So Different (18 page)

* * *

Mariah stood near the counter. It was 10:00 p.m. Closing time. After Adam hadn’t showed, she didn’t feel like going home, so she decided to stop in and talk to her brother, see if he’d gotten any of his waitresses to quit. She was feeling bummed at not seeing Adam. It had been a week, and she was trying to figure out what his absences were telling her. Hell, as if she didn’t know.

“Mariah.”

She turned and walked over to Joshua, who stood at the register.

“Time to close. Lock the door for me,” he said, moving his fingers over the register, opening the money drawer. He’d take it back to his office, count it, and get it ready for deposit in the morning.

“What are you doing here, anyway?” he asked in his way of getting directly to the heart of anything. “Isn’t this your night to hang out with the dentist?”

“He had something else to do tonight,” she said.

“Sorry. It’s been a long time, since high school, that you were really interested in a guy.”

“It hasn’t been that long, and it’s nothing,” she said.

“It has to be something. You’ve been seeing him for what, two months now? And I’m hurt that you haven’t introduced him to me.”

“It’s not serious. I only save the serious ones for you.”

“Then you are in a drought, seriously. I can’t remember the last time you introduced anyone to me. You need to get out more.”

“When do I have time for that? It’s you, the derby, you, the restaurant, my day job…”

“Those are all your choices.”

“You are not a choice. What am I supposed to do, not help you?”

“You’re making time for him. You make time for what’s important to you,” he said.

“And you’re what’s important to me, my numero one priority. And why the lecture, anyway?” she said, still standing at the front door.

“You’ve done enough for me. You need to do something for you, for your life.”

“Not this conversation again. I’m happy with where I am, all right. I’ve got you, my friends, my job. What else is there?”

“A man to share your life with would be a start.”

“This from the man who hasn’t met a woman he didn’t want to sleep with and then send on her way. Women live out perfectly good lives without men in them, every day. Did you know that?”

“It’s you we’re discussing, and you want something different than me, so don’t change the subject. And I had that, once. Sarah was the one that checked out, remember? But that’s neither here nor there. That’s me, my story. It doesn’t have to be yours,” he said, closing the drawer of the register.

“It’s the same. People are the same,” she said. “There are lots of Sarahs in the world, and not all of them are female. The ones who only signed up to love the dream. Adam’s probably a lot more like Sarah, wanting to marry the pretty picture. His last fiancée was very beautiful, very socially acceptable, and that’s not me. At all. So, beyond Tuesday and Thursday, I don’t much think he’s interested in more. I know that. That’s why I don’t bring anyone to meet you. The ones I want don’t want me. You don’t remember high school, when I was always the odd girl out. And I still am.”

“You don’t have to be.”

“Yeah, I do. It’s me, the odd one out. I can’t change that. I’d better go help Jacob in the back,” she said, pushing away from the door.

“Think about giving the dentist a try. That is all I’m saying. See if you and he don’t have something more than sex in common,” he said.

“Sure,” she said, walking toward the back.

“Mariah,” he said.

“Hey, I’m not the problem. I’m willing to try. Just don’t think he will be,” she said.

Joshua listened to her steps as she walked away from him. Mariah’s head was as hard as stone sometimes. He moved over to find his cane, which was hanging on the wall next to the register. He grabbed it, tucked the cash drawer under one arm, and made his way to his office down the hall.

* * *

Third week in June

“Well, look what the cat dragged in,” Good & Plenty said as they watched Adam walk in to practice the following Tuesday night. Of course all of the women were standing next to her, and those that weren’t skated over quickly. The girls against him. She appreciated them most times, now included, but she also wished she’d been alone. She didn’t want anyone privy to her and him.

“Yep,” she said, going for nonchalant.

They all stood there and watched him as he took his usual seat near the door. Dee skated over to them. “Come on you bitches, no time for gawking. On the track. We’ve got work to do,” she barked out, giving Mariah a wink.

