Sister Betty Says I Do (26 page)

Freddie looked at his Honey Bee. He was happy that the vows had not yet begun. He couldn't have spoken the words “I do.” She'd taken his breath and speech away.

Leotis performed the wedding ceremony perfectly. Sister Betty and Freddie had decided not to repeat any personal vows but to let God command their marriage ship, and they'd go wherever it sailed. There were no sudden outbursts when Leotis asked if anyone knew of a reason for the couple not to marry.

They exchanged their wedding vows, and each placed a ring on the other's hand. When it came time for Leotis to say, “I now pronounce you man and wife,” so many applauded that neither Freddie nor Sister Betty heard him add, “You may now kiss your bride.”

Freddie quickly looked at Thurgood, who sat grinning like he was about to watch his student graduate. He pursed his lips, nodded at Freddie, and waved him on.

Freddie lifted Sister Betty's veil. He licked his lips, as Thurgood had instructed, and with one arm under the nape of her neck, Freddie went in for the kiss.

Those around the altar heard Delilah's sigh of relief. She winked over at Thurgood as they both prepared to see if the couple had learned everything they'd suggested.

Just as Freddie placed his arm in a position to tilt Sister Betty back a little and kiss her further, she sprang forward like a bobblehead doll and kissed him so hard, they both could've landed on the floor of the altar and at the foot of the cross. The sanctuary exploded in laughter and praises, but that didn't embarrass or stop the old couple from their deep-sea tongue diving.

“Leotis, do something,” Sharvon whispered. “It's embarrassing.”

Leotis looked at Sharvon and laughed. He moved closer to her and whispered, “What you need to be doing is taking notes.” He winked and moved back into his position.

T
he newlyweds and the bridal party had not yet arrived to the Le Posh ballroom. They'd gone directly from the church to a nearby photographer's studio to take the bridal party pictures.

Of course, Bea and Sasha decided to make good use of the bridal party's absence to promote their new business. Sister Betty and Freddie had asked their guests to contribute to multiple myeloma research instead of giving wedding gifts. That meant there'd be plenty of room for Bea and Sasha to set up their business presentation on one or two of the empty tables.

Standing at the front door to Le Posh, Bea and Sasha did their best to make sure their debut event went off without any unnecessary drama.

Bea, wearing a fiery red, curly wig, a dark green gown with silver glitter, and her comfortable flat shoes, collected the invites. She wanted to make sure those on the separate list she'd given Elder Batty were allowed in. Some folk who thought she'd never amount to anything needed to see the new and improved Bea. It didn't matter if they knew Sister Betty or not.

Sasha stood on the other side of the door, wearing a small-brimmed hot pink hat with a veil that fell to the side each time she moved. Her dress was the same color as Bea's. Each time Bea let a guest enter, Sasha would greet them, saying, “Welcome. This is a B.S. affair,” after which she'd press one of their business cards into the hand of the shocked guest.

Bea finished setting out their packets containing printed brochures and began to smile. “Thank ya, Lord,” she whispered. “These look so elegant and classy.” They had used gold parchment paper and had had the brochures rolled up like scrolls, with green satin ribbons tied in a bow around the middle. They wanted their B.S. to stand out.

Sister Betty's next-door neighbors, cousins Patience Kash and Joy Karry, arrived, smiling from ear to ear. The two missionaries had been overjoyed from the moment they received their invites. With their new private investigation firm floundering from a lack of clients, they appreciated Bea and Sasha's efforts to promote their business. Anytime they could attend an event where church folks were invited, the possibilities for discovering dirt were enormous.

“We can't wait to see what B.S. has in store this evening,” Joy told Sasha, with Patience nodding her assent, before they left to find their seats.

The thirty large round tables seated ten guests each inside the Le Posh ballroom. Every table had been decorated with mauve, fuchsia, and navy-blue linen, and big white bows had been tied behind every chair. The place settings were elegant and contributed to the ambience of the occasion. The Noritake Crestwood cobalt platinum dinnerware and the various sizes of forks, knives, and spoons, along with several gilded-edged champagne flutes, confused many of the guests.

None were more confused than the former members of Sister Betty's old church. Reverend Knott Enuff Money swept his Jheri curl aside and looked at Bishop Was Nevercalled.

The bishop simply hunched his shoulders, saying aloud, “Lord, bless whatever it is we're gonna eat this evening, and may the serving of the food carry as few calories as possible so all the fat folks here won't suffer diet failure. Amen.”

