Sleeping with Beauty (35 page)

“It was stupid, but I felt threatened. Like by changing yourself so much on the outside, it was changing who you were on the inside.”

“I have changed, Grady. I mean, not just the hair, the makeup, and all that. That’s surface. But doing that allowed me to discover something else about myself, about what I can do, or be, if I want to. The old Lucy would have never stood up to Jason like that. I have more confidence in myself now. That’s something I’ll always know about myself, that I never would have if I hadn’t done this.” As she spoke the words, she realized just how true they were. And slowly, things began to click into place. She knew now what parts she’d keep and what she’d discard, as Vivian had advised her to do.

The most important thing she intended to keep was standing right in front of her, holding her, being her rock, and her best friend. “That never meant I didn’t still need you. Your friendship, and Jana’s, are everything to me. I just needed to know I could be more than teacher, daughter, and friend. I wanted to expand my comfort zone, so I could reach further, find . . . I don’t know. Something. Someone. Someone I might not have been confident enough to even try and connect with before.”

Grady stroked her face, tipped her chin toward him. “Maybe you didn’t need to look so far.”

Her heart started to pound.
Oh, my God!
Could Vivian have been right about . . . everything? Suddenly she was nervous as hell, and she babbled when she was nervous. “I know Jason was a stupid choice; it was just, I was really getting confused about what I was doing this for. You and Jana were at odds with me and I felt I had to prove something, to you guys and to myself. Jason was an obvious target. And when he came on to me at the dance, it just seemed like the best way to prove myself.”

“You never had anything to prove. Not to anyone that mattered.” Grady slid his fingers into her hair, slowly took out the last remaining drooping hot rollers. He set them on the counter without ever breaking eye contact. “Not to Jana. Not to me.”

Lucy felt her heart swell, even as her pulse raced so fast she thought she might faint. She really had been blind. The way Grady was looking at her, with such honest affection and . . . and love. Her eyes welled. “I had to prove it to myself,” she choked out, throat tight. “But I never meant to hurt you in the process.”

“I know you didn’t.” He paused then, staring into her eyes for so long she wasn’t sure he was going to say anything else, then he took a deep breath and said, “All those things I said about you earlier, to Jason. I meant them all, you know.”

She smiled and sniffled. “You always were my best champion.”

Grady’s eyes grew a little glassy then, but his expression had never been so serious. “Yeah,” he said, his throat working. “I’ve always felt that way, known that about you. You—you’re right. No one knows you better than I do.”

She felt his hands tense on her shoulders. His whole body seemed tense. Or maybe that was her. She felt like they were standing on the edge of a very high cliff. The moment seemed to shrink down, condense, until she swore she could feel his every breath because it matched her own. It was all going to come down to who jumped first.

“And no one knows me better than you do,” he said, stepping closer to the edge. “In fact, I can honestly say I’ve never felt connected to anyone the way I feel connected to you.” He paused, and she could swear she felt him tremble, just a little. “If I was the type to believe in fate and karma and destiny, I’d have to say I knew from the first moment I saw you, in the cafeteria, staring down Buddy Aversom. But even if I don’t believe in all that, all the years we’ve had together since have proven it true anyway.”

She didn’t know what to say.

“Jana saw it, too.”

Now Lucy frowned. “She did?”

But Grady wasn’t listening to her, he was too intent on getting the words out. “I never wanted to risk it. Our friendship meant too much. But I can’t seem—” He broke off, his voice seemingly choked.

“What?” she urged him, wanting him to jump off the cliff first. Just in case she was wrong, and he wasn’t trying to tell her what she thought he was.

“I can’t seem to find a way back, to what we were before. For years I managed to seal that part off, be content with the friendship, knowing I was far, far luckier than most, to have that much. I don’t know what the hell I would have done if you fell in love with someone else. But when it looked like, after all this time, it was going to be—”

“Oh, Grady.”

He choked on a laugh that was totally devoid of humor. “God, please don’t say my name like that. Pity, I don’t need. Any more than you ever did.”

