Slowly We Trust (33 page)

Turning his head, he kissed my bellybutton.

“You’re definitely not. I think she was celibate. But you’re not this terrible person you think you are. It’s like your parents told you that so many times you started to believe it. I’ll just have to spend the rest of our lives convincing you otherwise. I think I’m up to the challenge.”

I finally checked my GPA on Tuesday after classes and it wasn’t good. I’d dropped down to a 3.7, so I was out of the running for the New Year’s money. Will had somehow brought his up, and he joked that he was stealing my smarts by osmosis while we slept.

For the first time in my life, I wasn’t beating myself up for letting my grades fall below some sort of imaginary line I’d drawn for myself. I was a hell of a lot happier now that I wasn’t spending countless hours holed up in the library by myself. My life had people in it and those people were more important than having higher grades. But I would never, ever, let my grades fall below at 3.5. I still had standards.

“We should probably have less sex and do more studying,” Will said when I told him the news about my grades.

“Sex or better grades? Hmm, that’s a tough decision,” I said, sitting in his lap. “I think I’ll take sex for $200, Alex.”

“Will. My name is Will,” he said, pointing to himself. “Have you been fantasizing about Alex Trebek?”

“No, I would never do that,” I said, looking at the ceiling. “He’s not as sexy without the moustache.”

“Oh, that is it.” He tossed me on the bed and made me call his name several times.

“So you never forget it,” he said as waves of pleasure crashed over me.

“So, the secret is finally out,” Trish as she picked me up for dinner on Tuesday night. Will had to go to a study session but he was going to drive over when he was done.

“Yes.”

“How does it feel?”

“Liberating.”

She nodded. “Really? No regrets?”

“Only that I didn’t do it sooner.” She nodded again.

“Why, you thinking about following my lead and letting your secret out of the cage?”

This time she shook her head.

“Nope. I’m pretty much okay with keeping it locked up tight. It’s totally working for me so far.” The truck slid a little on the slush that coated the roads from yet another late winter storm. I couldn’t wait for spring, to be able to go outside without a coat, a scarf, a hat and thick boots. It took ten times longer to get dressed in the winter.

“But don’t you feel like it’s standing between you and getting close to other people.”

“Yup. And that works for me. People suck.”

I made a sound of protest. “Um, excuse me?”

“Well, most people suck. The ones I’ve encountered anyway.” I had no idea what she was talking about, but I knew her past was rough. Rougher than mine. Stryker sometimes told us bits and pieces, but mostly they kept the past in the past. Katie knew more, but she respected their desires to keep it to herself.

“Yeah, I understand that. But letting someone in, it . . .” I couldn’t find a way to describe it.

“Ugh, you’re starting to sound like a romance novel. Next thing you’ll tell me that if you’re a bird, Will is a bird.” I had no idea what she was talking about.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Her face went red and she turned the radio on full volume.

“Nothing. Never mind.”

My phone rang during dinner and it was Eddie, so I dashed back to Lottie and Zan’s bedroom to have some privacy.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Nothing, I just wanted to call and see how you were doing. And to, um, apologize for the whole coming-to-the-batting-cages-thing. I didn’t mean to be an ass in front of your boyfriend. I’d like to apologize in person. If that’s okay. Are you busy right now?”

“Um, I’m actually at dinner, but I’m at a friend’s. Do you want to come over? There’s plenty if you’re hungry.”

He chuckled.

“I’m starving, actually, and totally sick of eating Ramen.” I gave him directions to the apartment and then walked back out into the main room.

“What was that?” Will said, alarmed.

“Eddie wants to apologize for coming to the batting cages and for all the crazy that caused. So I invited him over for dinner.” I waited for the reaction.

“Oh. Okay,” Will said. “I guess. I mean, yeah, sure. I’m cool with that. Sure. Yeah.” Shit. He definitely wasn’t cool with it.

“It was one drunken night, Will. It didn’t mean anything and it was a long time ago. He’s not a bad guy, Will, you know that.”

“I know, I know. It’s just, hard. You know?” Everyone else seemed to be watching our interaction and reserving judgment until after Will had finished.

I leaned into his arms.

“I know it’s a hard situation, but I really think you’ll like him if you get to know him. And he’s going to save my daughter. Don’t forget that.” Will stiffened and I could tell he’d forgotten about that part.

“Shitfuck, now I look like a complete asshole. I am so sorry.” He kissed me on the top of my head and I hugged him harder.

“It’s okay. That’s why I’m here to remind you not to be an asshole.”

Lottie sighed loudly.

“That used to be my job. I’m so happy to pass it on to someone else. I have a tiara if you’d like it, Aud.”

“There’s a tiara? Yes, I definitely want that.” Lottie laughed and ran back to her room and came back a few seconds later with a plastic tiara with pink rhinestones. It had probably been a joke gift.

“There, I pass the custody of Will off to you. No refunds or exchanges.” She jammed the tiara on my head. I pretended I was overcome with emotion.

