Solarversia: The Year Long Game (35 page)

“‘Why do you cry, gremlin?’

“The creature gave a start and hopped onto the machine.

“‘Don’t be afraid,’ said Ludi. ‘I mean you no harm.’

“‘Oh, you are kind, Bioski. I’m crying because I’m broken; I failed to feed my Orbitini in time. But how strange it is to speak again.’

“‘Explain yourself. What is this ‘Orbitini’ you speak of?’

“The gremlin gasped. ‘You’ve not heard of the magical Orbitini? It’s a spectacular device, a machine of wish fulfilment. For twenty years I’ve been making dreams come true. But I failed to feed it — such a stupid thing — so it stopped showing me its Event Cards. It won’t display a thing.’

“Ludi looked at the machine in wonder. ‘How do you work it?’

“‘You don’t
work
it, you insolent witch. You
care
for it.’

“‘How so?’

“‘Oh, it was simple. People would come and tell me of their hearts’ desires, and I would let the Orbitini hear their prayers. Here, on this screen, it would show a card — a depiction of their wishes and the price to be paid. For the right price, there is almost nothing the Orbitini cannot do. It runs on diamonds, you see.’

“‘Diamonds?’

“‘You put them into this funnel.’ He caressed it, wistfully. ‘Sometimes people would pay me extra, and I could fulfil my own wishes. Alas, all that has come to end.’

“‘Why so?’ asked Ludi as he eyed the machine with greed.

“‘In return for its powers, the Orbitini requires its master to feed it one diamond a day, at the very least. Last week, after twenty years of faithful service, I failed to feed it.’ He arched an eyebrow. ‘If you know someone who might be interested in taking ownership, let me know.’

“‘But you said it was broken.’

“‘It’s
me
that is broken, Bioski, not the machine,’ he snapped, then, with a sad look, ‘I’ve lost the power to control it.’

Ludi ran an outstretched hand along the Orbitini’s smooth veneer and ogled its many buttons, sliders and gauges. ‘What price do you ask, gremlin?’

“‘Objects as powerful as the one before you do not come cheap.’ For a fraction of a second his face became mean and disfigured. ‘But I’ll get nothing for the sale. It’s yours in exchange for your mouth and all of the words within it.’

“Ludi scoffed at the gremlin. ‘My mouth? Then how will I communicate? And how will I eat?’

“‘That’s simple.’ The gremlin leant back against the machine’s screen, crossed his legs and smiled. ‘It comes with a magic tablet that works just like a mouth. You won’t even miss it. I never missed mine, that’s for sure. Oh, the power to fulfil wishes, Bioski — it’s worth every utterance you ever spat out and every morsel you ever shovelled in. Just remember to feed it a diamond every day and you’ll never regret it.’

“‘I’ll take it,’ Ludi said, speaking his final words.

“With the help of some local villagers, Ludi took the contraption back to his tree house. The next morning he awoke mouthless, to find a magic tablet at the foot of his bed, adorned with images and symbols. Just as the gremlin had foretold, he was able to communicate with great clarity and insight using the tablet, and fulfilling wishes on the Orbitini became his life’s work.

“One sunny day, a few years later, the King and Queen demanded that Ludi Bioski visit them at the palace to listen to their problem.

“‘You must help us,’ said the King. ‘Our daughter Zibelda dreams of marriage, but is unable to find a suitor. As you can see, she’s very, very short and dreams of being taller.’

“‘She’s vertically challenged,’ added the Queen after a moment’s thought. Zibelda hopped down from her miniature throne and tapped Ludi on the knee.

“‘I want to be the tallest girl in the land, as tall as the trees in the orchard.’

“Ludi’s magic tablet displayed its card — an image of a man pulling some flowers out of a hat — and the price of the spell, which he showed to the Royal Keeper, the man who looked after the King’s money.

“‘The Bioski asks for a handful of diamonds, sire,’ said the Keeper.

“The King nodded his agreement, the Keeper made the payment, and Ludi travelled back to his Orbitini to start his work.

“In the days following his visit, Princess Zibelda grew and grew. At first she was very pleased with her new height. At last she could reach the pretty crystal glasses in the royal cabinets and see her face reflected in the drawing room windows. But still she grew taller, and she didn’t seem likely to stop. She grew too tall to fit in the bath. She grew so tall that she knocked her head on the chandeliers in the dining room. The local seamstress was hired to make special dresses for her, and the carpenter was hired to make a bespoke bed.

