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“I left it here.”

That was news to me. The day I’d come home to find him gone, his cell phone had been gone too. It never occurred to me that he’d left it behind. I’d been too busy sticking my head up my ass. “Where did you leave it?”

“In my room? I don’t remember.”

I hadn’t been in his studio since he left. I hadn’t even opened the door. Maybe if I had, I’d have spotted the silver cell phone abandoned on the floor in the corner of the room, partially hidden by an ink-stained towel. I picked it up and flipped it open, but the battery was long dead. I retrieved a charger from the nightstand, plugged it in, and tossed it on the bed so Ash could reach it. “Do you want any drawing shit from the studio?”

In the past, he’d often used his sketchbooks as therapy or to pass the time when he was bored, but he looked at me like I’d grown two heads. It was so unnerving I had to look away. It took a moment for me to work up the nerve to turn back, and when I did, the malevolence was gone and he just seemed bewildered.

I wanted to go to him—go to him, tell him I loved him and that everything was going to be okay—but I didn’t. Instead, I just turned around and left him on his own again.

It didn’t take long to run to the store, but once I was there, I found myself zoned out in front of the shelves without a clue what to buy. Lung infections suppressed the appetite, so he wasn’t going be hungry for a while, but I couldn’t cook for shit and he wasn’t going to get better on the junk food that would probably tempt him. I stood there like a zombie for ages before I felt a heavy hand on my shoulder.

The big biker dude attached to the hand frowned and peered at my face. “I know you. You’re Ash’s partner, right?”

It was the second time in a week I’d been caught off guard, but I was no better prepared for it. I wrenched my arm free and pushed my shoulders back. “Who wants to know?”

The man rolled his eyes. “Whatever. I don’t know what you kids are calling it these days. Any idea when Ash is planning on showing up to work? I’m getting damn sick of canceling his appointments.”

Shit.
It suddenly clicked in my head who I was talking to. Ash had described his boss Ted to me many times, but I’d never seen him in the flesh. “He’s sick.”

Ted raised an eyebrow. “Since when?”

My head ached as I struggled to calculate how long Ash had been missing. “A few weeks,” I said vaguely. “He has pneumonia.”

Ted let out a low whistle. “Nasty. He’s going to be out for a while, then?” He waited for me to elaborate. When I didn’t, he shook his head slightly. “Jesus Christ, you’re as bad as him. Tell him to call me when he’s back on his feet, will you? I know the kid’s not big on communication, but the place doesn’t feel right without him.”

He left before I could swallow the lump in my throat.

Ash was on the couch when I got back. His knees were drawn up to his chest and his gaze was fixed on the front door. I dumped the groceries in the kitchen and grabbed the medication from the counter. I crouched in front of him and held out the next dose of antibiotics. He stared at the pills for a long moment before he scooped them up and swallowed them. He waved away the water I offered him. Frowning, I pushed the bottle back and held his gaze until he relented and took a tiny sip. It was a small victory, one I got no satisfaction from. “Are you hungry?”

“No.”

“You should eat something. You’ll feel better.”

“
No
.”

I sighed. “Come on, fucker, don’t fight me.”

Whether he believed me or just wanted me to leave him alone, I’d never know, but I managed to get some hot coffee and toast down him. It came at a price, though, and his mutinous silence remained in place for the rest of the night.

The next few days passed in a similar fashion. Ash slept a lot, stared a lot, and ate next to nothing. Even raising his head seemed too much for him. The only productive thing I could get him to do was shower, and even though he seemed to want to wash three times a day, he wouldn’t do it alone.

During those brief periods of lucidity, I tried to get him to talk. Naked, with the hot steam clearing his chest, was the only time I could get any sense out of him, but stubbornly, he still resisted every attempt I made to find out where he’d been for the past month. It was almost like he didn’t know, and despite an obvious fear of being left alone, he was as shut off from me as he’d ever been. It was like a cruel joke, or a bad dream. I had him back, but only in his broken, physical form. Behind his lifeless eyes, there was nothing else there.

