Sleepless in Manhattan (18 page)

“The guests have gone. You’re no longer working. Your job is done.”

“I’m not off duty until the clear-up has finished.” And then tomorrow was the follow-up, the post mortem. Discussions on what they could have done differently. They’d unpick every part of the event and put it back together again. By the time they finished they’d have found every weak spot and strengthened it.

“I don’t think one glass of champagne is going to impair your ability to supervise that. Congratulations.” He tapped his glass against hers. “Spectacular. Any new business leads?”

“Plenty. First up is a baby shower next week. Not much time to prepare, but it’s a good event.”

He winced. “A baby shower is good?”

“Yes, partly because the woman throwing it for her pregnant colleague is CEO of a fashion importer. But all business is good.”

“Chase Adams is impressed. By tomorrow, word will get around that Urban Genie is the best event concierge company in Manhattan. Prepare to be busy.”

“I’m prepared.”

His praise warmed her. Her heart lifted.

He stood next to her and the brush of his sleeve against her bare arm made her shiver.

His gaze collided briefly with hers, and she thought she saw a blaze of heat, but then he looked away and she did, too, her face burning.

She was doing it again. Imagining things.

And it had to stop.

It had to stop right now.

No more embarrassing herself. No more embarrassing
him
.

She turned her head to look at him but he was staring straight forward, his handsome face blank of expression.

“Thank you,” she said.

“For what?”

“For asking us to do this. For giving us free rein and no budget constraints. For trusting us. For inviting influential people and decision makers. For making Urban Genie happen.” She realized how much she owed him. “I hate accepting help—”

“I know, but that isn’t what happened here. You did it yourself, Paige.”

“But I wouldn’t have been able to do it without you. I’m grateful. If you hadn’t suggested it, pushed me that night on the terrace, I wouldn’t have done it.” She breathed. Now was as good a time as any to say everything that needed to be said. And if she said it aloud, maybe it would help both of them. “There’s something else—” She saw him tense and felt a flash of guilt that he felt the need to be defensive around her. Definitely time to clear the air. “I owe you an apology.”

“For what?”

“For misreading the situation the other night. For making things awkward between us. I was—” She hesitated, trying to find the right words. “I guess you could say I was doing an Eva. I was looking for things that weren’t there. I was close to panic and you were trying to distract me. I understand that now. I don’t want you feeling that you have to avoid me, or be careful around me. I—”

“Don’t. Don’t apologize.” He gripped the railing and she noticed his knuckles were white.

“I wanted to clear it up, that’s all. It was a kiss. Didn’t mean anything. Two people trapped in an elevator, one of whom was feeling vulnerable.”
Shut up right now, Paige
. “I know I’m not your type. I know you don’t have those feelings. I’m like your little sister. I get that, so—”

“Oh for—
seriously
?” He interrupted her with a low growl and finally turned to face her. “After what happened the other night you really think I see you as a little sister? You think I could kiss you that way if I felt like that about you?”

She stared at him, her heart drumming a rhythm against her chest. “I thought—you said—I thought you saw me that way.”

“Yeah, well, I tried.” He gave a humorless laugh and drained his champagne in one mouthful. “God knows, I tried. I’ve done everything short of asking Matt for a baby photo of you and sticking that to my wall. Nothing works. And do you know why? Because I do have feelings, you’re not little and you’re not my fucking sister.”

Shock struck her like a bolt of lightning.

They were the only two people left on the terrace. Just them and the twinkling lights of Manhattan. The buildings rose around them, dark shapes enveloping them in intimate shadows and the shimmer of light.

The storm clouds were gathering, creating ominous shapes in the dark sky.

The sudden lick of wind held the promise of rain.

Paige was oblivious. The sky could have come crashing down and she wouldn’t have noticed.

Her mouth was so dry she could hardly form the words. “But if you feel that way—if—you do have feelings, why do you keep saying—” She stumbled, confused. “Why haven’t you ever done anything about it?”

“Why do you think?” There was a cynical, bitter edge to Jake’s tone that didn’t fit the nature of the conversation. None of the pieces fit. She couldn’t think. Everything about her had ceased to function.

