Slightly Foxed (28 page)

your problem?" Without waiting for my answer, Jace wielded

the Brown's bag with a flourish. "Is in here. Look."

"Jace, it's a pair of gardening gloves."

"I know." Jace pushed the gloves under my nose and

wobbled in a manner which indicated that if I turned them

down she might cry. "You can be using them for concealing

your ring."

I put the gloves on. They had clearly been designed to

prevent the Incredible Hulk from snagging his fingernails.

"They're a bit big."

"Then we must remove the bits of fingers." Jace popped

behind the curtain and emerged brandishing Simon's best

scissors. I stood like a rock while Jace snipped the tips off the

gardening glove fingers with some effort until I was left

wearing something like Alan Titchmarsh's mittens. "There.

Now no one is able to see that you are making a big mistake."

God, if I ever
did
marry Leo, Jace would probably insist on

my wearing a full bodysuit. "Er, thank you, Jace."

With little clucks of pleasure and self-satisfaction, Jace

went back about her work. I tried to carry on sorting out the

shelves but it was like having flippers.

My daughter sprang through the doorway wearing a pink

vinyl miniskirt, boots and a top which looked as though it had

started life as a feed sack. "Hiya, Mum. Hey, Jace."

233

Slightly Foxed

by Jane Lovering

Jacinta gazed in admiration at Florrie's outfit. "Florence,

where are you buying such amazing skirts? I must be finding

some for myself."

I widened my eyes in pleading at Florrie. Jace in pink vinyl

was best kept purely a vision. "What brings you in here?"

"Oh, Dad ran me over. Hey, Mum, I got my results."

"God yes, it's GCSE day, isn't it?" Then, suspiciously, "You

said you didn't want me to come over to the school with you.

You said I'd show you up in front of your friends."

"Well, duh. I made Dad stay in the car. But, guess what, I

got four A's and three B's! Isn't that amazing?"

"Bloody hell." I sagged at the knees and had to lean

against the counter. "You must have done loads of revision—I

never saw you."

Florence looked at me pityingly. "Mum,
no one
does

revision."

I instantly felt like the worst mother in the world again for

having forgotten that today was the day the GCSE results

came out. "That is absolutely fantastic, Florrie."

The three of us linked arms and did a little celebratory

dance around the shop, kicking our legs in the air. "So now

you can do any A levels you want," I panted eventually,

collapsing out of the dance routine and onto the stool at the

desk.

Florence looked down and flicked her hair over her face. "I

dunno. Need to think about—ohmigod.
Muuuuuum!
"

During the frenzied prancing, my huge gloves had

somehow become detached and Leo's ring was shining as

though someone had poured glycerine over it.

234

Slightly Foxed

by Jane Lovering

"Ah," I said. "Now. There's a funny story."

But Florrie wasn't listening. She'd grabbed my hand and

was turning it this way and that. "Wow. That is so cooooool.

When did he ask you? How did he do it, go down on one knee

kind of? Oh shit, wow, this is...wheeeeeww, what a day! So

you going down to live on the farm?"

"I thought that was what you wanted to do."

"Me?" Florence looked astounded. "Me? But I—well, look, I

mean..."

"All that talk about having a horse and going to work in the

stud?"

A slightly sly look crept over her face. "But what about my

A levels?"

"They have schools in Devon you know. Apparently it's not

all mud huts and tribesmen."

"Or I could stay here. Move in with Piers."

"Piers was in here with a girlfriend." Jacinta was still

admiring Florrie's costume from all angles. "Woman who is

saying
she is his girlfriend."

"Oh, come on, Jace. It was like the Siamese-twin show!" I

got up and fiddled with papers. "But I don't think he'll be

overjoyed if you announce you're intending to move in with

him just as he's got himself nicely settled. Don't you want to

come to Devon with me?"

Florrie raked her hair back with her immaculately pink

painted fingernails. "Mum, Devon is
dead
. I mean, no dissing

Leo or anything but...what would I do in
Devon
? All my

friends are here, Dad is here, Piers, and I want to live my

own life. Go out with my mates, chill, go clubbing, you know.

235

Slightly Foxed

by Jane Lovering

I'm not your little kid any more." I must have recoiled

because her voice softened. "I mean, yeah, it sounds really

lovely, but I grew out of ponies a while back."

"But you and Leo talked about nothing else," I said

indignantly.

"I was being
nice
to him." Florrie was equally indignant.

"And besides, Mum." She lowered her voice. "I'm not sure he

does
talk about anything else."

"This I have also said." Now Jace had to put her two

pennyworth in. "Your mother knows nothings of the tiny

horses."

"
I
think he's lovely. Go for it, Mum."

Into this three-way Mexican frown-off walked Simon.

"Hello!" he called innocently and was instantly caught in the

crossfire of outrage.

"...not what it looks like..."

"...be telling her, Simon."

"...great idea. I think..."

"...is not seeing real Alys..."

"...stupid accident and I haven't..."

"Now, girls." Simon held up a hand. "
I
think"—we all held

our breath, as though waiting for the judgement of Solomon—

"that I'm
trying
to run a bookshop here, so can all this

domestic disputation just wait awhile, hmm?"

Florence sighed hugely. "Well, all
right
," she breathed.

"I'm going to see if I can find Piers. We'll talk about this later,

Mum."

"Don't get portentous with me, young lady."

236

Slightly Foxed

by Jane Lovering

"Honestly. Can't you make up your mind and go move to

Devon?"

"It's not as simple as..."

Once again Simon held up his hand. "In deference to the

situation and the fact that I'm paying you
hourly
, Alys, save it

for later."

Florence gave another exaggerated sigh and, with a totally

redundant tug at the hem of her skirt, flounced out of the

shop. We watched her go, the three of us grouped behind the

desk slightly forlornly, like the Teletubbies watching Dipsy

emigrate.