Mariah was grateful for the start of practice. She would have loved to be here alone with him, to not have everyone and their opinion thrust into her decision. She turned and joined in with her teammates, tuned into the process of moving around the track. She had always loved to skate, to become lost in her own world, a break away from reality.

Tonight’s practice was short since they were done with the season. Mariah skated a few more laps after practice, wanting her teammates to clear out before she had to face Adam. She wanted that meeting to be private.

She walked over to sit, pulled off her skates, and pulled on her boots. She watched as he sat there watching her. She had no idea what he was thinking. She stood up, pulled her bag over her shoulder, and headed to the door.

“Decided to come back?” she asked, stopping near him as he stepped up to meet her.

“I did. I missed you,” he said, getting into step beside her as they made their way out into the night. It was silent between them as they made their way to Mariah’s car parked next to his.

She unlocked her door, opened it, and threw in her bag.

“Will you stop by?”

She was silent for a minute, eyes trained on the ground, deciding. “Why should I?” she asked.

He stepped closer to her and her eyes lifted to gaze into his. He leaned towards her, placed a kiss on her lips. His hand went to the back of her head, holding her in place as he kissed her deeply; she responded, as needy as he. A few minutes later he removed his hand and pulled back and they stood for a second, staring at each other.

“Come by. I missed you,” he said and kissed her again.

“I don’t know,” she said as she slid into her car, started her engine, and pulled away, watching him standing there as she drove away. God, what to do? She ran her hand over her face and sighed. She glanced in the rearview mirror and he was still watching. She would go home, shower, and then decide.

* * *

She was on her bike again, riding to his place. To talk, she decided. She would talk and explain that this was no longer enough for her, no more Tuesdays and Thursdays. Nope, not enough anymore, it was more or nothing. Okay, it was more or nothing afterward. She’d tell him all of her decisions after she’d gotten one more night spread out underneath him, his hips holding her in place, his request to “open for me” heating her blood.

* * *

He sat waiting for her, wondering if she’d come. He was never sure with Mariah, even the new
I-want-more
Mariah. He was back to his old routine; some demonstration of independence he’d shown the last week. It had been an internal test to see if he could let the sex go. Let her go, the funny, challenging Mariah. He was irritated with himself for putting himself back in this position of wanting someone again. What happened to keeping it simple, to taking some time to figure out what he wanted, to just going with the flow.

He heard the knock at the door, went to answer it. His eyes roamed over her, his new idea of sexy in those boots and a soft skirt to her knees. Sad it didn’t even have to be short these days to get his blood flowing, just her in it was enough. She was braless underneath her t-shirt. He knew from experience.

She smiled, stepped in, and removed her helmet. Her hair was back to blonde, another kick. He placed her helmet on the floor, reaching for her bag next and setting it next to her helmet, in some kind of hurry.
Slow down, dude,
he told himself, but his body leaned in for a kiss.

She seemed to be of like mind; her arms went around his neck and she kissed him back. They must have felt the same need because they both feasted at each other’s mouths for a while.

When he’d gotten his fill, he pulled away. She pulled him back, apparently not having topped off yet, and he obliged. A couple of minutes later she pulled back and smiled. He did, too, then turned and walked her to his bedroom, where they made up for the lost week.

* * *

When she could catch her breath, she turned to face him. “I was thinking we could try going out sometimes. We don’t have to limit our time to just Tuesday or Thursday. I could give you my telephone number, and you could call when you want to reach me so you don’t have to show up at practice,” she said.

He pushed her onto her back and kissed her again, putting an end to her talking, and she let him, one more time.

“Adam,” she said, when she could break free. He kissed her again, knocked her legs apart, not as softly as he usually did, and entered her, clearly not in the mood for talking. Fine. She pushed her hips up to meet his thrust.

Thirty minutes later his phone on the nightstand beeped, indicating the arrival of a text. Mariah lay next to him, trying to catch her breath again. He reached across her body and picked up the phone to read the text, deciding to let her read it, too, just because she was starting to annoy him with that I-want-more bit again, and to maybe quiet the internal push that he was starting to feel.

