Song of the Cuckoo Bird: A Novel (38 page)

The
Actress

I
t was unimaginable that Subhadra would leave Tella Meda. She had been like the house, solid, never needing any repairs, self-sufficient and irreplaceable. She had been with Charvi for forty years now, a lifetime really, but at the age of seventy, she was starting to feel tired and burdened by the chores at Tella Meda. That didn’t mean she relinquished control of her domain freely to Sushila without a grudge. Subhadra liked Sushila very much and in the three years since she had come to Tella Meda Sushila had become just as much of a permanent fixture as Subhadra had been.

“She doesn’t make the
pulusu
the way we do,” Subhadra confided in Kokila as she packed her things in two big black metal trunks and one big suitcase. “She doesn’t cut the ladyfingers properly. They get sticky if you don’t cut them correctly. And she has no idea of how to make
chakli
properly. She puts too much chili powder in the batter. I don’t feel right about leaving like this.”

Kokila had heard that long-term prisoners when freed had trouble adjusting to the idea of the world outside. They preferred to stay in prison rather than go out and live with real people in the real world. Subhadra was trying to find reasons to stay in Tella Meda rather than leave.

The telegram had come a month ago, announcing the death of Subhadra’s husband, and her decision to leave had been made instantly, but the planning and procrastination had been constant. Subhadra missed the funeral of her husband but she didn’t feel right showing up there in white when it was her sister who was really the widow. Her sister was the one, after all, who had stayed with Shiva for a good forty years. She had borne him children and had taken care of him when his health went bad. Subhadra had done none of that.

Subhadra phoned Chandra from Dr. Vishnu Mohan’s house as soon as she got the telegram. Her usually calm and in-control sister was weeping openly, sobbing uncontrollably; she was completely devastated. “Come home, Akka,” she pleaded. “I can’t live here all alone.”

It wasn’t as though Subhadra didn’t want to leave; she was excited about living with her sister and sharing her life. There would be children and grandchildren who would visit and she would be part of a real family again. And since Shiva was dead, Subhadra didn’t have to feel uncomfortable about his presence. It was the perfect setup. Subhadra was thrilled that her sister needed her, but she wasn’t sure what to expect.

“What if they don’t take care of me?” she asked about Chandra’s son, Madhu, and his wife, Harini, who lived with Chandra.

“They will,” Kokila assured Subhadra. “Harini is devoted to Chandra and does everything according to her mother-in-law’s wishes. And Madhu is a good boy. They’ll take very good care of you.”

Subhadra nodded as she dropped another stack of
saris
into the trunk. “I have missed her and it will be nice to live with her again, like when we were growing up.”

“It will be very good for you. We will miss you here . . . I will miss you very much,” Kokila said. “You have been . . .” She paused and bit back the tears. “Like a mother.”

Subhadra came to Kokila and hugged her, crying herself.

“Can you come with me to Tirupati?” Subhadra asked when she drew away. “I’m scared of going alone. Chandra said she would send Madhu but that boy is probably devastated because of his father’s death. I don’t want him to have to come all the way here to accompany an old lady.”

Kokila hesitated. She had a son now; life wasn’t as flexible as it used to be.

“You can leave Karthik for a few days with Shanthi,” Subhadra coaxed because Kokila looked so stricken. “Nothing will happen to him if you go away for a few days.”

“I know,” Kokila said in a low voice. “I have never been away for a night from him. And—”

“Please, Kokila,” Subhadra said, and Kokila sighed. This woman had been like a mother, always there, always understanding, and now she needed something.

“I’ll come,” Kokila said with a smile. “You don’t have to say please. I’ll get one more ticket. But I can’t stay there long. Just two, three days and then I will come back to Tella Meda. Okay?”

The day before Subhadra left everyone gathered to wish her a safe journey and bid her good-bye. There were tears and hugs, gifts and pieces of memories. It was a sad time at Tella Meda. Even Charvi had tears in her eyes. Subhadra had always been by her side, her strongest devotee and supporter. There would be a hole in her heart, Charvi told Subhadra, when she left because when Subhadra left she would take a piece of Charvi’s life with her.

