Smooth Sailing (27 page)

Kaatje had been drawing her fingers up and down Laurie’s spine, but she stopped abruptly. “Uhm, well, I’d have to say you’re not showing any signs of confusion.” She let out a giggle.

“You probably won’t believe this, but whenever I have a few spare seconds I try to think about my orientation.”

“I believe that. I just don’t believe you have many spare seconds.”

“True. But I have been thinking about it. I’m amazed I didn’t figure this out sooner, especially when I think of the differences in how I feel.”

Kaatje sat up, taking Laurie with her. She scooted around until Laurie’s head was on her shoulder. “That’s better. I like to be able to see your face when you talk.”

“That’s one difference right there. I didn’t like to hang out in bed with men, but I could live here with you.”

“Why didn’t you like to be in bed?”

Laurie rolled her eyes. “Because they wanted to have sex all of the time. If I was feeling lazy and wanted to sleep in, eventually they’d wake me up and want to have sex. Guys love sex the minute they wake up, if you let ’em.”

Kaatje laughed softly, her chest bouncing up and down when she did. “I find this hard to reconcile. You’re
so
sexual.”

“Only with you,” Laurie said. “I know I’m a lot older, but when I compare my first time with a guy and the first time with you—they’re not the same act at all.”

“You said you were…eighteen?”

“When I had intercourse. Yeah. After I graduated from high school.”

“What was the guy’s name?”

“Jeremy. We’d been going out for about a year, and he was ready to lose it.” She laughed, thinking about how much he’d begged, pleaded and cajoled her. “Before I left for college I figured I might as well get it over with. I knew him, and I trusted him, so he seemed like a good candidate for sex.”

“Did you hire him?” The look Kaatje was giving her was more than perplexed. She looked positively dumbfounded.

“No, but I have to admit I was really dispassionate about it. I made the decision, and prepared. I went on the pill, waited two months to make sure it was working, then bought condoms and lube and arranged to go to my sister’s apartment to do it. She happily complied, since she’d been bugging me about it for two years.”

“Sounds like a project rather than a loving act.”

“That’s about right. We’d been doing everything but intercourse, and he’d gotten pretty good at giving me orgasms, but it always felt kinda mechanical. I had to fantasize about something else to distract myself enough to let go.”

Very quietly, Kaatje asked, “Do you have to do that with me?”

“Never.” Laurie slipped her hand behind Kaatje’s head and pulled it down so she could meet her lips. “I’m right there with you. Every time.”

“It’s okay if you do. Everybody’s different.”

“No. I look at you while you touch me and I just fall over the edge. There’s a surprising dearth of thought involved.” She laughed and kissed the pert breast so close to her mouth.

“How did it go with Jeremy?”

“I didn’t care for it,” Laurie said dryly. “Actually, I hated it. He was a big guy. He was a swimmer, but he did the butterfly and his chest and arms were huge. He was gentle and tried his best, but when he finished he collapsed on me and I came this close to screaming for help.” She held her thumb and forefinger a hairsbreadth apart.

“Why then? I’d think having him enter you would be the hard part.”

“I wasn’t crazy about that, but having this big, sweaty, heavy body on me freaked me out. I realized I couldn’t have moved him no matter what and that almost made me have a panic attack.”

“Oh, that breaks my heart. You weren’t ready to have sex, Moppie.”

“No, that wasn’t it. I felt like a frog on the dissection table in biology class. Like he could do whatever he wanted to me, and I couldn’t stop him. I never,
ever
liked that feeling, and to let someone penetrate me always makes me feel vulnerable like that.”

“I penetrate you,” Kaatje whispered, kissing the top of Laurie’s head. “Do you ever feel too vulnerable?”

“No, no.” Kaatje wasn’t getting the point. She’d never been with a man and she didn’t have the right frame of reference. “We share.” She looked into her eyes, but could only see confusion. “You’re pleasing me when you touch me. You’re focused on me. Then I focus on you. That’s not what it was like for me with men. It seemed like they mostly wanted to get off, frequently. They’d do what I liked, but I could always tell they’d prefer for me to just let them go at me. Nothing made Ben, my college boyfriend, happier than when I let him do me really fast before his first class. He walked around like he owned the world when that happened.”

“Okay,” Kaatje said. “I hate to speak up for men, since I have no real knowledge, but some of them have to enjoy pleasing women as much as I do. There have to be good lovers out there.”

“Mine were goodish,” Laurie insisted. “I talked to lots of other girls, and most of them weren’t even getting orgasms from their boyfriends.”

“But you were kids then. It takes a while to mature and grow into a good lover.” Kaatje sat up straighter, and Laurie could tell she had something important to say. There was something about the way she settled herself before saying something that tipped her hand. “How about this? You just said sex with me was sharing and pleasing each other, right?”

“Definitely. It’s about us, not about you.”

“But for there to be an us, there has to be a you too.”

“Nothing.” Laurie leaned back so Kaatje could see her smile. “None of that registered.”

“If I could feel that you weren’t into me, or weren’t into really having something special, I might let you get me off and then turn off the lights.”

“You would?”
No way! Kaatje was the most considerate lover ever!

“Well, honestly, no. I wouldn’t be with a woman who wasn’t into me. But if I loved you, and thought you loved me, and thought I was giving you good sex…”

“You’re saying I fooled them?”

“Maybe. Or maybe they wanted to believe you were into it. I’d try to convince myself you were into me, even if you weren’t.”

That earned her a long, lusty kiss that had them prone in seconds. “Please be into me,” Kaatje cried out.

“I left work at two thirty today. That’s more than I did for Colin in years.” She took in a breath, then nodded. “You’re right. I probably chose guys who weren’t very perceptive. They were easily fooled into thinking I was satisfied, so they didn’t try harder to share with me.”

