Songbird (33 page)

She felt for Maddy, and she meant her no real harm. But after caring for that small being for several months now, she had long seen him as her sole responsibility.

The deep love and commitment she felt for Maddy’s child had crept up on her, until now it was an obsession. Almost without realizing it, Ellen had forgotten the delicate role which Maddy had entrusted to her. Now, at whatever cost, she would lie, cheat, fight tooth and nail, to keep him with her.

She was not able to realize how the taking of something that was never yours could be a dangerous thing.

After the conversation
with Ellen, Maddy felt empty and afraid. I don’t know how much longer I can go on like this, she thought. She couldn’t relax, couldn’t sleep and now, with that disturbing phone call from the hospital playing on her mind, she was at her wit’s end. “I hope Ellen really has settled it once and for all,” she told herself worriedly. “But I should have realized.
He
knew I was expecting his child. After his man saw me, it was inevitable that they would check all the local maternity units.”

There were consolations though. Firstly, she did not have Michael with her when she was seen in Lytham, and secondly, Ellen had dealt wisely with the query from the hospital.

So, with luck,
he
had discovered nothing about his son — although, knowing his cruel and vengeful nature, it was likely that he had given the order for both her and her child to be punished. And it was that which haunted her.

The thought followed her as she worked through the day — and later, when she went to the barn to tidy up and sweep the earthen floor. The thought of her son being murdered because of her, was too shocking to contemplate. That alone was her prime reason for leaving little Michael. It was hard — at times unbearable. But in the light of
that man
’s determination, and Ellen’s recent warnings, she was given no choice.

“Penny for them?”

Momentarily startled, Maddy swung round. “Oh, Brad!” She visibly relaxed. “I didn’t hear you come in.”

“That’s because you were deep in thought, as usual,” he remarked with a half-smile. “I called you as soon as I came through the door, but you were miles away, in a world of your own.”

“Sorry.” For his own sake, she hoped he would not become too curious. She bent her head to stroke Donald, who had lolloped in behind his master.

The half-smile became an expression of concern. “Something’s worrying you, isn’t it, Sheelagh?”

Maddy shook her head, but made no reply.

He observed her for a moment, before offering encouragingly, “I do want to help. You know that, don’t you?” Approaching closer, he placed his hands on her shoulders. “I’ve known since that first day — you’re in some kind of trouble, aren’t you?”

When again she shook her head, there was something in her eyes, a kind of silent plea, that made him determined to help. “You don’t trust me — is that it?”

“No! I mean yes, of course I trust you. But honestly, there’s nothing—”

He placed a finger gently over her lips. Then, without removing it he told her quietly. “You mean a lot to me, Sheelagh, and it hurts to see you upset. We both know there’s something playing on your mind. Tell me what it is, and I give you my word, it won’t go any further.”

Maddy had never felt closer to him than she did right now. Dangerously close. “Why do you want to help?” she asked, fighting tears. “You don’t even know me. You don’t know who I am, or where I come from. I could be a criminal, for all you know.”

The smile began in his eyes, then the corners of his mouth were stretching upward, and now he was laughing out loud, making Donald erupt into excited barking. “Let me see now,” he chuckled. “Have you robbed a bank? No? Oh, then are you perhaps an international spy on government work — yes, that’s it! It’s all top secret and you can’t divulge it to anyone.”

When he saw the answering smile creep over her face, he nervously peeped into the corners of the barn. “Ssh! You’d best not confide in me… there might be somebody listening. The walls have ears.”

Maddy laughed too. “Don’t be silly!”

When he fell silent, she looked up at him, all manner of questions in her mind; tugging at her heart.

One brief second became another, then a minute, and still he was gazing on her, and she gazing back, her heart turning somersaults. She wanted to run, to stay, to reach up and twine her arms round his neck, but most of all to run. But he kept her there; the look of love in his strong, dark eyes.

“I’m sorry.” Afraid, she drew away. “I have to go.”

“No, please… stay here with me.” He held out his hand and it was all she could do to turn away. But turn away she did, and then she was out of the barn and back to her cottage, running away from him, away from the feelings that were urging her to go back, to be with him.