For Subhadra it was an affirmation that she had been a useful member of the Tella Meda family. Shanthi stitched several blouses for her, for free, and made some pillow covers to take for Chandra as a gift. Sushila, though she had been at Tella Meda the shortest, had become quite close to Subhadra because of working with her in the kitchen every day. She was dismayed that Subhadra would leave.

“I can’t find the ingredients sometimes and if you aren’t there . . .” Sushila hugged Subhadra and wept. It was a surprise to see her so emotional because Sushila was a no-nonsense person who did a good job in the kitchen and raised her daughter with a strict eye. No one had ever seen her get sentimental over anything and Puttamma always said there was something wrong with Sushila because she didn’t even cry when she chopped onions.

The train journey to Tirupati was a difficult one. It was terribly hot that summer of 1990 and patches of sweat appeared on women’s blouses, in the back, the underarms, right under the breasts. Thighs stuck to each other underneath light cotton
saris
and petticoats. Rivulets of sweat formed patterns on men’s shirts. The fans within the train compartments provided little surcease against the heat and Kokila had to buy a small battery-operated fan in Vijayawada to stick in front of her face and neck. Subhadra fanned herself with a coconut-straw fan she’d brought along from Tella Meda.

They bought water at every railway station to ward off thirst and whenever they could they bought and drank coconut water. The ladies’ compartment was packed and Subhadra and Kokila had to sit in the general second-class compartment. The train was crowded but at least now the new regulations had created a third-class compartment with sitting room only, while in the second-class compartments only those who booked a berth could lie down. A young couple was in the berths across from Subhadra and Kokila. They seemed to be newly married.

Subhadra took to clearing her throat when the couple appeared to forget that there were no doors to lock in a second-class compartment and people were sitting on the other side where they could see the obscene display of young love.

“I have seen men like him but that girl,
chee-chee,
she just doesn’t seem to be able to keep her hands to herself,” Subhadra whispered to Kokila when the young girl snuggled up to her husband and thought she was discreetly touching his crotch.

“Maybe they are not even married,” the woman who had the window berth on the other side of the aisle told Subhadra. She was traveling with her young son, who slept all through the journey in the berth above his mother’s.

“You think so? Not even married?” Subhadra asked, and then raised her eyebrows. “Some people have no shame.”

They reached Tirupati at eight the next morning. The train was only one hour late. Both Kokila and Subhadra were tired and haggard after the sleepless night.

Madhu and Chandra were waiting at the train station to receive them. Chandra hugged Subhadra close and burst into tears while Madhu nodded toward Kokila and asked about Charvi’s health. His wife, Harini, was at home because their younger son was sick, he said, otherwise they all would have come to receive them.

This time there were no rickshaws waiting to take them to Chandra’s home. Chandra proudly introduced Subhadra and Kokila to her son’s brand-new red Maruti 800. (Well, it was not really brand-new; it was used and about three years old, but it had never been in an accident so it was almost as good as new.)

“Turn on the AC, Madhu,” Chandra instructed as soon as they got into the car. “Usually we don’t turn on the AC. It takes up too much petrol, but for you, I think we definitely should.”

Subhadra was terribly impressed. “So Madhu is doing well, is he?” she asked Chandra in a whisper.

Kokila was sitting in the front with Madhu while Subhadra and Chandra were sitting in the backseat. The car was quite small, especially compared to Manikyam’s Ambassador, the only car besides taxis Kokila had ever been in. So even though Subhadra was whispering in the back, both Kokila and Madhu could hear her clearly in the front.

“He just became bank manager here. He is so young too,” Chandra said proudly. “Doing very well. This car, he bought with all his money. Saved one
lakh
of
rupees
and bought the car.”

“It was only eighty thousand
rupees,
” Madhu told Kokila in a low voice. “She likes to say one
lakh
because it sounds better. And it isn’t a new car. Three years old, that’s why it was only eighty.”

Kokila smiled at him. “I think you should be proud. Not everyone has a car, you know. I know only one or two people who have their own cars.”

If Chandra was proud of her son and the car, Madhu’s wife was downright snobbish about it. Her eldest son was now twelve and the youngest one was eight.

