Sleeping with the Dictionary (3 page)

Read Sleeping with the Dictionary Online

Authors: Harryette Mullen

BOOK: Sleeping with the Dictionary
4.91Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub

He can see her from another room. He likes to whisper at her while a record is playing. That's how cool he can be. He'll ask which books she 's been reading. She could give him a list and we could discuss them later. We could gossip about books, which was one of his favorite activities. He didn't want to forbid her singing in the bathtub, but she would notice that he flinched a little, so she tried not to do it when he was around. She had not inherited the gene for music, just as his blood had distinguished itself from the red stuff of his ancestors. At all times he tried to indulge her, having heard the story of her austere childhood. She in turn would try to soothe and distract him from the score of abandonments that caused him such pain when remembered. They both had violent histories but longed to live in peace and so it was a pact sealed in blood, a sweetheart contract in which there were provisions for each to get the
upper hand. Even though she bled every month, she always had someone to blame; while he noted that each time he touched her, her body was there, which had not always been the case with her predecessors.

She listened to his lists and made her own in secret. A grocery list was necessary because he avoided buying food, preferring to spend cash on inessentials because they bought more satisfaction. “But you,” he told her, “are impossible to satisfy because you never seem to want, except to sleep and eat.” She lives in his house like a sleepy cat though once he joked he might pay to keep her here, because even a woman with no wants must have money to supply her needs.

He never seems to sleep or eat but lives on a mysterious energy source, adapted for life on her planet. That's why she can't laugh at his jokes, because humor is local. He was born far away but feels at home. Or he was born close to home but feels far from there now. Nothing touches him now except her hands, her mouth. He touches her hair. Her wet hair. He makes her a gift of his solitude. Solitude is something she misses. He takes hers with him when he leaves. She goes out for short walks, looking at sidewalks. He takes her to mountains and deserts. He seeks out old trees. They walk until she 's out of breath. “Chill,” he says, and she feels cold, suddenly noticing the air.

Hitched to a Star

Quantum mechanics fixed my karma wagon

Gypsies want to hold my hand

Dr. Duck recommends

soap and ream therapies

With remedies like these

who needs friends?

Jinglejangle

ab flab abracadabra Achy Breaky Action Jackson airy-fairy airfare

Asian contagion analysis paralysis Anna banana ants in your pants

Annie's Cranny Annie Fanny A-Okay ape drape argle-bargle artsy-fartsy awesome blossom

backpack backtrack Bahama Mama balls to the wall bam-a-lam bandstand

Battle in Seattle beat the meat bedspread bee's knees behani ghani best dressed

best in the West BestRest Best Western Betsy Wetsy Better Cheddar Big Dig bigwig

bird turd black don't crack blackjack blame game boho boiling oil

Bone Phone Bonton Bony Maroni boob tube boogie-woogie boohoo book nook

boon coon Bot's dots Boozy Suzy bowl of soul bow-wow boy toy brace face

brain drain bric-a-brac bug jug bump on the rump Busty Rusty

cachi-bachi caffe latte cake bake candy's dandy Care Bear cash for trash Cat in the Hat

chalk talk Chatty Cathy cheers & jeers cheaper to keep her cheat sheet Chester the molester

chewy gooey chick flick Chilly Willy chips & dips chitchat chock-a-block

Choco Taco chop shop chrome dome Chubby Hubby Chuck & Buck chugalug Chunky Monkey

cigar bar Cinni Mini claptrap Click & Clack clink-clank clipclop Coca-Cola cock block

cock doc cock sock cookbook Cool Yule Cracker Jack crack shack crack's wack creature feature

crick-crack crinkly wrinkly crisscross crop top crumb bum Crunch 'n Munch

culture vulture curly-whirly

date rape deadhead deep sleep dikes on bikes dilly-dally ding-a-ling ding-dang dingle-dangle

ding-dong dirty birdy Dizzy Lizzy dog log Don Juan Donut Hut double trouble downtown dramarama drape shape dream team Dress for Success drill & kill

drip-drop drunk skunk dry eye

eager beaver Earl the Pearl easy greasy Eat a Pita eenie-meenie Etch-a-Sketch

Evel Knievel Even Stephen Eye in the Sky

fag hag fair share Fakin' Bacon fancy pants Fast Gas fat cat Fax Pax Fay Wray

fender bender fews & twos fiddle-faddle fight or flight Fiji file or pile fill the bill fine line

finer diner fine wine Flavor Saver Fleet Street flim-flam flip-flop Flirty Gerty Flo Jo

flower power flub-dub fly-by fly-by-night fly guy fogdog four-door four-on-the-floor

