Sleepless in Manhattan (27 page)

“It’s too late. I ended it.”

“You’d been seeing each other for a while, you were enjoying each other’s company—so you ended it?”

“I can’t give her what she wants. I can’t be what she needs. And I don’t want what she’s offering.”

Maria looked at him steadily. “If I’ve understood you correctly, she’s offering you unconditional love, a lifetime of loyalty, friendship, support, encouragement, humor and, I presume, great sex. Why would you not want that, Jake?”

He opened his mouth to reply, but nothing sensible came to mind so he closed it again.

She made him feel like a jerk.

That was three times in fewer than twelve hours, and he felt a rush of something that could have been frustration or desperation.

“I thought you’d understand.”

“I understand that you’re scared of love. That you don’t trust the emotion. But just because we’re scared of something and we don’t trust it doesn’t mean we don’t feel it. You love her, Jake.”

His palms felt clammy. “I’m not sure that—”

“It was a statement, not a question. You’ve always loved her. I’ve known it from the first moment you brought her here. The first moment I saw you together. You sat at what was to become your usual table, all five of you, and you watched over her like a bodyguard. I remember being pleased that Matt didn’t need to spend so much time worrying about his sister, because he was able to share the load with you.”

“We argued all the time.”

“Jake—” Maria was patient “—we both know why that was.”

Jake was beginning to wish he’d stopped at some random restaurant for breakfast and not come home. Tension pricked across the back of his neck. “I was fond of her back then, that’s true, but—”

“You protected her. And you carried on protecting her. That’s what we do when we love someone.”

“Unless you’re my mother.” The words fell out of his mouth without encouragement, and he cursed softly. “Forget I said that. I meant my biological mother. You’re my real mother. You know I think of you that way. I always have.”

“I know. And you don’t have to explain or excuse anything with me, Jake. She was your biological mother.” She reached out and took his hand. “And your mother didn’t leave because she didn’t love you. She left because she didn’t think she could give you what you needed.
He’s smart, Maria
, she used to say to me.
He needs more than I can give him.
And I told her that what a child really needed was love, but she didn’t see it that way. All she saw was all the things she wouldn’t be able to give you. The things she couldn’t buy and the education she couldn’t afford. She thought she was doing what was best for you.” She paused. “In the same way you think you’re doing what’s best for Paige.”

“It’s not the same thing.”

“Isn’t it? Does Paige want your protection? Has she asked for it?”

“She hates it.” He inhaled deeply. “She needs permanence, and we both know that in love there is no permanence. Love is a risk.”

“And why do people choose to take a risk?” Maria squeezed his hand. “Paige took the risk because she loves you. Because she believes that what you share is worth that risk. She put her heart on the line and laid out her feelings, even though she must have known there was a good chance you’d stomp all over them.”

Jake winced, because he’d done exactly that.

She’d laid her feelings out and he’d stomped.

Maria let go of his hands. “She made her choice, and now you have to make yours. You have to decide whether you love her enough to take the risk. Are you willing to do whatever it takes? Is she worth it, or would you rather go through life without her?”

“Without her? Who said anything about being without her?” Jake stood up abruptly, wishing he’d found a quiet corner to lick his wounds in private instead of coming to see Maria. “I won’t be without her. We’ll still be friends. We’ll still see each other. She’s Matt’s sister, for God’s sake.”

“Yes, you’ll still be friends. Until she meets someone. How will you feel when she eventually meets a man who doesn’t have your fear of love? Because that’s what’s going to happen, Jake. A woman like Paige—she’ll meet someone else. And knowing the sort of woman she is, loyal and loving, it won’t be the sort of relationship that’s flimsy and easily broken like the ones you prefer to have.”

The thought of Paige with another man made him want to drive his fist through the wall. “What is this? Attack Jake day?”

Maria’s expression softened, but she didn’t back down. “I think it’s probably ‘try and persuade Jake to see sense day.’ How will you feel when Paige stops crying over you and finds someone else?”

He didn’t want to think of her crying over him. And he didn’t want to think about walking into the restaurant and seeing her with some guy next to her. Holding her hand. Making her laugh. Snuggling up to her at night.

Sweat cooled the back of his neck.

