Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work (35 page)

Nancy interrupted excitedly.

Marshall turned toward her, smiled briefly, and then stared coldly. “Medal of Honor,” he said so seriously that Nancy feared that she might have offended him.

“Oh, that’s really impressive,” she said meekly, worrying even
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more that she had blown the opportunity to finally meet a decent man. “Tell me what happened,” she added quickly, hoping to repair the conversation; then, just as quickly, she remembered that her father would never talk about his combat experience. It was just too painful for him. Nancy felt that the conversation was heading into a death spiral, and she didn’t know how to save herself.

Marshall, leaning back, closed his eyes briefly and then proceeded to tell her about his war experiences. Nancy listened intently.

She couldn’t help but be impressed by the valor Marshall showed that day and she felt pride for him and, in a moment of reverie, her late father.

“After I got out I got a job as a private pilot and made good money, but I then decided I wanted to help sick people more than ferry rich ones to and from exotic vacation spots,” he said, rolling his eyes. “I guess having the medics sew me back together,” Marshall paused, looked away and then back, “I guess I was grateful, and it was then that I decided that I should help others.”

Nancy was touched, and toward the end of the flight, when Marshall asked for her phone number, she eagerly obliged.

Marshall and Nancy dated for about four months. While her crazy schedule kept her close to home, Marshall, who lived and worked eighty miles away, made the trek whenever he could steal enough time to stay with her. He always arrived at her place with flowers, candy, a small piece of jewelry, expensive champagne, and sometimes a naughty negligee. Nancy loved all the attention. They dined at fancy restaurants, and being proud of her ability to support herself as a traveling nurse, she often offered to pay.

Their conversations were different than any she had ever had with a man—serious, humorous, lighthearted, and deep. She was always surprised by how much Marshall knew about the world, about people, and about medicine.

At times, she would fantasize about their spending their lives
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together, but she would catch herself before she got too carried away. Her girlfriends—most of them nurses, as well—repeatedly warned her about doctors, but she knew they were envious of her catch and would have fallen for Marshall if they had met him. She never told him about her dreams, for fear of scaring him off. Yet day by day she felt her commitment to him increasing, and judging by his words, she felt he was growing more attached to her as well.

When he told her he was going to borrow some money to start his own private practice—he was tired of the long hours his hospital job required—she got excited and then very nervous. While his current job was hectic, at least he could get time off occasionally. She knew that once he started his own business he would be consumed by it. Entrepreneurs often worked very long hours trying to build their new businesses, and she feared that their visits would diminish.

Maybe I could work in his office as his nurse, she fantasized. Maybe I could be his business partner! She had loaned him some cash once to pay a medical school bill, but she could not afford to help him with his new business. No, I would have to be the office nurse, she mused before shaking herself from her reverie.

With her four-month assignment ending soon, Nancy hit on the right idea. She decided to apply for an OR position at Marshall’s hospital. He would be leaving anyway, so there wouldn’t be any conflict or potential for embarrassment, but at least she would be in the same city. And maybe, after a few months, they could move in together.

She decided not to mention this to him, fearful that he might misunderstand. Men get so crazy when they think you’re trying to get them to commit, she reminded herself. She wanted to have the job and her own apartment ready before surprising him one evening with the good news.

Nancy took her cafeteria tray filled with a salad, soup, and tea, and headed toward the group of nurses congregated at one of the tables.

Her morning interviews with the medical staff at Marshall’s hospital
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went well, and she now wanted to meet some of her potential coworkers. As a traveling nurse, Nancy enjoyed the chance to meet new people, work in new environments, and then move on before the insanity got to her. “Hi,” she said approaching the group. “Is this seat taken?”

“It’s yours,” responded Rhonda, the most senior person at the table, and the one with the most outgoing personality.

“Thanks,” said Nancy, sitting down. “I’m Nancy R, an OR nurse interviewing for an assignment in—”

“We know,” interrupted Sally. “We get the scoop from HR on all the new travelers,” she said, pointing to one of the women at the end of the table, who nodded. “Welcome.”

As Sally made the introductions of those at the table, Nancy carefully noted their names, having learned early on that remembering coworkers’ names was a critical first step to success at any location. Some staff nurses resented a traveler. Nancy was not sure why, but she always made it a policy to start on the best terms with everyone she met at her new assignments.

“Have you met the crazies yet?” asked Susie, referring to the OR

medical staff.

“Well, I was interviewed by Dr. S, who seemed real decent, and then Dr. H.”

“Oh, those are the normals,” interrupted Susie. “Wait until you meet the second shift!” The others at the table rolled their eyes.

“Does Dr. M work on the second shift?” she asked, her curiosity about Marshall getting the better of her.

“Haven’t heard about that one,” said Rhonda, puzzling. “Are you sure he works here?”

“Oh, well, I heard his name mentioned earlier today, and I was just wondering,” said Nancy, hoping she had not said too much.

“We did have an M, Marshall M, on the third shift. He was a transporter, but he doesn’t work here anymore,” chimed in Sandra, the union rep for the nurses. A few of the women at the table visibly stirred at the mention of Marshall, but Sandra continued. “Got into
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a bit of trouble with one of the residents. Don’t know any doctor by that name, though. You, Sally?”

“No, not since I’ve been here, which is going on twelve years,”

said a quiet, older nurse at the end of the table.

“Well, Marshall was a looker all right, did an okay job, but always fantasized about being a doctor someday. I think he moved to County General, not sure,” added Rhonda.

“Oh, I must be mistaken,” said Nancy, beginning to get nervous.

She hurriedly finished her lunch and got up to make her exit. “I’ve got to see about my new apartment. Sorry, I have to run.”

“So we’ll see you in two weeks?” asked Rhonda.