“I heard Chetana had a daughter,” Harini said while Kokila sat in the kitchen with her to help with cooking. “She didn’t tonsure her head, I remember. I had a son because Madhu did what he promised to do at Tirumala. It’s all fate anyway. So, do you have any children? Marriage?”

Kokila nodded, too proud of Karthik to hide him away from the world. “I adopted a boy, Karthik. He’s at Tella Meda now and I miss him very much. He’s just three years old. Do you want to see a photo?” Before Harini could say yes or no, Kokila pulled out a photo from her purse. “Isn’t he beautiful?” she asked.

“Yes, he is,” Harini said uncomfortably. “Adoption? But you don’t know what kind of blood is in the boy. It could be dangerous.”

Kokila put the photo away immediately, angry and ready to jump to Karthik’s defense. “What could be dangerous?”

Harini shrugged and laughed nervously, realizing that she had hurt Kokila.

“He is very beautiful,” Harini said instead and then changed the subject. “I thought I will make mango
pappu
today. It’s so hot, isn’t it?”

Kokila stayed for two days only. She had a return ticket but Subhadra surprised her by changing it.

“First class? No, no, Subhadra,” Kokila said. “I can’t take it. First class is so expensive.”

“It’s a gift from Chandra and me,” Subhadra said. “You came all this way to give me company and I want you to go back comfortably. You will be in a two-berth coupe and if there is another passenger, it will be a woman. It will be nice. Don’t say no. This is my way of saying thank you. And you are like my daughter. Daughters shouldn’t say no to their mothers.”

Kokila had not been in trains often and she definitely had never been in the first-class compartment. The seats were made of gray leather and the maroon floors were actually clean. Each compartment had a door that could be shut and locked from the inside for privacy. Even the bathrooms at the end of the compartment were clean and shiny.

Kokila had the bottom berth but even if she had the top berth the rule was that she could sit down and look out of the window until after dinner. In any case, it wasn’t always that both berths were taken. She could travel all the way to Visakhapatnam alone in the compartment and that thought perked her up immensely.

Even though she had been very reluctant to go, sure that she would miss Karthik too much, it had been nice to change the rhythm of her life. She constantly thought about Karthik and wanted nothing more than to feel his chubby arms go around her and to hear him talk, tell her about his day and kiss her. Still, it was good to have done something away from Tella Meda. It was nice to sleep through the night without Karthik waking up because of a nightmare or asking for water.

She thought about Subhadra and hoped that she would be happy with Chandra and her son. They seemed eager to please Subhadra and treated her with great respect. It hadn’t sunk in yet but Kokila was sure that once she was in Tella Meda she would start to feel Subhadra’s absence. In the beginning it would be painful and then slowly the pain would fade away. She wondered if she would ever leave Tella Meda. Maybe once Karthik grew up, she could go and live with him and his family. She would cook good meals for Karthik and his wife and his children, take care of them. She would make sure she got along well with her daughter-in-law. She wouldn’t be like Manikyam and Chetana, fighting all the time. She would be her daughter-in-law’s friend. Oh and she would have grandchildren now, she thought with a smug smile.

Right before the train left the Tirupati railway station the door to Kokila’s compartment opened and her hope that she would have the coupe all to herself was crushed.

A woman wearing stylish sunglasses and smelling of sweet perfume stepped in. A coolie was behind her and she instructed him to put her suitcase underneath the berth. She carried a beautiful sequined black purse from which she pulled out a few
rupees
to give to the coolie.

She looked familiar, Kokila thought, but she couldn’t place her. The woman had a big leather bag with her, the same color as her fleshcolored high-heeled sandals. She sighed as she sat down on the berth next to Kokila and opened her bag to drop the black purse in and bring out a bottle of water. She drank the water thirstily and put the bottle back in the bag.

“It’s so hot, isn’t it?” she said to no one in general. “Are you going all the way to Visakhapatnam?” she asked Kokila as she took off her sunglasses.

Kokila nodded with a tight smile. Where had she seen this woman before?

“I think I have the top berth,” the woman said, and sighed again. “It was on such short notice that they couldn’t find me anything else.”