“If you think you’re protecting Paige by staying away from her, then you’re deluding yourself. She doesn’t want to be protected, Jake—she never did. She wants to live her life, every minute of it. She’ll take the laughs and she’ll take the blows, because she knows that’s what living is all about. Ups and downs. Laughter and tears. You need to decide if you want to be part of that life or not. And you need to make that decision. Your mother made hers. Now you need to make yours, but most of all you need to stop connecting those two things.”

“I came here thinking you’d give me a hug, feed me and make it all better.”

“I’ll give you a hug and I’ll feed you, but the only person who can make it better is you. In the end we make our own choices.” Maria sighed. “Do you think I like seeing you suffer like this? It kills me. But you’re my son, and when a mother sees her son doing something stupid, she says so. It’s a duty. Now go and talk to Paige.”

“She probably won’t talk to me.”

“She doesn’t need to talk. She’s already said everything she wants to say. Now she needs to hear you doing some talking. And you’d better make sure you use the right words.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Happy endings aren’t only for fairy tales.

—Eva

O
NE
OF
THE
MANY
good things about running your own business, Paige reflected, was that you could work whenever you wanted to, including the middle of the night and on Saturdays.

Work anesthetized the pain in her heart.

Eva was upstairs in their apartment testing a recipe and updating her blog, and Paige and Frankie had chosen to work on Frankie’s kitchen table rather than go to the office.

Her phone rang.

Because she knew it wasn’t a client, Paige ignored it.

Frankie glanced across and saw the number. “It’s Jake. Again. Fifth time. Want me to tell him where to go?”

“No.” Her fingers shook on the keypad. “Let it go to voice mail.”

“Are you sure? The guy obviously has something to tell you.”

“He can tell it to my voice mail. I’ll speak to him when I feel ready.” And that would be when she was sure she could do it without making a fool of herself. She tapped her tablet screen and brought up her to-do list. “Did you get that request about surprise flowers for a wedding anniversary?”

“I did. Came through the app, which, by the way, is genius. It’s handled and they’re going to be the happiest couple in Manhattan.”

The app
was
genius, but she didn’t want to think about the app, because thinking about the app made her think about Jake and she was trying not to do that. “One of our clients put in a request for their roof garden to be maintained.”

“I’m going over there Monday to talk to them, and I’m taking Poppy, who I’ve worked with a million times.”

“Poppy? British Poppy with the cute accent and the smile like a lightbulb?”

“That’s her. She needs the work and she’s good.”

“Why does she need the work?”

“Because she wants to stay in New York. I guess she wants to keep a large ocean between her and the rat boyfriend who slept with her friend.”

“Enough said. The work is hers.” Paige went back to her list and Frankie hesitated.

“Did you get any sleep last night?”

“Not a lot. I spent the night rehearsing what I’ll say to Jake next time I see him. I need to order a new lipstick to give me confidence.”

“I might be able to help with that.” Frankie thrust a package at her and Paige took it.

“You bought me lipstick?”

“It always seems to cheer you up.” Frankie played it down. “I don’t get it myself, but hey—whatever works for you. Eva and I went through your makeup drawer to try and find a color you didn’t have. Most people have a bag, by the way. You and Eva are the only people I know who need an entire drawer.”

Touched, Paige opened the bag. “When did you buy this?”

“I was banging on the door of Saks the moment they opened.”

“You hate Saks.”

“Yeah, but I love you.” Frankie’s tone was rough, and Paige felt warmth rush through her.

“You’re the best,” she murmured. “I have the best friends.” She examined the lipstick. “I love it. It’s perfect. And now I feel almost ready to talk to Jake.”

She’d rehearsed the meeting in her mind and knew exactly how she was going to behave when she saw him. He’d be expecting tears. There wouldn’t be tears. He’d be expecting her to be bruised and wounded. She’d be strong. All wounds would be kept firmly on the inside, held together from bleeding with lashings of willpower and female fortitude.

Her priority was to make sure that this hiccup didn’t interfere with their friendship.

That was the most important thing now. More important than her own feelings. Those would heal in time. And if they didn’t heal, she’d learn to live with a little more damage to her heart. Another scar, only this one wouldn’t be visible.

The next time her phone rang it was a client and she took that call and gave it all her attention. And the same for the next one.

She’d get through this, a call at a time. A minute at a time. A day at a time.

And the next call that came thrilled all of them.

Eva rushed into the apartment, her phone in her hand. “Matilda is getting married—she wants us to organize it!”