“Because of Matt?”

“Partly. He’d kick my butt and I wouldn’t blame him.” He stared down at his hands, as if they were something that didn’t belong to him. As if he was worried about what they might do.

“Because you’re not interested in relationships—or complications as you call them.”

“Exactly.”

“But sex doesn’t have to be a relationship. It can just be sex. You said so yourself.”

“Not with you.” His tone was harsh and she took a step back, shocked. They’d often argued, baited each other, but she’d never heard that edge of steel in his voice before.

“Why? What’s different about me?”

“I’m not going to screw you and walk away, Paige. That’s not going to happen.”

“Because of our friendship? Because you’re worried it would be awkward?”

“Yeah, that too.”

“Too? What else?” She stared at him, bemused.

He was silent.

“Jake? What else?”

He swore under his breath. “Because I care about you. I don’t want to hurt you. There’s already been enough damage to your heart. You don’t need more.”

The first raindrops started to fall.

Paige was oblivious.

Her head spun with questions. Where? What? Why?
How much?
“So you—wait—” She struggled to make sense of it. “You’re saying that you’ve been protecting me? No. That can’t be true. You’re the only one who
doesn’t
protect me. When everyone else is wrapping me in cotton wool, you handle me like you’re throwing the first pitch at the game.” He didn’t protect her. He didn’t. Not Jake.

She waited for him to agree with her, to confirm that he didn’t protect her.

He was silent.

There was a throbbing in her head. She lifted her fingers to her forehead and rubbed. The storm was closing in—she could feel it, and not just in the sky above her.

“I know you don’t protect me.” She tried to focus, tried to examine the information and shook her head. “Just the other night, when we found out we’d lost our jobs, Matt was sympathetic, but you were brutal. I was ready to cry, but you made me so
angry
and—” She stared at him, understanding. She felt the color drain from her face. “You did it on purpose. You made me angry on purpose.”

“You get more done when you’re angry,” he said flatly. “And you needed to get things done.”

No denial.

He’d goaded her. Galvanized her into action.

“You challenge every idea I have.” She felt dizzy. “We fight. All the time. If I say something is black, you say it’s white.”

He stood in silence, not bothering to deny it, and she shook her head in disbelief.

“You make me angry. You do that on purpose because if I’m angry with you then I’m not—”
She’d been blind.
She breathed, adjusting to this new picture of their relationship. The first boom of thunder split the air but she ignored it. “How long? How long, Jake?”

“How long, what?” He yanked at his bow tie with impatient fingers. His gaze shifted from hers. He looked like a man who wanted to be anywhere but with her.

“How long have you cared? How long have you been protecting me?” She stumbled over the word, and the thought.

He ran his hand over his jaw. “Since I walked through the door of that damn hospital room and saw you sitting on the bed in your Snoopy T-shirt, with that enormous smile on your face. You were so brave. The most frightened brave person I’d ever seen. And you tried so hard not to let anyone see it. I have always protected you, Paige. Except for the other night when I let my guard down.”

But he’d been protecting her then, too. He’d been taking care of her when she was so terrified she hadn’t known what to do.

“So you thought I was brave, but not strong. Not strong enough to cope alone without protection. I don’t understand. I thought you weren’t interested—that you didn’t want this, and now I discover—” It was a struggle to process it. “So this whole time you
did
care about me. You do.”

Rain was falling steadily now, landing in droplets on his jacket and her hair.

“Paige—”

“The kiss the other night—”

“Was a mistake.”

“But it was real. It wasn’t anything to do with my shoes or the color of my lipstick. All these days, months, years I’ve been telling myself you didn’t feel anything. All the time I’ve been confused because my instincts were so wrong and I couldn’t understand why, but now I do. They weren’t wrong. I wasn’t wrong.”

“Maybe you weren’t.”

“So why let me think that?”

“Because it was easier.”

“Easier than what? Telling me the truth? News flash, and, by the way, I thought you knew this—I don’t want to be protected. I want to live my life. You’re the one who’s always telling me to take more risks.”

“Yeah, well, that proves you shouldn’t listen to anything I tell you. We should go inside before you catch pneumonia.” He eased away from the railings and she caught his arm.