“What’s wrong with me?” Rushing in through the door, she slammed it shut and lay against it, panting and afraid. “What do I want from him? What does he want from me?” She began pacing up and down, her emotions in turmoil.

All evening she thought about Brad. She recalled the powerful sensations that had surged through her when he was near. “I’ll have to leave this place,” she said out loud, as she lay in bed contemplating the future. “I don’t want to get involved with another man.” Her feelings were still too raw, and the fear of being found never really went away.

After a restless night, she woke at first light and, clambering out of bed, decided to have a hot shower, get dressed in some warm clothes and go back to the barn to finish the work she had started. Afterward, she would have to decide whether to go, or whether to stay. And yet she was so content here, with him — with Brad. She knew now that she had fallen in love with him. But because of her circumstances, she could not afford the luxury of loving any man, and so she must harden her heart.

With that in mind, she donned her wellingtons and overalls and returned to the barn, where everything was exactly as she had left it.

A moment later, she was reaching up to place a fork in its special place on a nail, when two strong arms reached over the top of her and did it for her.

“I couldn’t sleep either,” Brad whispered in her ear. “Every time I closed my eyes, you came to haunt me.” Placing his large gentle hands on her shoulders, he turned her round to face him. “You’re in my dreams, driving me crazy,” he murmured. “I want you every minute of every day and night. Somehow, you’ve gotten into my blood, and there’s not a thing I can do about it.” Wrapping her to his heart, he asked, “Say you love me too, Sheelagh… for I know you do.”

Maddy shook her head. “No!” The fear was stronger than her feelings for him. “You’re wrong! I don’t love you.”

“Ssh!” He placed his finger over her lips. “I don’t believe you.”

Maddy would have pulled away, but some deep stirring of emotion kept her there, draining all resistance, and with his arms like steel bands around her body, she was lost.

“I need you with me, my darling.” So shocking; such wonderful words. “I think I’ve loved you from the first moment I saw you.”

Maddy could say nothing, but when she now pressed closer to him, he knew his love was returned.

With immense tenderness, he reached out to cup her face in the fullness of his palms. Leaning, his mouth was so close to hers she could feel the warmth of his breath against her lips. When he kissed her, it was long and full, awakening every sensual part of her body. In the shadowy warmth of the barn, he threw his coat on some bales of hay, drew her down and began peeling off her clothes, one by one — and it seemed the most natural thing in the world.

Naked now, each being shy as the very young on a first date, they touched each other, exploring, learning every curve. He, tender in every way, and she, safe in his arms.

There was no need for words, because they had already been said, over the past weeks and days, with every glance, every accidental touch, every sweet, lingering smile. The love that bound them had crept up without them knowing, and now, the fulfilling of it was a wondrous, magical thing. There was no hurry, no frantic interaction; just a deep, emotional learning together. An experience that neither would ever forget, or regret.

When the love-making was over, they stayed content in each other’s arms, deeply awakened by the closeness they had shared.

“Sheelagh?” Rolling toward her, Brad tilted her face to his.

“Yes?” Maddy thought her heart would burst with happiness.

“How did I survive before you came along?”

There was no answer to that, except a fleeting kiss of reassurance and the hurried whisper, “We’d best go, before someone finds us here.”

“Would you mind that so much?”

“I think so, yes.”

“In that case…” Clambering up, he took her hand and drew her to him. “Let’s go.”

Under the early morning sky, he walked her back to her cottage.

At the door, he leaned forward and placed the flat of his hands either side of her so she was trapped as he whispered in her ear, “I wonder if you know how much I love you?”

She felt ridiculously shy. “I know.” How could she not?

Clasping her to him he confided, “I’ve never loved any other woman since Penny died. But now that you have come into my life, I feel so happy. I hardly dare leave you, in case you fly away, like a butterfly in the breeze.”

Maddy gave a brief, fleeting smile, but her heart sank at all the lies and complications. Why, he didn’t even know her real name. “Are you sure, Brad?” she asked timidly.