He lifted his cell phone up. They were both on their backs still and he read it. And because Mariah’s head was at his shoulder, she read it, too, noting that he wanted her to see it.

“
I HAD A GOOD TIME THE OTHER NIGHT. WHEN CAN WE GET TOGETHER AGAIN?
it read.

“What other night?” she asked, her head still on his shoulder.

“Last Thursday,” he said.

Mariah’s mind went into action. So the other night when he hadn’t stopped by during practice… She didn’t say a word, and just read it again, watching as he texted back, writing that he’d call her later.

“Who’s Tiff?” she asked, proud at her ability to ask that question in a normal tone.

“Remember the girl from the roller derby?” he said, turning his face to look into her eyes, her head still resting against his shoulder. “She was there with me and Michael at the first bout, the first time I saw you.” He watched comprehension dawn in her eyes.

“Oh, I thought you weren’t dating anyone,” she said.

“I wasn’t. I’ve only gone out with her twice.”

“Oh, only twice, huh?” she said, sitting up slowly.

“You’re okay with that, right?” he said, laughing a little. She didn’t know what to make of him. Was he serious?

“Sure,” she said, in a very clearly unconcerned manner, surprising him with her calm. She turned back to look at him.

“You know what? I think I’m done.”

“What? What do you mean, done?” he asked as she stood, facing him from the foot of his bed.

“I’m done,” she said, again in that
I’m-not-bothered
way he hadn’t seen before, without a trace of attitude. She walked to his side of the bed and looked down at him, still lying there, his eyes looking up at her now.

“Yep, I’ve changed my mind about what I want,” she said, letting her words die. She stood there, her hands now on her slim hips, her blonde hair short and everywhere on her head, beautiful body bare.

Wait!
his head screamed.
Surely you’re not letting her go. Tell her you didn’t mean it
. He sat up, put his feet on the floor, and looked up at her again.

“Don’t leave angry,” is what he ended up saying.

“I’m not. I’m not angry,” she said, chuckling now, shaking her head, laughing again as she pulled on her underwear and grabbed her boots. She turned and walked out of the bedroom and into the living room where she grabbed her t-shirt, not in any particular hurry, just as normal as you please. She slid into her skirt and reached for her boots, stuffing her feet into them, not bothering to tie them. She grabbed her hoodie from her bag and pulled it over her head. He’d followed her out, and now stood there.

She wasn’t going to let him see her sweat. This was no big deal, the big ass. She pulled her bag over her shoulder, grabbed her helmet, and walked to the door. She turned to him, her face wiped clean of anything other than pleasantness.

“See you around,” she said before she opened the door and walked out. He couldn’t follow her. He was still nude, and what would he tell her anyway?
I know you want more, but I’m really not sure that I do. You can’t change your mind now. I’m not ready to stop. I like you, but I’m not ready for anything else.

He walked over to the window, moving the blinds with his finger. He couldn’t see her, not sure where she’d parked, but he heard the sound of her electric scooter starting up. A few moments later she became visible in his line of sight. He watched her until she disappeared.

It’s what you wanted, right?
He stood there for a while, not sure how to proceed. Well, it had to end at some point, right? He walked back to his bedroom and sat on the bed, taking in the rumpled sheets, and laid down, staring at the ceiling. The light from the complex was the only illumination in the room. He could still smell her scent, something light and floral.

Now what? Did he want something more?
No
came back, but not as quick as it used to. He loved her body, the things they could do together. He liked watching her on the track, skating, focused, and tough. She was funny, and he enjoyed being around her. Beyond skating, though, and that tiny bit he learned early on about her work and her brother, he didn’t really know that much about her. He still didn’t have a number to call her. He’d wanted it that way. Remember?

She had started to linger in his mind after she’d left and that was the new addition. She always had lingered, but it had been mostly centered around the things they did for each other in his bed. Couldn’t remember when it had changed. But lately he’d found himself smiling about something she’d told him, in that no-nonsense way of hers. It was a little frightening. She was so not what he was used to.