SIX DAYS (17 page)

“Hey, I…” Kasey garbled, following behind me. “She was part of your life, Kasey. I don’t expect you to close that off, or feel like you have to hide any of it from me. It was your first car. She was your girlfriend at the time. It makes sense that she—” “I didn’t drive it today because of her,” he interrupted.

“You don’t owe me an explanation.”

He took my arms, his eyes encouraging mine to hold his gaze. “I meant what I said last night, Ryen.”

I nodded “I know,” I said, lightly.

“It was my dad’s,” he said. “He loved that car and it meant a lot when he gave it to me. He and I haven’t ever been close, but when he gave me these keys, I felt connected to him. It let me know I wasn’t invisible to him.
And I only let Chloe drive it once, for, like, five seconds. She’d just learned how to drive a stick—I was afraid she was going to burn out the clutch.”

“Hazel said she’d meet you at the hospital,” Tosh called from the top of the stairs holding out her phone, interrupting us. “Luke and I will be there later.”

“You guys don’t have to...” I stopped talking because she’d turned the vacuum back on. She mouthed, “I can’t hear you,” and smiled. Kasey laughed, but I felt bad. Since I’d come into their lives six days ago, my baggage had, like, tripled. And they had their own problems. But maybe they liked the drama. I thought about what Hazel had said the night before about their suckish family lives keeping them close.

Kasey helped me into my car and sat down in the passenger seat. He looked very uncomfortable and almost confused.

“I bet you don’t sit on that side much,” I said as he squirmed, adjusting in his seat, trying to fasten his seat belt.

“No, not much.”

“Would you rather drive?”

“No. I’d rather you do it. It’ll give me a chance to snoop,” he smiled, and opened the glove box.

“Shit, Ryen,” he laughed. “Did you rob a damn bank?” he gasped before I could warn him about the cash inside.

“No, I’m not a bank robber,” I frowned. The thought that my mother might be crossed my mind though. “My mom left me money to go shopping yesterday. I didn’t use it all.”

“Put it in the bank—get a debit card. They’re a whole lot easier to carry around, and
way less suspect. If you got pulled over and the police found this cash, they’d think you were dealing, not shoe shopping.” I laughed at that.

“I’d never even seen weed in real life before I met you. If we get pulled over, I’ll tell them it’s yours.”

“Wow,” he smiled. “No loyalty at all.”

“Well, girls can be tricky like that,” I shrugged.

“Very,” he laughed.

After getting a few miles down the road, tears filled my eyes. “She planned it,” I muttered.

“What?”

“My mother planned to kill herself. Why else would she have left me all that cash? 

“You don’t know that that’s what happened.”

“Who leaves their eighteen-year-old eight thousand in cash to go shopping?”

Kasey asked me to pull over. He got out of the car, coaxed me out of my seat, and wrapped his arms around me.

“We don’t know what happened yet. If her overdose was intentional, we’ll get her some help. We’ll deal with it. The important thing is that she’s still here. I know it’s hard not to, but thinking the worst isn’t going to do you any good.”

“I’m sorry,” I sniffled. I hated crying. I hated being sad. I hated that this was happening to me. That I had to deal with all this mid-life-crisis-craziness. 

“Don’t apologize. You feel what you feel. Better to let it out than keep it in.”

He was right. I laid my head back on his chest and held on a while longer.

“Do you think Tosh is right about my dad?” I asked. “Do you think I should talk to him?”

“I don’t know that she’s right, but you will have to face him one day.”

“I know, and it’s not that I’m trying to hide. It’s just that I think I should get to choose when I’m ready to deal with it. So far, everything about this situation has been on my father’s terms, and I feel like he shouldn’t get to decide the terms our relationship anymore. Besides, I don’t think there’s anything he could say that would make me feel better about what he’s done. No reason he could give that would make this okay with me.” I looked at Kasey. “I’m not ready to forgive him yet.”

“I think that’s okay. I think you know what’s best for you—you’ll be ready to talk to him when you’re ready and I think he should respect that.” And I think that was all I needed to hear.

