Slick (22 page)

 

Early Friday morning, Judge Mayfield broke the news to me. My $25 million case had been dismissed and he said I had been a disgrace to his courtroom. Never in all my life had I been referred to as a disgrace, and I was crushed to even have such a reputation.

Sylvia had ruined my life. Everybody I worked with knew about what had happened in the courtroom, and Britney wasn't even speaking to me. When I told her what happened last night, she had the nerve to tell me I was wrong. Now, how in the hell was I wrong? I had been nothing but good to Sylvia. Having sex with Courtney was never in my plans, but after the courtroom incident, I had to give Sylvia what she wanted. I felt like if I'd gotten blamed for something, then I might as well have done it. I hated to put Courtney in such a fucked-up situation, but I was so angry with Sylvia that I couldn't help myself.

I was glad that Sylvia interrupted us in the nick of time because it was wrong of me to use Courtney, knowing how she felt about me. And, still knowing that, I decided to let her go. She wasn't angry with me, and she even agreed it was for the best. I gave her six months' salary to help her out until she found another job.

Sylvia stayed away for the entire weekend. As furious as I still was, I didn't even care. I had no idea where she was, and when Britney inquired about her, all I did was shrug my shoulders.

“What's wrong with you?” she asked. “You act like you don't care.”

“That's because I don't.”

“So, it's like that? What if she's dead or something?”

“She's not dead, Britney. She just likes to play games sometimes.”

“Well, I hope nothing has happened to her. It's not like her not to even call me.”

“She'll call,” I said, continuing to watch the football game and not really wanting to talk about it.

 

 

For almost two weeks, I didn't hear from Sylvia. On a Saturday morning, she strolled into the kitchen as if nothing had happened. She walked right past me as I sat at the kitchen table reading the newspaper.

I closed the newspaper, went into the bedroom, and watched as she pulled her clothes from the closet and laid them on the bed.

“Are you leaving?” I asked.

“What does it look like?”

“So, you don't even want to talk about this?”

“No, I really don't.”

“Suit yourself.”

I went into the living room and sat on the couch. Britney woke up, and when she saw Sylvia gathering her things to leave, she yelled and begged me to stop her.

“No. If she wants to leave then let her leave. I'm not going through this shit again, Britney, and if you want to leave with her, feel free.”

Not wanting to be around, I put on my gray jogging suit and left the house. I went to the YMCA and ran around the indoor track until I couldn't run anymore. There were some fellas playing basketball so I started to hoop with them. I had so much fun that the time just got away from me. When I glanced at my watch, it was already four o'clock in the afternoon. I had dinner by myself at the Macaroni Grill then I went back home. Thinking that Sylvia and Britney were both gone, surprisingly, when I entered the bedroom, Britney lay across my bed and had fallen asleep. I nudged her shoulder and she woke up. She rubbed her eyes and slowly sat up. By the redness in them, I could tell she'd been crying.

“I've been calling you,” she said. “Where have you been?”

“I didn't have my phone with me. It's on top of the refrigerator.”

“Daddy, when is this going to stop? Everybody I care about always leaves me.”

“Britney, that is not so. I have always been here for you, and I am always going to be here.”

“But I begged Sylvia to stay. She didn't even listen to me.”

“Don't take it personal. Sylvia did what she thought was best. Now, you and I got to work hard at restoring our own relationship and continue to be there for each other. I thought you were going to leave me today. That hurt me more than any woman walking out on me.”

Britney wrapped her arms around me. “I'm sorry if you felt that way, but I never said I was going anywhere. You are stuck with me forever. That's until I go to law school. And I'm still going to be running back home to see you.”

“I'm pleased to hear that,” I said, hugging her back. “Now, go get in your bed so I can get some rest. I got a lot on my mind and I need to chill.”

Britney go off my bed and headed for the door. Before she walked out, she turned to look at me. “Daddy, do you ever cry about anything? Don't sometimes you just want to break down and get it all off your chest? With all that you've been through with Mama, Dana, and now Sylvia, I don't understand how you stay so strong.”

“I do cry, baby girl, but you never see me. Besides, it's not appropriate for a daughter to see her father cry.”

“Says who?” Britney said, walking up and giving me a kiss on the cheek.

“Says me. Now, get your butt out of here so I can get some rest. I have a long week ahead of me.”

Britney left, and before I went to bed, I took a long hot bath. I wanted to cry, but couldn't, as I thought about what happened between Sylvia and me. I still loved her so much, but if anything, I knew that things between us had moved too fast. Pushing forward without her was going to be difficult for me, but under the circumstances, I had to do what was necessary to stabilize my life.

 

After Crissy told me Jonathan let Courtney go, she later brought me a letter that Courtney had given to her to pass on to me. In the letter, Courtney explained to me what a fool I'd been for not trusting Jonathan. She asked me what I'd asked Dana over and over again. That was, how in the hell did I let a good man get away? She confirmed her love for Jonathan and asked me why it was wrong for her to feel exactly the way I did when I was his secretary. In closure, she thanked me for interrupting them at the right time, and wished me well.

I ripped up the letter, and already feeling bad for messing up things between us, I couldn't keep my emotions intact. I at least had Crissy's shoulder to cry on, and for the time being, she let me stay in one of her rental apartments until I decided what to do.

Knowing that I was anxious to leave town and move elsewhere for a fresh new start, she arranged a job for me in Atlanta, working for her uncle at Duncan's Computers. She insisted that I would love it, and since the position paid more money than I'd ever made before, I knew it was in my best interest to go.

I made Crissy promise not to tell anyone about my plans to leave, and by Friday night, I was packed and ready to go. My plane wasn't leaving until Saturday morning, but I wanted to make sure everything was in order. I had so much shit that I had to put some things in storage. Crissy said she would have them sent to me as soon as I got settled.

