Smolder (8 page)

“I
always find room for food,” Sadie replied. “I think I want the half pound
cheddar burger, waffle fries, and a chocolate shake.”

I
chuckled and put my menu back down.

“That
sounds good. I think I’ll have the same thing.”

She
smiled at me and handed me her menu. The waitress came to our table and after
we placed our orders got our drinks, Sadie snuggled into my side and kissed my
cheek.

“It’s
nice sitting here with you like this in your arms.”

I
grinned at her and turned my face to hers.

“Well,
it’s nice feeling you in my arms,” I replied, and I pulled her into a kiss.
When she slid her tongue into my mouth I groaned and pulled her as tightly into
me as I could.

We’d
been kissing for a few moments when I heard someone clear their throat. I
expected it to be the waitress with our food, but it wasn’t. Sadie and I
stopped our kiss and when I turned my head to see who it was, I felt like there
were a hundred angry buffalos stampeding inside my stomach.

“H-hey,
Everleigh.”

Everleigh
was standing at our table with a huge smile on her face.

“Well,
hello Jude. Sadie,” she said, winking at her, “how’s it going?”

“Uh,
it’s uh…” I said, stuttering.

Sadie
laughed and said, “It’s going just great, Ev.”

“Yeah,
I can see that,” Everleigh replied, her grin getting wider.

“Where
are Ryder and Max?” Sadie asked.

“In
the bathroom. Ryder is changing him before we sit and eat. I was just getting a
table for us.”

“Good,”
I said, relieved that no one besides Everleigh had seen me kissing her.

I
looked at Sadie and she looked sad and a little pissed. I knew I was in for it
when we left.

“So,
how long has this been going on?” Everleigh asked, smiling.

“Well-”
I started to answer, but Sadie interrupted me.

“Since
last night, actually,” she answered to Everleigh. “But you know that it’s been
a long time coming for me.”

“Yes,
it has,” Everleigh said. I felt like a complete moron in that moment. Did
everyone in the world know Sadie was in love with me
but me
? She placed
her hand on my arm and sighed. “Jude, why do you look so scared? This is a good
thing.”

I
took a deep breath and decided to confess my feelings.

“Yes
it is but not everyone thinks so. I didn’t want anyone knowing about us yet
because for one thing, we haven’t worked it all out for ourselves yet, and
second, I want to be the one to tell Beau.”

“You
do?” Sadie asked.

“Yes.
He’s my best friend, Sadie. He asked me to protect you but also not to touch
you. Everyone knows how fucked up I am and he’s just trying to look out for
you. I understand why he wants me to stay away,” I said.

Everleigh
sat down at the bench across from us in a huff.

“Wait
just a minute,” she said, slapping the table. “I know that Sadie is Beau’s
sister and he just wants her to be safe, but he has absolutely no say over who
she chooses to sleep with. And another thing…Jude, you have a past just like
all of us but you are anything but fucked up. Since I have known you, you have
been one of the most loving and protective men I’ve ever met. You are one of my
best friends and I love you very much so I’d better not ever hear you doubt
yourself and buy into anyone’s negative view of you again.”

I
smiled. Everleigh was so damn cute when she went all motherly on me. I reached
out and grabbed her hand.

“Thanks
for saying that but I can’t help to worry. You both don’t really know what hell
I lived through as a kid and it really affected how I acted as an adult. Beau
and the guys know and that’s why he probably feels the way he does. That added
to how he and Sadie were raised and I don’t think he will ever be able to trust
me with her.”

“That’s
really judgmental of him to think that way. If we all thought Beau was going to
treat Danni the way he treated other girls before, believe me, they wouldn’t be
together,” Everleigh said. “Even when he had sex with that girl in New York and
Danni was crushed I still loved him and had faith that they would work it out.
Now look at them. They are married and have a beautiful baby girl.”

“I
guess that’s true,” I mumbled.

I
felt Sadie’s fingers grip my chin and she forced me to look at her.

“Jude,
listen to her. Beau was no saint either and he got his happily ever after. Why
can’t we?”

I
gritted my teeth before saying, “Because everything Beau thinks about me I
already think about myself. I know I’m not good enough for you so why would you
even waste your time on someone like me? You’re too perfect to be tainted by a
guy who literally spent his entire adult life fucking away the pain of a messed
up childhood.”

Sadie’s
eyes were sad but determined. “Jude, everything you’ve been through has made
you what you are now and I don’t love you any less.”

I
sighed and pressed my forehead to hers. I was about to kiss her lips but I felt
Everleigh nudge me under the table and I looked up. Ryder was coming toward our
table with Max in his arms.

“Hey,”
he said, “what are you guys doing here?”

“We
came to eat, dumbass,” Sadie said to Ryder, grinning. I relaxed and Everleigh
winked at me, letting me know she wasn’t going to say anything to him. “What
about you? What brings you and the fam out today?”

“Well,
Max had that sick bug last week so this is our first trip out since he’s been
better. Right, buddy?” he said, giving Max a little shake. He babbled and cooed
as Ryder looked at him with pride.

“So,
do I get to hold my nephew or what?” I asked, smiling. Ryder grinned and handed
Max to me.

“Hey,
buddy. How’s my little hellion today?” Max squealed and put a chubby hand to my
mouth. As I pretended to nibble on his little fingers, he giggled and I saw
Sadie grinning at me out of the corner of my eye.

I
grinned as I watched Max make spit bubbles and smile at me. He was such a cute
and happy little guy and if I was guaranteed to have a baby as great as him I’d
have as many as I could.

“Well,
listen, we won’t keep you two from your food, it should be here any minute now.
Call me later, Sadie,” Everleigh said, winking at her.

