Smile for Me (5 page)

Things got more comfortable after that. A few kids from school came by to say hi, and no one used the term ‘ThePprofessor’ after I glared at the first girl to try it. I have to admit that I was disappointed in how wel Kim can bowl. Not because I mind losing to a girl. I am more secure than that. No, it was more simply that I had been imagining giving her lessons. You know—the best way to show a person how to bowl is to stand close behind them and guide their motions... wel you get the idea.

“Do you realy want to be an actor?” Kim surprises me with her quick subject change. I can remember the way she looked at me the last time we discussed career options and I’m not super keen on this as a conversation topic.

“Maybe. It isn’t impossible.”

“It seems pretty improbable though. Even if you are lucky enough to find work, it isn’t guaranteed to last. You probably want to at least consider a back up option. It isn’t too late to send out colege applications you know.”

“Is this about job security again?” I hear myself sighing at her. Why don’t I just tel her that I was accepted at NYU already? That I plan on majoring in media communication? It feels like teling her those things would be too much like begging for her approval. It would be another matter entirely if someone else told her.

Maybe it should come up in conversation at lunch next week.

“Don’t be mad. I was just… wel it was just a thought.”

“I bet Paul’s got his whole life figured out huh?” Why did I say that? Paul is at the top of my short list of things not to talk about with Kim Penney.

“He has a plan, yes.”

“Wel that sounds like a whole lot of fun.” I throw my third gutter bal in a row solidifying Kim’s second win of the night. “Do you think that it is possible that you put too much pressure on yourself? Maybe you could benefit from a little of my improbableness.”

“I don’t think so.”

Kim is halfway through her front door before she turns back to say goodnight. “I’m sorry if I wasn’t much fun tonight, Marshal.”

“Nah, I always have fun with you, Kim.”

“I haven’t figured out why yet.”

She is giving me the perfect in. I can just tel her exactly how I feel—how she makes me feel. Better yet, I can sweep her into a big nonstage kiss and show her. Just as I am reaching out for her I hear a buzzing noise. At first I think that it is the sound of the adrenaline rushing through my veins. That only lasts a moment, because Kim puls her cel phone out of her pocket and answers it. “Hi, Paul.” Kim wiggles her fingers at me and closes the door so she can talk to her boyfriend. I can only hope no one inside hears me bang my head against their siding.

Chapter Nine

The play is coming together realy wel. I’m never going to be Patterson’s biggest fan, but I have grown to appreciate his slightly watered down version of Shakespeare. With only three weeks left until opening night Mr. Patterson started scheduling daily rehearsals. This wasn’t that much of a change for Kim and I since we’d been practicing everyday together anyway, but I do miss being alone with her. Kim always eats lunch with us now, although we only get her to put away her homework and Xtreme Paper Footbal every other day or so.

“You did great today, Kim.” We are walking to our cars after the Thursday rehearsal.

“Thanks. I am feeling more comfortable. At least I’ve stopped throwing up before rehearsals anyway.”

“About this weekend…”

“I understand.” Kim interrupts me.

“What?”

“I understand if you don’t want to do anything extra on Saturday.”

“Why in the world would you think that?” Kim can be so confusing sometimes.

“That wasn’t what you were going to say?”

“No, Kim Penney. It wasn’t. Steve is having a party. I wanted to know if you would like to go.”

“Is it his birthday?’

“No, just a party. His parents are going out of town.”

“That’s a reason to have a party?”

“It is if you are a normal seventeen year old.” I meant that as a joke, but Kim stalks off. Clearly she was angry with me.

“Hold on! I’m sorry, Kim. Don’t be mad.” I have to jog to catch up with her before she climbs into her car. “I didn’t mean anything by it. Just that—most kids have been to a party before.”

“I know. But I thought we’d established that I I’m not most kids.”

“Fine. If you don’t want to go I wil think of something else. Or you can pick. We can do anything you want.”

“What would we do at this party?”

“Whatever. Dance, or talk, or they have a pool table...It’l be fun. We could get a little dressed up— maybe you could wear a skirt.”

“I don’t know how to dance.”

“I’l teach you.”

“Fine. We’l go to the party.” She jumps into her car and drives away. I don’t know why I feel so great. I have been to lots of parties, and I’ve never been reduced to begging for a date before.

***

“Die! Die! Die!” Mandy’s voice is loud enough to get me out of bed and investigate any possible homicides happening in our family room.

“Hey guys. It is after eleven. Don’t you have a curfew Mandy?” They pause whatever gruesome video game they are playing and they both turn to face me.