She grabbed his face then, when he went to look away. Her pack fell off and hit the floor with a clatter of scattered ice cubes. But she didn’t even feel the pain as she turned his head back to hers. “I don’t pity you. I just—this is a shock, that’s all. I didn’t know.” She found herself stroking his face, his much-beloved face, she thought. “I didn’t know how you felt.” She swallowed hard and stepped right up to the edge herself. “Or that maybe, maybe I might feel the same way.”

His gaze intensified so fiercely she began trembling. His grip on her tightened. And then things paused between them. Like the whole world came to a complete stop. They looked in each other’s eyes and connected like they always did. She saw all of him, and he saw all of her, like it had been since the beginning. Except she’d missed that one vital element, that one clue. That he loved her. Really loved her. And always had.

Her heart started to pound again. And her knees went a little wobbly. Grady Matthews. In love with her. And maybe, it could be, that all this time, she’d been searching for what she wanted, what she needed, and it had been right there in front of her all along.

He was right about one thing. There was no turning back time, erasing the knowledge they now shared. It was terrifying, really. The enormity of what had just happened. What would happen next. The world, as they knew it, was never going to be the same.

So . . . what did she want to do about it?

She hadn’t trusted him before when she should have. Maybe it was time to trust him now. She wasn’t sure who moved first, or if they both moved together. But an instant later the gap between them closed, and his mouth found hers.

Chapter
27
                                                                                                                                       

G
rady tried really hard to savor the moment. The moment he’d been waiting for his entire life. But he was sweating, shaking, and his heart was pounding so hard it was a miracle it didn’t spontaneously combust right through the wall of his chest.

He was finally kissing Lucy Harper.

Her lips were soft, just like he’d known they’d be. They’d kissed before, friendly pecks. But this was different.

Add rock-hard to the list of things his body was at the moment.

He tangled his hands in her hair, swearing he wouldn’t lose control, wouldn’t rush her. She’d had no idea. He didn’t want to overwhelm her.

Then he realized she was the one clinging to him, returning his kiss. Pushing for more.

Anything you want.

She opened her mouth beneath his, and he thought if he died right then, he’d go out a happy, satisfied man.

He couldn’t quite stifle the groan in his throat, nor could he seem to keep his hips from crowding hers. She bumped up against the counter, but when he went to pull back, she yanked him closer. And took the kiss even deeper.

Sweet Christ
was all he could think as they tangled tongues and limbs. She was squirming against him and he wasn’t sure how long he could hold out. But it seemed a bit premature to start ripping her clothes off. Shouldn’t they be taking this more slowly? For all he knew, this was just a knee-jerk reaction on her part.

She suddenly broke their kiss and he wondered if she’d read his thoughts. He gasped for air, scrambled to regain control so she wouldn’t realize how close he’d come to losing it.

“Wait a minute,” she said, as if just realizing something.

He’d wait forever. Just so long as they got to pick up where they left off. He thought better of saying that out loud. But just barely.

“You said Jana knew. How long?”

She looked a little hurt, and he supposed with reason. So he treaded carefully. “She figured it out a long time ago, only I didn’t know that until recently. I’m pretty sure Vivian figured it out, too. And I only just met her.”

“‘Vivian’? What? Wait, wait.” She pushed him back a half step. But her back was still against the kitchen counter, and he didn’t give her any more room than absolutely necessary.

“So, you and Jana talked about this?”

“Not in so many words, no.”

“But she knows how you feel? About me.”

“I’m pretty sure she does. I didn’t want to talk about it.”

“Yes, that is your M.O. lately.”

His lips twitched. “Apparently I’m losing my ability to hide it from anyone.”

“Vivian.” Light dawned. “‘A woman can’t make up her mind about what she really wants unless she’s aware of all her options.’”

He could only nod. “That’s why I’m here. I just couldn’t stand the idea of you and—”

Now she smiled. “He Who Shall Never Be Mentioned Again?”

“Yeah,” Grady said, smiling, too. “That guy.”

“So you’ve really felt like this for? . . .”

“Forever, Luce.”

She grew serious, then looked down for a moment before looking back up at him. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

He lifted a shoulder. “I couldn’t tell if it would be reciprocated. I’m not exactly your type.”

Her mouth dropped open, offended.

“Come on, Lucy, I’m not. You don’t ever want to date guys like me.”

“There are no other guys like you!” she shot back.

