Sophie Kinsella's Shopaholic 5-Book Bundle (149 page)

He doesn’t fool me. “Gathering influences” means “Going on holiday and getting stoned on the beach.”

“Well, I was just wondering,” I say quickly. “Could you do me a massive favor? Could you do a little diffusion line for this shop I work for in London? Or even just one exclusive piece.”

“Oh,” he says, and I can hear him opening a can. “Sure. When?”

Ha! I
knew
he’d say yes.

“Well…soon?” I cross my fingers. “In the next few weeks? You could come to London for a visit. We’d have a blast!”

“Becky, I don’t know….” He pauses to slurp at his drink, and I imagine him in some trendy SoHo office, lounging on an office chair, in those ancient jeans he always used to wear. “I have this Far East trip lined up….”

“I saw Jude Law in the street the other day,” I add casually. “He lives quite close to us.”

There’s silence.

“Or I guess I could swing by,” Danny says at last. “London’s on the way to Thailand, right?”

Yes! I have total R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

For the rest of the day Jasmine barely says a word, just keeps shooting me awed looks. And Eric was totally impressed to hear that I’d made some “proactive advancement on the project,” as he put it.

If only we had some customers, this job wouldn’t be too bad after all. And on the plus side, the fact that we don’t have anything to do has given me time to read my new issue of
Pregnancy
magazine.

“Hey, your phone’s ringing in your bag,” says Jasmine as she comes from the reception area. “It’s been ringing all day, actually.”

“Thanks for telling me!” I say sarcastically. I hurry to my desk, grab the phone, and click it on.

“Becky!” comes Mum’s excited voice. “At last! So, darling. How was the famous celebrity obstetrician? We’re all longing to know! Janice has been in and out all day!”

“Oh right. Let me just…” I close the door and sit down on my desk chair, marshaling my thoughts. “Well…it was amazing! Guess what, I met a Bond girl in the waiting room!”

“A Bond girl!” Mum draws in breath. “Janice, did you hear that? Becky met a Bond girl in the waiting room!”

“And the place is lovely, and I’m going to have a holistic water birth, and they gave me this lovely welcome pack all full of spa vouchers….”

“How wonderful!” says Mum. “And she’s a nice lady, is she? The doctor?”

“Very nice.” I pause for a moment, then add casually, “She’s Luke’s ex-girlfriend. Isn’t that a coincidence?”

“Ex-girlfriend?” Mum’s voice sharpens a little. “What do you mean, ex-girlfriend?”

“You know! Just someone he went out with ages ago. At Cambridge.”

There’s silence down the phone.

“Is she attractive?” says Mum.

Honestly.

“She’s quite attractive. But I don’t see what that has to do with anything.”

“Of course not, darling.” There’s a scuffly sort of pause, and I’m positive I can hear Mum whispering something to Janice. “Do you know why she and Luke split up?” she suddenly asks.

“No. I don’t.”

“Haven’t you asked him about it?”

“Mum,” I say, trying to keep my patience. “Luke and I have a very secure, trusting marriage. I’m not going to
quiz
him, OK?”

What does she think I should do, issue Luke a questionnaire? I mean, I know Dad turned out to have had a slightly more colorful past than anyone might have suspected (affair with train stewardess; secret love child; handlebar mustache). But Luke’s not like that—I know he’s not.

“And anyway, it was all ages ago,” I add, sounding more defiant than I mean to. “And she’s got a boyfriend.”

“I don’t know, Becky love.” Mum exhales sharply. “Are you sure this is a good idea? Pregnancy can be a…
tricky
time for a man. What about going back to that nice gentleman doctor?”

I’m starting to feel a bit insulted here. What does Mum think, that I can’t hold on to my husband?

“We’re with Venetia Carter now,” I say obstinately. “It’s all signed and sealed.”

“Oh well, darling. If you’re sure. What’s that, Janice?” There’s another scuffling at the other end. “Janice says, was it Halle Berry you met?”

