Somewhere Over the Rainbow, I've Lost My Damn Mind: A Manic's Mood Chart (33 page)

BOOK: Somewhere Over the Rainbow, I've Lost My Damn Mind: A Manic's Mood Chart

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JP: Oh yea, of course I forgot, well let’s say the Mayans are misunderstood and we somehow survive. What’s your plan for the next few years?

DT: I don’t really know. I have had problems in the past with planning out these elaborate and detailed plans in my head for my future and then I seem to get ahead of myself. I build up my confidence too much and when things don’t work out just like I planned I take it pretty tough on myself. These failed plans in the past have included going back into the telecommunication industry after episode uno, going back to school to get my masters, moving to Chicago to try and start a career in sports marketing only a few months after episode deuce, and then trying a traveling sales job close to home. And you know what? I’ve pretty much fell on my face after each and every one of them and I’m not going to lie, it doesn’t feel good. So I’ve decided that I’m not going to worry about the future as much, I’m going to try and enjoy the ride, see what happens, and stay healthy.

JP: So does that mean that you’re not working now?

DT: Actually, once again my support system comes through huge and my cousin helped me out with a job. I’m doing asphalt work like I did in college during the summers.

JP: How come you’ve never told me about this asphalt/construction crew of yours?

DT: Because I didn’t trust you around the guys, honestly I’ve been around you at construction sites and it can be embarrassing.

JP: Even with that untruthful and unnecessary shot at me I’m going to say I’m still very impressed with all you’ve accomplished over the past three years. You sound frustrated with your perception that you’ve failed at all these things you listed. But you’ve managed to accomplish more than a lot of people would be able to without having to deal with a life-challenging illness such as bipolar disorder. Lighten up on yourself bud, but I do also want to know if your family and friends were supportive of these decisions, including dropping out to write a book?

DT: Most of them laugh and shake their heads, knowing that’s just the new me now living with the BMD the best I can. I usually don’t tell or discuss things all that much until I’ve made a decision. It’s pretty selfish of me I know, but it’s just the way I’ve approached my life. Stubborn and a hard headed to the point that I believe I can do basically anything I put my mind to. My family understands that because; well, because I had to get it from somewhere I guess. I think they just want me to be happy and to stay the fuck out of the hospital. But in all seriousness, I couldn’t ask for a better support system. I am very fortunate to have these people in my life. I hope I make them proud with all my craziness.

JP: I love your family.

DT: Yeah, I know, JP. You’re like at all our family functions now.

JP: That reminds me, we’re having a cookout next weekend for your aunt’s birthday.

DT: Unbelievable. Can we get to the next question?

JP: How about your health, how’s everything going with that?

DT: Good. I’ve been on lithium since November of 2010 and it seems to be working for me, and I’m feeling much more like myself now than at any other time in the past three years.

JP:
Does that mean you haven’t had any manic episodes or depressive periods as of late?

DT: Thankfully on the manic side I haven’t had any episodes since episode deuce in late December of 2009. I have had some close calls in Chicago and then down in Nashville but luckily I was able to separate myself from the triggers before things got crazy, literally.

JP: What were those triggers?

DT: Um, mostly just the work environment. Both instances I was trying to get my career back in a high pressure stress environment, similar to the one I excelled in at AT&T, but I can’t do it anymore. That usually sends me into depression that lasts a couple months. I’ve been in a depressed state about four times since episode deuce. But
I think if I can get through this winter without another manic episode, I’ll be pretty confident we’ve got the medication right. I’ll have to wait and see, but I’m optimistic about my health in the future.

JP: We? So I take it things are going smoothly with the new docs?

DT: Well, I did find a place in The Nasty through my insurance that practices with two docs. One is a psychiatrist who prescribes the lithium for me and another who’s my counselor and more of a therapist role. I don’t really argue with these docs but I don’t entirely trust them either. I started out liking my counselor but that relationship has begun to go south. I feel like he’s disengaged after only about four visits with me over the last eight months. I was never a fan of the psychiatrist but I can manage her. They’re just nothing like you JP.

JP: Fair enough, that certainly made up for the earlier smart-ass remark. The important things are to remain on your medication and keep an open dialogue with your support system.

DT: Yep. Now, is there any other question that makes you feel like you can’t live without the answer, JP?

JP: Just one more. Can you tell the readers what I caught you looking up on the Internet yesterday evening?

DT: Oh, you DICK! You said you wouldn’t say anything. I was just curious about how one would go about pulling off a sex position like that!

Acknowledgements

I couldn’t have done any of this without all you haters out there. If it wasn’t for your complete and utter lack of faith in not only me, but also this entire project, then none of this would have been possible. Your tireless and relentless verbal assaults on my character and the idea behind this book is what pushed me to work so much harder.