Smooth Sailing (23 page)

“Don’t worry,” Kaatje said, her voice as slow as poured honey. “Just have fun. Enjoy yourself.”

The club was crowded, but they were able to find several tables they could squeeze together. They jammed them against the back wall and somehow managed to slide into seats. After they ordered drinks, a four piece ensemble came onto the low stage and started to play. To Laurie’s ears each instrument was alone, then inextricably mixed with the others, then alone again. The melodies were pure, and yet so intricate that it was like listening to a flock of songbirds of every variety. She was lost in the music, her eyes closed, head resting against the wall. After a long time, Kaatje leaned over and whispered, “You can’t do that to me,” and carefully removed Laurie’s hand from her very upper thigh. “I’m not going to have an orgasm in front of my friends.”

“Oh, shit!” Her volume was definitely too loud for the venue, and a dozen people turned in her direction. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, blushing furiously. “I didn’t even realize.”

“This is my leg,” Kaatje said, taking Laurie’s hand and sliding it from knee to mid-thigh. “This is my
kruis
.” Now she pressed her fingers firmly between her legs. “Don’t touch that part until we’re home, okay?” Her smile was playful and indulgent and made Laurie melt.

“I can’t promise that,” she whispered back, wishing they could time travel right back to bed.

*

Laurie had her hand everyplace she could respectfully get it on the walk from the tram. She’d behaved herself beautifully while traveling, and she thought she deserved a break. By the time they climbed to the third floor, she was working the buttons on Kaatje’s blouse and things got rougher as they entered the apartment. She’d never felt so ravenous, and found herself taking control in a way that seemed strangely natural. Kaatje just looked at her with her half-lidded eyes and let herself be led upstairs.

Kaatje was half undressed, her slacks hanging off one foot, blouse and bra missing. Laurie’s fingers had burrowed under her panties and were caressing every spot she could reach. With a thump, she pushed Kaatje to the bed and stood over her, quickly whipping off her own clothing and throwing it over her head as she did. “I’m going to latch onto your kris and never let it go,” she growled.

Kaatje couldn’t help but laugh. “My kris? I’d rather you played with my
kruis
.” She took her hand and pressed it into herself. Feel how wet my
poesje
gets when you show me how hungry you are for me.”

“Sexy talk only!” She tried to look fierce, but it didn’t translate that way. Kaatje held out her hands and pulled her onto her body, nuzzling her face into her neck.

“That
was
sexy talk.”

“
Poseje
is sexy?” She pulled her head up and looked at Kaatje suspiciously. “Really?”

“Make love to me,” Kaatje whispered, her eyes filled with desire. “Make it last for months.”

Laurie gazed at her for a long time. She was lost. Kaatje was the person…the woman she’d been looking for. She desperately wanted to be as gay as possible with the lovely woman who lay under her, hungry for love.

It had been easy to tease when they’d been clothed, but when Kaatje looked at her with those soulful eyes, it was impossible. What they shared was so much more than sex. It was hard to think of the right words, but sex was just the vehicle they used to get to the important part. This had to be love—it had to be. It was love and desire and need and passion and security and danger. And they communicated each of those tender feelings by sharing their bodies.

It was such a different experience from what she’d had before, and one she’d never be able to effectively communicate to Kaatje. She’d been searching for this love—this passion—for half of her life. And there was no way she was going to let it go. She ran her hands down Kaatje’s arms, marveling at the wonders of her body. Every sweet sensation was hers for the taking—and she never, ever wanted the night to end.

*

Kaatje woke the next morning to hear Laurie on her cell phone, obviously speaking to an airline.

“No, I want the last flight out of Amsterdam. There has to be one later than two o’clock in the afternoon.”

Kaatje got out of bed and walked over to her. “Don’t do it,” she said quietly. “You’re on the best flight.”

“But I have to leave in an hour,” she said, tension locked into her face.