“Thank you so much, this is so unexpected. I don’t even know who to thank.”

Will just rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah. Enough.”

“It looks very fetching on you, Aud,” Stryker said.

“I want a tiara. How come she gets a tiara?” Katie whined.

“I think we should all get tiaras,” I said. “Or I could just break this one into a bunch of pieces like in
Mean Girls
.”

“NO! Don’t destroy my tiara,” Lottie said and we dissolved into a debate about tiaras and crowns and other random things like we usually did.

It took Eddie a while to get to the apartment, and I felt kind of bad for making everyone wait to eat dinner until he got there, but I didn’t want him to feel even more awkward by walking in halfway through.

Finally there was a knock at the door and I went to answer it. The room went silent and I realized I probably should have warned him what he was walking into. Too late now.

I wasn’t going to say that I liked the guy. I still had a little leftover animosity from when I’d thought he was sleeping with Audrey. I also had a little bit of jealousy that he’d shared something with her that I wasn’t a part of. I’d told Aud that I wished it had been me with her, and I meant it. But I hadn’t been with her. Eddie had, and I just had to get used to that.

I could do that. I could be civil. I could be cool.

She opened the door and Eddie walked in, his eyes going wide at the amount of people in the apartment.

“Whoa. When you said you were at a friend’s, I didn’t think I was crashing something.” He took his coat off and Audrey hung it up on the coatrack Lottie had recently found at a discount store. It was already pretty full, but she found a space as Eddie’s face went red and he shoved his hands in his pockets.

“It’s my fault. I should have told you how many people would be here. Um, you know Will.” He nodded at me and I got up from the couch and came over. I meant to shake his hand, but that seemed weird, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to hug him. Fist bump? High five?

“Hey,” I said. That seemed good enough. Right?

“Hey, I’m, um, so sorry about that whole thing. I should have just told her over the phone, but I was so excited and I wanted to share it with her. I knew she’d want to know. But when I saw you, I should have reeled it in. Sorry, man.” It wasn’t the best apology I’d ever gotten, but I had to admit that it wasn’t his fault I’d jumped to conclusions. The whole situation was a cluster-fuck that wasn’t any one person’s fault. No, I wouldn’t blame Aud for it.

“No worries. It was a weird situation and it’s water under the bridge. I’m really happy that things turned out.” He smiled a little and held out his hand, so I shook it.

Audrey relaxed next to me and a smile lit up her face.

“Okay, now that’s over with, you can meet everyone else.” She led Eddie around the room, introducing him to everyone.

“So, uh, I guess you all know about our daughter.” They all nodded in unison like bobbleheads. Sometimes I wondered if we spent too much time together and we’d ceased to be individuals and just become like bees, with a hive mind.

“Yeah, I told them all. So, um, you can sit wherever you want. Dinner is in a few minutes and, um, yeah,” Aud said, sensing the awkwardness of the situation. It definitely was. No way of getting around it.

“This is awkward,” Eddie said as he sat on one of the spare chairs Lottie kept for when we all had dinner.

“I like him. He states the obvious,” Trish said. I’d never heard such a ringing endorsement from her before.

“Uh, thanks,” Eddie said.

“Eddie goes to Pine State College,” Audrey said, trying desperately to make things less awkward.

“I have a cousin who goes there,” Simon offered.

“Oh, yeah? What’s his name?”

“Bertram Stevens?”

“Bert? Hell yeah I know him! He lives down the hall from me.” The chances of you knowing someone’s cousin in Maine were high. It was like one gigantic small town. Eddie and Simon started talking about Bert and soon the tension broke and Eddie was absorbed into the group.

“Thank God,” Audrey said under her breath. Once Eddie got comfortable, we got dinner going, which was spaghetti carbonara (with and without bacon), garlic asparagus and chocolate pudding for dessert.

Eddie got in line behind me and I felt the need to further explain that I was cool with him and Audrey and the whole situation.

“I’m really sorry I overreacted, but I thought Aud was cheating on me, because she always had this secret and she told me the part about you sleeping together, but not the part about the baby, and so my imagination got the better of me, but that’s not your fault. So I just wanted to, ah, clear that up.” I hadn’t rambled too bad, but his face was blank for a second.

“Yeah, it’s clear. We’re cool.” He slapped me on the shoulder and I almost dropped my plate.

“Sorry,” he said.

“It’s cool.”

I wanted to dislike Eddie, to justify my initial reaction to him, but I couldn’t. Audrey was right, he wasn’t a bad guy.

He was funny as hell, and he really felt bad about being a douche in his younger years. He also cared a lot about Aud and Emily, which I couldn’t hate him for either. I probably would have been suspicious of him if he hadn’t cared about her. How could you not care about Audrey? It was impossible. Sure, I was partial, but it was also true.

The talk moved back around to the fact that our group of friends was all a bunch of couples and Trish asked Eddie if he had a girl.