“The King and Queen ordered Ludi to return to the castle.

“‘Look what you’ve done,’ said the King. ‘Nobody’s going to want her in this state.’

“‘She remains vertically challenged,’ added the Queen.

“Princess Zibelda, bent at the knees so she didn’t bang her head on the ceiling, tapped Ludi on the head. ‘I want you to squish me down so that I’m this tall,’ she said, holding a hand to her waist. This time Ludi’s tablet displayed a castle wall with a long crack running through it.

“‘The Bioski says that a spell like this is far more difficult, Your Majesty. It will cost a barrel full of diamonds,’ the Keeper reported.

“‘Life itself is difficult,’ said the King. ‘I won’t rest until our darling Zibelda is happy. Arrange the payment.’

“A short while after this second visit, Princess Zibelda started to shrink. At first she was delighted to find herself able to walk through doors and sit in her carriage again. But while she shrank in height, she grew in width. Before long she reached her desired height but was even fatter than the King. She had to walk sideways through doors. She was now too
wide
for her bath and her limbs dangled off the sides of her bed. The carpenter returned to reinforce it while the local seamstress produced some tent-sized dresses.

“Again Ludi was ordered to the castle. The King was furious.

“‘You blasted fool, look what you’ve done now,’ the King said with a gesture in Zibelda’s direction. ‘She looks more hideous than ever.’

“‘She’s horizontally challenged,’ added the Queen.

“Princess Zibelda, sitting on a fortified throne, as round as a bubble, pointed a chubby finger at Ludi. ‘I want to be perfect, that’s all I’ve ever wanted.’

“The Royal Keeper looked at the picture displayed on Ludi’s tablet of a snake with a tail in its mouth. He turned to address the King.

“‘The spell will cost the Royal Household a cartful of diamonds, your Greatness.’

“The King’s cheeks flushed as red could be. ‘Fetch the cart, Keeper. Zibelda will be as she desires.’

“In the weeks following the third spell, Zibelda lost both height and weight. She could once again walk through doors without turning sideways, and could also fit in the bath. But she kept on shrinking, and before long she was as short and as slim as when Ludi had first set eyes on her. She needed to be accompanied wherever she went, for she was at risk of getting under people’s feet and nobody wanted a crushed Princess. And no suitors ever came forward.

“Zibelda became depressed and refused to leave the castle. Not even the court jester was able to make her smile. One morning, when the palace cat climbed over her on the way to his plate of milk, she decided she’d had enough. She climbed the tallest tower in the castle and threw herself to her death.

“The King and Queen commanded Ludi to return to the castle.

“‘Look what you’ve done!’ yelled the King as he pointed to a miniature casket. ‘You’ve killed our beloved Zibelda with your wicked sorcery.’

“‘She’s existentially challenged,’ said the Queen.

“‘I demand that you cast one last spell to bring her back to life, before I get my guards to deport you from this land for good.’

“Ludi’s tablet displayed the Card of Eternal Circularity — a staircase that spiralled round on itself, forever descending or ascending, whichever way you looked at it.

“‘The spell is priceless, your highness. The Bioski claims that it’s impossible.’

“‘Nothing is impossible when you’re the King,’ said the King.

“‘Nothing is beyond royal reach,’ said the Queen.

“Sensing their anguish, the Royal Keeper ordered the guards to bring every diamond the Royal Family owned from the Jewel Tower. They returned with chests and barrels full of diamonds, but no matter how many they offered, Ludi’s tablet displayed the same card.

“His Majesty was furious and wanted Ludi killed on the spot. ‘Burn him at the stake. That’s what we do with murderers like him,’ commanded the King.

“‘No. Throw him from the White Tower, so he can fall to his death like our beloved Zibelda,’ cried the Queen.

“‘Cut him in half and do both to the scoundrel,’ said the Royal Keeper. And before evening fell, his suggestion had been carried out.

“Days later the King was horrified to be informed that Ludi had been spotted near his tree house.

“‘He’s not dead, sire. Merely deformed,’ explained one of the palace guards.

“‘I demand to know what is going on,’ cried the King. ‘The Card of Eternal Circularity said the machine was incapable of resurrecting the dead.’

“‘Have we been hoodwinked?’ demanded the Queen.

“Following much debate, the Keeper arranged for the Royal Carriage to drive into the forest, and had the guards surround the area for safekeeping.

“On the King’s command, the Royal Keeper approached the tree, cupped his hands, and called, ‘Bioski, Bioski, come down from your tree, I’m in need of your help, at the price you decree.’