Taking the phone from her, Kaatje said into it, “Thank you,” and hung up. “Laurie,” she said soothingly, “flights to the US leave early. You’re on the only nonstop KLM has. I don’t want you to leave either, but three or four hours together isn’t worth your having to sit in some airport waiting for a connection.”

“Minneapolis. Two and a half hours.”

“Come on now,” she took her hand and led her back to bed. “Lie with me for a while.” Laurie sprawled over her body like a rag doll. “This is hard,” Kaatje said needlessly.

“I…we haven’t talked about the future. How…how can we stay in touch?”

Kaatje stiffened, her body feeling like it had turned to stone. “Stay in touch? That’s what you want? You’ll see me the next time you’re in Europe?” The rigidity vanished, replaced by strong, fluid hands that lifted Laurie and placed her on her back. Kaatje sat up, flinging her hair from her eyes, the sheet tenting over her knees as she leaned heavily on them. “That’s all this is?”

Laurie shot up and tried to put an arm around her, but Kaatje squirmed away.

“No! Don’t…I didn’t mean that literally. I just don’t know where we go from here.”

Kaatje stared at her. It was impossible to tell if she was angry, or frightened or frustrated. “What do you want?”

“If you were in the US, I’d want you to move in with me. If I were here I’d want to live with you.” She stroked her arm, relieved that Kaatje did not shirk from her touch. “I’m really, really into you.” That was beyond lame. But this wasn’t the time to talk about the future. There were too many balls in the air to add another one to the juggling act.

“But you’re
not
here and I’m
not
in the US.”

“No, but that isn’t a surprise, is it? We knew we’d have to figure something out.”

Kaatje jumped out of bed and started pacing. “What can we figure out? You’ve been a lesbian for a matter of days. I can’t commit myself to a woman who’s married to her job, who isn’t sure of her sexuality, who has no interest in my way of life. This is crazy!”

Laurie slipped out of bed and approached her tentatively, as though she were a feral animal. When she got close enough she grasped Kaatje by the waist and held onto her. “I
am
sure of my sexuality. And being together is not crazy. Once Osaka’s open I can stop and think. I’ll take some time off. We can focus on us.”

“Two weeks?” Her tone was cold.

“No, more than that. I promise I can get enough time off to let us spend a long time together. We can travel anywhere you want, or you can come to LA or I’ll go to St. Maarten. We can make this work if we really want to.” She shook Kaatje gently. “I want it to. Do you?”

Her expression softened inch by inch. Finally, she closed her eyes and sighed. “I do.” They held each other for a minute or two, bridging the emotional gap that had unexpectedly opened up. Then Kaatje led the way back to bed. She sat down and Laurie did the same, looking at her expectantly. “I want to make sure of something.”

“Okay.”

“Is our distance the only thing we have to fix? I don’t want to get into this and find out you can’t be with me because I’m not successful enough or I don’t make enough money.”

“That kind of thing has never crossed my mind—” Laurie began, but Kaatje interrupted.

“I want to be clear.” Kaatje’s eyes burned with an intensity that was a little frightening. “I’m ready…I’m anxious to move forward. Are you?”

Shit! She wasn’t ready for this discussion. But she had to get it out now. Right now.
“There’s one thing you have to try to change.”

Kaatje’s expression immediately softened and turned open, almost earnest, like a student listening to a favorite teacher. “What is it?”

“It feels like you punish me with silence when you’re angry, and that’s hard for me to take.”

Kaatje flopped onto the bed and stared into space for a few moments.

“You’re doing it now,” Laurie said. “You might not mean to…but you’re doing it.”

Kaatje patted the space beside her. “Lie with me for a minute.”

Laurie did, waiting patiently. Just having brought it up made the minutes she waited seem less like punishment and more like a pause in their conversation. Kind of like rebooting a computer.

