Society Girls: Neveah (7 page)

“You.”

“I have my own gun.”

“I know. I did buy it after all,” he reminds
me with a smile before turning serious again. “You need to learn
how to shoot guns that aren’t yours.”

“I will. Later.”

He shakes his head. “There’s no time like
now. Go all in with me, Nev. I told you I trust you, and right now,
I need you to trust me, too.”

“I’ll try. I’m sorry, but that’s all I can
say right now.”

“That’s all I ask, sweetheart. Just try.
Ripping the Band-Aid off is always easier. We’ll start with your
pretty little one first.”

I nod, barely hesitating to pick it up. I
really have gotten used to it, and while I’m still freaking out a
little, it’s not enough to make me stop. I rationally know that me
shooting a handgun is not the same as Matt shooting an AR during a
gunfight in a war. I’ll have to learn to shoot all kinds of guns,
but like Stella said, I won’t always have to use them. Dylan and I
are the only ones down here right now, and I’m pretty sure he’ll
stay back behind me, so I will be the one controlling where the
bullets from this gun go. No one will get hurt.

My resolve continues to be strong as I pick
up my pistol, and load it. I’ve paid closer attention in weapons
training that in any other class, simply because I knew I’d have to
do this one day, and I wanted to be prepared. Once I’ve got the gun
ready, I put it down in front of me, and reach for my goggles.
Dylan stops me with a hand on my forearm, and I look up at him.

“You can do this, I know you can. I’ll be
right behind you.”

He’s right. I feel it coursing through my
veins—I can do this. I can shoot at a piece of paper. It’s not a
person, it’s just a piece of paper. No one is going to get hurt, so
I don’t have to go there in my mind right now. I can just
concentrate on doing this one thing. Pulling the trigger.

I once again reach out for the goggles,
placing them over my eyes before I put the headphones on. I stand
the way I was taught, and pick up my gun. Dylan has the target
moved in so it will be easier for me to hit, because he doesn’t
know that accuracy has never been a problem for me. I can naturally
hit any target, with any weapon, and I don’t expect that guns will
be any different.

I brace myself, line up the gun, and do it
before I can psych myself out. I pull the trigger, and nothing
happens. I mean, yeah, a bullet left the chamber, and then ripped
through the paper target, but I’m talking about me. I didn’t
freeze, I didn’t faint, I didn’t cry, and most importantly…I DID
IT!

I want to jump up and down, or slump to the
ground in relief, but I know I need to remain where I am, and pull
the trigger again. One shot isn’t enough to make me comfortable. I
empty the chamber in my gun on the target, and then set it
aside.

Dylan is behind me in an instant. He turns
me to him, and kisses me hard, before pulling my headphones off. “I
knew you could do it.”

“I can,” I agree. “Can you put the target
further back?”

“Of course.”

He reaches down next to me under the
counter, and pushes the button. I like that he’s making sure I know
how to do it, too. He’s helping me because I need it, but he’s not
treating me like I’m helpless. It’s one of the reasons I’m falling
for him.

I know I shouldn’t be, but I am. He’s not
that guy who sticks around, and I know better than to try and
change someone. Maybe it’s seeing Matt settle down, along with his
friends Aiden and Nate. The three of them were the biggest players
I knew, and yet they all got married and are happier than I’ve ever
seen them. I can’t think I’ll have the same effect on Dylan,
because thoughts like that are dangerous to my heart, and my
sanity.

“You okay, Nev?”

“Huh? Oh yeah, I’m good. I should probably
move on to the other guns now.”

I put my headphones back on as he looks at
me with his brow furrowed. It seems like he might want to say
something to me, but he backs up and lets me get on with things. I
take my heels off because I know the bigger guns will have more of
a kick. Then I load the next gun, and take my shots. I can’t say it
gets easier, because it really doesn’t. I’m still not totally
comfortable, but I don’t feel like I’ll pass out, either.

Once I’ve had time with all the different
weapons Dylan gave me, I pull off the goggles and headphones.
“Thanks for letting me use your stuff. I appreciate it.”

“That sounds like a goodbye.”