“Yes, yes, I’ll be here!” chimed Nancy with a big smile.

As she got into her car, she picked up her cell phone. She decided to call Marshall to find out what was going on. His cell rang and rang. She realized that she did not have his address. As her anxiety grew, she decided to drive over to County General Hospital.

Nancy parked her car in County General’s visitor’s lot and walked to the main entrance. When her turn came, she said to the guard at the desk, “Hi. I’m here to see Dr. Marshall M. He’s a surgeon.”

The guard flipped the pages of his hospital phone directory and searched. “He’s a doctor here?” he asked, puzzling over the list on his desk.

“Yes. He just started here, I heard.”

“Oh,” said the guard without looking up. He turned to the computer screen and typed. “Hmm. Are you sure about the name, miss?”

“Yes. Maybe he—”

“Well, we have someone by that name; looks like the night shift, but he’s not your surgeon.” The guard looked up, adding, “Sorry.

You might want to call his office to get the location. We have quite a few buildings here.”

“Thanks,” said Nancy, a tight smile across her face. “I’ll do that.”

She headed for the door and then stopped. Glancing at her watch, she thought for a moment. Turning, she walked over to the coffee shop at
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the end of the lobby and bought a large cup of tea and a doughnut.

Taking a seat with a view of the entrance, she decided to wait.

What to Do?

Having a psychopath in your life can be an emotionally draining, psychologically debilitating, and sometimes physically harmful experience. We have received numerous letters and e-mails from individuals who believe a psychopath has victimized them. Their often detailed and pleading communications have given us a glimpse into the impact that psychopathic manipulation and abuse has had on their lives. In some cases, we have suggested that individuals call the local police or civil authorities. In many cases, we referred them to qualified psychologists, psychiatrists, counselors, members of the clergy, or other professionals in their area who are best suited to provide the help they need.

Look into His Heart—and Look Again

“He is such a caring man. So intelligent. He can always find the right words to reach your heart. You must love him.”

— Wo m a n w h o b e f r i e n d e d a r a p i s t / m u r d e r e r o n d e a t h r o w

“I’ve lied all my life, but I’m not lying now.”

— D e f e n d a n t i n a f r a u d t r i a l Over the years we noticed a pattern in the reports from letter writers and those we interviewed. Much like psychopaths, who operate through a parasitic assessment-manipulation-abandonment
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process, the targets themselves seemed to unwittingly share a paral-lel response pattern. In this chapter, we will attempt to outline the development of the psychopath-victim relationship in such a way as to enlighten the reader to traps and pitfalls along the path. We believe the best defense against the dark art of psychopathic manipulation is to fully understand how psychopaths operate and to take every opportunity to avoid them.

1. Learn All You Can About Psychopathy
In chapter 3, we described psychopathic traits and characteristics in some detail. We believe that the best defense against psychopathic manipulation is to learn all you can about psychopaths and their nature. While even experts are sometimes fooled, improving your ability to see past their “mask of normalcy” is crucial to your ability to resist their machinations. And knowing how to recognize and interpret their true motives may help you make the decision to distance yourself from them.

2. Avoid Labeling Someone a Psychopath
You should resist the temptation to label someone a psychopath, especially if you are not formally trained and qualified to conduct psychological assessments. The term itself has many negative connotations—some of which may not apply to the individual in question—and once used has a tendency to stick. Careless or inappropriate application of the label would be unfair and might lead to litigation and other forms of retaliation. For most practical purposes, it is sufficient to be aware that a given individual appears to have many of the traits and behaviors that define psychopathy. Trying to

“psychoanalyze,” redeem, or change one of these individuals is a

“mug’s game” you cannot hope to win.

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A Few Trees Do Not a Forest Make

Don’t make the mistake of turning one or two characteristics or symptoms into a general personality assessment or diagnosis.

“He’s impulsive, short-tempered, and just plain nasty. I think he’s a psychopath.” The careless use of the term is particularly common in personal disputes. If we don’t like someone, or if the person is seen as an adversary, a competitor, a threat, or as not meeting our needs, we may tend to use any piece of “revealing”

information, relevant or not, to conclude that he or she
must
be a psychopath. Keep in mind that a qualified professional would use the term only with strong evidence of a very heavy dose of the defining features, and even then, judiciously.

3. Learn All You Can About Yourself

“Know thyself” is perhaps one of the wisest bits of advice ever spoken. Self-knowledge will strengthen your immunity against psychopaths’ games; it is crucial for your psychological, emotional, and, possibly, physical survival. Psychopaths feed on what they see as naïveté and innocence.

We are all somewhat reluctant to hear about our faults and weaknesses. Some people avoid going to the doctor because they don’t want to know whether their aches and pains reflect something serious. Some avoid talking to psychologists because they fear they will learn something uncomfortable about themselves. Psychopaths are well aware of these concerns and capitalize on them. In effect, a perceptive psychopath may know you better than you know yourself.

The more you know who you are, the better able you will be to defend against psychopathic influence.

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4. Understand Your Own Utility to Psychopaths
The most common types of utility attractive to psychopaths relate to money, power, fame, and sex, but in organizational life, this list grows to include access to information, communication, influence, authority, and so forth. Psychopaths target not only executives and celebrities, but others with more subtle value (such as informal power and influence), as well.

It can be difficult to appreciate what your worth might be to a psychopath, in part because society often requires us to play down our assets. A realistic assessment, however, supported by information and feedback from friends, family, and professional colleagues, can help you clarify your strengths and value to others.

Psychopaths use impression management to get you to share your assets with them. They may prey on your generosity, trusting nature, or sense of charity. They may cause you to take pity on them, if that feeling gets you to help them in some way or gets you to use your influence with others who could help them fulfill their needs.