Chase and Hazel were standing outside the hospital when we got there. Chase’s hands were in his pockets and Hazel was pacing around smoking a cigarette. We skipped the pleasantries and went inside to the information desk. A girl wearing pink scrubs informed us that my mother hadn’t been moved to her new room yet and it would be at least half an hour before I could see her. It was like musical chairs in that place. This would make the third time she’d been moved.

“I could run and get you something to eat,” Kasey offered. We hadn’t stopped to eat as we’d planned.
Probably because of my mini-breakdown on the side of the road.

“I’m starving,” Hazel growled. “I want a cheeseburger, fries, and a Coke.”

“Do you want something?” Kasey asked me.

“I’ll have the same,” I said, even though it was 9:30 in the morning. “But I want Dr. Pepper instead of Coke.”

Kasey smiled, kissed my cheek, and promised to be quick before he and Chase walked away.

“I need to sit,” Hazel said, and took off around the corner to a small, empty waiting area. Hazel plopped down in one of the chairs and yawned with her mouth open wide. I sat next to her. She was quiet and seemed annoyed. I was still mulling over whether or not she’d set
me and Kasey up for Carter’s sake. The longer I sat there wondering, the worse it got until finally, I asked her.

“Why didn’t you tell me about Chloe?”

“What? Where the hell did that come from?”

“Why did you set me up with Kasey?”

She turned and stared narrow eyed at me. “I didn’t tell you about Chloe because it wasn’t my place and I already told you why I set you up with Kasey. So, what’s with the twenty questions, Ryen, because it’s way too early for this shit. And I know you know that I haven’t eaten yet.” That explained her mood, but I ignored her question and kept on subject.

“So, it had nothing to do with what Carter did to Chloe—you weren’t using me to make it up to Kasey somehow?”

“What the fuck, Ryen?” she spit and sat up straight in her chair. “First, I don’t go around making up for other people’s mistakes. Second, none of us really knows what went on between Chloe and Carter. She told Kasey that Carter raped her and then she said he didn’t. Then she began dating him—publicly. What girl dates a guy that raped her? Who wants
that guy
for a boyfriend? I wouldn’t date a guy that raped me. Would you?” She sounded angry. She looked angry, too. And not in her I’m-hungry-don’t-talk-to-me-yet way.

“I didn’t mean to make you mad; I just wanted to talk—” “So, we’ll talk about it. Get it all out.” Hazel swung her arms open wide and took a deep breath. I turned away from her. I knew we weren’t going to have a civilized conversation based on the way she was acting.

“I’m sorry,” she breathed. “But that situation put a real strain on everyone.” She rubbed her forehead hard, looking at the gray and white linoleum floor in front of us. “It really fucked with our friendships for a while. The accusations, Chloe changing her mind and dating Carter, then OD’ing and disappearing. It was hard on all of us. We were Chloe’s friends, too.”

“So you think she lied about the rape?”

“Truth is, I honestly don’t know what to believe. Carter can be tactless—crass. He is pretty selfish and shoots his mouth off at the most inappropriate times. The guy can be a real asshole when he wants to, but he’s a great brother to me. He’s also the only sober family I have. I love him, Ryen. I also love Kasey. He’s like family to me, too.” She paused a moment. “But, sometimes I’m glad that we don’t know the truth because I’d never want to have to choose between them.” I swallowed hard. I wouldn’t want that for her either.

“Is Carter coming back?”

“I don’t know when, but yeah, he’ll be back.” I knew that would only stir up more trouble, which Carter didn’t seem to mind. And, because he enjoyed surprising people, I figured he’d show up when we least expected it.

“So, what about the rest of it?”

“The rest of what?”

“You and Asher—you didn’t tell me everything.”

“Who said I had to give you every little detail of my life?”

“I’m not trying to know every little detail. You chose to tell me about you and Asher, but you left out a large part of the story. You said none of you has secrets. That’s a total lie. You’re keeping
all sorts of secrets from each other.”