“Absolutely sure, my love, and as soon as we can arrange it, I want you to be my wife. Oh, my lovely girl, this will be the beginning of a new life for us all — you, me, and Robin.”

And little Michael, Maddy thought. But there was time enough for him to find out about her son, and her past. Meantime, she had issues to deal with, and with his next words, Brad touched on that.

“I want you to put your troubles on me,” he said, as though he could read her mind. “Whatever they are and however difficult, we’ll deal with them together.”

As Maddy watched him walk away back to the farmhouse, she thought how she would hate to burden him with her problems. They were, after all, of her making… not his.

Ellen was right, she thought. If it was even remotely possible, they must find a way of outwitting their pursuers.

Not for the first time, she thought of going to the police. But the belief that somehow or another, Drayton would manage to squirm or pay his way out of it, had prevented her from doing so. In fact, if she were to bring in the police, it could well alienate this good, kind man who genuinely loved her, and whom she desperately wanted to be a part of her future — and Michael’s.

With that thought came the obvious one: I must tell him I have a son, she mused. If Brad is serious about marriage, and I’m sure he is, then I must be totally honest with him where Michael is concerned. Oh, dear Lord! Supposing he didn’t want to take on another man’s child, never mind the child of a convicted murderer, currently banged up in Brixton Prison!

The more she thought about it, the more unsettled Maddy became. How would Brad take such a revelation? And what would he think of her, for having been the mistress of such a man, and of having a child out of wedlock?

That night, she agonized over the problem into the early hours of the morning. Then, after a few snatches of sleep, she crept down to the kitchen and drank endless cups of coffee, waiting to ring Ellen and tell her of this development, wondering what she might say — whether she would be pleased for her, or concerned. After all, Ellen did not know Brad, so she might be naturally suspicious.

At six-thirty, she ran down to the callbox and telephoned the house in Ackerman Street; fortunately, she didn’t get Grandad Bob. She hated lying to him, pretending she was with her aunt; all of these lies had to end — and soon. It was no way to live, for any of them.

Ellen had been fast asleep. “Good grief, Maddy! Whatever’s the matter?” Yawning and groaning, Ellen asked her what she was doing, ringing up at that time of the morning? The baby had been awake, fretting with his teeth, and she was exhausted.

Maddy launched into a long explanation, about how Brad had proposed to her

“So, you see how it is,” she said. “I’m over the moon at the thought of being Brad’s wife, but I’m in such a predicament. If we do marry, I’ll be more than happy to take on Brad’s young son, Robin, and Brad knows that. But at the same time, he will have to take on Michael. Yet I’m afraid to tell him about Michael, and I’m afraid
not
to.” She gazed out at the chilly village green through the murky panes of the red kiosk.

Wide awake now, and on the alert, Ellen spoke her mind. “It’s all a bit quick, isn’t it? Are you sure he’s not just after what he can get, and then it’s ‘on your bike and thank you very much’?”

Maddy could not be more sure. “I think I’ve loved him all along and never let myself believe it — or that he loved me. But he does, and oh Ellen, I’m so happy.” She paused, looking for a suitable solution. “I’ve thought and thought, and there is no other way. He simply has to know that I’ve got a son. If and when he meets Michael, I’m sure he’ll love him so much that nothing else will matter.”

Ellen was frantic. This news was the last thing she could have imagined.

“Ellen?” Maddy wondered at the silence. She put more coins in. “Look, I know this is all out of the blue, and I know it won’t be easy. But I do so want you to be happy for me.”

The other girl collected herself and managed to say, “So what are you going to do next? And where do I come in?”

Maddy took a deep breath. “Well, either I take a calculated risk, and come up to Blackpool to get Michael or you bring him down here — or even meet me halfway, if you’d rather?”

Ellen was not best pleased. “So, you’re throwing caution to the winds just for a man, eh, even after I told you about the call from the hospital, and the suspicions I have that we’re being watched. You’re honestly telling me that, after all this time of running and hiding, you’d put your son at risk by taking him halfway across the country? Well, I won’t be a part of it,” she said peevishly. “Seems to me, you’re not thinking straight.”