“Yeah. It was about twenty minutes ago, but I caled my dad. It’s cool. Anyway they are stil out with your parents so it would be a little hypocritical of them to be upset with me.” I am trying not to let my man pride get too injured as Mandy turns back to the screen despite my standing here shirtless and in pajama pants. I am beginning to suspect that Jason was just messing with me about the whole Mandy thing.

“Okay. But some people in this house have to sleep.”

“It’s Friday night, dude. The Professor is a bad influence on you.” Jason cals over his shoulder without looking away from the screen.

“I have to work tomorrow, and I have plans tomorrow night. And I am going to sock you the next time I hear you cal her that.”

“Touchy touchy. We’l keep it down, go back to bed grandpa.”

I have to pass the front windows to get back up the stairs, and as I do I can see Kim sitting on the curb in front of her house. I pul a hoodie over my head and shove my bare feet into a pair of old untied sneakers before I jog across the street to join her.

“Are we waiting for something in particular?” I ask before sitting down on the curb next to her.”

“Did they wake you up?” It is even more difficult to folow Kim’s conversations when I am half asleep.

“You mean Jason and Ma…” I stop talking when I hear screaming coming from behind us. “Oh. Your parents?”

“Yup. Could you realy hear them at your house?”

“Oh, no way. I wasn’t asleep anyway.” Whatever, you would have lied too. I can’t have her caling me Grandpa. “Do they do this a lot?”

“Mom’s upset because Dad got home late from a date with his girlfriend. She is particularly upset with the late part.” I need a few moments to process this information. I have been waiting to see Kim Penney show some emotion for two years, and this is not how it went down in my dreams. She looks so sad, and kind of smal too. “That sucks, Kim.”

“Whatever.” She slumps sideways a little into my shoulder. I wrap my arms around her and for once I am only thinking of comforting her. “She should just leave him, but she won’t. They’ve been married since she was eighteen. She’s never had to work.”

“You think she is only with him because she doesn’t want to get a job?”

“No, I think she is with him because she
can’t
get a job. At least not one that would pay wel enough for her to keep her Lexus.” A little more of the Kim Penney puzzle is becoming clear to me, but now is probably not the best time for psycho analysis. “Is that the new girl? I’ve heard a lot about her.” I am quoting the big opening Benny/Trish scene. I know she has this down cold for al that we’ve run through it, but I am more concerned with distracting her than with practicing.

“Why do you bother talking? No one is listening.” She joins in.

“You, I remember…” We keep running that scene and then another, and another until she breaks character. “You’re teeth are chattering.”

“It’s midnight in October.” To myself I am wondering if this is a blow to my man points. But that is dumb, even men get cold and she is wearing a big puffy sweater thing over normal clothes. My ass is frozen solid from sitting on the concrete curb in my pajamas.

“You should go in it is late.” Her head is snuggled into my shoulder and I would suffer ten frost bitten asses before I left her alone like this.

“Nah. It is so hot at my house. Probably a sweltering 71.” I can’t be sure, but from the way her shoulders are shaking I think I earned a little laugh.

“Come on.” She stands up from the curb and I folow her (taking great effort not to wince at the pain of using frozen muscles) to her car. In the back seat of Kim’s car she leans back against my shoulder and puls one of those scratchy wool blankets over us.

“You keep a blanket in your car?”

“It came with the roadside emergency kit.”

Of course it did. I have a pair of jumper cables and an emergency package of Pop-Tarts in my truck. Oh, actualy I ate the Pop-Tarts last week. But I am pretty sure the jumper cables are stil under the seat.

Imaginary Kim and I have crawled into many an imaginary backseat, but the situation was always very different than this. Her eyes are closed where she is resting on my chest and I am suspicious that she has falen asleep. Puling my cel phone out of my sweatshirt pocket I quickly send Jason a text:
At Kim’s. Tell mom
I’m fine.

“Wil your mom be worried about you?” Kim’s voice is a little muffled against my sweatshirt.

“I thought you’d falen asleep.”

“Not likely.” Her retort does things to my hormone addled brain and I am glad it is dark in here.

“No, my parents won’t be mad. They trust me. Is this why you are so worried about job security?” Kim is silent so long that I am very sorry I said anything. Eventualy she does answer. “I don’t want to find myself in a position where I am trapped.”

“That would never be an issue with you Kim. You are too strong of a person for that.”

“Thanks. Paul is pretty dependable guy anyway. And he couldn’t hurt me that way.” Ice runs through my nervous system. Here I am holding her, feeling her al warm and soft against me, and she is thinking of Paul Arnold. Paul Arnold who cals her less than I do. Paul Arnold who is in Rhode Island. She seems to have drifted off to sleep again. I wrap my arms a little snugger around her and put Paul out my mind.