“She wants us to organize it?” Paige closed the document she was working on. “We’ve never done a wedding.”

“It’s no different to any other event.” Frankie reached for her can of drink. “Food, drink, guests, music, flowers and a big mess to clear up at the end. At least this time it’s for a friend. Of course we can do it. Unless you’d find it difficult?”

“Of course not. Why would I find it difficult?”

“Because she’s getting married and that means romantic mush and Jake will probably be there—”

“And I’ll be too busy to notice the guests. Say yes. Of course we’ll do it.”

Eva went back to the call, congratulated Matilda on behalf of all of them and discussed some top-of-the-line ideas.

“Hamptons? Beach wedding?” Eva’s expression was dreamy. “It will be perfect.”

It was work, Paige told herself, subduing a stab of envy. Work. Another job, which would get her through another day.

After they finished work, she took a shower, pulled on a bright sundress that she hoped would compensate for her mood, used her new lipstick and joined her friends and her brother on the roof terrace.

The sun was setting over Manhattan, sending streaks of gold across towers of shimmering glass and steel.

Matt had the screen ready.

And tequila.

Paige studied the bottles. “Is that what it takes for a man to get through six hours of pure female emotion?”

“That’s what it takes to get a man through twenty minutes of emotion. There’s more downstairs.” He dropped ice into glasses and poured. “What are we drinking to?”

“It’s romance night.” Frankie took the glass from him. “To fairy tales, happy endings and all that shit.”

Eva rolled her eyes. “It’s not an accident that you’re single.”

“You’re right—it isn’t an accident. I work really hard at it.”

Wondering why she’d agreed to romance night, Paige reached for a glass. “Tonight we’re drinking to friendship. The best thing of all.”

It was her friends who would get her through, as they had every other rough patch in her life.

She heard footsteps on the stairs and saw her brother’s expression change.

He lowered his glass carefully. “Jake—” his tone was level “—we weren’t expecting you.”

“Saturday night is movie night.” Jake strolled out onto the terrace. His dark hair gleamed and his eyes looked tired. “Am I still welcome?”

Paige felt a rush of panic.

She wasn’t ready to do this yet. She needed more time to prepare.

She could feel them all looking at her, waiting to take their cue from her and realized that this was how it was going to be from now on.

It was up to her to make sure it wasn’t awkward.

“Of course you’re welcome.” She produced a smile so wide her face almost cracked. “It’s good to see you. We weren’t sure you’d be able to make it, but we’re glad you did. Sit down. There’s pizza—”

Claws stalked onto the terrace. Without sparing a glance for any of them, she picked the largest, most comfortable cushion and stretched out.

Jake ignored the pizza. “Before we start movie night, I need to talk to you, Paige. I tried calling, but you weren’t picking up.”

“Work has been incredibly busy.”

“That’s good to know, but it doesn’t change the fact I need to talk to you.”

“I think we’ve said everything that needs to be said, Jake. That’s all behind us now. History. Forgotten.” Paige waved a hand. “Sit down. We’ve lined up a trio of romantic movies, so I don’t expect you’ll be staying long.”

She was banking on it.

“You may have said everything you wanted to say, but I haven’t. And it isn’t history, Paige. It’s not forgotten. I’ve thought of nothing else since the moment you left last night, and I’m sure you’re the same.”

“I’m not the same. We need to get started or it will be dawn before we’ve finished all three movies. If you still want to talk at the end, we’ll talk. Matt? Press Play.” There was desperation in her voice, and she felt a rush of relief when Matt did as she asked.

She estimated that Jake would last five minutes. Ten at the most. Would he see something of himself in
When Harry Met Sally
? Maybe. And if that didn’t send him running, then
While You Were Sleeping
definitely would.

Either way, by the end of movie night he’d be gone. She was sure of it. And next time they saw each other, she’d be more together.

She sat down on the nearest cushion and fixed her eyes on the screen.

They watched
Crazy Stupid Love
, and Paige didn’t hear a single word.

All she could think about was Jake sitting close to her, waiting.

Waiting for what?

To give her more reasons why he couldn’t ever love her?

She didn’t want to hear any more reasons.

She wanted the movies to last forever, even if they were making her feel miserably depressed.

Matt opened the tequila. “That’s what girls want? Seriously?” He eyed the screen. “I strip to the waist when I’m working if it’s a hot day and there’s no one around. No one pays any attention. Maybe I need to reenact
Dirty Dancing
.”

