tell me if you’re depressed, right?”

“I’m not depressed, Mom.”

“Well, some people can be depressed and not even know that they’re depressed! You sound tired.”

“Because I just woke up.”

“Oh, I’ve been up for hours.”

“I know, Mom. But I was up late.”

“Doing what? Were you on a date? What’s his name? What does he do?”

“Mom!”

“I’m sorry, Samantha, but I’m worried about you. Why would you quit your job?”

“I’m a writer now.”

“Oh?”

“Yes.”

“Okay.”

There was a long pause. I felt some relief, as I hadn’t expected her to be as accepting as she seemed to be.

“You know, I read somewhere that most writers are depressed.”

“Mother, I’m not depressed!”

“There’s no need to be snappy, Samantha. You must need more sleep. I’ll let you go. Call me later, honey.”

I closed my eyes and hung up the phone. That was not at all how I’d hoped to start my day. My mother and I had very different views of life.