Someone Like You (21 page)

By the time I reached the field, Tanmay had already scored two goals and everyone was chanting his name aloud. He was being a little cocky too, waving to the crowd and blowing kisses. Of all the people shouting his name, Pia was amongst the most vocal. The match progressed and reached its current status—we are leading 6–0 and Tanmay, with a little help from the other team members, has scored four of them. I have been following the matches, and I can see clearly that Tanmay alone can bring in a crowd to a football match. I don’t understand football much, but I do understand and recognize his athletic agility and cunning on the field.

I don’t know if it’s true, but it could be because of Karthik. There is a striking similarity that stares you in the face. And I know that Karthik hates to watch our team play, though somehow, I sense him around.

‘It’s ended already?’ I ask as I see the team crying out in joy and hugging and patting each other.

The other team couldn’t even score a single goal, and they are a good team, Pia tells me excitedly. The score line doesn’t reflect the opposing team’s calibre. Our team does some crazy war-victory dances and runs across the field wildly. It definitely means a lot to them. After that’s done, Tanmay comes running to us and almost as a reflex, hugs Pia. The hug lingers on a little longer than it should and they both look at each other, embarrassed, when they realize what happened. Tanmay hugs me also later, quickly and more like a friend. I smile, barely suppressing a chuckle.

‘It was crazy. I didn’t know you were that good,’ I say.

‘Crazy, wasn’t it?’ he says.

‘You were AMAZING!’ Pia shrieks.

‘We should celebrate,’ I say.

‘Umm … I wish I could. But I have to go out with the team. They will not let me bail on them. We made it to the finals, after all! Later, maybe?’ he looks with guilt-filled eyes at us.

‘We get it,’ Pia nods.

‘So, will you get drunk again tonight?’ I ask, not too happy about it.

‘Just today … please? Don’t be angry,’ he pleads.

‘And will you come under our window and say good things about her, again?’ I poke fun at him and he blushes.

‘I’ve got to go now,’ he says, still looking apologetic.

‘It’s okay! Have your fun. But we need a treat later, okay?’ I wink.

Just then, someone calls out his name and he knows he has to leave. He hugs us again. And again, Pia’s hug lasts longer than mine and they exchange a smile that says so much more. Pia’s eyes follow Tanmay till the time he walks off the field, enters a car and drives off.

‘Shall we also leave now?’ I ask her, shaking her out of her reverie.

‘Sure. And I forgot to ask—what’s with Akshat? Things looked kind of tense back in the car …’

‘Nothing much … we had a small fight.’

‘Oh, you guys seem to fight more than you talk. And what’s his problem? Why was he so agitated?’ she asks.

‘I wish I knew,’ I say and look for an auto.

P
ia walks hurriedly towards the gym. It’s evening and she knows the gym will be empty, like it always is. It’s just what she needs—to be alone. She knows, and she knows for sure, that no one would understand what she is going through right now. She knows about all the signals she is sending out to Tanmay and what he feels for her. It’s more than evident on his face whenever he looks at her; she can see it in his eyes, his clenched fists, and the drops of sweat on his brow.

Pia thinks Niharika seemed to be happy. But she had no reason not to be. After all, she knows nothing about her. Or Vishal. But Pia remembers every single day of every year she has spent with Vishal. She remembers—clearly, like it was yesterday—the first time she found a rose on her desk and her friends ridiculed the mysterious admirer. The next day, it was a letter confessing his love for her; her friends ridiculed the mysterious admirer a little more, much to the chagrin of Pia herself. It wasn’t until the thirtieth letter that he revealed himself, and when he did, Pia was glad it was him—a best friend for seven years, someone who knew everything about her, someone who understood her inside out—Vishal, the guy she promised herself she would always be with.

The next two years were blissful. They were always together and it was as if nothing else mattered. She stayed back to see him practise for his tennis tournaments after school time, while he always
accompanied her for the numerous shopping sprees. Everything was perfect, it was a match made in heaven.

Over time, their intimacy increased, though Vishal had been very subtle in his advances and never expected—or wanted—anything out of Pia. But, three months before the school term was scheduled to end, they found themselves alone in the school building after his tennis match. Pia still remembers that evening vividly, when she was scared someone would walk in and Vishal had assured her otherwise. She still remembers the touch of his hands on her neck and further down. She remembers every moment of that evening and every detail of what happened.