My cel phone buzzes at 2:00 am. That and the cramped muscle in my shoulder and neck wake me up
. time to get home, dude—mom’s thinking of calling
their house
. Jason does have his good moments. I hate that I have to wake Kim up. She looks so comfortable. I do it anyway. It takes a little shaking but she finaly lifts her head and opens her eyes. “We fel asleep.” I tel her. “I have to get home. Are you going to be alright?”

“Of course.” The mask that she’d let slip a few hours ago is back in place. “Thanks, Marshal I wil see you later.” Just like that she opens the door, and walks up to her house.

“Do I have to tel you what time it is?” Dad is stil up when I walk through the door.

“Sorry. Kim needed something, and we sort of fel asleep. Nothing happened.”

Dad is nodding his head. “I sent your mother to bed a few minutes ago. I remember what
nothing
meant when we were your age.” Eww. “It wasn’t like that. She was upset about something.”

“About her parents?”

“You know about that?”

“Teenagers aren’t the only ones that gossip, son. You be careful with Kim. She doesn’t need to get her heart broken.”

“It isn’t like that dad. She has a boyfriend—that isn’t me.” I can hardly believe this. My dad is worried about Kim’s heart and mine is the one on the line. He is nodding at me in a way that means
whatever you say
.

“I like her, son.”

“Yeah, dad, I like her too. Good night.” I am exhausted, but I don’t think I wil be faling asleep anytime soon.

Chapter Ten

I caled Kim before I left for work this morning, but she didn’t answer. Last night I felt like we crossed sort of an unspoken barrier and she was starting to let me in. The way we said good night has me worried that she’s is going to escape back to the other side of that barrier. I have to rush home after my shift to shower and change before I pick her up for Steve’s party.

Kim Penney Fantasy of the Day #1
: Tonight Kim is my real date. She will open the front door before I even ring the bell and she will give me
a big ‘hello’ hug. At the party we will dance and… Oh, never mind. This isn’t nearly as much fun as actually spending time with her.

“Are you upset with me?” I ask. Kim is sitting next to me and we are puling up to Steve’s house. She hasn’t said a single thing. Not even when I told her how great she looked after she opened the door wearing a skirt. It comes past her knees and is that same beige color of the rest of her Granny clothes, but it is definite progress.

“You are incredibly insecure. You should work on that.”

???????????? What? I am not insecure! I am the opposite of insecure! I am totaly secure! “What makes you say that?” I hope that doesn’t sound insecure.

“You are just always asking stuff like that
is this all right?, are you angry with me?, are you trying to make me feel bad?
You just seem insecure. You shouldn’t be. You are a lot of fun, and very good looking. Lots of girls at school like you.” She says the whole thing in the same voice a person would use while making a grocery list.

“Is that a compliment?”

“I guess so. It’s true anyway. Claire Haines stopped me is school the other day to ask if we were dating.”

“and?” Kim is looking at me, like she needs me to finish the question. “and what did you tel her?”

“Oh. I explained about you helping me with the play and al. She’s gonna be here tonight. She wil probably ask you to dance.”

“What? She told you she was planning on asking me to the dance? And you said that was okay?”

“Don’t you want to dance with her? You said you knew how to dance. And she is very pretty.”

“No! I don’t want to dance with Claire! I want to dance with you!” Why am I shouting at her? Why do I let her make me so mad? She looks shocked. I wish it was just the two of us again. I am realy missing laser tag right now. “Come on, Kim. Let’s go inside.” There are a lot of people here. It seems like hundreds, but realy it is probably closer to 50. Kim looks like she is about to be executed as we wander through the front room and into the kitchen where I get us a couple of sodas. Steve’s parents must be loaded. I have no idea what sort of jobs they have, but the house is awesome. It is a shame that it is October, because there is a big pool in the back yard. Even for October it is a little warm out tonight. Certainly warmer than last night, and the big wraparound porch is miling with kids. The upstairs bedrooms have their own balconies too. When we were kids Steve and I once made a bunch of paper airplanes and threw them off his balcony. His dad wasn’t too pleased when he found us and we spent the next day picking al the paper up in their back yard.

Inside it is perfect for parties. They have a huge front room with a big screen TV that is currently surrounded by teenagers taking turns at playing rock band, and downstairs they have two more big rooms. The first is where a bunch of kids are dancing, and next to that is the game room. Steve’s dad is realy into vintage video games and he also has a pool table. Right now it looks like several guys are already lined up to play pool.

Kim and I sit down on the sofa to watch. It just seems natural to put my arm around her and pul her into my shoulder after how close we were last night. I try not to feel to hurt when she puls away.

