Slowly We Trust (25 page)

Eddie was waiting for me when Trish dropped me off at the restaurant. It was a chain, with vintage movie posters on the wall, and servers who were decked out in all manner of pins and buttons.

“Hi, Eddie,” I said, sitting down. His eyes darted around the room, and the bags under them were evidence that he hadn’t slept at all last night.

His hands twitched on the table as I looked across at him.

“I want to see my daughter,” he said.

“I know, I know. How about we get something to eat and we can talk?” A waitress came over with a bright smile on her face. She probably thought we were on a date. I felt sorry for her. She was definitely going to get a big tip.

Eddie just shook his head as the waitress greeted us and handed over some menus.

“I’ll have a water, thanks,” I said.

“And for you?” She turned to Eddie.

“Water,” he grunted.

“Okay, I’ll just give you a few minutes,” she said, her smile faltering a tiny bit as she scurried off to get our drinks. I looked down at the menu instead of looking at Eddie. It was easier.

“You’re not hearing me. You’re just not hearing me.” He kept muttering under his breath. I should have had Trish come with me. She’d offered to stay, not even knowing what she she’d be getting herself into. But then I’d have to tell her everything and I wasn’t ready for that.

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” I reached my hands across the table and tried to take his, but he flinched away from me.

“I just can’t believe that you’d do that to me.”

“I know. I know.” I felt like a very broken and battered record, saying the same things over and over.

“There’s nothing I can say to change what’s happened. I didn’t think you’d want to know, or want to be part of her life, that’s why I didn’t tell you. I never thought you’d want to be a part of this.” I honestly hadn’t.

“That wasn’t your decision to make,” he hissed at me.

“I know. I know.” The waitress came back with our waters and asked if we were ready to order. I told her to give us a few minutes. Maybe this wasn’t the best place to meet. I should have picked someplace more quiet.

“Eddie. I’m going to call my aunt, okay? Just hold on.” I got up from the table and found Maria’s number in my contacts. I just hoped she was able to answer.

“Audrey,” she said, picking up on the second ring. “Where the hell have you been?”

“I’m . . . I’m sorry,” I said, walking into the entryway of the restaurant so I could have at least the semblance of privacy.

“You should be sorry. I’ve been trying to get in touch with you. Why haven’t you called me back?”

“I don’t know.” I wanted to cry, but my eyes didn’t seem to want to. “I just didn’t know what was going on.”

Maria sighed.

“Well, you would have if you’d picked up your phone when I called. You know I wouldn’t contact you unless it was an emergency.”

“How is she?” I said, my voice quiet.

“She’s a trooper. You wouldn’t even know she was sick.”
But she is
. Maria didn’t have to say the words out loud for me to know we were both thinking them.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, Audrey. These things happen. It’s nothing you did, or caused to happen. But it did happen and now we have to make the best of it, right?” I missed Maria. When she’d taken Emily from me, I’d lost contact with one of the only family members who I liked.

“I’m here with Eddie, the father. I told him. He wants to see her.” There was a long pause on Maria’s end of the phone. It sounded like she was driving.

“I didn’t anticipate that,” she said, groaning a little.

“Neither did I. I never told him because I didn’t think he’d want anything to do with her. And I was scared and young and you know that, right?”

“I know, sweetie, I know. You made the best decision for Emily. Do you think you’d be able to handle what is happening with her right now at your age?”

Not in a million years.

“I’m barely handling it and Leo is a wreck. We’re doing everything we can, but sometimes things are out of our control.”

“I hate to put this on you with everything else, but he’s freaking out and I don’t know what to do.”

She sighed again and the car engine noise stopped.

“Okay, put him on.”

“Hold on, I’ll go get him.” I walked back into the restaurant and found Eddie staring into his water glass, stirring the ice around with his straw.

“Maria’s on the phone. She wants to talk to you.” I handed the phone over and he put it up to his ear as if it was a bomb.

“Hello?”

Lottie and I fell asleep on the couch watching cartoons and I didn’t wake up until the late afternoon.

“Shit, I was going to be productive today,” I said, stretching my arms. “Guess that’s out of the question.”

“Great, now my body clock is going to be all out of whack,” Lottie said, also stretching.