I shrug. “I’m a little worn out, both
physically and mentally.”

“Are you hungry, too?”

I am, but it’s not fair to him for me to
stay. “I’ll grab something on the way home.”

“Did I do something wrong, Nev?”

“What? No! You’ve been perfect with
everything tonight.”

“Then why are you in such a hurry to
leave?”

I look past him when I answer. “I’m not up
for making out—or more. I’m sorry, but I’m just not.”

“You think I only want you here for making
out and sex?” he asks, and I can hear the anger in his voice.

“You’re you. I know you expect things to be
physical with us.”

He looks to the ceiling, while he works his
jaw back and forth before speaking. “I thought you saw more in me
than my reputation, which I know I earned, but still. I thought…you
know what? Never mind. Let me put the guns and ammo away, and then
I’ll walk you out.”

“You’re angry,” I say, stating the
obvious.

“You’re damn right I am. Maybe I just wanted
to feed you, and then hold you in my arms. This isn’t about sex
with you. Do I want to have sex with you? Hell, yeah. What guy in
his right mind wouldn’t want that? But I want more, too. I can’t
believe you don’t see that. I asked you to be my girlfriend, for
God’s sake!”

“You need sex. You’re used to having it all
the time.”

“Yes, I’m used to it, but I obviously don’t
‘need’ it. I haven’t been with a woman since we met at the gala,
and I’m still alive.”

“You haven’t?”

He rears back like I’ve physically hit him.
“I spend every night I can with you, and you have an open
invitation to stop by any time you want. And I said you’re my
girlfriend. Do you honestly think I’d do that if I was sleeping
with other women?”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know? Wow. I…just wow.”

“Did you want me to lie?”

“No. I want you to realize that I’m serious
about you, about us. You like throwing my reputation around, but
yet you don’t acknowledge that what’s happening between us is
different. Since you’re so familiar with me and my past, you should
know that no woman has lasted more than one night with me, and most
don’t even last the night. Didn’t you find that out in your Google
searching?”

“I just thought maybe you thought I’d
understand if I came here and you were entertaining, or if you were
out with someone else.”

“Would you have understood?
Because I can tell you right now that if I found you with some
other guy, I’d lose my shit. My girl is
mine
. I don’t share.”

“It would’ve hurt me,” I admit, “but since I
wasn’t having sex with you, I didn’t think I had the right to be
upset if that happened.”

“Is that why you always call ahead?”

“Yes.”

“Dammit, Nev. I want
you
.
Only
you. I can’t believe you don’t
know that.”

“I didn’t want to hope. We’ve never talked
the specifics and parameters of what we’re doing here.”

“Well, we’re talking now, and I don’t know
how to make it any clearer. I already told you earlier that I’m
yours, that I feel different with you, that my hand is getting a
workout. What the hell more can I say? There is no one else. There
will be no one else as long as you want me.”

He means it. He meant it earlier, too. I
need to stop being so insecure and let this man in. “Is the offer
for food and cuddling still open?”

* * *

Dylan

“It is,” I tell her. I know I should sound
more excited, but I’m really not feeling that way right now. I’m
not mad enough to turn down more time with her, but I can’t pretend
I’m not pissed off, either.

“I’ll go. Thanks for helping me. I won’t
bother you again.”

She starts to walk past me, but I grab her
arm. “Stay. I want you to stay. I’ll order us some food after I put
everything away.”

“Are you sure? I know you’re upset.”

“I’m sure,” I say, pulling her to me so I
can kiss her forehead. “You can stay all night if you want. No
pressure. I’m happy to just hold you.”

“I’d like that. I have some stuff in my
car.”

“Clothes?”

“Yeah, and um…my prayer mat.”

“Oh yeah. Of course. You can pray wherever
you want in the house. Or did you want to be outside?” I know
everything about Islam, but telling her that would make her
suspicious, and that’s not what I’m going for here.

“Inside is good for tonight, although I may
take you up on the outside offer in the morning.”

“Whatever you need.”

“I’m really sorry about earlier. I’m trying
to trust you.”