A
BOUT
a week after Ash came home, a knock at the door disturbed the limbo we seemed to be stuck in. I wrenched the door open, fully prepared to do battle with Mick, but instead of him, the face that greeted me was the last person I expected to see.

“
David
?”

Ellie’s father met my misplaced malevolent glare head-on, like he’d been expecting it. He smiled amiably, though his expression remained shrewd. “Morning, Pete. Sorry it’s early. Did I wake you?”

Dazed, I took a step back, realizing I looked like I was about to take a swing at him, and shook my head. Sleep? What the hell was that? Ash was still running a fever and coughing so much he got sick. I’d gotten up around four, both to give him some space and myself a break. It was disconcerting to hear him throw up. He had a strong constitution, and the only time he’d ever puked before was when he’d drunk Maggie’s home brew.

David took advantage of my silence and stepped forward. I turned away from his curious gaze and headed back to the kitchen. “You want coffee?”

“No, thank you.” David followed me through the apartment. “I’m not staying long. Is Ash here? I was hoping to see him.”

“He’s asleep.”

David leaned up against the doorway and watched me mechanically stir my coffee. “Is something wrong?”

The knowing inflection in his tone caught my attention. “Why do you say that?”

“Ellie’s worried,” David said. “Ash isn’t answering her calls. She’s in England for another week, so I promised her I’d check in as soon as I got back.”

I should have known that was it. Ellie was Ash’s best friend; they talked nearly every day. Without his cell phone, she had no way of contacting him, though, strangely, she hadn’t called me either.

“We left in a hurry,” David said, interpreting my frown. “Ellie left her cell phone behind. She could remember Ash’s number, but not yours.”

I nodded slowly. “That makes sense.”

“So?”

“So what?”

David eyed me patiently, the way only doctors could. “Pete, what’s the matter?”

I considered my options as a heavy silence took hold. I had two choices: I could bullshit him and send him away with a half-baked explanation, or tell him the truth and deal with the consequences. Under ordinary circumstances, I would have taken the first choice, the easy option, but it had some major flaws. Ellie wouldn’t be fooled for a minute; chances were her father would be back on my doorstep before the day ended. But the second option wasn’t good either. Ash was such a private soul, I wasn’t sure I could betray his trust to someone he’d never felt comfortable with.

David stepped closer to me, perhaps sensing my reluctance. “Pete, I know Ash doesn’t think much of us, but we do care for him a great deal. If there
is
something wrong, I’d like to help.”

His persistence was enough to sway me. David had known Ash since Ellie first pulled him off the streets of Philadelphia. It hurt to think of what he went through back then, but there was every possibility David had seen him this messed up before. I didn’t like the guy any more than Ash did, but I was desperate enough to try anything. I stepped around him after a long moment of indecision, set my coffee on the side, and led him to the living room.

I kept my voice low as I began to explain Ash’s absence and what had happened since. I kept it vague, omitting as much as I could get away with, but even at its most basic, it was still a horrifying tale. Admitting that I’d spent months watching him deteriorate and done nothing about it was hard. Fuck, even strangers at the hospital had taken one look at him and known he needed help. Guilt clawed at me, trapping my words in my throat. It took a while for me to make any sense.

David listened in silence. He sat back in his seat when I was done and steepled his fingers. “I’ve never really worried about Ash relapsing. Perhaps I was naive, but it never seemed to be that kind of addiction for him.”

I shrugged listlessly. It went against every instinct I had to confide in anyone, and the weight of the situation made me want to cry.

“Do you have any idea where he’s been staying all this time?”

I looked up and met David’s eyes for the first time since I’d sat down. “He didn’t look like he’d been staying anywhere.”

David hummed thoughtfully. “That would make sense. It took a long time for Ash to understand the streets weren’t the safest place for him to be. Until he came here to live with you, Ellie was always convinced he’d go back. I suppose what you have to figure out is what happened to make him feel like that again.”

I nodded curtly. His words of wisdom weren’t anything I hadn’t already heard from Mick, but it was easier to just agree.

David took my silence as a sign I needed his reassurance. “It obviously wasn’t you, or he wouldn’t have come home at all.”

I snorted softly. “I didn’t give him much choice.”

