Snow & Ash: Endless Winter (6 page)

“Alright, I’m going to hit camping supplies next and load you up but after that I have to go. The last thing I’ll do is move that pallet of boxed toasters in front of this door. I’ll leave enough room for you guys to squeeze out but it should keep anyone from looking too closely behind it and finding this door. Don’t forget clothes, winter gear and that the baby is going to get bigger in the future so he’ll need larger sizes, especially foot wear. Grab some sewing kits to help make new things as well.” He took another look around the room before leaving.

Belle and I stood staring at each other for a minute. We both were thinking about the future Daniel had painted. She shook her head and sighed deeply before reaching out and rubbing my arm.

“We’ll be ok. We have a really good shot here with all this stuff. Come on sweetie, let’s get the rest of the stuff.”

I could only nod my head as I looked over at my brother who was bouncing happily in a baby seat surrounded by attached toys that Sasha had brought from the baby section. He was giggling at a squeaky cow and I wished I could be as oblivious to what was coming as he was.

I followed Belle through the clothing and shoe departments as she piled both of our carts with warm clothing in larger sizes for Matty, Sasha and I. She kept saying how lucky we were that the stores had started bringing fall and winter wear out so early. When we made it back to the staff room, Daniel was again waiting for us. He stood outside the door with a hydraulic hand dolly. He gave us a hand dumping all the clothes into the disaster of supplies in the staff room. Once the carts had been emptied and moved away he grabbed the dolly and used it to pull the pallet of toasters over in front of the door. Belle and I both made sure we could squeeze past it when we needed to get out.

The three of us stood in the dim stock r
o
om and stared at each other for a moment before Belle stepped forward and placed a sweet kiss on Daniel’s cheek.

“We can’t thank you enough Daniel. You’ve done a truly kind deed by helping us. I hope one day we will meet again and I hope you and your family stay safe.”

Daniel stared at us for another moment before nodding.

“Good luck.”

He turned to leave and took two steps before turning back.

“Stay as long as you can in that room. The longer you stay the better chance you’ll have to survive in the future. Stretch it out until the last drop of water is gone!”

At our nods of understanding he turned and disappeared out the back door. Belle and I just stood there again lost in our thoughts until Matty’s faint shriek of happiness jolted us back to the present. I looked down at my new watch and then up at Belle.

“I think we should get more water.”

Her forehead was creased with worry but she nodded her head.

“I think you’re right. Let’s go.”

As I flew across the stage on feet as light as air, the audience cried. It was my big moment. I had practiced the choreography for months for this moment and the audience was ruining it. My pirouettes were perfect and the costume I wore floated and shimmered at my every move. It was the best performance I had ever given but still the audience cried. A hand roughly shook me out of a spin and I turned with anger to see my dad’s grief ravaged face. There was so much pain in his face I had to look away and my eyes settled on the screaming baby in my arms. Reality crashed down on me as I realized I wasn’t at my dance recital but sitting on the floor beside my dead mother and the fear and anger surged through me.

“Where were YOU? You left us and I couldn’t…” A sob broke my voice and I couldn’t go on.

His head was bowed as he clutched at Mom’s hand and the sounds coming from him were so foreign for my strong dad that I skittered away from him and Mom. With the baby clutched to my chest I heaved myself up and on to the couch and just watched him fall to pieces.

I have no idea how long we sat there with the baby screaming, Dad devastated and silent tears pouring down my face. I jolted away from him like a startled animal when in one smooth move he rose to his feet with Mom in his arms and carried her out of the room. My mind was still in the fog of grief and horror as I bounced the baby and patted his back but nothing would soothe him. It was like he knew his Mother was gone and he grieved with me.

I didn’t register Dad coming back until he tried to take the baby from me. The noise that came from my throat was close to a growl causing him to take a step back. He swallowed hard as he scanned my face and then held out a baby bottle to me.

“He needs to eat. That’s why he won’t stop crying, he’s hungry.”

I snatched the bottle from him and the way the baby’s lips clamped on to the nipple told me he was right but I was so full of fury I snapped at him.

“He’s crying because his mother is dead!”

I saw Dad flinch at my harsh words but I didn’t care. This was his fault. He left us and Mom died. I turned my back to him and hunched over the baby like a lifeline. I had no words for him when I could barely think myself. I just stared at the tiny boy in my arms as he gulped down the formula in the bottle. As his little eyes fluttered down in sleep I briefly wondered where the formula had come from. There hadn’t been any in the bags I snagged from the nursery.