Becoming one of the best friends I'd ever had, Crissy hooked up everything for me. And even though she hated to see me go, she knew it was best for Jonathan and me both that I did.

At Lambert Airport, I unloaded my bags and checked them in. I had about a two-hour wait, so I went to a tiny restaurant to grab some breakfast and chill. I thought about calling Jonathan and Britney to say good-bye, but I decided not to. I knew Britney would question me, and she would never understand why I needed to move away. And Jonathan, after all we'd been through, maybe, the least I could do was call him and say good-bye.

Thinking hard about it, I pulled out my cell phone and dialed his number. I quickly hung up only to dial it again. When I listened to it ring, I heard another cell phone behind me ringing. I hung up and dialed his number again. When I heard the cell phone behind me again, I quickly turned around. He was leaned against a pole behind me with a stern look on his face, looking awesome. Cleanly dressed in a navy blue suit and wearing a long trench coat, my heart melted. I turned back around and smiled so he wouldn't know how excited I was to see him. He came over and sat at the table with me.

“I was wondering when you were going to call. I knew you were, but I tried to be patient,” he said. I looked at him and dropped my head, as my eyes started to water. “None of that,” he said, raising my chin.

I swallowed. “I . . . I can't help it. Do you even know what it feels like when you know that you lost out on a good thing? I could kill myself, Jonathan, for what I put you through.”

“Hurting from a loss is kind of like what I'm feeling right now. And don't go blaming yourself because I made some mistakes too. I should have told you about Courtney's feelings up front, but I didn't.”

“Well, you didn't because I was always acting a damn fool. I should have just trusted you when you asked me to.”

“Yeah, you should have, but, it . . . it's—”

“It's not worth it anymore, is it? As much as I want to throw away this plane ticket, and stay here in St. Louis to be with you, you won't let me, will you?”

Jonathan shook his head, and then placed his hand on top of mine. “You need to . . . we need to move on. I have not stopped loving you not one bit, but we could never be together after what we've been through.”

I was hurt by his words and didn't even want to respond. I knew Jonathan was right, but I still had a tough time letting go. “So, will you and Britney come see me sometimes?”

“Of course. And only if you promise to come visit us as well.”

“I will. I wish you would have brought Britney with you so I could have said good-bye to her.”

“I wanted to, but I knew what a tough time she'd have seeing you leave.”

“Yeah, you're right. But you be sure to tell her I love her and I'll call her every day so we can talk. And speaking of talking, have you heard from Dana?”

“Every once in a while, I do. She's got a new boyfriend and they're doing fine. Actually, I met him several weeks ago. I didn't tell you because I didn't know how—”

“How I would react, right?”

“Right.”

“I really made a fool of myself, didn't I?”

Jonathan smiled, showing his pearly white teeth. “You don't want me to answer that, do you?”

I shook my head and laughed.

We talked for a while longer. He said he wasn't going to hire a new secretary, and if he did, he said it would be awhile. I asked him if he intended on dating again, and he said being in another relationship was the last thing on his mind. When I told him what a lucky woman she would be, he just smiled.

The announcement of my plane's departure came over loud and clear. I stood up and so did Jonathan.

“Do you have everything?” he asked.

“Just about,” I said with so many regrets as I reached inside of my purse for my boarding pass. I pulled it out. “There it is.”

“Let me walk you to your gate. I don't think they'll let me go that far, but I'll go with you as far as I can.”

Jonathan took my hand, and when security stopped us and asked for our boarding passes, I showed him mine. Unfortunately, that was the farthest Jonathan could go. He kissed the back of my hand, and knowing that he was hurting just as much as I was, again, I asked him if he wanted me to stay.

“Baby, all you have to do is say the word,” I said with tears in my eyes. “I will say to hell with Atlanta and spend the rest of my life with you. From now own, I promise I'll trust you.”

I saw him swallow the lump in his throat, and even his eyes filled with water. He blinked them fast and shook his head. “Go, please. I promise you we'll keep in touch.”

“But that's not good enough. I want to be with you.” I reached up and grabbed the back of his head. When I pulled him forward to kiss me, he gave me a quick peck on the lips and backed away.

“Go ahead, baby, please. I don't want you to miss your flight.”

I hurt all over as I departed from him and walked through the security gates. I didn't even bother to turn around because the tears poured so quickly down my face, I could barely see. I could feel Jonathan still watching me and silently prayed for a miracle to happen and happen fast. By the time I got on the plane, I looked around in hopes of seeing him, but that didn't happen either. When the plane lifted off the ground and headed for Atlanta, it finally sank in that our relationship was over.

I gazed out of the window, trying to figure out when, why, and where our relationship had gone so wrong. Trust was the key factor to having a successful marriage, but for whatever reason, I just didn't have it. I guessed knowing how he was sexually involved with Dana and me during the same time might have had something to do with it, but who knew? I also thought about how I damn near forced him to marry me. I should have known better, as forcing a man to do something he wasn't ready for was a big mistake.

Either way, there was no doubt that Jonathan's love for himself prevailed over his love for me. At any cost, he was determined to be happy, and as much drama as I brought about, he'd made his choice. I was in no way upset with him for deciding to move on; after all, it was my stupidity that cost me the man I still loved more than life itself. Whatever the reasons were for us being apart, I had to face it head-on and figure out a way to start a new life without Jonathan Taylor. I had faith that I'd be able to have a fulfilling life without him, and regardless of how much I still loved him, I definitely had to make this move and discover who or what I truly wanted going forward. I smiled from the thought, knowing deep inside that I, Sylvia McMillan, would be okay.