I
leaned in and kissed Max on the forehead and said, “I’ll see you later, little
man. Tell your mommy and daddy to bring you by so you can hang with Uncle Jude
while they have some naughty time.”

Max
giggled and smacked my mouth with his little hand. Sadie laughed and leaned in
to kiss Max’s cheeks and seeing her smiling at him and feeling the love pouring
out of her made my heart melt a little more for her.

Ryder
laughed and said, “We might take you up on that.” He winked at Everleigh and
looked at her like she was a piece of meat.

Everleigh
stood up and nudged him in the arm. As I handed Max to her, she grinned at
Ryder and said, “You’re like a teenage boy, I swear. We’ll see you two later.
Come on, Max, let’s go try some French fries and laugh at Daddy.”

We
said our goodbyes just as our food was coming to the table. The waitress set
our plates in front of us and before I took a bite of my food, I felt Sadie’s
hand on my thigh and she whispered, “I love you.”

I
turned to look at her and my face was serious.

“Sadie…”

She
shook her head and smiled.

“No
matter what happens from here on out, I’m going to love you through it.”

I
didn’t know how to answer her. I desperately wanted to tell her I loved her too
but I didn’t know if what I felt for her was love. Sadie smiled at me and began
to eat her food and I spent the rest of our time at the restaurant trying not
to freak myself out.

“So,
your birthday is next weekend,” Sadie said sleepily.

We
were lying naked in her bed after just having some mind blowing sex and she was
tracing my abs with her finger.

“So
it is,” I answered, staring at the ceiling with my arm pillowed under my head.

“Well,
we should do something. You’re going to be thirty, this is a big one.”

I
shrugged my shoulders and pulled her in closer to me.

“If
you say so.”

“What’s
wrong, big guy? You don’t seem excited about it.”

“I
guess just don’t feel like celebrating.”

Sadie
propped up on her elbow.

“Why
the hell not? It’s not just your birthday, it’s your thirtieth birthday. This
is a big deal. I’m sleeping with an old man so I want to celebrate,” she said,
and I laughed.

“Old
man, huh? If you weren’t fucking hot I’d tell you what a bitch you sometimes
are,” I replied, smiling at her.

“Right
before I tell you that you are being a pussy for not wanting to celebrate your
birthday,” she answered. “Seriously, you’ve always been weird about your
birthday. Why is that?”

I
sighed deeply.

“I
don’t know, I just am.”

“Yes
you do know. What is it, Jude? You’ll feel better if you get it off your
chest.”

How
wrong she was. She would never look at me the same way when she knew why I
hated my birthday. She would feel pity for me and I couldn’t take looking into
her eyes and knowing she felt sorry for me.

“Sadie,
just let it go. Can’t we just hang out and do something, just me and you? That
sounds awesome to me.”

She
furrowed her eyebrows and frowned.

“Jude,
tell me what happened.”

I
sat up quickly and let go of her.

“I
said just let it go. Please,” I snapped.

“You
know me well enough to know that I can’t do that for someone I-”

“
Love?
”
I barked. “Why do keep saying that? Why do you love me?”

She
sat up and straddled my waist before I could even move. She grabbed my face and
held it tight in her hands.

“Because
you are the most amazing man I’ve ever known and you love me too, you just
can’t admit it. You’re never going to be able to admit you love me until you
free yourself of whatever you’re carrying around. Tell me, Jude,” she said sternly.

I
was pissed. I didn’t want to talk about this, especially not when I had a
sexy-as-hell girl with her mile-long legs wrapped around my waist. Why couldn’t
she just leave it alone? I was happy with a girl for the first time ever and
once she found out what my mother had put me through and had done to me, she’d
either run away or pity me…I knew it.

Through
gritted teeth, I glared at her and said, “No.”

“Jude-”

“I
said no, Sadie!” I yelled.

I
expected her to flinch but she didn’t. She held her ground and matched my stare
with as much intensity as I had.

“I’m
not giving up on you. I
will
fight for you,” she said.

“Don’t,”
I growled.

She
continued to glare at me and was as angry as I was. I was about to snap at her
again but I couldn’t help my body’s reaction to her and her fieriness. I pushed
her hands off my face and grabbed hers, pulling her mouth to mine. I kissed her
hard and forced my tongue past her lips.

I
know Sadie wanted to drag up my past but I wasn’t about to let it come between
us…at least not tonight. Not when I had something good in my life for once. She
whimpered into my mouth as I rolled us so I was on top of her. She released her
grip on my waist and her legs fell open. I roamed my hand down her body until I
stopped between her legs and slid a finger inside her. She was dripping wet
already and feeling her dampness made me rock hard.

I
know that having sex with her wasn’t going to solve anything for us but at that
moment it was the perfect distraction. Sadie arched her back and moaned loudly
as I curled my finger inside her. When I added a second finger she gasped and
bucked against me.

“Jude,
fuck!” she screamed.

I
kept moving my fingers in and out of her as I moved down and traced one of her
nipples with my tongue before sucking it into my mouth. I didn’t spend too much
time on one side and licked and teased her other nipple before I kissed my way
down her body. My mouth landed on her hot pussy and I licked her up and down
before rolling my tongue on her clit.

Sadie
lifted her legs up higher, exposing her ass to me. At this point she seemed
open to anything I wanted to do to her so I took advantage. I kept up my rhythm
with my hand as I glided my tongue from her pussy down to her ass. She gasped
as I tasted her tiny puckered opening and teased it with my finger.

I
wanted Sadie to trust me to not take things too far so I just played with her
but didn’t attempt to enter her there in any way. She was grinding her hips
around and I felt her body starting to shake. She was racing toward an orgasm
and I wanted to taste every bit of her release. “Come for me, Sadie,” I
commanded, and as if on cue she exploded.