“I know. I shouldn’t have
gotten so upset. I haven’t been the most reliable guy in the past,
at least not where women are concerned. But I want this. I
want
you
.”

“I want you, too.”

She kisses me lightly on the lips, and walks
out. I brace myself on the shooting stall as I drop my head. I knew
I was falling in love with her, but I didn’t realize how much it
would hurt for her not to believe in me. She has every reason not
to trust me based on my track record with women, and also the
things she doesn’t know yet. But damn, if it didn’t stab me in the
heart to hear her say she thought I’ve been with other women since
I met her. This is way beyond my vow now, and I honestly don’t know
if I’ll be able to hand her over once the time comes. All I know
for sure is that I’m screwed. Completely, and totally screwed.

Neveah

Dylan was true to his word last night. He
fed me some good Thai food, and then he tucked me into bed with
him. We kissed a little, but he stopped everything before I could
take it further. If I didn’t know why he was doing it, I would’ve
felt bad about being turned down. He had a point to prove to me,
and I let him prove it.

This morning is another
story. Waking up with his arms around me is Heaven. Waking up with
his erection pressing into my back is Hell. I know he’s going to
push me away again, because he thinks he has to, but I want him. I
may even
need
him.
He didn’t pressure me, though, so I can’t pressure him.

I wiggle out of his embrace, and climb out
of bed. I try not to wake him, but it happens anyway. “Sneaking out
while it’s still dark?”

“No,” I say turning to him with a smile. “I
was just going to do my morning prayers. I didn’t mean to wake
you.”

“I’m not complaining. You’ll be back
soon?”

“I can be. You want to cuddle some more?” I
ask, hoping he’ll say he wants more.

“Exactly.”

Well, then, there’s my answer. I’m not going
to get my wish this morning. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Mm,” is all the answer I get as he snuggles
back under his comforter.

I walk to his glorious master bath, and take
care of my morning routine before heading downstairs. I grab the
beautiful rug Matt bought me for traveling, and walk out into
Dylan’s large backyard. He’s got a gorgeous pool, complete with
waterfalls and some slides, a few open cabanas and a pool house. To
the side is a large lawn and an outdoor basketball court. There’s
an indoor one, too, but I haven’t seen it yet.

I lay out my rug on the grass, and begin my
morning prayer. I complete the different positions as I pray,
ending in a sitting position. My mind is clear, and I feel
refreshed and ready for my day. Contrary to popular belief, much of
the modern Muslim world respects women, and reveres us, even.
Sadly, it is the ones who use our faith for their evil who get the
most attention. One day, I hope it is not so, but for now it is
just something I must live with.

I roll up my rug, and place it on the
kitchen island once I walk inside. I grab a glass of water while
trying to decide what to do next. Do I climb back into bed with
Dylan, or do I quietly get dressed and leave? Should I make him
breakfast first if I decide to leave? I just don’t know how to do
this, because even though I’ve had a boyfriend or two, I haven’t
had too many sleepovers.

“I never realized a glass of water was that
interesting,” Dylan tells me with a smirk as he walks into the
kitchen.

“Oh hi.”

He raises an eyebrow. “Why do I feel like
you’re nervous right now?”

“Maybe because I am?”

“About?”

“I don’t usually stay over at a guy’s place.
I just wasn’t sure what I should be doing.”

“You told me you had boyfriends before. You
didn’t spend the night?”

“I did, and no, not usually.”

“Can I ask why?”

“Yes, you can ask,” I say, teasing him.

“Why?”

I gesture to my rolled up rug. “That tends
to be a little awkward.”

“You praying is awkward? How?”

Here we go, time to put it out there. “Most
guys like to forget I’m a Muslim. It makes them feel okay with
dating me if they just think of me as a girl with a tan.”

“What the fuck? I-I can’t even. I need
names, Nev. Names and addresses.”

“You’re going to go defend my honor?”

“Damn right. If a guy wants to be with a
girl, that means he wants all of her, religion included. A guy
ignoring you’re a Muslim is like him ignoring your mind, or your
perfect tits. It’s simply not acceptable.”