Finally, Kaatje spoke. “When I was young, I was encouraged to have any type of feeling towards my parents and my siblings. It was perfectly fine to be angry or even hateful. I could wish that I could drown my sister in the canal, but I wasn’t allowed to express those feelings aloud because they were hurtful. They were valid, and I wouldn’t be punished for having them, but they were mine alone.”

That sounded kinda healthy. Was she complaining about that? It was hard to tell when she seemed this thoughtful and gentle.

“I had a bad temper when I was young. I was prone to yell and throw a fit, but that wasn’t allowed. I had to learn to control myself to avoid being punished, and the only way I could do it was to shut up.” She looked at Laurie, her eyes almost begging for empathy. “It’s still the only way I know to avoid snapping off some rude comment I’ll regret.”

The look in her eyes was so fragile—it was unforgettable. She was laying herself right out there without any protection. That was such a loving act. “I understand,” Laurie managed, choking back tears. “We’ll figure it out. We can figure anything out.” She kissed her lovely lips gently. “We’re invincible together.”
Please, please let that be true. Nothing has ever been more important. Nothing.

*

They took public transportation to the airport. But Kaatje didn’t point out all of the sights they passed. She didn’t say a word. She just clutched Laurie’s hand until it hurt. When they got to the security line, Kaatje had to say goodbye. They kissed as platonically as they could, since neither liked to show her feelings too much in public. Then Kaatje whispered in her ear, “Do you still have a crush on me?”

Tears sprang to Laurie’s eyes, and all she could do was nod, decisively, and blow a kiss. Then she watched Kaatje lope through the airport, knowing she was crying and needed to find a quiet place to be alone. All alone.

SOMEHOW LAURIE HAD to make up for the time she’d spent in Europe. Even though only one day had been vacation, it was still seven days out of the office, counting the weekend—and no one did her work when she was gone.

The only way through her backlog of e-mails and reports was to skip meals and work even later. After sleeping on her office sofa for a week, she woke to find Wendy, her admin, standing over her. “I know it won’t help much, but I found a food service that will make deliveries here to the office. Here’s your breakfast. I have your lunch and dinner in the refrigerator.”

“Aww, you don’t have to do that.” Laurie sat up and tried to work out the crick in her neck. “But I’m going to gobble this down before I head over to the gym to shower. Is anyone else here?”

“Of course not. You’ve got a half hour before Aaron will be here, and he’s always the first in—after you, of course.”

“You’re the best, Wendy. Use my credit card to pay for this. And keep it coming,” she said, smiling as a very pleased-looking admin walked out of the office. “This will save me twenty minutes a day.” It was amazing and a little depressing to admit how much that meant.

*

Kaatje called just a few weeks after their meeting in Amsterdam. “Hey, I was thinking I needed a break. What’s LA like?”

“Now?”

“Yeah, now would be good.”

“It’s fantastic! Really the best time of the year.”

“Sounds pretty good. Do you want me to come?”

“Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes and more yes!”

“Are you sure? I can’t really tell.” Kaatje’s soft chuckle made Laurie feel absolutely giddy.

“You know how much I’d love to have you visit. But…can you afford the ticket?”

“I can pay my own way,” she said briskly. “I’m not hinting for charity.”

Damn, Kaatje had thin skin. “I know you’d never do that.” She tried to make her voice low and gentle. “But you’ve told me you try to live pretty simply and an extra trip to LA probably isn’t in your budget.”

“It wasn’t, but I can get a ticket for under a thousand dollars, taxes included. I can manage it.”

“I’m going to offer something, and I don’t want you to say ‘no’ until I finish. Okay?”

“No.” Kaatje giggled, making Laurie smile at her playfulness.

“I’ve been going to Japan five or six times a year for six years, and I only use my frequent flier miles to go to Cincinnati a couple of times a year. I have enough miles to go to Saturn. Let me use some of them to buy you a ticket. Then you can use your money to do things here in LA, when I’m at work. Which I will be most of the time. You know that, right?”