"Is still lovely skirting." Jace looked rueful.

"You should buy one. It'd have great pulling potential."

Now it was Simon's turn to sigh dramatically. "Don't you

two ever think about anything else?"

I looked at Jace who made a little rueful face at me, all

downturned mouth and partly raised eyebrows.

"Really, you should." I ignored Simon. "There's apparently

this great new speed-dating club opened up in the city."

Jacinta rolled her eyes at me and wandered off, a box of

books under each arm, towards the back room. I'd miss her.

If I moved to Devon, that is. Who the hell would I get to be

my best friend? Jay? Isabelle?

"Um. Alys." Simon was at my elbow, all hushed voice and

bone structure. "What exactly
is
a speed-dating club?"

[Back to Table of Contents]

237

Slightly Foxed

by Jane Lovering

At the book group that evening, we were all very subdued.

Even Mr. Mansell restrained himself from his normal lecherous

pursuit of my bottom and merely patted my hand in a

distracted way when I sat next to him. Mrs. James reported

that she'd rung the hospital to be told that Mrs. Treadgold

was in a coma, and her son and daughter were with her. I

didn't mention my visit, just sat sympathetically while the

remaining four shored up Death's Maginot Line between them

with jocular comments and heavy lightheartedness. Mrs.

Munroe had baked tonight, but her lemon sponge had become

infused with imminent death and refused to rise. So we ate

flat citrussy cake without comment and discussed the Booker

shortlist without enthusiasm.

I got home before Florence and began washing up with

extreme prejudice. As I scrubbed I wondered about Grainger.

Piers had a point. If—
when
I married Leo, where would he

live? Devon was largely ruled out by virtue of the state of

Grainger's unreliable bowels, Leo's dislike of cats and Leo's

dogs. Would Florrie look after him? Alasdair wouldn't let him

in his house either, pleading Tamar's allergies. It seemed

Tamar was allergic to anything with a value in single figures.

Piers? Maybe it would be kinder to... No. I'd let him see

through his recent indisposition rather than face putting him

to sleep. I certainly couldn't justify it simply to save myself

the difficulties of rehoming or moving him.

238

Slightly Foxed

by Jane Lovering

The front door banged open and shut. I hastily pushed the

as-yet-unwashed dishes into the sink and wiped my eyes on

the back of my hand. "Hi, Florrie, I'm in here."

"Hi Mum!" Florrie's voice sailed through, followed by:

"Hey, Alys."

"Piers!" I quickly checked my appearance in the reflection

off the kettle. If the wraithlike Sarah was with them, I didn't

want to look like the dandelion in the flowerbed. "What brings

you here?"

"Met up in town." Piers came wandering through to the

kitchen and took a biscuit from the jar on the side.

"Sarah not with you? Thought you were going to the

pictures?"

"We were. But, hey, y'know, shit happens." Piers went

back out into the hallway. "I brought you something."

"You did what?"

Florrie came bowling through in his place. "Oh Mum, it's so

cute
. Oh you wait, you're going to love this."

You think? I thought, my heart zigzagging through my

chest at the thought of Piers bringing me anything which

might be called cute. Especially when Florence's idea of cute

encompassed teddies in sweaters bearing slogans, brushed

angora dresses and Jake Gyllenhaal.

Piers appeared in the doorway, framed artfully by the

domestic chaos. In one hand he held a plastic basket which

barely contained a furious Grainger and in the other...

"Oh,
Piers
." The kitten butted against his chin and nestled

against the open neck of his shirt. It was
minute
. "Grainger

must think it's supper." I half-laughed, with a wobble in my

239

Slightly Foxed

by Jane Lovering

voice. Grainger gave a low growl, which could have meant

anything and the kitten shrilled a high-pitched note.

Florrie was jumping up and down on the spot, clapping her

hands. "Can I hold him now, Piers? You promised, when we

got home you said...can I?"

Piers casually tipped the kitten into her outstretched hands

where it wibbled to gain purchase and let out another

weeeeeee-uuuuuww
. "I kinda thought—if Grainger...y'know—

if he—
went
..."

"Yes, I get the picture." I took the basket from Piers, our

fingers contacting on the sweaty plastic handle. Piers was

looking at me in a way which made me suspect he knew Leo

didn't much like cats. "It's very kind of you. Picking up

Grainger. I could have done it, you know."

"I don't think Big G is really up for public transport yet."

Piers unclipped the door to the plastic cage and Grainger

wobbled uncertainly out onto the carpet. "Thought it'd be

best. Y'know."

I bent down and put my arms around Grainger. He gave

me a brief head-butt, then bit my nose in an experimental

way. I hugged him. "Well, it's still kind."

We both stared at the kitten. He was a little ball of honey-

coloured fluff, about the size of Grainger's head. "They were

going to put him down," Piers said without looking at me.

"Just kill him without a thought. He hadn't even had a chance.

So I decided, what the hell."

"Piers gave them a hundred pounds," Florence said

casually. "To let him take the kitten. I'm going to call him

Caspar, cos he's like a little ghost. Aren't you, sweetie?" The

240

Slightly Foxed

by Jane Lovering

kitten looked inscrutable. Piers looked embarrassed. I must

have looked horrified because Florrie leaped back in. "You've

been saying about getting another cat, Mum, haven't you?

Piers asked if I thought you'd mind, and I said you've been on

about it for
ages
."

"Florrie, I've also been saying that I'd like Johnny Depp

stripped and posted to me, but you know, sometimes you

have to think about these things. Properly." I let Grainger go

and he began a shaky stalk around the room, tail waving

uncertainly.

"Why don't you take Caspar out the back for a whizz, Flo?