“Have a nice nap, kids?” Zan said, leaning over the back of the couch and giving us a rare smirk.

“Shut up,” Lottie said, shooting a glare at him.

“Well, I think that is my cue to leave,” I said, getting up and leaning back to get the kinks out of my spine.

“Aud should be back from whatever she’s been doing with Trish.”

“They’ve been spending a lot of time together,” Lottie said, grabbing Zan’s shirt and almost dragging him over the back of the couch to sit next to her.

“Yeah, I know. It’s weird because they say they’re going shopping, and Trish hates shopping.”

Lottie laughed.

“I know. It’s like trying to make a cat take a bath. But it’s probably just a Valentine’s thing. You know, Trish is obsessed with those romantic books, so she probably has a lot of good ideas.”

She had a point.

“That’s probably it.” I said goodbye and headed back to my room. More and more of my stuff was migrating to Aud’s. Hey, she had the space, so why not? It was easier than going back and forth and her place was much cleaner. Or maybe I was cleaner when I went to her place.

Simon was on his bed, knee-deep in textbooks.

“Oh my God, you’re alive. I feel like I need to call you every now and then just to make sure because I never see you anymore. What happened to bros before hos?” I gave him a scathing look.

“What happened to bros before boyfriends? Because you’re kind of being a hypocrite right now. You’re the one who’s always off with Brady. I’m shocked he isn’t here right now. Or maybe he is. Brady? You here?” I looked in Simon’s closet and then under his bed. A book went flying at my head and I had to duck.

“Whatever. We’re both wrapped up in our relationships. It’s a good thing they all get along, or things might be awkward.” He had a good point. It would suck if either of our significant others didn’t get along.

“It happens,” I said, sitting down on my bed. Simon looked up from his books. “Speaking of your girl, where is the lovely lady?”

“She’s off with Trish again. They’ve become buddies. It’s weird, but they seem to get along.” Not many people got along with Trish, so I guess it was good that she had a group of friends.

“I love how Trish pretends to be all tough, but then she’s obsessed with those sappy romances and she’s always doing nice things she doesn’t want people to know about. She’s a really sweet girl under the tattoos and the makeup and the orange hair,” he said.

“And the boots, don’t forget those.”

“So, are you here to stay, or are you on your way out again?” Simon said.

“I’m just here to grab a few things and then I’m meeting Aud. Hey, I need your help for a Valentine’s surprise for her. I need everyone’s help, actually. I want it to be spectacular.”

I told him my idea and, unlike Lottie, he thought it was inspired and brilliant.

“There’s this place only about ten minutes away that has a roller rink. I can call there and see what they do for parties, if you want.”

“That would be great, thanks, man.”

“What are best friends for?”

I only heard Eddie’s side of the conversation with Maria, and I wished I could have heard the whole thing. He was silent for long stretches, listening. Whatever she said to him, he visibly relaxed and his hands stopped twitching.

“Thank you. I’ll do that. Bye.” He hung up and handed the phone back to me.

“What did she say?” I asked.

“She said that I could meet her if I came to them. She’s too sick to travel right now.” That I knew.

“When are you going?”

“Tomorrow. I need to see her.” I swallowed. “Do you . . . do you have any pictures of her?”

I shook my head.

“No, I don’t. I didn’t want any. When she was born, I didn’t even want them to show her to me. I thought it would be easier that way. If I couldn’t picture her face and see my features in it. If I saw her on the street, I wouldn’t know what she looked like.”

Eddie was silent for a long time.

“I’m still angry with you, but I’m sorry about how I reacted initially. That wasn’t fair to you. I get that you were scared and you didn’t know what else to do. You did what you thought was best. I mean, I didn’t think I’d ever feel this way. I always heard about guys and their girlfriends having scares, and I thought I would feel a certain way. But then you told me her name and all I could do was see this little girl in my head and I wanted to know about her.”

The waitress came back and asked for our order. I picked something random off the menu and Eddie got the same.

“I’m so sorry, Eddie. I really am.”

“I know you are. But now I have a chance to do something for her.”

“That’s right.”

“Do you . . .” he paused. “Do you want to come with me? To see her? It doesn’t feel right that we shouldn’t both be there. We’re her biological parents, after all.”

