Sleigh of Hope (8 page)

As the service ended, Rebecca signaled that she would need to change her clothes before she could meet him. He would, too. He gave her a slight nod and followed his family out of church.

Once outside, Leo went straight to Cyrus and Tansy.

Adam watched as they greeted him with a warm smile. A few seconds later Tansy’s face lit up and she pulled Leo and Benny into a hug.

Adam’s heart sank. He had pushed them out.

“It’ll be all right, son,” his dad said. “They’ll give him a good home.” His dad’s one-armed hug that always made him feel so good made him squirm in shame. For all his desire to become a Grayson man, he was failing miserably.

Thirty minutes later he stood beneath the Willow tree at the bend of Canadaway Creek halfway between Rebecca’s home and his own. He heard her approaching their secret meeting place where they came when one of them needed to talk.

Today it was his head that was filled with nettles. With every thought of Leo, he got stuck with prickly stinging barbs.

She ducked beneath the hanging branches of the tree and slipped into their safe, private world. The instant her beautiful face came into view his heart skittered sideways. The sight of her would always move him.

“I can only stay a minute,” she said, leaning against the thick trunk of the willow. “Is something the matter?”

He sighed, all mixed up inside and dreading the look on her face when he made his confession. “I need to talk about Leo. I... I really like him,” he said, trying to find a place to start a story he didn’t want to tell.

Her eyes lit up and a smile broke across her beautiful face. “I knew you two would become friends. That’s wonderful, Adam!”

“No, it’s not. It just makes everything worse.”

Her smile drooped. “Why is it bad to like the boy that might become your brother?”

“Because I don’t want him to be my brother.”

Her brows furrowed and she studied his face for an uncomfortably long time. “What’s so bad about that?”

The question made him feel small and stupid, but it didn’t change the way he felt. “I don’t like sharing my father with them.” He huffed out a breath. “I know it sounds stupid, and you probably won’t understand because you’ve always had a dad, but I just got mine.”

Rebecca tilted her head and gave him a sweet smile, a habit of hers he adored. “I have two noisy brothers and a little sister who is too cute for words. I have to share my dad with them, and it’s not always fun. Sometimes I want him to myself, so I understand how you feel. But no matter how many children are in our family, my dad will always have time for me. Your dad will have time for you, too.”

He knew that was true because he was already sharing his father with his little sister Cora. But Cora wasn’t taking over his chores and having man-to-man talks with their dad. Rebecca was secure in her family because she was born into it. Adam wasn’t.

“Last Saturday my Aunt Tansy and Uncle Cyrus asked Leo to live with them,” he said.

Surprise flashed in Rebecca’s eyes. “Does he want to live there?”

“He thinks Benny should be able to play with Cora.”

“Maybe he’s right. They like playing together.”

“I know. They probably should live in the same house.” He sighed, feeling like a selfish idiot. “But Leo decided to move in with my aunt and uncle. He and Benny went with them after church this morning.”

Confusion filled her expression. “I thought he wanted to stay with you?”

“He did. But this morning I told him to live with my uncle if he wants a father.”

Rebecca gaped at him. “You said that?”

Face burning, he could only nod.

She stared at him, shaking her head as if she couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

“I feel sick about it.”

“Oh, Adam...”

Those simple words filled with so much disappointment brought a lump to his throat. As he stood there choking on his regret, she placed a soft kiss against his cold cheek.

“You need to fix this,” she said, then slipped between the hanging branches of the willow and left him alone with his roiling conscience.

Chapter Six

A
dam had to walk past his aunt Tansy’s house on the way to school. He left early Monday morning, hoping he could catch up with Leo and apologize on the way.

When his aunt answered the door, he couldn’t remember ever seeing her so happy. He knew Leo hadn’t told her what had caused him to accept their invitation. Knowing would only dull her joy – and increase Adam’s shame.

Leo had already left for school, so Adam walked in alone. Leo didn’t acknowledge his greeting.

