Sketch (14 page)

Suddenly, it dawns on me. River wouldn’t be saying something like this to me unless he knows something that I don’t. “Are you trying to tell me something? If you are, you better fuckin’ spit it out right now.”

He’s squirming like maybe he didn’t mean to open up this can of worms, but now that he’s done it, he wants to close it back up.

“I was at
Glow
last night,” he mentions a popular restaurant here in town that also has a decent bar area. “And she was with some guy. She hugged him before she left.”

Rage settles into my stomach. She questioned me about if women come onto me and got pissed when she saw me tatting up Janelle. That was weeks ago, yet last night it seems as if she was on a date. “Are you fucking kidding me?” I ask, wanting to make sure River saw what he thinks he saw. My hands are shaking, and I’m pissed.

“Yeah, I know what Nina looks like, and she had dinner and drinks with this guy. They didn’t leave together though,” he’s quick to point out. Like them not leaving together makes it okay.

I grab my phone out of my pocket. I can’t call her, I’m too pissed. Instead I text her with shaking hands.

Where were you last night?

I realize I sound like an ass and I have no cause to question her like this. Yes, we are married, but we’re separated and there have been divorce papers filed. I’m stupid, and I fucking let my guard down again. She came crawling back to me, exactly the way I wanted her to, but now my mind is working overtime. Was it just so she could obliterate me again? How she answers this question could change everything.

I was at Glow with one of my dad’s business associates. Dad is trying to convince this guy to sign on with his management company. I’m doing a little freelance work for him for some extra money. We had dinner and drinks, I talked up the company, and then I came home.

That flies the fuck all over me. Nina’s dad has never liked me, even when I was in high school and I had no preconceived notions of anyone. He asked her to do this because he knew it would piss me off.

Okay.

It’s the only thing I can think of to text back. I owe this fucker one more payment on the loan he gave me to start the shop, and I can make it today. In fact I think I’m going to make it today.

Sketch? Is something wrong?

I can’t answer her, I’m too pissed off. I don’t want to direct my anger at him towards her. There’s been enough misunderstandings between us to last a lifetime.

No, I’m good.

I glance over at River. “You got this? I have someplace I need to go.”

“You good?” River asks. “Do I need to go with you? It looks like you’re going to kill somebody.”

“This is something I have to do on my own,” I tell him as I stand up.

“I’m sorry about Nina.” He glances back down at his book, almost like he can’t meet my gaze.

“It wasn’t what you thought it was, no reason to be sorry. Just don’t assume the worst about her. She and I have both changed, and the speed we take those changes is our business, no one else’s.”

I don’t wait for him to say anything. I walk back to my office, open a larger safe and take out the final payment. I would have had this paid off years ago, but like any good businessman, he charged me a shit ton of interest. I’m tempted to throw in more as my own
fuck you,
but that’s childish, and he won’t see it as that, he’ll only think I don’t know how to count and wonder how in the world I can run a business. Putting it in an envelope, I grab my jacket, yell at River and Jackie that I’m leaving, and head out the back door. It’s time to let go of this anchor that’s been dragging me down.

SKETCH

I
haven’t been
to this house in years. I’m not invited for Christmas, Thanksgiving, or birthdays. Normally Nina goes without me, and I’m perfectly okay with that. When I do go, there is so much tension that everybody (including me) wishes I had stayed home.

Vincent Baker always assumed his daughter would marry into money. He wanted her to have the best things in life and thought whoever she chose to spend the rest of that life with would be like him—have the means to give her whatever she wanted. In hindsight, I think this was where my need to overcompensate started. Trying to keep up with him is what started Nina and me on the path we were previously on. At some point, he made me believe money was what she loved and what she deserved. In the back of my mind, I realize he was setting us up for failure, and I’m hopeful we’ve made it past that, that this man won’t ever have that kind of hold on our marriage again.

I get out of my truck and walk up to the front door. I never know what to do here—do I ring the bell? Do I use the knocker? This shit is way too fancy for me. I do both and smile to myself after I do it. I’m sure they saw me on camera, and it gives me a chuckle. I don’t expect Vincent to be the one on the other side of the door when it opens, but there he is.