“There’s always a choice, son.”

I wasn’t so convinced, and his term of endearment pissed me off. I wasn’t his son any more than Ash was. My dad had been dead for years, but that didn’t mean I needed a father figure.

“Pete?”

“Sorry, what?”

David sighed. “How’s the pneumonia? Do you want me to take a look at him while I’m here?”

I was torn. David was a plastic surgeon. In my eyes, that barely made him human, but he was still a doctor, and regardless of anything else, Ash was still really sick. He’d never seemed comfortable in David’s presence, but the way I saw it, things couldn’t get any worse. “Um, let me just see if he’s awake.”

I excused myself, padded down the hall, and slipped silently into the bedroom. The room was quiet and still. Ash was sleeping on his side with his face hidden in the crook of his arm. I approached him carefully and shook his shoulder. I shook him again when I got no response. “Ash? Come on, fucker. Wake up for me.”

He groaned and mumbled something unintelligible. Slowly, he raised his head and squinted against the dim light. I helped him upright, noting the flush of fever still marring his pale skin. He scrubbed his eyes with the heel of his hands. “What day is it?”

I grinned a little bit, in spite of myself. He’d completely lost track of time over the last few days, leaving him no concept of whether it was even day or night. “It’s Thursday morning. David’s here.”

Ash froze in the process of rubbing his chest. “Why?”

“He was worried about you.”

He began to speak, but he was cut off by his treacherous cough. I waited for it to pass before answering the question I knew he’d been about to ask. “Ellie’s still in England. He came back on his own.”

He looked relieved, but I felt sick. He hadn’t even known she was away until I’d told him, which meant he hadn’t even attempted to go to her when he left me. He’d gone straight to the fucking streets. “David wants to check you over.” I said. “I can tell him you’re still asleep if you want.”

Ash sighed and got unsteadily to his feet. “He’d just come back tomorrow.”

I took that as my dismissal and went to get David from the living room. I’d intended to leave them to it, but when Ash blanched as David approached him, I knew I had to stay.

My eyes were heavy as I leaned against the wall to keep watch. David ran through the motions and examined Ash in much the same way I had, but Ash’s reaction was frighteningly different. He was impassive when I used the stethoscope Jane had given me to listen to his chest—resigned to it and relatively relaxed—but the moment David touched his skin, he recoiled violently.

“Easy, son,” David said. “I just want to listen for a moment and then I’m done, okay?”

Ash glanced at me. His eyes were wide, begging for the help he’d never ask for out loud. Cautiously, I approached him and coaxed him back from where he’d scooted across the bed. “It’s okay. Just one more check and we’ll leave you alone.”

Thankfully, David was true to his word. He listened carefully to Ash’s lungs before he took his hands off him and backed away. “You should be in the hospital, son,” he said bluntly. “That wheeze is pretty pronounced, and you’re burning a nasty fever.”

Ash cast his eyes down and looked away. I bit my lip to contain my annoyance. I’d told David the only way I’d convinced Ash to come home was to promise I wouldn’t make him go back to the hospital. What the fuck was he thinking? Ash was the master of the impassive mask, but I knew he would have taken David’s concern as a thinly veiled threat.

David shot me a glance and caught my glare. He got quietly to his feet. “I’ll leave you to rest now. Pete, can I have a word before I go?”

I followed David through the apartment, but he didn’t turn to me until his hand was on the front door. “I’m sorry for my candor back there. I’m sure it’s nothing you haven’t already told him. I just needed to say it.”

I shrugged tiredly. My irritation had faded to a dull roar. “Don’t worry about it.”

David eyed me as he obviously measured his words. He seemed on the verge of saying something when he appeared to change his mind at the last minute. Instead, he reached out and put his hand on my arm. “It’s unnerving knowing he was out there for so long, isn’t it? Especially considering what’s gone on in the city recently.”

He’d totally lost me, and my expression must have shown it. David shook his head and shuddered. “The police shot dead the suspect in that murder case from a few months back. You know, the street kid who was murdered in the park?”

I remembered that case all too well, but I wasn’t about to tell David that. I’d given him enough of my soul for one day. “They killed him?”