When Vishal had first tried to move further down, Pia had panicked. She knew that it was not something very unusual and that everyone was doing ‘it’ nowadays, but she still couldn’t see herself doing it. Even with Vishal. She tried to explain to him that she was not ready yet, and in turn, he tried relentlessly to make her change her mind.

‘But why?’ he had asked, running his hand through his hair, clearly frustrated.

‘Because I don’t … it just doesn’t feel right …’ Pia whispered.

‘There is nothing wrong in it. We love each other and we will always be together. There is nothing—’

‘But if we are going to be together always, then what is the rush?’

‘What do you—? You don’t trust me,’ he said flatly and moved away.

‘No! I trust you. Of course I do … it’s just that, this is too abrupt … I’m not prepared for this …’

‘When will you be?’

‘Just … give me some time. I will think about it, I promise,’ she said and tried to pull him back close to her. He did come back, but the moment was lost. In his arms, she felt as if they were miles away from each other. That was when the problems between them started.

The growing distance and the way Vishal was taking it made Pia even more doubtful about the idea of bringing intimacy into
their relationship. She did not understand his behaviour. She had never seen him so mad at her before. She did not know what she had done to deserve that treatment. She was an innocent seventeen-year-old girl, who was nervous about her first physical experience. Was that a crime?

It sure seemed like it was. She could not handle the distance between the two of them, and finally had to agree to give Vishal what he wanted, if only to make things get back to normal. She could not bear to see their relationship suffer because of her stupid fears and insecurities. They made love in his room, the next time Pia went over to complete her maths project. It was everything she had worried it would be, and worse. She had not imagined that the pain would be so intense. Even though the overall experience was far from pleasurable, she took care not to let it show in her expressions. She pretended that it was perfect.

While for Vishal things got back to normal, Pia was scarred for life. She used to spend sleepless nights feeling uneasy and disgusted with herself. Sometimes, she broke down in front of Vishal, but he never understood the issue. Slowly, Pia began to realize it was unfair of her to expect that Vishal would understand what she was going through, since she didn’t understand it herself.

The board and the entrance examinations came and went, and throughout, Pia didn’t think it would be fair to bug Vishal with her problems. Maybe, it was all her fault, maybe she was thinking too much. But she had tried everything to push it away from her head. It did not work. She often found herself crying in the middle of the night.

The intimacy slowly died out from their relationship since Pia was not very good at hiding her feelings. Vishal had started to get a little cold and she didn’t really blame him since she understood that he had his needs too. Though she always wished he understood her better. Time passed and things got better … but only to get worse.

Her world crashed when Vishal told her that he would be doing his graduation from Bangalore. They had not discussed it at length
before, but Pia always thought it was a given that they would stay in Delhi and study together, even if it meant going to different colleges. There had been fights between them and Vishal had argued that it was what his parents wanted and he had no control over it.

They fought, they cried, they bickered, and they broke up. Only to come together and promise each other that they would be together for the rest of their lives. Pia believed the conviction in his eyes, the touch of his hands, and the warmth of his hug, which told her that they would be together, no matter what, come hell or high water.

Despite the promises, despite the days they had spent wrapped up in each other, they started to change; the people who said those words of togetherness had started to change. By the time Pia shifted to Nagpur, their lives were held together by a thin, tenuous thread of love that could have snapped any moment. That moment came when Vishal landed in Bangalore and immersed himself in a new life, while Pia still struggled to keep it going.

In the days of utter despair that followed, she found comfort in the friendly smile and the nerdish—even childish—demeanour of one who looked like a friend sent from above. Tanmay. The name itself started to bring a tiny glimmer of hope, a spike of joy in an otherwise dead and hopeless heart. Torn between the ghosts of her past and the promise of a new future, she has spent the last few days crying her eyes out. Vishal has slowly started to ignore her calls, turn a deaf ear to her complaints—even when they are completely justified—and has asked her to move on.

Pia looks at her reflection in the mirror and a question keeps haunting her, ‘How did we get here?’