“I’ll go inside when I decide to go inside.” The rain was soaking her skin. “What happens now?”

“Nothing. I know you don’t want to be protected, but that’s tough, Paige, because that’s what I’m doing. I’m not what you’re looking for, and I never have been. We don’t want the same thing. There’s a car waiting downstairs to take you and the other two home. Make sure you use it.” Without giving her a chance to respond, Jake strode away from her toward the bank of elevators and left her standing there, alone in the glittering cityscape, watching the entire shape of her life change. Another twist. Another turn. The unexpected.

CHAPTER TWELVE

Life is too short to wait for a man to make the first move.

—Paige

J
AKE
RIPPED
OFF
his jacket and flung it across the bed.

How had he got himself pulled into that conversation?
How?
He’d dropped his guard for a moment, that was all, and Paige had sneaked under it with her baby blues and disarming honesty.

Beyond his windows, lightning split the night sky but all he could think of was Paige apologizing for “misreading” a situation she’d read perfectly.

He should have shut her right down. Instead, he’d dished out some honesty himself. Way too much honesty.

There was a hammering at his door, and he swore under his breath, knowing it meant only one thing.

He dragged it open, ready with his excuses.

Paige stood there, her dark hair wet from the rain and her eyelashes gleaming with raindrops.

Jake stared at her as if she were a drug he shouldn’t touch, torn between slamming the door between them and hauling her inside. Before he could make his choice she stalked past him into the apartment.

Shit.

His brain and reflexes functioning in slow motion, he closed the door and turned to look at her.

He didn’t know what it was about her that sent his senses into overdrive, but he knew he needed to get her out of his apartment.

Failing that, he had to get himself out of his apartment.

Being in the same space wasn’t a good thing.

Especially when she was all fired up and hot. And one glance at the tilt of her chin and the stormy blue eyes told him she was steaming mad.

In this mood, she was dangerous and quite capable of doing things she’d regret later.

She was still wearing heels and the Urban Genie shirt, which told him she’d come straight from the venue.

He should have triple-bolted the door and set a thousand alarms. “How did you get past the doorman?”

“I smiled at him.”

He could have fired the guy, except that he had some appreciation of the power of Paige’s smile.

He noticed she wasn’t smiling now.

“It’s a filthy night. You should be at home.”

“There are things I need to say.”

He was pretty sure it was going to be nothing he wanted to hear. “Paige, it’s late and—”

“Since when did that bother you? You’re not a sleeper. Neither am I.”

Right now he was willing to be anything to get her out of his apartment. “You’re wet.”

“Then I’m better off in your apartment out of the rain.” She flung her handbag down on the nearest chair and slid off her heels. “Do you know what drives me crazy?”

He opened his mouth to answer, and then realized she wasn’t expecting a response.

This was a monologue and he was expected to listen so he closed his mouth and decided to wait out the storm. The one inside his apartment, not outside. He watched warily as she paced over to the wall of glass that gave him a view over Downtown Manhattan.

“Being protected.” She turned. “Being protected drives me crazy. I thought you knew that.”

Her wet clothes clung to every taut line of her body and he wondered how her bare feet could be so much sexier than those thin spiky heels.

Behind her, through the glass, he could see lightning shoot across the sky, bathing the city in a strange luminous glow.

It mirrored Paige’s temper and the electric atmosphere in the apartment.

“I’ve spent my whole life being protected. At school during sports the teachers were always asking me how I was feeling, if I was breathless, if I was doing okay—” She paced again, her feet soundless on his wooden floor. “They had meetings about me, and if there was a new teacher, they were briefed. This is Paige—she has a heart condition. You have to watch her. Be careful. Don’t let her overdo it. If there’s a problem, call this number. It was all rules and protocols and watching, always watching, when all I wanted was to be normal. I wanted to do all the things the other kids did. I wanted to get into trouble and mess up, but I couldn’t. My parents were worried about me all the time, and I spent so much time protecting them, pretending I was fine. And then there were the weeks in hospital, when everyone else was getting a prom dress and I was getting a scar on my chest. I didn’t feel like a person. I was a medical condition. And the worst thing was having no control over any of it.”

