Song of the Cuckoo Bird: A Novel (17 page)

Recently Ramanandam had started writing again. This time he was writing a novel, he said, but he wouldn’t tell Kokila what it was about regardless of how much she pestered him. Kokila was flattered when Ramanandam confessed that it was because of her that he was writing once more. He told Kokila that she was his muse, his inspiration, and without her, his world would simply stop revolving.

After dinner, Chetana and Kokila went for a walk, as they had started to do every day since Chetana announced her pregnancy. It gave Chetana the opportunity to get away from Tella Meda and spend some time alone with Kokila.

“What happened last night?” Kokila asked, having heard a commotion and noise in Chetana and Ravi’s room then. Chetana shook her head. She didn’t know how to explain what was going on in her bedroom with Ravi. She didn’t have the words to admit that marrying Ravi had been a mistake, getting pregnant a monumental act of stupidity, but she had done both.

The good looks that attracted her to Ravi had made him popular in the red-light district, especially with the prostitute Sundari. Chetana wondered if some married woman had cursed Ambika for luring her husband away and that curse had been transferred to her. All her life Chetana had worked toward not being her mother and it looked as if it had worked—she wasn’t a whore, she was a wife. But she was a wife who stayed at home while her husband whored around.

The fights between Ravi and Chetana had also increased. The fights that once had led to rolling on the bed, sweaty with sex, now led to black eyes and ripped clothes. He never hit her, Chetana told herself, not really. He got angry and pushed her around, but he never used his hands to beat her. The black eye had been an accident when she fell and hit the bedpost. Yes, he had pushed her but she had made him so angry. And she could always make him so angry. Maybe she was abnormal, she told herself, maybe she needed too much attention, maybe something was wrong with her. No one had really ever wanted her. She didn’t know who her father was, and her mother had only brought her into the world to avoid yet another abortion. Vidura, whom she had loved with a pure heart, had run away. Subhadra loved her because she had no children of her own, and Kokila . . . well, Kokila was probably her only true friend. The only one who cared for her, flaws and all.

“Did he hit you again?” Kokila prompted, and Chetana shook her head again.

“Dr. Vishnu Mohan said that the baby was growing well,” Chetana said vaguely. “He didn’t think that when Ravi pushed me he hurt the baby. He thinks maybe I should get a divorce.”

Kokila stopped walking and turned to face Chetana. They walked on the pavement by the road, as Chetana still didn’t like getting sand on her feet.

“He didn’t say that, he never would,” Kokila said confidently. “Why are you lying to me?”

“So he didn’t,” Chetana muttered angrily. “I did and that old coot said that I should just wait it out and once the baby was born Ravi would become different, good. My foot he’ll become good. Why do people think that having a baby will change them?”

“Having children does change people,” Kokila said, and Chetana made an irritable sound.

“It changes how you live and sleep and eat but you are still you. Ravi isn’t going to become a kind and loving husband because we have a baby,” Chetana argued. “But if he pushes me around again I will . . . that’s it.”

“I don’t think Ravi is going to hurt you again,” Kokila said. After the first incident, both Charvi and Ramanandam had spoken with Ravi. It was one thing to ask him to change his life, which they did not want to do, but quite another to ask him to stop hitting one of the daughters of the house.

“At least not where anyone can see,” Chetana said sadly. “There are other ways of hurting people, Kokila. The mind is softer than the body.”

They walked in silence and then all of a sudden Chetana made a choking sound. “What am I going to do? My husband is never there and now I’m going to have a baby. What am I going to do if Manikyam doesn’t accept the child?”

“Stay at Tella Meda,” Kokila said.

Chetana laughed harshly. “And do what? I have no one to take care of me, of my baby . . . what am I going to do?”

“We will take care of your baby and you,” Kokila said soothingly. “Tella Meda is always there for you.”

“Always there,” Chetana agreed. “If there was anyone else, anywhere else, who would take care of me, I would’ve left. I would’ve left Tella Meda a long time ago.”

Kokila didn’t say anything, just nodded in agreement.

“Why can’t I be at the
seemantham
?” Ravi demanded teasingly a few days later.