Foxy Roxy frat rat Freaks & Geeks freaky-deaky free bee frick & frack

fried, dyed, laid to the side fright night Froot Loops FuBu fuck a duck fuddyduddy

fungus among us fun in the sun funny money fur burger fuzzy wuzzy

gal pal gang bang gas grass or ass gator bait gay for pay Geechee gender bender

Georgie Porgie gewgaw gherkin jerkin gibber-jabber glad pad gloom & doom goof proof

googly-moogly Gorgeous George gory story Greeks & geeks Greek Week green bean

Green Jeans grinning & skinning

Hackensack hackmatack hackysack hair care hairy fairy Handy Andy

handy dandy hanky-panky hari-kari Happy to Be Nappy harum-scarum

haunch & paunch haste makes waste heart smart Heckle & Jeckle heebie-jeebies

Hegel's Bagels hell's bells helter-skelter Henny Penny herky-jerky heyday hickory-dickory

hi-fi higgledy-piggledy high & dry hinky dinky hip hop hippy dippy hobnob hobo

Hobson-Jobson hockey jockey hocus-pocus hodgepodge hoi polloi hoity-toity

HoJo Hokey Pokey holy mole holy moley Home Alone honey bunny Hong Kong honky-tonk

hoodoo hooked on books hook or crook hootchie-kootchie hotch-potch Hotel No Tell hot pot

hot shot Hottentot How now brown cow hubbub Hubba Bubba hubble-bubble Huckabuck

huff & puff hugger mugger Huey, Dewey, Louie Hully Gully humdrum hump & dump

Humpty-Dumpty hurdy-gurdy hurly-burly Hurry Curry hurry-scurry hustle & bustle

Icky Ricky I Like Ike ill pill ill will Increase the Peace inky-dinky

ism jism I Spy itsy-bitsy itty-bitty

jai alai Janet's Planet jeepers creepers Jeez Louise jelly belly jet set Jew canoe jig rig jimjams

jinglejangle Joe Blow Joe Schmoe Juicy Lucy June gloom June moon junkie 's monkey

junk in the trunk junky punky

killer-diller King Kong Kit Kat kiwi knickknack knob job Koo Koo Roo

kowtow Krik? Krak! kudu Kundun

Laffy Taffy lame brain large & in charge late great later gator Lazy Daisy

Lean Cuisine lean & mean lean mean machine legal eagle Leggo my Eggo

Lexis Nexus lick dick Lickin' Chicken licking stick Liddle Kiddle liquor's quicker

lit crit liver quiver lizard's gizzard local yokel long dong Loony Toons Loopy Doopy

loose screws loosey-goosey lovie-dovie low blow lucky duck lump sum lunch bunch

lust in the dust Lynyrd Skynyrd

Mac Attack mad dad made in the shade Magilla Gorilla mainframe maitai Mango Tango

Manila Thriller Mantan Mars bars master blaster Maui Wowie May Day Meal Deal

Meals on Wheels mean green meet & greet mellow yellow Messy Bessy

Micmac might makes right Mighty Aphrodite miles of smiles Milli Vanilli

Mingus Among Us mishmash Missy-Pissy mock croc Mod Squad mojo moldy oldie

Money Honey moose on the loose mop top Mork from Ork motor voter muckamuck

muck chuck mukluk multi-culti mumbo jumbo mu shu mushy-gushy my guy

namby-pamby name game nature nurture near beer nice price night light

nig-nog niminy piminy nitty-gritty nitwit no finance, no romance

no glove, no love no go no muss, no fuss no pain, no gain no show no way, Jose

nudie cutie Nut Hut Nutter Butter Nutty Buddy

Ocean Potion odd jobs Oingo Boingo okey-dokey old gold ooga-booga

Only the Lonely oodles of noodles Oshkosh B'gosh

Paco's Tacos page gauge pale ale paranoid android Parappa the Rapper party hearty Patel hotel

paunch & haunch payday pay & play pee & see peewee peg leg pell-mell peter beater

Phantom Anthems phone home phony baloney Pick Up Sticks picnic pie in the sky, by & by

Piggly Wiggly ping-pong pit-a-pat pitter-patter Plain Jane plaster caster plastic fantastic

play as it lays pocket rocket poet don't know it pogo pooper scooper pot shot pope-soap-on-a-rope

Pop Shop poptop Post Toasties powwow poxy doxy prime time pump & dump psychedelic relic Puff 'n Stuff

Queen of Mean quest for the best Quick Pick quick trick quiet riot quirky quarky

racket-jacket ragbag Ragin' Cajun ragtag ramble-scramble Randy Andy rape & scrape

rat-a-tat razzle-dazzle razzmatazz real deal redhead Reese's Pieces reet pleat

retail detail Rhymin' Simon rich bitch rickety-tickety rickrack riffraff

ring-a-ding ringer dinger rinky-dink Rin Tin Tin riprap roach coach

Rock Around the Clock rocket pocket Rolled Gold roly-poly Ronald McDonald

rooty-tooty rope-a-dope rough & tough rough stuff rub-a-dub Rufty Tufty rusty dusty

saggy baggy Sally's Alley sandman sassafras scarlet harlot sci-fi scot & lot

Scrapple from the Apple screen scene screwy Louie screw you Sea & Ski

seedy tweedy seesaw self help sexy Rexy shady lady shake it, don't break it

Shake 'n Bake Shedd's Spread shilly-shally shipshape shirk work shit fit

shit, grit, motherwit shock jock Shy Di sin-bin Sin Den singles mingle singsong

skag hag skimble-scamble skinflint skinny mini skunk funk sky high slammer jammer