“Do you want to dance?”

“I told you I don’t know how.”

“Oh, right. I can show you.” I offer in a way that I hope sounds nothing like begging.

“That wouldn’t be a good idea. I think this is about as much nervousness as my digestive system can take.”

“What’s there to be nervous about?” I lower my voice partly so she isn’t embarrassed if someone overhears our conversation, and partly so I have an excuse to tug her close to me again.

“People are staring at me. And I don’t know what to do or say.”

She does look a little panicky now. “No one is starring Kim. Wel unless you count al the guys staring at your legs.”

“Why? What’s the matter with my legs?” She jerks her gaze down. And I can’t hold back my chuckles.

“Not a thing, Kim. You look fantastic. Come on, I have an idea.” I lead Kim back upstairs and down a halway to a flight of stairs that Steve has blocked off with a couple of the dining room chairs.

“That is probably meant to discourage us from going upstairs.” Kim looks doubtful.

“Don’t be sily—that’s just for the common folk. I’m a VIP.” With a wink I lift her over the railing, and then hop over myself.

Upstairs we go into Steve’s room and straight through until we are on the balcony. Steve’s stereo is wired to a couple of smal outdoor speakers so he can sit out here while he does homework. After a little fiddling with the knobs I find us a pop station playing a slow song. “Ready for your dance lesson?” Kim only nods, but that is enough for me. I pul her close with one arm wrapped around her waist and my other hand is cupping her much smaler hand. “It doesn’t take much, just shuffle in time to the music.” I whisper in her ear. I love the way our bodies fit against each other. She is tal enough that to kiss her I would barely have to bend my head.

“Why do you like me, Marshal?” Kim turns her head and rests it on my shoulder.

“Besides your legs, you mean?”

She snickers a little bit. “Besides that.”

“You are smart, and funny—when you want to be, and I love the way you go after the things you want in life. I think it is so brave of you to be doing the play and… Damn, Kim—there are a milion reasons that I like you. That I can’t stop thinking about you.” We have stopped the pretence of dancing by this point and I have no idea what song is coming out of the speakers. With two smal steps I back her into the railing and my arm around her waist tightens. My other hand slides across her cheek and then slips behind her neck to tilt her face upward. She has that frightened look in her eyes that I used to see at the beginning of rehearsals. It doesn’t stop me though. At this point I am very sure that the world could go up in flames around us, and it wouldn’t stop me.

When my lips touch hers I can feel her freeze up and go completely stil. Not the reaction I imagine in my daydreams. I try again puling her even closer until not a breath of air could pass between our bodies—stil as a statue. “Kiss me back, Kim.” I whisper and brush my lips against hers again. “Please.” Just as I’ve decided to step away it happens. Kim is kissing me. Her arms are around my neck with one hand in my hair holding me in place. As if there was anywhere else in the universe I’d rather be. I’ve done my fair share of kissing, but this is a new experience. Al of my brain functions have ceased but for those few synapses I need to memorize every point of contact (and there are a lot) between her body and mine.

“Nobody upstairs, please!” Steve’s voice breaks through my fog. Wel actualy it is Kim puling away so fast she would have toppled over the railing were it not for my tight grip on her waist that broke through the fog.

Turning around I see Steve’s head coming through the sliding glass door. Seeing us he raises his hands in a palms out gesture. “Sorry, man. I didn’t know it was you. As you were.” He offers us a little bit of a playful leer before backing into the house again.

I waste no time in turning back to Kim, but she stops me with a hand on my chest. “You shouldn’t have kissed me like that.” I decide to be a gentleman and not remind her that she’d been kissing pretty passionately herself. It is almost painful for me to let her go, but I do. And I even manage to convince my legs to carry me a few paces away from her. “We should go back down stairs.”

Maybe she was embarrassed to have been caught making out at a party. “We can if you want. Steve isn’t going to say anything. If that’s what you’re worried about.”

“I’m not worried about anything, but I do want to go home. Can we leave?”

“Okay... sure.” Kim is quiet the whole drive home. I am hopeful that she is just lost in thoughts of me, but her face is unreadable.

“I’l see you on Monday.” Kim hops out of the truck before I can get the kiss goodnight I’ve been planning. Most of my hopefulness dies.

***

“Blueberry tea.” I announce with more confidence than I feel when Kim stops at her locker for the morning.

“Thanks.” Kim is drinking the tea and I am at a complete loss. “So, we can agree to forget about Saturday night right?”

“Sure.” Wait, why did I just agree to that? Why does she want me to agree to that?”

“Good.” Kim walks off down the hal towards her first class and for the first time in weeks I have no trouble getting to Brit. Lit. on time.