Brother Tis My Thang ran his fingers through his perm and gave a low whistle, which ignited the false bravado of Deacon Laid Handz. “I'm so glad they set a lovely table,” the deacon told the others as he fished through the shrimp boat placed in the center of the table. Taking one of the knives, he speared a bun from the bread basket, cutting it in half before spreading a thick layer of cocktail sauce on the halves and placing several pieces of shrimp between them. “This makes me feel right at home, because this is how I eat every night,” he lied.

The others at the table were determined to show that they, too, had as much class as the affair called for. Following Deacon Laid Handz's lead, in between bites of their impromptu shrimp sandwiches, one by one they began lifting the lemon-water finger bowls to their mouths, raising pinkie fingers as they sipped, instead of using the lemon water to clean their hands.

“It is so good to see all of you again,” Ima called out to her old congregation members as she approached the table. “Reverend, Bishop Deacon, Tis—you all look wonderful.” Ima gave them her best smile, hoping to replace the sour expressions that'd suddenly appeared on their faces. “Do you mind if I join you so we can catch up?”

“Catch up?” Deacon Laid Handz jerked his head and looked around the table at the others. “Did she just ask us to play
catch-up?
”

“She sure did,” Brother Tis My Thang said, rolling his neck. “I'm sitting here wondering why the police didn't catch up with her from the time she set me up for borrowing money from the building fund.”

“I was just thinking along the same lines,” Bishop Was Nevercalled chimed in. He'd long ago lost his bad stuttering habit, and he was ready to blast Ima for something she'd done and he hadn't responded to. “I'm lucky some of our congregants didn't catch her like I did with Minister Love in the fellowship hall, exchanging kisses. She'd better be glad I was as saved as I was. I'd have called the entire congregation together and turned them in if my stuttering wouldn't have taken up the entire morning service.”

Ima put a hand on one hip and smirked. “So then the answer to my question about joining you and catching up is . . . ”

“Oh, hell to the naw!” the table chorused.

Nonplussed, Ima took her hand off her hip and looked them straight in their eyes. “Y'all got a lot of nerve trying to signify on me. All of you together are too dumb to fall down by yourself.” Ima's look dared all of them to move before she finished. “I'll be over there among some of the classy folks at this reception. You scrubs call me when you can cast the first stone.” Before any of them could finally respond, Ima turned and sashayed away, flipping the shawl she carried back at them, a move they could interpret any way they wanted.

The band Elder Batty had hired for the reception was outstanding. They were five men and one female vocalist from Crossing Over Sanctuary's gospel jazz band. It was the cocktail hour, and they played soft hymns and the vocalist sang slow songs while the guests enjoyed appetizers of shrimp, lobster puffs, and assorted pastries.

Several guests walked around and mingled, while others traded lies about how close they were to the newlyweds, but most knew they were there to observe and report.

While the band played, Ima sat off in a corner by herself. She hadn't stood out as she normally would. Wearing a plain green dress with the hemline to her knees, her hair pinned back, and very little make-up, she appeared removed from everything happening at the reception. The cold shoulder she'd gotten a moment ago had hit her hard.
Too many chickens coming home to roost at one time
, she thought.

Ima found an unoccupied table near the back of the room, away from the band and most of the guests. She sat with the shawl to the dress she wore modestly covering her lap and legs. With her head down and the palm of one hand supporting her chin, she opened the book she held. It was the book Delilah had given her the last time she'd been at Le Posh, when she learned the life and role of a first lady weren't what she'd thought.

“That book must be real good to make you want to bring it to a wedding and read.”

Ima placed a finger on the page before closing the book, and looking up, she saw Leotis smiling. “Yes, Reverend,” Ima said with a blank expression. “It's just that good.” She quickly put her head down again and reopened the book.

Leotis tilted his head to see what she was reading. When he couldn't, he slowly came around to where she sat, until he was standing behind her and looking over her shoulder. “Elder Olivia Stith-Bynum. I've heard of her. I believe she's the head of the E.S.T.H.E.R. organization,” he told her as he began reading the title aloud.
“Tell Prince Charming to Keep that Slipper—I'm Standing on My Own Two Feet.”

Leotis looked puzzled as he added, “I didn't think you went in for her type of self-improvement techniques with a fairy-tale twist.” Leotis folded his arms as he strolled around Ima's chair and again came face-to-face with her. “Not that I'm saying there's anything wrong with you and that you need improvement. It's just that I definitely see you as someone who is very comfortable with the emotions of
Sacred Love Songs
, which is why I haven't asked for my CD back.”