“No, it was the new one. The blond Rollerblade champion. Mum, I’d better go. I’ve got a call waiting. Give my love to everyone. Bye!” I switch off the phone, and a second later it rings again.

“Bex! I’ve been trying you all day! How was it?” Suze’s excited voice peals down the line. “Tell me everything. Are you having the Thai water birth?”

“Maybe!” I can’t help beaming. “Oh, Suze, it was fab! You get massage, and reflexology, and I met a Bond girl, and there were paparazzi waiting outside and we got photographed together! We’ll be in
Hello!
”

“That’s so cool!” Suze’s voice rises to a squeak. “God, I’m so jealous. I want another baby now, and have it there.”

“You don’t actually have it at the center,” I explain. “You have all the appointments there, but she’s linked to the Cavendish Hospital.”

“The Cavendish? The one with all the double beds and wine lists?”

“Yes.” I can’t help a smirk.

“You’re so
lucky,
Bex! And what’s Venetia Carter like?”

“She’s fab! She’s really young, and cool, and she has all these really interesting ideas about childbirth, and”—I hesitate—“and she’s Luke’s ex-girlfriend. Isn’t that amazing?”

“She’s…what?” Suze sounds like she can’t believe her ears.

“She’s Luke’s ex. They went out at Cambridge together.”

“You’re having your baby delivered by Luke’s ex-
girlfriend
?”

First Mum, then Suze. What’s wrong with everyone?

“Yes!” I say defensively. “Why not? It was years ago and it only lasted about five minutes. And she’s attached to someone else now. What’s the problem?”

“It just seems a bit…
weird,
don’t you think?”

“It’s not weird! Suze, we’re all grown-ups. We’re all mature, professional people. I think we can get past some old, meaningless fling, don’t you?”

“But I mean, she’ll be…you know! Poking about.”

This thought had crossed my mind. But then, is it any worse than Dr. Braine poking about? To be honest, I’m in denial about this whole birth business happening at all. I’m half hoping they’ll invent some new labor-substitute device by the time I reach my due date.

“I’d be paranoid!” Suze is saying. “I once met this ex of Tarkie’s—”

“Tarquin has an
ex
?” I say in astonishment, before I realize how this sounds.

“Flissy Menkin. Of the Somerset Menkins?”

“Of course,” I say, as though I have a clue what the Somerset Menkins might be. They sound like china pots. Or some kind of galloping disease.

“I knew she was going to be at this wedding last year, and I practically spent the whole
week
getting ready. And that was with clothes on!”

“Well, I’ll get a really good bikini wax,” I say airily. “And maybe I’ll have a cesarean. And the point is, she’s the top baby-deliverer in the country! She should be used to it by now, don’t you think?”

“I s’pose.” Suze still sounds doubtful. “But still. Bex, if I were you, I’d steer clear. Go back to your other doctor.”

“I don’t
want
to steer clear.” I feel like stamping my foot. “And I totally trust Luke,” I add as an afterthought.

“Of course!” says Suze hastily. “Of course you do. So…did he chuck her, or the other way around?”

“I don’t know,” I admit.

“Hasn’t he
told
you?”

“I haven’t asked him! It’s irrelevant!” Suze is starting to rattle me with all her questions. “Guess what? I got Crème de la Mer in the welcome pack,” I say to distract her. “And a voucher for Champneys!”

“Ooh!” Suze perks up. “Can you take a guest?”

I’m not going to let Suze and Mum freak me out. They don’t know anything about it! Luke and I have a totally stable, trusting relationship. We’re having a
baby
together. I feel totally secure.

On the way home that night I pop into Hollis Franklin quickly, just to look at baby linen. Hollis Franklin is such a gorgeous shop, it’s got a Royal Warrant and apparently the Queen herself shops there! I spend a happy hour looking at different thread counts, and by the time I arrive back home, it’s seven. Luke is in the kitchen, drinking a beer and watching the news.

