Somewhere Only We Know ....... (32 page)

The boxes
that I put things into when I
couldn
’
t deal with them were
causing the cupboard that I kept them in to grown and creak under
the weight. I knew there was no room for even the smallest of boxes
and if I tried to stuff another one into the cupboard the doors
would burst open and I would be in a worse state than I had been a
year earlier.

So I was taking my cupboard with me. I would
have plenty of time to open the cupboard doors and one by one open
the boxes. I would sort through what was in each box, but I would
be doing it in my own time.

They left one by one. I loved each and every
one of them and clung to them. I tried to remember the feel and
smell of them, their love would help me through the months to come.
We all cried.

My mam
handed me an envelope before she left.
“
Open it when you get to where you
are going, its things I should have told you a long time
ago
”
she kissed me and
left.

When they
had gone I went upstairs and finished what packing I had had left.
I hadn
’
t arranged to see any
of them tomorrow, I had a few things to sort out with the bank and
solicitors and I was going to leave in the evening.

The house
was empty. Thomas hadn
’
t
come home. I walked around the house that had been my home for so
many years and the tears were back. I had so many memories here,
good and bad, but the house had protected me and the kids, it had
been the place me and Keith had started our family, the place me
and Ben had started our relationship.

The thought
of Ben sent a stabbing pain across my heart. Despite of everything
I wished him well. I didn
’
t
know if he knew I was leaving, no one said, but he
hadn
’
t tried to see me or
contact me. I sat on my bed until I regulated my breathing and made
a spur of the moment decision. I was going to go now.

I could sort
out the bank when I got there and I would email my solicitors. I
couldn
’
t stay in the house
another night, I had to go. I sent off my email, did a quick once
over around the house and then rang Beth.
“
I
’
m going to go now Beth, if I drive through the night I can
be there first thing in the morning, I just
can
’
t sit around,
I
’
m winding myself
up.
”
“
Are you
sure mam, it
’
s late, what
does Thomas say?
”
she
replied.
“
He
isn
’
t home yet,
I
’
ll ring
him
”
I said. I could hear
Bethany crying.
“
I love you,
I
’
m
sorry
”
I whispered and
clicked the phone off.

Thomas
answered after a couple of rings.
“
Yes
”
he
snapped.
“
Can you pop home
Thomas, I
’
m going to go
tonight and I
’
d like to see
you before I go
”
I shouted,
there was loads of background noise, he was obviously in a
pub.
“
I
can
’
t,
I
’
m with someone, see
you
”
and with that the phone
line was cut off.

I stared at
my mobile stunned. He hated me. I was running and he was holding
the door open ready for me to leave. I jumped up and grabbed all my
stuff. For the next few minutes I ran backwards and forward to the
car, stacking it as best I could. I
couldn
’
t stay there a minute
longer.

I gulped back the sobs as I switched off the
lights and closed the door behind me. This was it.

I knew I
needed a few minutes before I set off so used so I sat in the
driver
’
s seat and text Sasha
and Scarlett. As I watched the little envelope float off on my
mobile, I knocked it onto silent and put it into my bag. I switched
on the Satnav I had bought a few days earlier. James had set it up
ready and it illuminated into life.

The car’s
engine purred and I eased it off the drive. Look forward not back,
look forward not back, look forward not back, but I
couldn
’
t resist a look at my
home in the rear view mirror before I turned onto the street.
Petrol I thought, I need petrol. I stifled the sob that threatened
to escape and looked at the Satnav. 289 miles to go.

Good God Contestant number one Cilla cried!!!!!
Here
’
s our Graham with a quick recap
……………………
..

Caroline blinked her eyes. They were sore
and tired. She reached over for her cigarettes and lit one with
shaking hands. Looking up at the sky she could see a weak winter
sun, her watch showed 8.50am, it was a beautiful morning.

Standing up,
she stretched. Her body ached and she needed the toilet
again,
“
best not take a trip
to the bottom of the garden at this time in the
morning
”
she thought. She
would just have to wait.

Walking to
the car, she looked up and down the street, it was deserted. She
hoped she wasn
’
t going to be
the only person living there, there was alone and there was alone.
The thought of other people living their lives in these little
bungalows would be a comfort.

As she drove
back past them a few minutes later she noticed that there were a
few with cars parked on their drives, perhaps she
wasn
’
t going to be all alone
after all.

It only took a few minutes to get to the
next village. Caroline located the Estate Agents straightaway but
thought it best she cleaned herself up and spent a penny. She
noticed there was a café opposite with parking in front of it. She
eased into the parking bay and made her way into the café.