“Devin.” He nods. “To what do I owe this pleasure?”

He says pleasure like it’s the nastiest word he’s ever spoken, but I’m used to it. He doesn’t invite me in, even though it’s fucking freezing and still snowing. I don’t assume he will; in fact I never thought he would. “I’m here to give you your final payment for the loan.”

I don’t offer any preamble because there isn’t one. This was a business deal, and that was all it ever was. He never expected the shop to take off, and he sure as hell never planned on getting this money back. I’m almost positive he was looking forward to the day when he’d be able to take it out of my hide. I thrust the envelope into his hand.

“You sure you want to give me the last payment. What if you need something?”

“I’ve got everything I need, and so does Nina,” I add.

“Sure she does, that’s why she’s doing jobs for me for extra money. You aren’t a man if you can’t take care of her,” he needles me, and this is the part where in the past I would cower into myself, I would start to question. I would wonder if I’d ever be able to give her this big-ass house and the Lexus sitting in the driveway. Now I know that’s not what she wants, I know that trying to do that tore us apart. I will not rise to that bait anymore.

“Nina’s fine, and she won’t be taking any more jobs from you in the future. I expect a lien release in the next few days, so that the building is mine.”

He blinks, and I’m sure he’s not used to this tone of voice coming from me. I’m confident now, the most confident I’ve ever been, and I know where I stand in every aspect of my life. There aren’t questions in the back of my mind, insecurities that creep up at the worst times. I’ve got a handle on everything, and with a little bit of luck, I’ll have a handle on my wife, and we’ll be living together again soon.

“You think you’ve got it all figured out, don’t you?” Vince smiles at me. “You think Nina’s going to be okay with you for the rest of her life? Right now she’s living in that shithole apartment because she’s proving a point. I know my daughter. Give her a few more months and she’ll want the finer things in life again,” he taunts.

“You don’t know her at all,” I tell him softly. “You think she’s a pawn you can use to lock down a business deal, or that she’s some piece of arm candy you can show off at one of your functions. She is that, she’s gorgeous and beautiful, but she’s so much more than that. For years, she’s tried to get you to see that, and I can’t even begin to tell you how ashamed I am that I stooped to your level, trying to buy her affection. I didn’t need to buy her anything; I had to be the man she thought I could be. I stopped treating her like a person and started treating her like an object, the exact same thing that you do. One day you’ll wise up and realize that’s not what she wants.”

He laughs in my face. “That’s where you’re wrong. You’ll wake up one day, alone again, because she doesn’t want to live in squalor.”

I take a deep breathe to calm the adrenaline that’s flowing through my body. I want to knock this guy out. We’ve never had a good relationship, and I’m okay with that. I don’t need his approval to make my wife happy. “She’s been with me for fourteen years, man. When are you going to give it up? One day, we’ll have children, and they won’t want shit to do with you because you’re such a miserable excuse for a human being. Is that what you really want?”

His face turns dark. “Don’t threaten me. I can still ruin you.”

A year ago, a few months ago that would have scared the shit out of me. Today it doesn’t. “You could, but I’d start back over. People know my reputation; I have a solid shop, an amazing group of artists, and the most loyal clients you’ve ever seen. Some of them are famous, so go ahead and try. Whatever you feel like you need to do, do it. I’ll still be here, doing this, with Nina at my side.”

I don’t need to hear anymore. I’ve done what I set out to do, so I turn around and make my way back to my truck. Once I put my hand on the handle to open the driver’s side door, I turn around and yell, “Be sure to send me that release. I don’t want to make this any uglier than it has to be.”

As I get in, start my truck, and drive away—it’s with a shit-eating grin on my face.

SKETCH

“I
got a
call from my dad yesterday. He said that you paid him the last payment on the loan.”

We’re at the house, our house, and we’ve ordered take out. Sitting on the couch, we’re eating Chinese and watching mindless reality TV. There’s a fire in the fireplace, and I’m relaxed in a way I haven’t been in months. Nina brought an overnight bag with her; I know she’s mine for at least the night.