Kokila was stringing a garland of jasmine through Chetana’s hair. Chetana was dressed in a beautiful red and green silk
sari
with heavy gold embroidery. The
sari
had been a gift from Charvi for the
seemantham.
The jewelry Chetana wore, a gold and ruby necklace, bangles, earrings, and armband, were all borrowed from Dr. Vishnu Mohan’s wife, Saraswati, who was saving the jewelry for her granddaughter, who was now ten years old and lived in London with her parents.

“Only women are at
seemanthams,
” Chetana replied with a smile. It was one of the good days, Kokila noticed. Some days the couple would be like a newly married one, loving and adoring. Other days, Ravi would be drunk.

“Maybe I can hide and watch the secret things you women do,” Ravi suggested. He sat down in front of Chetana and took her hand in his. “My mother will be here soon. She sounded very happy in the letter.”

“Children have a way of making everything better,” Chetana agreed.

And it had indeed become easier in the last few days because Manikyam had finally responded to Charvi’s invitation to the
seemantham
and said she would definitely come to bless her daughter-in-law and unborn grandchild. She had, however, made apologies for her husband, who was too busy to travel.

“Maybe we can go back to Visakhapatnam with her,” Ravi said with a smile.

In the past years Tella Meda had lost its appeal for Ravi. He wanted to go back to his father’s house, where money was in abundance. Of course, he was adamant about not going to college or getting a job, which frustrated Chetana. The little money she made by making
papads
for Kanka Lakshmi was hardly enough to live on but Ravi took part of that as well. He had also been caught stealing money and after the loss of a few hundred
rupees,
Kokila had started locking up the safe in Charvi’s room where the meager Tella Meda money was kept, and hung the key at her waist.

“Do you think your parents will take you back?” Chetana asked, her eyes glittering with excitement.

“Why else do you think my mother is coming?” Ravi asked with a broad smile. “There will be gifts and presents for you and the baby and we can go back home.”

“What do you think, Kokila? Is Manikyam coming to take us with her?” Chetana asked.

“I think you shouldn’t get your hopes up,” Kokila said honestly. “Why don’t you just enjoy the
seemantham
and not worry about these other things?”

“You don’t think Manikyam will want her grandchild with her?” Chetana demanded angrily.

Kokila sighed. “Look—”

“Why can’t you just be happy for me?” Chetana interrupted. “Ever since I got pregnant you’ve been . . . you’ve been strange . . . and—”

“You’re imagining things,” Kokila said softly. “I’m very, very happy for you. And I do hope that Manikyam will accept you and your marriage. I just don’t want you to get hurt if she doesn’t. That’s all.”

“Oh, she will take us home. I know my mother, trust me,” Ravi said.

Kokila tied the last knot to secure the jasmine flowers on Chetana’s hair. “All done,” she said. “Here, put the
kumkum
on and we can start the
seemantham
as soon as Charvi is done with
puja.
”

“You look beautiful,” Ravi whispered, and then winked at Kokila. “Isn’t my wife beautiful, Kokila?”

“Yes,” Kokila said tersely. Kokila didn’t like Ravi, didn’t like the way he looked at her, didn’t like the way he treated her, didn’t like the way he talked to her.

“I need to go to the bathroom first,” Chetana said, happiness written all over her face.

As soon as Chetana was out of earshot, Ravi leaned over Kokila, who was picking up the remaining flowers and cotton thread. “But she isn’t as beautiful as you,” he whispered. He stood so close to her that Kokila could feel his breath against her neck.

“I have to get ready for the bangle ceremony,” Kokila said without looking at Ravi, and walked away.

Manikyam came during the bangle ceremony. Dozens of glass bangles were collected in a straw basket in the temple room. Married mothers invited for the
seemantham
slid bangles onto Chetana’s wrist.

Manikyam kissed Chetana on the forehead, her eyes glistening with tears, and she slipped four gold bangles onto Chetana’s wrist. “I wanted to give my daughter-in-law these when Ravi got married, so here they are now.”

Chetana, already overwrought and emotional because of the pregnancy, burst into happy tears.
Everything is going to be all right,
she told herself, and then looked at Kokila. She didn’t seem happy at all for her. Why couldn’t she be happy? Even when she and Ravi got married, Kokila had been full of warnings.
She must be jealous,
Chetana decided.
Jealous that my marriage is finally working out and now my mother-in-law
has brought me beautiful gold bangles. Thick, beautiful gold bangles.