The café was small and welcoming and the
aroma of coffee hit Caroline as soon as she went through the door.
She took a seat next to the window and ordered coffee and toast off
the young waitress who came across to serve her.

After a
quick trip to the loo, where she brushed her hair and applied a bit
of make-up, she returned to find her coffee and toast waiting for
her. She nibbled at the toast and took great gulps of the hot
coffee, all the time watching the world go by out of the window.
For such a little place there were quite a lot of people coming and
going. When the waitress came back with a refill of coffee for her
she said as much. The waitress laughed and said that there always
was, the Tesco along the street was the only one around here for
about 20 miles so the village was always quite busy.

Caroline paid for her breakfast and made a
mental note to run into Tesco before she went back to the bungalow.
She thanked the waitress and left, not doubting for a moment that
she would be the topic of conversation between the waitress and the
cook, strange woman, strange accent! She smiled, at least it would
just be speculation this time.

The man in
the Estate Agents was lovely, he gave her a rundown of what was
what in Helmsby and the villages surrounding it, doctors, library
the one and only Tesco. She paid her deposit and signed a 6 month
lease. 6 months, it was daunting. But she was here now and she
didn
’
t have anywhere else
she needed to be. Keys in hand she thanked Mr Jones of Jones, Jones
and Jones Junior for his help and made her way across to
Tesco.

She bought far too much food. It was a habit
she would have to get out of, there was only her now, she needed
lonely TV dinners for one. She packed the shopping into any spare
crevice she could find in the car and then decided she would have a
quick walk around the village just so she knew what was there.

The air
still tasted salty, she liked it. She was weary from the journey
down, but the fresh air was starting to revive her. There was a
beautician
’
s and a
hairdressers, a couple of gift shops, a book shop and loads of
cafes and takeaways. There was a lovely hotel, it looked as if it
had been there since Victorian times, her mam and dad would love
it. She made a mental note of its name and smiled at the thought of
her mam and dad walking along the street on Google
Earth.

Back at the bungalow she parked the car back
on the drive. There was now signs of life in some of the other
bungalows, washing on the line, a wheelbarrow in the garden and
this made her feel better.

Caroline
opened the front door. Even though she knew the house
hadn
’
t been lived in for
weeks it didn
’
t have the
locked up stale smell they usually did. It smelt fresh and clean.
On the hallway table there was a vase containing flowers and a
card. It was from the Estate Agents welcoming her to her new home.
How thoughtful. In the living room there were more flowers, it gave
the bungalow an already lived in feeling.

The
furnishings were basic, but clean. It
wouldn
’
t take a lot of work
to make the living room homely. The master bedroom was huge, its
furniture reminded her of her
Granny
’
s in fact the whole
place reminded her of Hannah Hunter and that was a lovely thought.
The bed was stripped but she had brought her own bedding with her
and she was surprised to find that there was a door directly off
her bedroom into the bathroom. En-suite, how posh.

The spare room was literally a box room and
would stay that way in the short term. There was a good size
kitchen which led into the conservatory she had seen earlier in the
morning. She opened the conservatory door and stepped out onto the
decking, it already had a familiar feel about it. This was going to
okay for the time being.

She went back into the house and picked up
her handbag. There was a message from Bethany asking her to ring
when she had a minute. She clicked on the call button. When Beth
answered Caroline assured her she was fine and the bungalow was
lovely, she promised to call later and when she had the place
straightened out she might even send her some photographs.

Going back
to the car she started unloading her belongings, she dumped them in
the living room and went back for more until the car was empty. The
living room was a tip, but methodically she started to empty the
bags and boxes.

She must
have been at it for a couple of hours when she came across the CD
Beth had made for her. She couldn
’
t remember putting it in, maybe Bethany had. She stared at
it,
“
well now was a good a
time as any
”
she thought,
the first of her trauma boxes to be opened.

The CD
player Scarlett had given her when she left Keith was on the living
room floor. She fiddled about until she had the speakers hooked up
and the power cable plugged in. She put the CD in and pressed play.
It wasn
’
t as bad as she
thought. As she busied about she listened to the songs, each
bringing a memory into head.

1. Timberland - The Way I Are

2. Shakira - Underneath Your Clothes

3. Beyoncé -
Irreplaceable

4. Adele - Rolling in the Deep

5. The Script - If You Ever Come Back

6. Bruno Mars - Taking to the Moon

7. The Script - Walkaway

8. Example - Anything

9. Eminem - Love the Way You Lie

10. Keane - Somewhere Only We Know

It was when the CD got to the last song that
Caroline sat down on the edge of the settee and listened to the
words. It was her song to Ben, their song for the future.

I walked across an empty
land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
[break]
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
So if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go