“I never said we don’t have secrets. I said we’re always in each other’s business. There’s a difference.”

I smirked. She laughed and shook her head. “What is it that you think you know, Hallmark?” I knew she’d only said that to antagonize me.

“You and Asher were together last summer in Hawaii.”

“Who told you that?” she snapped, a mixture of surprise and fear in her expression, which she quickly corrected.  “Kasey,” she spit, shaking her head. “He’s worse than a fucking girl—passing bogus gossip.”

“He saw the baggage claim tag on Asher’s luggage. It was marked Honolulu, which is where you were. He was supposed to have been in Texas.”

“Wow, you and Kasey have really put two and two together,” she grinned. “The Fred and Daphne routine doesn’t really suit you two though.”

“You know everything about me,” I almost whined. “You spied on me while deciding whether or not to introduce yourself. But if I ask you a question you act like I’m intruding or can’t be trusted.”

“It has nothing to do with you, Ryen. There’s just some shit you have to keep to yourself otherwise you’ll upset the balance of things.”

“Whatever, Hazel.
There is no balance right now so you might as well spill it.”

She stared at me, as if she was deciding. She was taking too long. Either she trusted me or not. It seemed not, so I stood up and started to walk away.

“Fine,” she griped, through gritted teeth. I turned back around.

“My necklace,” she rolled her eyes. “Asher gave it to me.” Then she stalled.

“And,” I nudged.

“And there are words engraved on it.”

“Come on, Hazel,” I laughed, but mostly out of frustration. “Just spit it out.”

“The bag Kasey saw at Asher’s was mine. I’d gone to Hawaii because my accountant called, concerned about my mother. He transfers money into an account for her every month and she’d emptied it, like, fifteen minutes after he’d made the transfer. A few hours later, she called him and said she’d lost it all. That it had flown out the car window or some dumb shit. He said she sounded more out of it than usual, so I went to find her. It didn’t go well. It never does with her. I went to Asher’s from the airport in a cab, so I had to take my bag inside. The time I spent over there didn’t go well either. I was upset when I left and forgot my bag.”

“Why did you go to Asher’s?”

“He was around a lot when my mother and
Frenchie lived with me. He saw what she was like. He knew how hard it was for me. I thought that being with him would help...” She released a hard breath. “It was a mistake for me to have gone there that day. But, at the same time, it put things into better perspective for me.”

“Things about your relationship?”

She looked me over for a moment, chewing her bottom lip. “Have you ever heard the saying: history repeats itself?”

“Of course.”

“Remember the story I told you about my mother and her first husband?”

I began rewinding, thinking back. “Yeah, you said she got pregnant in high school, they got married, she lost the baby, and he divorced her,” I absent-mindedly rattled off.

Hazel nodded; her eyes dull, as if she was some place far away. She pulled the medallion from inside her shirt and held it out for me. The inscription read,
Three is a Magic Number. 

“I didn’t want to lie to you, but the story I told you about me and Asher is the way I tell myself it happened. I’ve bent those memories to make myself feel better. It’s easier that way.”

I knew if Hazel thought I couldn’t handle hearing this that she wouldn’t tell me anything else probably ever. So, even though I was freaking out, I didn’t let it show.  

“I’m sure losing a baby had to have been hard on both of you,” I offered delicately.

“It still is. Sometimes I think about what things would be like now if I hadn’t miscarried. I always imagine that the baby was a boy. That he’d have Asher’s blond hair and my blue eyes. And we would have named him something normal, like Brian or Jeffrey. He’d be two now—just barely—talking and walking and…” Hazel’s eyes filled with tears. “When I found out I was pregnant I was a scared, panicked mess, but Asher was so cool about it, like there was nothing to fear about two sixteen-year-olds with only one good parent between them bringing a baby into the world.” She sniffled, and then chuckled. “He’s an ass now, but he was so cute then. He gave me this necklace and promised me that everything would be okay, that all we needed was each other because three is a magic number. Stupid School House Rock bullshit,” she mumbled.