“Where’s Kim?” Dave wants to know as he is unpacking the ongoing score sheet for xtreme paper footbal.

I can’t stand it, so I just get up and go. Kim is in the library. “You don’t eat lunch with us anymore?”

“I am studying. Exams are coming up.”

Point of interest: Exams are stil like 8 weeks away. “Okay.” I agree and try to regroup. I am sure I can salvage this. “So, now that you are such an accomplished dancer are you planning on going to the dance?”

“What dance?”

“The Fal Formal, Kim. It’s next weekend.”

“Oh, wel I wasn’t planning on it. I never go to school dances.”

“Wel it is your senior year. I think you should definitely go to at least one. So, the dance? On Saturday?”

“Alright. Sure. I guess it might be fun. And I think Paul was coming home anyway. I am sure he won’t mind. We’l probably see you there.” Paul. Kim is going to ask Paul to take her to the dance that I just asked her to. I realy hate Paul Arnold.

***

“What’s with the eyebrows?” Jason and Mandy are doing some sort of math homework at the kitchen table again.

“What are you talking about?” I probably could have said that a little nicer.

“Geez! You don’t have to bite my head off man. I just wanted to know why you have angry eyes.”

“He’s right, Marshal. You had that same look last week when that old couple sent their pizza back three times.”

“Five times. They sent that pie back five times! But I stil don’t have angry eyes.”

“yes you do.”

“yes you do.”

They both say at the same time.

“We just had a rough rehearsal; that’s al.” It is true.

The whole rehearsal felt more like a first day than a couple weeks before opening night. If I am being totaly honest it was partly my fault. I probably didn’t need to be quite so hard on Dave when he forgot that line. Also I was probably a little too harsh on Kim for… wel every stupid little thing. I couldn’t help myself.

Anytime she missed her mark I would hear her saying Paul’s name in my head and I’d just snap. We did that awful stage kiss scene a thousand times today. It is going to look ridiculous. I wish Kim would let me kiss her again. No. Actualy I don’t. That was a disaster.

“Okay. Wel at least it was just a rehearsal, right? I’m sure things wil be fine by show time.” Jason is trying to make me feel better. Like I realy give a damn how good or bad Patterson’s lame ass play wil be. “So, are you and The Professor going to the dance?” I am sure he is just trying to be nice, but I am very tempted to knock him out of that chair again.

“No. Because she and I are just friends. She has a boyfriend, remember? I am sure Paul wil be more than happy to take her to the dance.” Not that I wil be seeing them there. No way, am I going alone to watch Paul give Kim dancing lessons.

“Alright, don’t have aneurism. If you want you can come with us.”

“Are you two going together?” This is a new development.

“Sure, we are. But you’re welcome too.” Jason replies and Mandy beams. “Keith and Bily wil be there too, so there wil be a bunch of us.”

“I didn’t know Keith and Bily were going.” Mandy turns to Jason suddenly.

“Oh, yeah. Didn’t I mention that? They don’t have dates either.” So they were going as a group… not much of a development there. At least my little brother doesn’t have a better love life than me after al.

I wil be damned if I am going to go to a school dance with my 15 year old brother and the dateless wonders. I am sure I can get a better date than that. Hel, Mandy might go with me. She probably doesn’t want to be dateless either. “How bout you and me Mandy?” I say before I can talk myself out of it. “Five’s kind of a crowd you know. Why don’t we go together?”

Mandy looks for a minute like she might say no, and then she turns to Jason. “Do you mind if I go with your brother?” He looks skeptical. “Nah, I guess not. Would have been nice to have at least one girl between the three of us, but Keith, Bily, and I wil make do.” Mandy turns back to me and offers me a huge grin that makes me feel a little bad. “I’d love to, Marshal.”

“Okay, great. I’l pick you up around seven.” I feel even worse as I head up to my room to start my own homework.

Kim started sitting with us at lunch again. She sits next to Dave now instead of me. Rehearsals have sucked al week. Not because of me. A ninth grader caled me a prima donna on Tuesday, and I have kept my temper in check since then. No, rehearsals suck because Kim has, just as she said she would, completely forgotten about Steve’s party. It is business as usual with her. And that makes any time I have to spend in her presence the worst kind of agony.

We walk from history class to rehearsals together, usualy discussing the play. And after rehearsal we stay at least an hour later working on her movements and projection. On Thursday we went through al her songs and every note felt like she was stomping on my chest. I clapped and cheered along with everyone else despite the lunch lady shoe prints on my heart.

“I heard you and Mandy are dating, now.” Kim says as we leave rehearsal.