Biological parents. The term seemed so clinical. Remote.

“I don’t know. I don’t know if I could do it.”

“You can. We’ll do it together. And your aunt seems really nice. I can’t believe she agreed to let me come.”

He reached for my hands, nearly knocking over his water glass.

“Please come with me.”

“Okay.”

“Hey, beautiful,” Will said that evening when Trish dropped me off. She’d been almost completely silent on the way to see Eddie and on the way back. I didn’t know if she was mad at me, or mad about something else.

“Hey,” I said, my smile coming out at the sight of him. I couldn’t help it. Even with everything going on, he still made me smile.

I didn’t know what excuse I was going to give to Will when I told him that I was going to be gone on Sunday. If I had my own car, things would be so much easier. Eddie was going to pick me up on campus, but not at my dorm.

Will gave me another crushing kiss and picked me up off my feet. I loved that he was tall enough to do that.

“How did whatever you were secretly doing go?” I put my arms around his neck and we stood there in the cold parking lot, just sort of swaying together. The pieces of my heart drifted closer together when I was with him. I didn’t feel as damaged.

“Fine. It went fine. Are you hungry?” I could almost always distract Will with food. Like any man.

“Starving, but I was waiting for you.” He took my hand and we went back up to my room. We ordered in a lot now, mostly because we’d gotten sick of all the on-campus dining choices. And it meant we could eat in our underwear.

“I’m always waiting for you,” he said.

“I’m here now.”

“So I have to go run another errand tomorrow. All day. I’m, um, borrowing a car from this guy Tyler. You remember him.” His eyes narrowed at the mention of Tyler.

“Yeah, I remember him.”

“Stop being jealous. You don’t have to be jealous of him.”

“I’m not jealous,” he said, stabbing his fork in a container of sweet and sour pork.

“Yes, you are. But it’s fine.”

“Why are you borrowing a car from him? You can take my car. Or Lottie’s, or Stryker would loan you one.” I knew he was going to ask questions, but this was the best story I could come up with. I’d just have to make the story believable.

“He’s got a really nice car. A convertible. I was talking about how bad I felt for making all of you drive me around, and he handed me the keys. Said he didn’t need it this weekend. I just took the opportunity.” Please buy it, Will. Please.

“Oh, okay. I still wish you would have asked me, but I can’t blame you for turning down an opportunity to drive a really nice ride. Your plans tomorrow wouldn’t have anything to do with secret Valentine’s Day plans, would it?” His eyes sparkled and it took me a second to realize what he thought I was doing tomorrow.

In all the chaos, I’d almost completely forgotten about Valentine’s Day. I’d have to do something good for Will. He was definitely going to do something amazing. I didn’t know how he could top the Universal tickets, but he would. I knew it.

And it made me feel awful. Lying was a sickness. It started out small, but then grew, eating away at you until you were so sick with it, there was nothing you could do. I didn’t know how much longer I could keep this up.

I just had to get through tomorrow, and hope that Eddie was a match so they could do the transplant. Emily would be fine and I could go back to my life with Will.

“It might,” I said, lying.

“Gotcha. Well, I’ve got something in the works for you, too. You’re going to die. I wish I could tell you, but I can’t wait to see your face. It’s going to be epic.” I had no doubt that it was.

“You done?” I nodded and he picked up the containers and put them in the trash for me.

“Why is it that you’re so clean here, yet your place is a wreck?”

“Don’t spare my feelings, Aud,” he said, pretending I’d wounded him.

“You know what I’m asking. And I mean a wreck in the best sense of the word.” He knew I was teasing.

“Because this is your place. It’s not mine. I’m a guest here and I want to keep it nice for you. I’m afraid that one of these days I’m going to leave a mess and you’re going to realize I’m a slob and break up with me.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“I know, but I’m
always
afraid you’re going to break up with me. You know how they say if something feels too good to be true, then it probably is? This is one of those things. You are one of those things.”

No, I wasn’t. I’d just let him believe I was. I’d gotten angry with him for putting me on a pedestal, but I’d let him put me there. I needed to show him more of my flaws. But, being Will, he probably wouldn’t see them as flaws.

“I’m not going to break up with you,” I said. But he might break up with me.