“That’s because I’m your best friend, but you never once thought about me that way. And I couldn’t stop thinking about you that way. Why do you think I went off to MIT?”

“Oh, I don’t know, a full-ride scholarship?” she said dryly.

“I had other offers. I chose the one farthest away.”

“From me,” she said, unable to hide the quick flash of hurt.

He held her shoulders. “It was about protecting myself. I had to figure out how to stop feeling . . . what I felt. I swore I wasn’t going to come back, to keep some distance between us. I wanted to remain friends, and . . . and hopefully find someone else.”

“What happened?” She shook her head and looked around the room, as if the answers to her questions would be found printed on the walls or something. “I just can’t believe this. Really. I feel like I’ve been blind or something all this time.”

He reached out, nudged her to look at him. “If I told you, and you didn’t feel the same way, we could never go back.”

She covered his hand with her own. “Nothing’s changed. Why now?”

“Everything changed. You changed. I—I was afraid you’d found someone else. I couldn’t even stand thinking about it. That’s why I’ve been such a prick. It was all me. But it was just too much.”

“Grady,” she said softly.

“I already knew how wonderful a person you are, and I didn’t want the secret to get out, you know? You were mine and I didn’t want to share. I never really understood just how strongly I felt that until—well . . .” Now he broke off, suddenly feeling—kiss or no kiss—that he’d revealed too much, put too much out there.

Now she tugged at his sleeve, nudged him to look at her. “It’s a lot to take in,” she said.

His heart squeezed painfully. “Yeah. I know. And you don’t have to say anything, okay? It’s hard enough—”

She grinned, quite wickedly. “I know; I could tell.”

He actually blushed. He couldn’t remember the last time anyone had ever made him blush. “Sorry about that.”

“Don’t be sorry.” She tugged on his arms. “I was saying, ‘It’s a lot to take in.’ But I want to try. That kiss . . .” She trailed off, and her eyes went a bit dreamy.

His heart leapt back up so hard he swore it banged against his throat. “Yeah?”

She sighed. “Oh yeah.”

He couldn’t have stopped the stupid male-pride grin from spreading across his face for all the nanotechnology breakthroughs in the world. “So . . .”

“So,” she said, tugging him back up against her, “I say enough of the talking.”

His pulse raced. Jesus, she was going to kill him before this was over. “I thought you weren’t getting enough talking.”

“There’re a few things I’m not getting enough of.”

He swallowed against a suddenly very dry, very tight throat. His body, however, wasn’t having any problems digesting that comment. “Yeah?”

She tightened her hold on his hips. “Remember what I said about that confidence thing?”

“Uh-huh,” he said, not even able to understand words at this point. But he’d have said yes to almost anything if it meant she wasn’t going to let him go.

“Well, there are some areas that still need a little, you know, boosting.”

“Really.” Christ, he was going into full cardiac arrest.
Don’t think about her naked. Not yet.
Far too late for that bit of advice. But in all of the detailed scenarios of how this moment might play out, he’d never dared allow himself to imagine anything even close to this. He’d just hoped for an outcome that wasn’t devastating. It never occurred to him that she’d not only take the news in stride, but take over altogether.

She lifted up on her toes. “Why don’t we try kissing some more. You know, just to figure out if we’re as compatible as you think we are.” She bit his chin.

Oh, God.
He’d never get his pants off in time. He rapidly contemplated the pros and cons of taking her right here on the kitchen counter. Not the romantic bower he’d imagined, assuming she’d want all the hearts and flowers. And he wanted a nice soft bed. But at the moment, right here on the kitchen floor was looking pretty damn good.
Control yourself, don’t scare her. You’ve had years to build up this need for her; she’s had ten minutes.
Which was true, he thought. But come on, she bit his chin! She might have been clued in late in the game, but she was making up time in an impressive manner.

That Lucy Harper, always an overachiever.

“I should have trusted you before,” she said, nibbling along his jaw, decimating what ragged edges of control he had left, peck by peck. “You taste like apples, did you know that?”

“No,” he stuttered, “I didn’t, uh—sweet Jesus.” She bit his earlobe. And she was sort of . . . rubbing things. Her hips were moving.