Jake watched her in silence.

It twisted him up inside to think of her scared. He wanted to smother her in bubble wrap, as her family did.

“Now I’m an adult, and my parents still worry about me.” She eyed him. “I choose to protect them as much as I can because I know that no matter how old I am I’ll always be their little girl. I call and I tell them I’m fine. I hide things that would worry them because they’ve had enough worry for a lifetime and now they deserve to enjoy time together without me being the dampener on their happiness. I don’t need them to protect me. I want to live my life.” The way she was looking at him told him that last statement was aimed at him.

“Paige—”

“You were the one who told me to embrace risk. You don’t get to decide what risks I embrace, Jake. I do. I decide.”

“You shouldn’t be here.”

“Why not? Because I might get hurt? Being hurt is part of being alive. It isn’t possible to live a full life and not be hurt at some point. You have to live bravely. You taught me that. It was that night you walked into my room pretending to be a doctor, carrying that gift for me. Or maybe you’ve forgotten.”

“I haven’t forgotten.” He hadn’t forgotten a single thing.

“You made me feel normal. You were the first person who didn’t treat me like I might break at any moment. You made me laugh. You made me feel good. You were all I could think about, which was a refreshing change after a lifetime of thinking only about hospitals, doctors and my stupid heart. You made me feel like a person again.” She made a sound between a laugh and a sob. “You made me see the importance of living life today, not keeping myself safe for tomorrow. I decided I didn’t want to protect myself like china that is brought out once a year on special occasions.”

Jake kept silent and watched while she paced and spilled it all out, her emotions flowing like floodwater.

“I decided right then to live life bravely. I knew I loved you, and I was sure you loved me, too. Why else would you have spent all that time in my hospital room talking, listening, bringing me gifts and making me laugh? After I was discharged I spent a few nights in Matt’s apartment because the hospital wanted me close for a while in case there were problems. You visited me there—do you remember?”

“Yes.” There were a thousand things he could have said, but that was the only word that came.

“My first act of courage, my first leap into my new life, was to tell you how I felt. I told you I loved you and I was so sure of myself I was naked when I did it. I offered myself and you rejected me—” Her voice cracked and he ran his hand over his forehead, torn between going to her and keeping his distance.

“Paige, please—”

“You weren’t cruel—you were kind, but somehow that made it a thousand times worse. If humiliation could kill, I would have died that day. I couldn’t believe I’d got it so wrong. I couldn’t believe I could have made such a mistake and embarrassed both of us. And after that our relationship changed, of course. We lost something. Something special. And I wished so many times that I hadn’t taken that risk because I lost more than my dignity and my dreams, I lost my friend.” Her gaze locked on his and the sheen in her eyes tortured him as much as her words.

“I didn’t—”

“We started arguing, something we’d never done. There were days when it seemed to me that you were trying to drive me crazy, and I didn’t understand it. Maybe it would have been easier if you hadn’t been my brother’s closest friend because then you would have been out of my life, but you were always there, a constant reminder of what happens when you take a risk in love and get it wrong. The only good thing was that at least you didn’t protect me. Or so I thought. You say I’m the bravest person you know, but then you insist on protecting me.” She paused, her breathing shallow. “I want to ask you a question, and I need you to be honest. Back then in the hospital when we spent night after night talking—you did feel something, didn’t you? I’ve spent years thinking it was my stupid teenage brain spinning things, but you did have feelings. I wasn’t wrong.”

“I don’t see the point of—”

“Tell me!”

He’d thought the evening couldn’t get worse but he was watching it get a whole lot worse.

“You should leave now, Paige. You shouldn’t be here. We shouldn’t be having this conversation.”

“I decide where I go and what I say, and we should have had this conversation a long time ago. We would have if you hadn’t been protecting me. Because that’s what you were doing, wasn’t it?”

“You were a teenager.”

“But I’m not a teenager now. We’ve wasted a lot of time, Jake.” She walked toward him, purpose in her eyes and her fingers on the buttons of her shirt.

Oh holy shit.

“So what is this? Fuck-a-friend day?” He was trying to shock her into backing off but she didn’t miss a stride.