“I might be wrong, but if I was into a guy, I’d like to exhaust him and have him collapse on me. I’d like to feel I was the one who had that power over him. I think it could be fun to have something that fit right inside me that my partner could feel at the same time.”

Laurie grasped her and kissed her hard. “You’re so naive. Those darn things are never hard when you want them to be. You’ve gotta have all the luck in the world to be turned on just the right amount so he can get inside and put you over the edge before he explodes. It’s like alchemy. Everyone says they can do it, but it’s rare.”

“Alchemy’s more than rare,” Kaatje said, chuckling. “I’m going to have to ask my mom or my sister about this. I need some real straight women to confirm or deny your biased report.”

“I guess that means you believe I’m a lesbian, right?”

“There’s not a chance that you’re straight, so we’ll put you in the lesbian camp until you prove you don’t belong here.”

*

The next morning, the alarm sounded at the diabolically early hour of five. Laurie desperately wanted to shut it off and spend the day wrapped in Kaatje’s embrace, but she had to get to work and get a few things organized before her nine o’clock flight to Osaka. She sat up and blinked in the dim light, seeing Kaatje’s blue eyes looking up at her. The sadness in them broke her heart, and she slid down until they were in each other’s arms. “I don’t want to leave.”

“I know. But you have to. Maybe you can get finished quickly and come home.”

“I’ll do everything in my power. I promise.” She placed soft kisses all around Kaatje’s face, trying to memorize the planes of her lovely face with her lips.

Kaatje sighed and slipped out of bed, walking over to Laurie’s side to take her hand. She answered Laurie’s puzzled look by saying, “I’m going to drive you to work after I shower with you.” Laurie stood and they held each other for a minute or two. “I’ve never had a better time than when we’re in the shower and my hands roam all over your body.”

“See? LA isn’t that bad. We have big showers.”

“LA is good because of you,” Kaatje said, smiling sadly.

*

At around nine thirty Laurie called, reaching Kaatje at the pool. “Hi. Guess what?”

“You’re coming home?”

“No, I’m not that lucky. But I did get promoted. I’m a senior vice president. A friend and I were both elevated. We started together and we’re rising together. Kinda cool.”

“Oh, Laurie. Today? When you’re leaving?”

“Yeah. The timing sucks, doesn’t it?”

“It sure does. This is a very big day.”

“I know.” She let out a heavy sigh. “I’d love to celebrate with you, but I’m stuck on this plane, which is, as always, delayed.”

“You won’t get to have any celebration at all. That’s awful.”

“Maybe the flight attendants will share a glass of champagne with me.” She laughed wryly. “Pitiful.”

*

They’d talked until the flight attendant raised her eyebrow, which was almost a rebuke from the always-courteous attendants in first class on Far East Airlines. It had cost a ton of miles for the upgrade, but Laurie felt she deserved at least one treat in celebration of her promotion. Being able to lie down on the long flight was a luxury she should have mentioned to Kaatje, but she hadn’t. Everything that wasn’t mission critical slipped right out of her head.

Kaatje. It was unfair on so many levels to have to leave her. It had cost her a lot of bookings to make the trip to LA, and it was all a waste. All they could hope for was that she’d be able to get a feel for LA and decide if she could live there, if it came to that.

If it came to that. Ha! Kaatje could stay forever, and then some. There couldn’t be a more perfect partner. She had all of the obvious things— looks, brains, independence, and good morals. But it was the less obvious things that made her a gem.

Her calmness and certainty were tremendously appealing. Kaatje was a woman who would always be a source of good, prudent advice. Just being near her was mildly sedating, and for someone who was always a little wired up, it was a welcome balm. But she was also playful and funny. That was such a great combination.
And, unlike Colin, she took me at my word. She didn’t have to be in my head to believe me. Most women would be quizzing me constantly about whether I was sure I was gay. Not Kaatje. She has the confidence in herself to let me live my life without her supervision.
That was fantastically attractive—even a turn on. Independent women were hot, and the fact that Kaatje hadn’t complained about being left in LA showed just how self-sufficient she was. She was the real deal, and keeping her happy had to go on the top of every priority list. Teddy Bear could suck it or deal with it.

*

Laurie worked unceasingly until the flight attendant finally caught her attention. “Would you like to have lunch?” she asked.

“Oh, no, thanks. I’ll take a soda, but that’s all.”

She slid out of her seat and stood up to stretch. Then she went to stand in the relatively generous space by the rest rooms. Luxor had made them all watch a movie about deep vein thrombosis, and she tried to stand up at least fifteen minutes every hour or two to avoid getting a blood clot.

As soon as her eyes weren’t glued to her laptop, she thought about Kaatje, wondering, as usual, what she was doing. It struck her that she was concentrating better on the plane than she’d been able to at home. Having Kaatje around was both a joy and a curse. She’d never in her life had such a hard time staying focused as she had in the last few days. How did people have children and pets and every other kind of distraction while committed to a high-pressure job? Wouldn’t it make things harder on all involved? But nothing was better than getting home at the end of a stressful day and seeing Kaatje’s face beam like the sun breaking through the clouds. But how was it possible to work as though nothing else mattered when something…some
one
else…did?

IT TOOK A few days, but they figured out a way to talk when both of them were awake. Laurie called one night, sounding a little slap-happy. “I had to go to Tokyo today. Yet another pointless meeting with another mid-level government factotum.”

“You sound…happy,” Kaatje mused. “Are you?”

“No, I’m really, really tired. I think I’m at that laugh-at-anything point. But I did have an interesting train ride. Have you ever used a traditional Japanese toilet?”

“No,” Kaatje said, laughing softly. “I’ve never been to Japan.”

“Right. That was a dumb way to ask the question. Well, they have squat toilets—”