After school, Leo and two neighbor kids walked with him and Rebecca and her brothers. Rebecca was able to talk with Leo, but when she included Adam in their conversation, Leo didn’t say a word.

Finally, Adam spoke directly to him. “Uncle Cyrus dropped those slabs at the greenhouse. I thought we could do some cutting and sanding today, if you want to.”

“I need to check on Benny,” Leo said, no sign of friendship in his voice. “I’ll be over after that.”

Rebecca cast a sideways look at Adam and gave him a slight smile.

He knew she was encouraging him to apologize and make things right, but it was a conversation he and Leo needed to have in private.

An hour later, Adam had filled the woodbin in his parlor, shoveled three of his neighbors’ walks, and watered the herbs in the greenhouse, and there was still no sign of Leo.

The slabs lay on the floor in the greenhouse where his uncle had left them. He debated starting, but this was a project he and Leo were doing together, and that’s how it was going to happen. He tossed the handsaw onto an empty pallet and went to talk with Faith.

Twenty minutes later he knocked on his aunt Tansy’s door.

When she saw him holding Cora, she leaned out the door and planted a loud kiss on his cheek. “Adam Grayson, you are such a thoughtful boy!” She swung the door open. “Get that little one in here before Benny soaks his brother’s new shirt.”

Adam stepped inside and saw Leo holding a fussy Benny in his arms. Before either of them could speak, Cora shrieked and reached for the little boy.

Benny’s weeping turned to giggles and they both wiggled free. As Cora and Benny played, the sound of their laughter filled the parlor.

Adam had never felt so low in his life. Leo was right about Benny and Cora needing to play together.

His aunt put her arm around him. “Would you like some hot cider, Adam?”

He shook his head. “No thank you, Aunt Tansy. Would you mind if Cora stays with Benny while Leo and I do some work at the greenhouse.”

“That would be wonderful, honey. You boys go ahead. Leave these little scamps with me.”

He waited to see if Leo would bow out, but he headed to the foyer, took his new jacket off a hook, and pulled it on.

“I’ll be home by supper,” he said to Tansy.

She plucked his knit hat off another hook and handed it to him with such a warm, motherly smile it made him flush. “Don’t forget your hat, dahlin’. You’ll need this to keep your ears warm.”

“Thank you, ma’am.” Throwing a guarded look at Adam, he tugged his hat over his ears, opened the door and said, “Let’s go.”

Outside, Adam fought a grin.

“Shut up,” Leo said, his scowl daring Adam to tease him about Tansy’s fawning.

Yesterday Adam would have been unmerciful. Today, though, there was nothing funny about the break in their friendship.

He released a hard sigh as they headed to the greenhouse. “I’m sorry about yesterday.”

Leo nodded, but walked beside him, silent and unyielding.

“What I said... it was... I didn’t think before I opened my big mouth.”

The thud of Leo’s footfalls was his only response.

“If you’re so mad, why don’t you just punch my stupid, unthinking skull,” Adam said, feeling he deserved it. Getting slugged would be less painful than Leo’s silence.

Leo kept walking, his big fists jammed deep in his jacket pockets.

Adam grabbed his sleeve and jerked him to a stop. “Will you at least talk to me?”

“What do you want me to say?”

“That you accept my apology.”

Leo shrugged him off and took a step back. “Apology accepted.”

For several seconds they stared at each other as if waiting for the other to speak.

Finally, Adam broke the strained silence. “I’m sorry. I wish I could take back what I said.”

Leo frowned and wiped his nose. “It’s all right. Let’s forget it and go get those blocks made.”

It obviously wasn’t all right, but Adam followed along, wondering what else he could say to fix things.

***

All week after school Adam and Leo worked shoulder-to-shoulder sawing and sanding slabs into various sized blocks. Tansy was watching Cora each day while Faith worked in the greenhouse and helped Anna and the Grayson women with their quilting projects.