“Maybe it is.”

“It’s not a good idea.”

“It’s a perfect idea. I stopped taking risks with my heart that day you rejected me, Jake. I didn’t even realize it until recently, but I’ve guarded myself ever since. I’ve had a few relationships, but I’ve never given my whole self. After what happened with you, I’ve protected myself.”

“That’s probably a good thing.” He licked his lips, unsettled by how badly he did not want to think of Paige with another man.

“It isn’t a good thing. I don’t want to get to the end of my life and say ‘at least I was careful.’ That’s not how I want to live. You were the one who taught me that.”

“Maybe you should stop listening to me.”

“I reached the same conclusion. Which is why I’m here now.”

“And now you’ve said what you came to say, you can leave.”

“Are you protecting me or yourself now?” She closed the distance between them. “I thought you were a risk taker?”

Not with her. Never with her.

He never made a move on a woman without assessing every single possible outcome. One former lover had observed snappily that he had the mentality of a bodyguard—he checked the exits before he went into the room. He was his own bodyguard. And all his instincts were screaming that this was a mistake.

“You don’t want this, Paige.”

“Don’t tell me what I want. I know what I want and I think I know what you want. The only question is whether you’re man enough to admit it.” She was standing close to him and she lifted her hand to his jaw, her fingers exploring. “Are you?”

“No. I’m not man enough.” He growled the words through a surge of lust. “I don’t want you.”

“No?” She smiled and covered him with the flat of her hand, slowly tracing the shape of his thickened, straining erection. “Are you sure?”

He couldn’t speak. He clenched his jaw tight as his senses and his body responded to the intimate touch of her hand.

She stood on tiptoe, her mouth a breath away from his. “You didn’t kiss me in the elevator to distract me. You kissed me because you couldn’t keep your hands off me. Because your control snapped. Finally.”

Pleasure shot through him in burning streaks of light. He was burning up with desire.

“Maybe I do want you.” The admission was dragged from somewhere deep inside him. “But I’m not doing anything about it, Paige.”

Her smile widened. “Then I’ll do it. Feel free to join in whenever you like.”

All he wanted to do was to keep her happy and safe, and he knew that if she tangled with him, that wasn’t going to happen.

He’d broken plenty of hearts in his time, but the one heart he’d never touched was hers.

A relationship with him, any sort of relationship, wasn’t compatible with a healthy lifestyle.

Falling into the sexy gleam of her eyes, he groped for reasons, excuses, anything that might make her think twice.

“Matt—”

“I love my brother, but who I have sex with is none of his business. It isn’t anyone’s business but mine. And maybe yours.” She slid her fingers between the buttons of his shirt and pulled him closer. Her lips nibbled at his, her breath warm and sweet as she teased his mouth with her tongue.

Still, he held it all back, hauled it inside, even though it strained every part of him to do so.

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Maybe I’ll hurt you. But then again, there’s always the possibility that neither of us will get hurt. It’s just sex, Jake. One night. I can handle that if you can. Stop thinking.”

He felt her move closer, felt the curve of her breasts brush against his chest. “I can’t have sex with my best friend’s little sister.”

“How do you know if you’ve never tried?”

Once they crossed that line they could never go back.

He knew that whatever happened, nothing would be the same. There would be twists and turns and complications, and not just between the two of them. There was their wider friendship group to consider, but none of it seemed to matter anymore.

He could no longer remember why he was holding back.

Slowly, he lowered his head, his gaze locked on hers.

Time was suspended, the intense, fierce chemistry dancing around them like flames.

He was brutally aroused, so hard it was difficult to focus on anything.

“I don’t think I can wait around while you wrestle with your conscience.” She rose on her toes and kissed him. The touch of her mouth sent a shock wave of pleasure through him and exploded the final layers of his self-control. He pulled her in, his senses saturated by desire and raw lust. Her damp clothes clung to her body, molding to the dips and curves. He closed his hands over the adherent fabric of her skirt, easing it upward until it was high on her thighs, until damp fabric revealed damp skin, until he was so aroused that he was tempted to skip the part where he undressed her and take her right there against the nearest wall.

But this was Paige.