“If you stripped to the waist I can guarantee that someone, somewhere, would have been paying attention. And this is Ryan Gosling.” Eva gestured to the screen. “He could strip to the waist and reenact anything. Or nothing. We’d all still be drooling and think this was the best movie ever.”

Paige knew they were trying to defuse the tension between her and Jake, but she didn’t have the energy to join in. For once she didn’t care what Ryan Gosling was doing.

All she could think about was Jake.

They were halfway through
When Harry Met Sally
when he stood up.

And took off his shirt.

Matt choked on his tequila and Frankie adjusted her glasses.

“Eat your heart out, Ryan.”

Paige’s mouth dried. His body was ripped, but she already knew that of course because she’d had her hands all over it. “What are you doing?”

“I’m doing whatever it takes to get your attention, and right now it seems that this is what it takes. In those movies you love so much, a guy usually rips off his shirt in the final scene and makes a total fool of himself in public.”

Eva whistled and reached for popcorn. “Great abs. Did you think of auditioning for
Magic Mike
?”

Paige didn’t say anything. She was focused on Jake. And he was focused on her.

Only on her.

His eyes were steel gray, his gaze intense. “There are things I need to say to you.”

Frankie stood up quickly, dragging a reluctant Eva to her feet and knocking a couple of cushions to the floor in the process. “We’re out of here.”

“Why?” He stopped them. “Whatever I say, Paige will tell you, so you might as well hear it firsthand.”

“Sounds good to me.” Eva sat down again, but Frankie looked horrified.

“If it’s private—”

“There is no such thing as ‘private’ between the three of you. And I don’t have a problem with that. I think it’s great that the three of you have that close bond.” Jake shook his head as Matt stood up. “You might as well stay, too. That way, you can decide if you need to beat me to a pulp or not.”

“This is romantic movie night,” Paige said. “No one beats anyone to a pulp on romantic movie night. And we still have one more movie to go.” She didn’t want to do this. She wasn’t ready for this conversation.

“Is it Sleepless in Manhattan? Do you have that one?”

Paige swallowed. “I think you mean
Sleepless in Seattle
.”

“No, I don’t. Sleepless in Manhattan is a different story.” His gaze held hers. “Do you want to know how that one ends?”

“I—”

“The guy is an idiot, pretty much like the guys in all these movies you love. He’s slow to work out what he really wants and it takes him a while and he needs a little help from his friends to sort out his priorities.” His tone was commanding and he held out his hand to Paige. “Stand up.”

“What? I don’t think—”

“I said, stand up.”

Eva shivered. “I know it’s not politically correct to say so, but I love a strong man.”

“If you don’t keep quiet I’ll wring your neck,” Frankie muttered. “Then you’ll know strong.”

Paige was trapped by the look in Jake’s eyes. Her heart was pounding. “You want me to run and jump into your arms like they just did on the screen? Because if you lose your balance I’ll tumble down three floors and land on my butt in Brooklyn. It won’t be pretty.”

“Just this once, could you actually do as you’re told? Is it too much to ask?” He leaned forward and tugged her to her feet. “The first time I saw you, you were sitting in that damn hospital bed trying to hide how scared you were. I decided then you were the bravest person I’d ever met.”

Her heart was hammering. She tried to pull her hand away from his, but his fingers had closed tightly around hers.

“I was scared, so obviously not so brave.”

And she was scared now.

Scared of what he might say. And, more importantly, scared of what he might not say.

“Oh, you were brave. Everyone around you was panicking, and you were pretending you were fine. That it was a walk in the park. I thought you were incredible. I kept telling myself that you were a kid, but I knew you weren’t. We laughed, talked, joked. I brought food into the hospital—”

“Cookies. I remember.”

“We dropped crumbs in your bed. I talked to you in a way I’d never talked to anyone in my life before. Do you know that you are the only person I have ever talked to about my biological mother?” He took a deep breath. “That night you told me you loved me—I was terrified. I had feelings for you, too, but I’d made a promise to Matt and I knew he was right. I would have hurt you.”

“Jake—”

“So I turned you down, and I did it in a way that I hoped would kill those feelings of yours. And after that I tried to make sure you didn’t have those feelings again.”

Matt frowned. “That’s why you were always arguing with her?”