“You have to burp him.” A sad voice said from behind me. I slowly turned around to face Dad. His face looked older and grey but his eyes were glued to the baby in my arms. I wanted to throw myself at him and have his Dad arms pull me close and make everything ok again, but a glance at the blood stained towels at his feet made me realise that nothing would ever be alright again. I stepped towards him and held the baby out.

“His name is Benjamin…she named him…before.”

Dad’s face crumpled in grief as he reached out and took his son. Resting the tiny body against his chest he started to gently pat him on the back until a soft burp escaped him. Dad’s eyes met mine and he opened his mouth to say something but before he could I turned away and raced into my new bedroom, slamming the door as I went. I snagged the iPod and jammed the earbuds into my ears before throwing myself onto the bed. As the music crashed over me I blocked everything that had happened in the last few hours out of my mind and let myself sink into oblivion.

“Sky, Skylar? Honey, you have to come out. You have to eat something! Come on, Sky! It’s been two days!”

I jammed the pillow over my head harder to block out his voice. I didn’t want to see or hear him. If I went out there, I would have to start living a life without my Mom, without my home, without my life. I just wasn’t ready to accept it all yet. I had sneaked out a couple of times to use the bathroom but other than that I’ve stayed in bed with my music and dreams of what used to be.

Hours later, a cry broke through my sleep sending me bolt upright. I fumbled around in the covers for my iPod and saw that I had killed the battery. My bladder lurched in need so I docked the device to charge and crept over to my closed door. Cracking the door a fraction of an inch I peeked out and saw no one in the main room so I raced over to the bathroom.

After I had done my business, I stopped in the kitchen to grab something to eat. The lights had been dimmed so I propped the fridge open so I could see what was in the cupboards for a snack. I didn’t want to talk to Dad but he was right that I needed to eat something. I grabbed the closest thing I could reach which was a granola bar and promptly dropped it to the floor when a pitiful cry rang out.

I snagged the bar and crept back towards the bedroom but paused at the door before going in. The baby was making the saddest little whimpers that tugged at my heart. Dad’s bedroom door was only half way closed so I leaned in and gave a quick look. Dad was sleeping in the big bed and tears sprang to my eyes when I saw that he was clutching what should have been Mom’s pillow. Even in sleep his face was lined with sadness and I immediately felt shame at my behaviour. He had lost his wife, his best friend and I had punished him and left him all alone with his pain.

I swallowed hard and stepped into the room. The baby was laying on his back waving his tiny baby fists in the air. Dad had made a little bed for him in a dresser drawer. I reached down and gently ran my finger over his forehead and down his little nose and almost laughed out loud when he snatched it with his small little fingers. My eyebrows shot up at how strong his grip was and I couldn’t stop the grin that spread across my face. I felt even worse about the way I had been acting when I realised that I had left my baby brother too. The thought of how Mom would be disappointed in me sent a wave of pain crashing in my chest and a small hitching sob escaped.

In one smooth motion I reached down and scooped the baby up and against my chest and half turned to leave when I caught sight of Dad looking up at me from the bed. I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out and tears burned my eyes. He just shook his head and brought his big hand up and covered mine and half of the baby’s back. After a few minutes I just nodded at him and carried the baby out into the living room. We settled on the couch and I sang him baby songs that I remembered from when I was little. He may have lost his Mom too but he would have the best big sister any kid could ever have.

The door is locked and the staff room is overflowing with supplies that we’re trying to sort and store in some sort of order. Matty had fussed until we set him free from his baby seat and now he’s trying to climb every pile in the place. I feel like I’m spending more time pulling him away from stuff than getting anything put away so I give up and just grab him and fly him over my head like an airplane. His shrieks of happiness soothe the burn in my chest that never seems to go away completely. I keep waiting for the cops to show up and arrest us for looting the store but the hours drag on and no one comes. I’m also waiting to feel sick. I don’t know anything about radiation or how it works or what it does to a person, but Daniel said it was a really bad way to die. The more time that goes by and I feel fine, the more I wonder if maybe he was a crackhead that didn’t know what he was talking about. Or maybe he knows what he’s talking about and we’re safe in this concrete room. I guess there’s no way to know.