Each evening Adam would walk home with Leo to fetch Cora, but they didn’t talk much.

By Friday evening they had created a small mountain of finished blocks together, but without any of the fun banter they once shared.

“Are you ready to work at the mill tomorrow?” Adam asked on their way to Leo’s new home.

“Sure,” he said.

“I’ll try not to let you get yourself killed tomorrow,” Adam joked, knowing Leo’s concern with the ever present danger of working around saws and timber.

A half-smile lifted Leo’s mouth, but there was no laughter in his eyes.

In that moment Adam knew he had broken what might have been a lifelong friendship.

He had been unforgivably selfish. He knew how it felt to be desperate, to be grateful for any scrap of kindness, but now when it was his turn to lend the helping hand, he’d pushed Leo and Benny away. That truth ate a hole in his gut.

He wasn’t worthy of the Grayson name.

He wasn’t worthy of Leo’s friendship.

So much for
Peace on Earth
and
goodwill to men.
He hadn’t promoted either.

Heartsick, he walked beside Leo, feeling empty.

On his way back home, Cora filled his ears with her childish blabbing, which he usually found funny, but there was no laughter inside him. The sound of buzzing saws filled them the next day at the mill, but nothing filled Adam’s heart.

At noon on Saturday, he boarded one of three wagons piled high with lumber. For the next six days, except Sunday, the mill would operate with only two men so the rest of the crew could help rebuild Cavneys’ house before the holiday. They would begin today and finish the day before Christmas Eve.

Adam thought Leo might ride with him to Cavneys’, but he climbed onto the seat beside Cyrus, who was driving one of the wagons. Before Leo’s backside hit the seat they were engrossed in conversation.

As the wagons rolled out of the lumberyard, Adam sat beside his father feeling like he’d lost a leg.

“You unwell, son?” his dad asked, his eyes full of concern.

“No, sir.”

“Something on your mind?”

“No, sir.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, sir.”

“All right then.” With an exaggerated yawn he inhaled deeply and put his arm around Adam’s shoulders. “When you’re ready to talk about what isn’t bothering you, let me know.”

Adam snorted at his father’s perceptive teasing. At fourteen he should be embarrassed by his father’s hugs, but having spent most of his life without a dad, he savored these moments.

“Have you ever made a mistake you wish you could undo?” he asked, knowing his father wouldn’t pry or push the conversation to a place he didn’t want to go.

“More than I care to remember.”

“Really?” He met his father’s eyes, surprised to see that he was serious. “Like what?”

“Like the time I decided to ride my toboggan off the barn roof. That was definitely a mistake.”

Normally, Adam would have appreciated his dad’s humor, but today he needed a serious man-to-man talk. “I guess I meant a mistake that hurt someone else.”

“I see.” His father clucked to the team and headed out Webster Road behind the other two wagons. “Yes, Adam. I wish I hadn’t hurt your sister when she needed me to stand by her. I wish I hadn’t questioned your integrity and accused you unfairly out of my own frustration. If I could, I would undo those mistakes.”

It was the first time his father had mentioned their past and their journey to becoming a family. Duke had been the solid one, the man of integrity, the one they had all depended on. To think he made mistakes and had regrets was shocking.

And oddly comforting.

His father’s one moment of unfairness was but a single snowflake in the flurry of love and kindness he showered on them daily. Adam barely remembered that instance, and had long forgiven his dad for being unyielding while trying to hold their family together.

“I guess everyone can mess up,” he said, realizing that making a mistake didn’t necessarily make a person bad.

“That’s right. But we need to learn from our mistakes and not repeat them.”

“I won’t, sir. Not ever,” Adam said, meaning it to his bones. He would never again turn his back on someone in need. If he could be a true friend to Leo every day, maybe those hours would add up and someday obliterate his one moment of selfishness. Maybe then they could rebuild their friendship – the best friendship Adam ever had.