“Or a guy. We celebrate all kinds of love here,” Simon said, glaring at Trish, who rolled her eyes. Eddie’s face went red.

“Yeah, I guess you could say that I was ‘playing the field’ for a while there.” He even used air quotes.

“So what you’re saying is you were one of those assholes who date a bunch of girls at once and didn’t really care about any of them,” Katie said. She had a little bit of a sore spot when it came to guys doing that to girls, and for good reason. But her ex, Zack, was in a class by himself. There was a very special place in hell for guys like that, and I had no doubt Satan was keeping it nice and warm.

Eddie looked down and his face went red again. I’d never seen a guy blush so much.

“But that was before I knew about Emily, and then I realized that all those girls were people, and what if some guy did that to her? I’d fucking kill him. So, I stopped. Now I don’t even know what to do because it’s like I don’t know how to date like a normal guy.”

“Wow,” Lottie said. “That’s kind of fucked up. You can definitely hang out with us.” She grinned at him and put her fist out. He gave her a reluctant fist bump. “You can only hang out with this group if you’re a little fucked up. You should also be a little of a nerd. It doesn’t matter what about,” she explained.

“Great. That’s, um, awesome.” Audrey just shook her head at Lottie.

“What? I’m just giving him the truth. I mean, look at us. We’re a bunch of weirdoes that managed to find each other. Well, with the exception of me and Will, and Stryker and Trish. Cuz, you know, we’re related and all. Anywho, welcome, Eddie. You may join our family of weird. If you want. You don’t have to. But I thought I’d give you an open invitation. Totally up to you.” Eddie gaped a little at Lottie.

“She does that. So does Will. It takes a little getting used to,” Zan said. Eddie nodded.

“Who wants pudding?” Audrey said, getting up and going to the kitchen.

“So this was great,” Eddie said when it was just him, me, Aud, Lottie and Zan left. “I really appreciate you letting me come over.”

“You’re welcome to continue to come over. We eat either here, or upstairs every night around six. I know it’s a drive, but we can wait for you if you want.” Lottie said as Zan cleaned up the kitchen.

“Yeah, about that. I’m, um, transferring to DU,” Eddie said.

“You are?” Audrey said. I tensed up a little. He said he wasn’t into her, but this seemed awfully coincidental.

“Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it for a while. I went to PSC because it was cheap at the time, but my grades are good enough that if I transfer, I’ll get a few scholarships, and they have a better computer science program here anyway.”

“Computer science! You’re definitely a nerd then,” Lottie said with glee.

“Yeah. Just keep that on the down-low,” Eddie said, leaning close. Lottie laughed and I could tell he liked her too. Well, he was just winning everyone over, wasn’t he? No, I wasn’t jealous.

“So, anyway, if everything goes right with my transfer paperwork, I’ll be moving up here. I’ve got a buddy that has a spare room. It’s actually just up the road, so I could probably walk if I wanted to when the weather gets warmer.”

“That’s great,” Audrey said, but her voice didn’t sound as happy as it should. Or maybe it did to everyone else except me. I knew more about her tone of voice and what it said about how she was feeling than probably I did about my own.

“Aud? You gonna be ready to go soon? I have to get back so I can work on those notecards.” It was like we’d somehow switched personalities because she’d always been the studious one, and now the roles were reversed.

“Yeah, sure. I also have a bunch of stuff I need to get caught up on.”

“And I should probably go as well. Thanks for the dinner and it was nice to meet everyone. I’ll let you know when I’m back up in this neck of the woods,” Eddie said, getting his coat and putting it on. I got mine and Audrey’s and we all walked out together.

“That was fun. I like your friends. A lot better than mine, actually. They don’t really get it. One even said that I should get a paternity test.” He shuddered and I almost wished the guy was standing in front of us so I could beat the shit out of him.

“They don’t get it, you know? They don’t understand.” Audrey nodded and I found myself nodding as well.

“But you all. You get it.” He swung his keys around in his hand. “I don’t know, it’s different. I’m glad I came.” Audrey gave him a hug and told him to text her when he got home so she knew he was okay. We got in my truck and she sighed.

“I don’t know how I feel about him moving up here. That’s weird, right? I mean, just the timing,” she said. I turned up the heat as far as it would go and she pressed her fingers into the vents.

“Yeah, it’s a little suspect. You don’t think he’s making a play for you, do you?” God, I hoped not. Because I would want to kill him. Even if he was her daughter’s biological father. I wouldn’t have to, though, because she’d never go for him. Right?

“No. No. Definitely not. I just think his life has changed and it’s easier to be around people he has something in common with.”

There was an awkward pause and I tried to think of something to say to change the subject, but Aud did it for me.

“So, I went online and I found this support group for people who have given their children up for adoption. It’s an hour away, but I think I might like to go. Would you come with me?” She seemed hesitant to ask, as if I’d say no.

“Absolutely. I want to be part of this,” I said.

Exhaling as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders, she smiled.