“Shouldn't you be off somewhere, asking God to give you more discernment, or whatever it is that you're lacking?” Ima quickly moved her chair closer to the table and placed the book on it before she continued reading.

His eyes danced as he leaned in and teased, “Have I done something to you?”

That time Ima slammed the book shut, nearly catching her finger between the pages. She pushed her chair back, and one of its legs banged, catching the toe of Leotis's shoe. Ima had a severe glint in her eyes meant to send chills through him. “You want to know whether or not you have done something to me?” Ima stood and folded her arms across her chest. “Yes, you have done something.”

“What have I done?” Leotis's voice became almost childlike as he questioned her. “Just tell me what I've done.”

“You've wasted my time!” Ima squinted her eyes, sending piercing green disdain his way. She then picked up her shawl, which had fallen on the floor, grabbed her book, and strutted away, never looking back and leaving Leotis stunned.

Leotis quickly looked around to see if anyone had overheard or seen what'd happened. A thunderous applause rang throughout Le Posh, and he was glad to see it wasn't because of what had just happened between him and Ima. Instead, several members of the bridal party had entered the ballroom. He straightened his shirt collar and his jacket. He didn't have time to ponder what the problem was with Ima.

Chandler entered Le Posh with Sharvon on his arm. He took her to the middle of the dance floor, twirled her around, and then they sat. The next ones to enter were Elder Batty Brick and Delilah. Delilah let go of the elder's arm and quickly whispered in the ear of Brother Casanova, the emcee for the reception. He smiled and nodded. Elder Batty Brick then took Delilah's hand, and they did the same twirl as Chandler and Sharvon had before they, too, found their table. The only ones who hadn't entered yet were Thurgood and the newlyweds.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” Brother Casanova said, “there's a slight delay. Please proceed and have a wonderful time. I'll return shortly.” He then motioned to the band to play, and the vocalist began singing.

Leotis walked quickly over to the table where Chandler had just gotten up, leaving an empty chair next to Sharvon.

“You look beautiful,” Leotis told Sharvon. His eyes darted about, as if he expected to get a brick upside his head or to be caught doing something wrong. Ima's new attitude, the way she'd dismissed him, had caught him off guard, and not in a good way. Talking to Sharvon and finding out what had happened to the newlyweds and Thurgood would take it off his mind. And she did look beautiful and almost angelic, classier than normal.

“Thank you,” Sharvon replied. She quickly looked past him to see what was happening on the dance floor.

Leotis noticed she kept her eyes on the dance floor. Several couples had begun to dance as the band played and the vocalist sang “My Funny Valentine.”

“Would you care to dance?” Leotis extended his hand to Sharvon. “It'll give us something to do until the newlyweds arrive.” As soon as the words left his mouth, he felt the hairs rise on the back of his neck.

“Move out of my way, Prince Charming,” Sharvon snapped. “Go hold yourself until the newlyweds arrive.” Sharvon pushed back her chair, which almost caught Leotis's shoe, as had happened when Ima did the same move. “When you feel you've gotten yourself together,” Sharvon hissed, “don't call me, because I'm sure it'll be temporary”

Sharvon walked away, grabbing the hand of Elder Lamar, who'd just sat down and begun munching on an egg roll. The food flew out of his hands as Sharvon dragged him onto the dance floor, and despite his friendship with Leotis, he couldn't have looked happier.

Leotis's hands flew to his face. He couldn't feel any scratches or marks, but she'd just verbally slapped him hard enough to give him a concussion. “What is going on with these women?”

“You look lonely,” Delilah whispered as she snuck up on the reverend.

“I'm fine, Sister Delilah,” Leotis said. “It's just been an unusual wedding.”

“Oh, the wedding was just wonderful, and the only thing unusual was the inexperienced bride and groom.” Delilah chuckled, dismissing the astonishment on Leotis's face. “Pick your face off the floor before you trip over it. C'mon. Let's dance a little.”

Leotis looked at Delilah and suddenly began laughing. “Why do I feel you helped to build the brick wall that's suddenly been erected in my life?”

“I most certainly did have a hand in it,” Delilah confessed. “Me and the Lord need you to stop and observe your ways before you and others get hurt.” Delilah took his hand as she led him onto the dance floor. “Reverend Tom,” she said, “you have a good heart that's wrapped up in a man who wants nothing more than to do God's will. Unfortunately for you, there're two natures that's in a battle. If you keep going the way you are, that fleshly nature gonna overtake you and undo all the good will and work you've done. And despite you thinking you know it all, those two women aren't for you to mold or to shape. Stay in your lane so God can continue to use you.”