“Well, I’m definitely not breaking up with you. You’re awesome.” He flopped back down on the bed and kissed my knee. I knew that him kissing any part of my body below the waist was going to lead to more kissing in other areas. I was still using sex to deal with my problems, but as long as it was working, I was going to keep doing it.

“You are also awesome. Even if you’re a little messy.” I picked up after him every now and then, but I never said anything about it. I didn’t mind. It was so minor. I kept waiting to discover something about Will that would drive me crazy and make me want to strangle him in his sleep, but as of yet, no luck. Maybe I had to give it a few years. If we’d have that together. If I could get through tomorrow and the next day and the next.

Aud left early the next morning. I tried to wake up with her, but I still felt like I was coming down with something, so I stayed in bed. She just kissed me on the cheek and said she’d call me and let me know when she was coming back.

“I’ll be here. Waiting,” I mumbled and she stroked my face with her long fingers before softly shutting the door.

Most of my day was spent in bed. The sickness I’d tried to somehow ignore had hit me full force. Between the bathroom and the tissue box, I was miserable. I wished Aud could have stayed with me, but on the other hand, I didn’t want her to see me like this. I was disgusting.

I wasn’t surprised Lottie showed up with a sickness kit she’d put together.

“How you feelin’, little bro?” She felt my forehead and stared into my eyes. I squinted up at her.

“Like shit.”

“I know. I can tell. And you don’t have your woman here to take care of you.”

“Aud doesn’t need to take care of me. I’m not some helpless guy who can’t tie his shoes,” I said, but she ignored me and started clearing a space on Aud’s desk and taking things out of the bag she’d brought.

“I brought stuff to make Mom’s soup. I didn’t know how I was going to make it in the microwave, but Stryker had a hotplate, so I borrowed it from him.” She searched for an outlet and plugged the hotplate in. “Be right back, darling.” I just closed my eyes and willed my stomach to stay still. She came back with some water and then proceeded to start chopping onions on a little cutting board she’d also brought with her. Mom’s soup definitely worked, but it was kinda disgusting. Onions, garlic, herbs, chicken broth, a whole lot of other things that I couldn’t remember. I’d tried to make it before, but I guess only the women in my family are allowed to have the recipe.

“That smells disgusting,” I said as the onion smell wafted across the room to my bed. I turned my back on her and stuffed my face into Aud’s pillow which was still drenched in her scent.

“But it will make you better, so shut up.” The sound of the knife against the cutting board was soothing, and Lottie hummed as she chopped.

“I think I’m going to die,” I said as my stomach lurched again. I’d already thrown up everything that could possibly be in my stomach three times over.

Lottie just pushed the trash can closer to the edge of the bed.

“You’re just being dramatic. I wouldn’t let you die. Then Audrey would get mad at me and she’s going to be a lawyer. You don’t piss off a lawyer. They know how to get around the law.” That was true. If Aud and I got married, I’d already resigned myself to losing every argument we’d ever have, and not just because I was a guy.

“Your humming is driving me crazy,” I said a few minutes later.

“Fine, then turn on the TV.” I did, and flipped it to a
Walking Dead
marathon.

“Seriously? You’ve been throwing up and this is what you choose to watch?” Lottie said as one of the characters sunk an axe through a zombie’s skull with a wet crunching sound.

“This is my comfort show. I don’t make fun of yours, so don’t make fun of mine.”

She snorted.

“You make fun of my shows all the time, you liar.”

“You’re not supposed to argue with me, I’m ill. What if I die and the last thing you said to me was mean? Then it would haunt you for the rest of your life.” I turned back toward her, but she just stared at me with her hands on her hips. She was actually wearing an apron. I wanted to make a snarky comment about it, but she was holding a knife, so I didn’t. And it was really nice that she was taking care of me.

“I’m not even going to say anything to that. But the next time I’m sick, you’d better be wiping my nose and cleaning my bedpan. I could be out driving around with my sexy boyfriend and eating Pop Tarts, but I’m here taking care of your ass. It sucks being your sister sometimes, you know that?”

“Yeah, well it sucks being your brother too.”

We were silent for a few minutes as Lottie kept chopping and throwing stuff into the pot.

“I love you, punk,” she said quietly.

“Love you, too.”