Kokila would never get married, never leave Tella Meda, never have a
seemantham.
Even as Chetana felt sorry for her, she felt haughty. Kokila had decided not to go to her husband’s house—this was her
karma.

Charvi watched the proceedings with unconcealed joy. Even though she was not a married woman or a mother, her status of
guru
allowed her to slip bangles on Chetana’s wrists and bless the mother-to-be. Traditionally, widows were not allowed to be at festivities but at Tella Meda no such distinction was made. Still Renuka stayed in her room, refusing to smear the happy ceremony with her widowhood.

After the bangle ceremony, Manikyam poured fragrant oil on Chetana’s head and then drew a parting through Chetana’s hair thrice with three stalks of
kusa
grass that were bound together. She chanted,
“Bheer, bhavar, svah”
while tears rolled down her cheeks. She seemed deliriously happy that she was to have a grandchild soon.

Kokila brought a basketful of fruit out from the kitchen and placed it next to Chetana’s chair. Chetana spread the
pallu
of her
sari
and women dropped the fruit on it, blessing her with a fruitful womb.

“My little girl is so big now,” Subhadra whispered to Kokila, sniffling a little, holding her tears back. “She’s going to have a baby.”

Kokila didn’t know what to say because she was worried about the baby. What would happen to that child? Even if the baby was a boy, there was no guarantee that Ravi’s father would accept the son as heir. And if the baby was a girl . . . only problems would come of that.

“Both my girls are happy,” Subhadra said, smiling at Kokila. “You are like my own daughter as well.”

Kokila nodded at the empty words and a heat started to spread through her. She was no one’s daughter, no one’s wife, no one’s anything.

Finally, the
seemantham
was over. The guests left, Chetana changed into a cotton
sari,
and life at Tella Meda went back to the way it always was. Subhadra cooked dinner, Kokila and Renuka helped, everyone talked about how wonderful it was that Manikyam had come for the
seemantham.
Everyone was also sure that Manikyam was here to take her son and his wife back with her. Manikyam had not said anything and no one had asked her directly.

It was inevitable that someone would finally ask and an answer would have to be given. It was Narayan Garu who paved the way for the heated fight that night.

“So, Manikyam, taking Chetana and Ravi back with you, eh?” he asked without malice, and it wasn’t really a question; he was absolutely certain. “We will miss them both very much.”

Manikyam looked uncomfortable. She pushed her plate aside and stared at the untouched food.

“I’m thinking of starting college in Visakhapatnam once we’re home,” Ravi said, not for a moment doubting that Manikyam or his father would not be amenable. “And with the baby, Chetana is going to be busy, so it will be a good time for me to study. I’m thinking of doing my B.Com. and looking for a job as an accountant. Nanna keeps saying he needs someone to take care of the accounts at his clinic and I can start working there while I go to college.”

“And I will help you with the household work,” Chetana said demurely. “And you can watch your grandchild grow, right in front of your eyes.”

“Yes, yes,” Ramanandam said as he finished his meal. “It is a great joy to see children grow, and a grandchild, that is extra special. So, when is Nageshwar Rao planning to come and take you all back? Or are you three going to go back right away?”

Manikyam cleared her throat and smiled uneasily. She looked at Charvi and then without warning burst into tears. In between sobs she told everyone that her husband didn’t know she was here. She had lied to him, saying she was visiting a relative, and had come for the
seemantham.
He was adamant about not taking Ravi back if he wouldn’t leave Chetana and she was desperate to see her son and make sure her grandchild was well taken care of.

Chetana’s heart started to pound loudly. The sound was so deafening, she was sure everyone could hear it. She automatically looked at Kokila, who was standing at the kitchen doorway, waiting for everyone to finish eating so that she could clear the table and then eat dinner herself. She didn’t look disappointed, Chetana thought angrily. Everyone else was disappointed; everyone else was arguing with Manikyam that she should convince her husband and giving suggestions as to how she could go about it. Everyone had something to say but Kokila just stood silently as if she had been waiting for this to happen. She had wished this. Just a while ago she had said that Chetana shouldn’t get her hopes up. She had looked at her with evil eyes, jealous eyes, and that was why Manikyam was saying these things.