He felt her smile against his jaw and clamped his hands in a death grip on the counter on either side of her waist. Because the instant he put his hands on her again, all bets were off. “I know you trust me, Lucy. But, I’m, uh, I’m—”

“Me, too,” she breathed, kissing his neck. “Isn’t it great?”

She sounded almost surprised, and as much as Grady wanted to go with the flow, since that flow looked like it was going to lead straight to nirvana, that little note of wonder stopped him. “Lucy.”

“Mmm?” she said, trailing what, as it happened, was a quite talented tongue along his jaw. Okay, so apparently there were a few things he didn’t know about her. But he planned to dedicate the rest of his life to ferreting them all out. First, however, he had to risk everything she was handing him to ask one last stupid question. Only an idiot would risk that.

An idiot, or a man in love. And he loved her too much to rush her into anything, just because they were all hot and bothered.

“One thing.”

“Only one? I was hoping for—”

He let go of the counter and framed her face before she said anything else in that sex-kitten voice. My God, did she have
any
idea what she was doing to him? He doubted it. “Is this about me? Or about not getting him?”

There was no need to spell out who “him” was.

Her eyes had gone all slumberous and too damn sexy for words. She had to blink twice at him before she was able to pull herself out of the sex-fogged haze that had enveloped them both with shocking speed and ease. “I—” And then that deadly pause. “Isn’t this what you want?”

He bumped hips with her. “I think we can safely say that’s a big yes.” The contact made him twitch. The twitch made him groan. Why the hell had he stopped her?
Fool!
“I don’t want this to be about what I want. Not just what I want, anyway.”

She thought about that for a moment. It was the longest, most excruciating moment of his life.

“I feel . . .” She shrugged, then the most beautiful smile lit her face. “Safe. Loved. Desired. And I want you to feel the same. Plus, I just plain want you.” Her smile turned to a wide grin. “Do you think I could be . . . how I’ve just been, with anyone else?” Even as she said the words, it was like she was realizing the truth of them at the same time. He saw the confidence filter into her eyes, and she held his gaze without a waver or doubt. “No one has ever made me feel like you do. I feel like I’ve been living in some alternate universe where I was completely blind. I don’t know why I never figured this out.”

“Maybe,” he started, then stopped, the words clogged in his throat. He was either the kindest man in the universe, or the biggest idiot of all time. “Maybe it’s because we’re just meant to be close friends. The closest. But not more.”

She immediately shook her head. “Oh no, no backing out now.”

“I wasn’t. I mean, I don’t want to. I just want to make sure that—”

“Grady, that kiss, that first kiss, was like . . . like I was Sleeping Beauty, or Sleeping Lucy, anyway,” she cracked, with that dry grin that he loved so much, “and you woke me up. God, that would sound corny to anyone else, but it’s the best way I can describe it. Is that what your ego needs to hear?”

“No,” he said truthfully, then wrapped his arms around her. “But it is what my heart needed to hear.”

Her expression melted. And so did his heart.

“I want to take it slow,” he told her. “I don’t want to risk us screwing this up because we rushed when we should have been patient. But . . . honestly, I’m not sure I can. I’ve waited so long, I just want to devour you.”

She shivered against him, and his eyes widened a little. “That’s really a good thing, what you just said.”

“So you have to tell me if I push too hard, too fast.”

“Okay,” she said, backing him up, then out of the kitchen. “I’ll be sure to do that.”

“Where are we going?”

“To a place where you can push hard and fast and I can tell you when to stop.”

“Dear God.”

She grinned. “You started this.”

“Yeah,” he said, a dazed grin spreading across his face. “And right at the moment, I’m wondering why in the hell I waited so long.” With that he scooped her up and over his shoulder, making her squeal in surprise. “Since when were you such an aggressive wench?”

“Since about five minutes ago.” She squealed again when he swung through the living room. “Normally I just think stuff like that, but I’d never dare say it out loud.”

“And I got lucky why?”

“It’s different with you. I don’t have to worry what you’ll think.” She smacked him on the ass. “I know exactly how your mind works.”

“Oh yeah?” He kicked her bedroom door the rest of the way open. “Well, maybe I don’t tell you and Jana everything.”

“Ooh, sex secrets?”

He flopped her on the bed into a huge pile of discarded clothing. She was laughing and he realized as he followed her down on the bed, so was he.