Slice o' Rice slice & dice Slick Rick Slim Jim slo-mo SmarteCarte snack pack

snail mail snail trail Smothers Brothers smut-butt smut slut sneak peek snowblower

snug as a bug in a rug soap-on-a-rope SoHo space is the place space race Spamarama

Spam in a can SpecTech speed reader spit-spot splish-splash spring fling Spruce Goose

squeegee Stan the Man stars & bars steam clean Stinky Pinky Stix Nix Hix Pix stranger danger

Stormin' Norman street beat stun gun stupid Cupid Style File suck and tuck Suds Your Duds

sugar booger sump pump super duper Superloopers sure cure surf & turf Swatch watch sweater weather sweetmeat Swiss Kriss Swiss Miss

ta-da Tears for Fears tea tree teeny peeny teeny-weeny teepee teeter-totter telltale Temporary Contemporary tent event Texas Exes Tex-Mex thigh high think pink thinktank thin's in, but fat's where it's at

thin skin thrill kill thrills & chills Throat Coat tib-fib Tictac ticky-tacky

ticktock tie dye tin tan tan tiptop titbit tit for tat tittle-tattle ton of fun tough enough tough stuff town & gown Tragic Magic

treat and street Tricky Dicky true blue trust buster turkey jerky tussy-mussy tutti-frutti

Twine Time

ubble-gubble Ubby Dubby Ugh Bug ugly-mugly undone unfun urge to purge use it or lose it

Vanessa the Undresser vice price vomit comet voodoo

Wacko Jacko wacky shack wacky tobacky walkie-talkie Wavy Gravy waylay

wear & tear Weegee Whack Pack whale tale wham bam whammer-jammer

wheeler dealer whimwham white flight white knight Wicked Pickett

weird beard wild child willy-nilly Wilt the Stilt wining & dining

wingding Winken & Blinken wishy-washy womb to tomb wonton

Wooly Bully Writing Is Fighting

X-sex

Yak Pak yank the crank Yertle the Turtle ying-yang yoohoo

zero to hero zigzag zip your lip Zoo Doo zoot suit Zulu

Junk Mail

Thus is just a nothing to thaw you from your warpath and genius during our assonance beguiled two-time yellow agony. Those conversions chapped my thistle in manzanita waylay. In particular, they held a deer and latex impaled on my thistle. Not a deadbeat goes by when I donate this of you. That's why your silhouette remains, for me, sadistic and painterly. Won't you writhe or crawl? Let's mambo and be frisky. Your jiffy jockstrap.

Kamasutra Sutra

This is a story I have heard:

Entwined in a passionate embrace
with his beloved wife,
the holy one exclaimed,
“I have reached enlightenment!”

His devoted partner responded,
“I'm truly happy for you, my love,
and if you can give me another minute,
I believe I'll get there too.”

Kirstenography
for K. M.

K was burn at the bend of the ear in the mouth of Remember. She was the fecund chill burn in her famish. She came into the word with a putty smoother, a handsewn farther, and a yodeler cistern. They were all to gather in a rosy horse on a piety sweet in Alligator Panorama.

When her smoother and farther wrought her chrome from the hose spittle, her cistern fought the piddle ably was a girly heeded bawl. A bawl that dank silk, booed, burgled, rabbled, fried, and tweed in wipers. This was not a bawl that swept in the joy blocks with her rather joys. This was a giving bawl that wasn't a joy like a fluffed fan mail. Oh no! This was her grand blue piddle cistern that cold knot talc for a song time, but lonely fried and braid rather voices that the yodeler one cold knot rubberband.

It shook a few ears until they cold talc to gather, tall yolks, shear sacreds, heave a conversion or a dish cushion. That was laughter they kissed their handsewn farther who wind sway to Cheap Cargo, Ill Annoy. Mum and gulls made their mauve to Foreword Text. As swoon as they cold they boasted fetters in the snail to him and he relied as mulch as he cold.

Their inelegant smoother was a reacher who muddied lard, learned debris, and wept them upon the prosper pat. Reaching them fright from strong was her per rental doodly. They threw up and wind soft to mercy rule and hinder guardian, then on to
sedimentary, fecund dairy, and slide rule. They were wood in all those paces, and waded to knowledge at Cutie Ostentatious.

The smoother and her dodders all learned debris to gather. Evidentially, two quirked as proofs in the loony varsity. K was quirking for the slate of Taxes Hysterical Remission. Laughter a schmaltz fart with a wanky lurk, K fond her Sanity. A proof of reckoned comics. K quirked to learn her nastier debris and latter she rave burps and becalmed herself a smoother.

Other books

ONE NIGHT by ARUN GUPTA
Depth by Rosen, Lev AC
ToLoveaLady by Cynthia Sterling
No Place For a Man by Judy Astley
What's in It for Me? by Jerome Weidman
The Salzburg Connection by Helen MacInnes
Model Attraction by Sharon C. Cooper
Aneka Jansen 3: Steel Heart by Niall Teasdale