“Ludi scurried halfway down the trunk. The King and Queen gasped when they saw him. He no longer resembled a sorcerer so much as a four legged-crab with a great arched back. His right half, which had been thrown from the White Tower, had been bleached a bright, spectral white, and was decorated black and blue with bruises. Down his centre, jagged stitches cleaved the right half to the blackened left, which had been burnt at the stake and was puckered and blistered, and crackled like cinders.

“A local villager, one of many who had stopped by to witness the royal procession, raised his hand and received permission to speak.

“‘Orbitinis have the power to resurrect their masters, your majesty. But there’s a rumour that Ludi is bound to his Orbitini — he needs to feed it a diamond each day or else he’ll lose his power over it. If you keep him in the Royal Dungeon overnight you’ll be able to kill him.’

“Upon hearing this, Ludi scampered back up his tree before the guards could catch him.

“‘Don’t just stand there looking at me, chop it down,’ yelled the King.

“‘Off with its boughs,’ cried the Queen.

“The guards came forward, and with axes raised, chopped and hacked at the tree’s great trunk. Before long, the tree began to waver, and then at great speed, it came crashing down. As it hit the ground, the tree house smashed to pieces. There on the forest floor was a shaken Ludi Bioski, and a badly damaged Orbitini. As the guards went to grab him, Ludi threw a bag in the air, scattering diamonds everywhere. The local villagers, who outnumbered the guards by dozens to one, surged forward, eager to claim the precious stones for themselves. While the King and Queen looked on, helpless, Ludi fed his machine a diamond from the ground and the pair of them vanished from sight.

“Folklore has it that although Ludi lived, and remained master of the Orbitini, the machine was damaged in the fall. Now it casts spells at random, affecting innocent people all over the land. It no longer fulfils wishes, so much as distorts dreams. Ever since that fateful day the people of Nakk-oo have blamed all manner of things on Ludi Bioski. Whatever happens, night or day, someone is sure to be heard blaming it all on the haphazard master.”

The owl winked at the audience before flying away. Nova heard the pleasing ding of a Bucket List item being ticked off in her Booners and then, in the room, the sound of Burner swearing. He leapt off his bed and synced his headset to the smartwall. A second later Nova’s datafeed started going crazy too.

“What the hell is going on?” he yelled. “I was in a Corona Cube, safe and sound.”

She sat bolt upright in her chair. “I don’t know, but you can guarantee it wasn’t good — the death counter is ticking up like crazy.”

Chapter Thirty-Four

Nova and Burner were in Panama to visit the famous canal, which, along with six other Wonders of the Industrial World, was on December’s Bucket List. But instead of going on their little excursion, they were being spewed onto the streets along with dozens of other players.

Burner stared at his datafeed in horror. “Jesus Christ. The ninety millionth person just went out, so the Gameworld’s evolved again. Moves for Combos will no longer be displayed in our headsets — we’ll need to perform them from memory. And to celebrate the fact, it looks like Ludi Bioski has turfed everyone out of their Corona Cube. What a dick.”

Nova filtered her datafeeds for the tag #LudiBioski and scanned them as quickly as she could. She pulled up a real-time feed of Castalia and focused in on the Orbitini. The event screen displayed a countdown timer with nine and a half minutes left on the clock. She synced it to a section of wall, which Burner was fast filling up with other images, feeds and counters in a desperate attempt to make sense of it all.

“It looks like we’ve got to endure nine minutes of mayhem before things return to normal. Except if you die — then you’re exempt from being turfed out again.”

“That’s alright for you,” Burner said, “but I’m a lousy red belt. My God, he’s cloned the animals that escaped from the circus
and
turned them crazier.”

He synced a new feed to the wall, one that cycled through profile cards of the escaped animals, providing their vital statistics. There were several Obarians in the vicinity, winged balls of teeth that aimed for players’ necks, and were best dealt with by baseball bats. Closing in fast was a herd of Petrifiers, bipedal bullocks whose enormous horns were tinted with poison.

Zooming in from the other direction were two Acoo-Stickulars, multicoloured waveforms that travelled at 10% of the speed of sound. They bounced off inorganic surfaces, but when they made contact with a living being they burrowed through skin and bone, attuning the being’s DNA to their own frequency. When death finally came, their victims collapsed, and with their death cry released a newly created Acoo-Stickular with genetic mutations. Burner volleyed frantically between the cards on the wall and the street in Panama.