“I did,” I tell her as I use my chopsticks to take another bite. “It was time, and I had the cash, so I gave it to him. I don’t want him holding that shit over either one of us anymore. It was always in the back of my mind.”

“Did it have anything to do with me working for him?”

I think about what I want to tell her, how truthful I want to be. “If you need money, you come to me, don’t go to him. I’m supposed to take care of you,” I tell her. “And I did a damn good job at it for a lot of years.”

“But that’s what tore us apart,” she says it so softly I’m not sure I heard her right. “You taking on everything, you not letting me be a part of anything. It made me feel awful about myself, and in turn, I acted out. Like I told you before, bad attention was better than no attention.”

I put my chopsticks down. “Then we have a problem, babe, because at this point in the recovery of our relationship, you need to be able to come to me with things.” This is something I swore I wouldn’t do, be the understanding Sketch. Make her come to me; make her beg—that’s what I told myself. But another part of me realizes I have to meet her halfway. Rebuilding our relationship on half-truths and bullshit will mean we’re miserable in a year, tops.

“I want to be able to stand on my own two feet, Devin,” she argues. “I want to be able to figure things out when they get tough, not run to you because it’s the easiest thing to do.”

“I want you to run to me.”

She sets her food down now. “But I have to prove to myself I’m not a spoiled brat anymore. It would be so easy for me to say, hey, now that we’re at a better place, why don’t you let me move back in. It would solve all
my
problems, but it won’t solve all
our
problems.”

Her saying that shows her maturity, but I want to know what she’s waiting for. Why hasn’t she moved back in yet? What’s holding her back? “Why don’t you ask me, besides you wanting to prove you can handle issues that come up?”

She’s quiet for a while, and I wonder if I’ve overstepped my boundaries. It’s too late to backpedal now, so I sit here like an idiot, waiting for her to speak. It’s kind of my thing. I stick my foot in my mouth and then wait for her reaction.

“We haven’t fought since we’ve been back together. You haven’t done that one thing that pisses me off; I haven’t done that one thing that pisses you off. I want to see how we handle it.” She wraps a strand of hair around her finger, playing with it in that nervous way she has. “We have to be able to make up from the argument. The argument can’t break us apart,” she’s saying.

“I get it, I do, but what if we’re past all that.”

She gives me a look before she laughs so hard she snorts and rolls her eyes. “We’re on our best behavior right now, Sketch. Let’s give it a couple more weeks.”

Now I’m quiet because I’m wondering if she’s right. I’m thinking back, trying to determine if what she’s saying is the truth. Have we been on our best behavior because that’s what we expect of each other? I can think of instances where I might have flown off the handle but didn’t, and realize she’s right. We have been on good behavior.

“Where’s your head?” she asks, probably nervous because I’ve all but clammed up and closed off.

“Thinking that maybe you’re right, and I’m the one who needs to be more patient.”

“It’s not that at all,” she’s quick to assure me. “I don’t want to jump headfirst into something that’s going to backfire on us. I don’t want to put it on a timeframe.”

“I don’t either. We’ll both know when we’re ready.”

Saying that takes a huge weight off my shoulders. There are no expectations, and that’s the best piece of mind I can give myself. It feels a million times better than the unknown did. I smile at her. “I’m good, we’re good.”

She leans over and kisses me. It’s sweet, nothing like the heat the two of us are able to generate between one another lately. It’s the kind of kiss that tells me she’s here and she’s not going anywhere. We both pick our food up again, she snuggles in close to me, and we turn our attention back to the television.

Even when we aren’t sure about where we’re going, I know we’re going to get to where we want to be.

SKETCH

O
ur bathroom has
dual vanities. I can’t remember the last time the two of us shared them. She’s doing some sort of makeup removing thing and washing her face; I’m brushing my teeth. We keep catching each other’s eyes in the mirror and smiling. Nina is giggling, but I’m not sure why. I don’t need the answer. It’s nice being with her and not knowing why we’re laughing, just doing it.