“Rex, watch out for those diaper boxes!” Belle calls out as my foot catches the corner of one and I almost drop Matty. The place is a total mess with hardly any clear floor space. I don’t know how we’re going to be able to stay in here for a couple weeks without going crazy. I bounce Matty on my hip as I look around the room. Grey painted cinderblock walls with posters reminding employees to wash their hands stare back at me. There’s a scratched up fake leather couch against one wall currently piled high with winter clothes. A short kitchen counter with a small sink and two microwaves stacked on it has some cupboards that we can fill up and a staff room table that seats six. The other wall is filled floor to ceiling with staff lockers and is interrupted by a door that leads to a tiny bathroom. The whole room is maybe twenty by twenty and with the four of us and all the supplies we’ve gathered and dumped in it, I can’t even think of how we will be able to stay here for so long.

This is stupid! We need to get out of here and see what’s going on out in the world. I’m just about to tell Belle and Sasha how that Daniel guy was probably a crackpot when yelling and a crash comes from out in the store. We all freeze in place as the sounds of people get louder and it doesn’t sound like happy shoppers out there.

Belle dashes over to the table and reaches for the lanterns that light the room. She’s waving frantically at me to get to the other lantern on the counter as she turns the flame down low so the room is hardly lit at all. I do what she wants but I don’t really know why until she comes over and scoops Matty away from me. She digs a handful of gold fish crackers out of an open bag and transfers them to Matty’s sticky hands as she whispers to me.

“The light might show around the cracks of the door. We don’t want anyone to know we’re in here!”

I glance at the door for a second and then back at her.

“Do you really think that guy knew what he was talking about? I mean how would he even know if all that stuff was true?” Maybe one of us should go out and check things out.”

Belle is shaking her head even before I can finish talking. She opens her mouth to reply but before she could say anything there is a scream of anger much closer. The sound of a woman’s voice coming through the door is shrill as she yells.

“You can’t keep it all! We need things for OUR families too!”

We all have our eyes glued to the door in shock. Her voice sounds like she is right outside the staff room. There’s another crash and a bang of a door hitting a wall before a pain filled wail erupts from the woman. I turned back to Belle in scared confusion as the wailing moves away. Belle’s face is filled with terror and her eyes are huge as she lifts a shaking hand and puts a finger to her lips in a “shhh” gesture. I slowly nod my head and glance over to Sasha. The poor girl is down on the floor between piles of supplies. She’s got her knees drawn up and her head down on them as she rocks back and forth in fear. I almost jump out of my shoes when a deep male voice speaks next.

“We’re going to leave everything back here for now and just start loading the stuff from the front up. Get a few of the men and go to the other doors to the storeroom and barricade them. Move some pallets in front of them so they can’t be opened from the main store then get back over here and we’ll topple some of the shelves from the front of the store. I don’t want anyone back here! We’re going to need the stuff back here in the future so block it off and we’ll come back in a few days for it.”

There’s a muffled reply to these instructions then what sounds like the pounding of boots on cement as people run away. We’re all just frozen in place as we wait to hear what will happen next when Matty starts to squirm. Belle tries to hand him more crackers but he just shoves them away and squirms harder. Belle’s face is cracking in panic and even Sasha has stopped rocking and looking at us with a scared expression. I look around the crowded room for something; anything to distract him from the Matty bellowing that’s on the way and spot his Sippy cup. I grab it and snatch the kid from Belle making a beeline for the tiny bathroom. I gently close the door and slide down against it to the floor with Matty in my lap. I raise my knees up and lean his back against them before handing him his cup. His small feet push against my chest until I start rubbing his tummy. This trick always works to settle the kid down. Mom used to beg me to use it on him when she was at her wits end. It only takes a minute for his little green eyes to start fluttering closed. It’s been a crazy day and the kid has held up great but right now silence is life or death so I hold my breath and silently beg him to go to sleep.

My breath whooshes out and Matty’s eyes pop open with a squawk when there’s a huge crash out in the main store room. It sounds like metal against metal and I feel the crash through the wall. Matty’s face is screwing up into a rage so I grab a tiny foot and blow a raspberry against it. It’s enough to get his attention. He pushes it against my face for another with a small smile pulling at his lips so I do it again and then start back up with rubbing his belly. I don’t know how long I sit there but Matty falls asleep at some point and I let the tears that have been stuck in my throat for hours just trail down my face. Any hope that the world didn’t suck as bad as Daniel had said it would is now gone and that means he was probably right about everything. My mom is gone and now I believe that Dad is dead too and that means me and Matty are orphans.