“Hi!” I say, putting down my bags. “I got the baby some sheets from Hollis Franklin!” I pull out a tiny crib sheet embroidered with a tiny crest in each corner. “Isn’t that adorable?”

“Very nice,” says Luke, examining it. Then he catches sight of the price tag and blanches. “Jesus. You paid that for a baby sheet?”

“They’re the best,” I explain. “They’re four hundred thread count!”

“Does the baby
need
four hundred thread count? You realize it’ll throw up on these sheets?”

“The baby would
never
throw up on a Hollis Franklin sheet!” I say, indignant. “It knows better than that.” I pat my bump. “Don’t you, darling?”

Luke rolls his eyes. “If you say so.” He puts the sheet down. “And what’s in the bigger bag?”

“Matching sheets for us. The duvet cover’s coming separately, and the pillow shams as soon as they’re in stock—” I break off at his appalled expression. “Luke, we’ll have the crib in our bedroom! We have to coordinate!”

“
Coordinate?
”

“Of course!”

“Becky, really—” Luke’s attention is drawn to the TV screen. “Hold on, it’s Malcolm.” He turns up the volume and I take the opportunity to shove the Hollis Franklin sheets behind the door, where Luke might forget about them.

Malcolm Lloyd is the chief executive of Arcodas, and he’s being interviewed in the business slot about why he’s planning to make a bid for some airline company. Luke watches intently, beer in hand.

“He should stop doing that jerky thing with his hand,” I say, watching the interview too. “He looks really awkward. He should go on media training.”

“He’s already been on media training,” says Luke.

“Well, it was rubbish. You should get someone new.” I take off my jacket, dump it on a chair, and massage my aching shoulders.

“Come here, sweetheart,” says Luke, noticing me. “I’ll do it.”

I pull a chair over and sit down in front of him, and he starts kneading my tight muscles.

“Luke, that reminds me,” I say, still watching Malcolm. “Does Iain always talk to you like that?”

Luke’s fingers stop moving briefly. “Like what?”

“The way he did in the car yesterday. He’s so unpleasant!”

“That’s just his business style. Arcodas has a different working culture.”

“But it’s awful!”

“Well, we’re just going to have to get used to it.” Luke sounds a bit defensive and snappy. “We’re playing with the big boys now. Everyone’s just got to—” He stops himself.

“What?” I twist my head, trying to see his expression.

“Nothing,” says Luke after a moment. “Just…thinking aloud. Let’s turn this off.” He kisses me on the top of my head. “Shoulders feel better now?”

“A million times. Thanks.”

I get up, pour myself a glass of orange-cranberry mix, and flip the TV over to
The Simpsons.
Meanwhile, Luke picks up the
Evening Standard
and starts leafing through the pages. A bowl of olives is on the counter, and we pass it back and forth between us.

There now, isn’t this nice? Just a nice quiet evening at home. Just the two of us, relaxing together in our stable relationship. Not thinking about old girlfriends or anything like that.

In fact, I’m so relaxed, maybe I
will
bring the subject up. Just in a casual way. To show I don’t care one way or the other.

“So…that must have been weird for you,” I say lightly. “Coming across Venetia again after all those years.”

“Uh-huh.” Luke nods absently.

“Why did you and she break up?” I say, still lightly. “Just out of interest.”

“God knows.” Luke shrugs. “It was a long time ago.”

You see? It was so long ago, he can’t even remember. It’s ancient history. I really don’t care what the gory details were. In fact, let’s talk about something else. Current affairs or something.

“Did you love her?” I hear myself saying.

“Love?”
Luke gives a short laugh. “We were students.”

I wait for him to expand on the subject, but he turns a page of the paper and frowns at a headline.

That is not an answer. “We were students” is not an answer.

I open my mouth to demand “What’s that supposed to mean?” Then, after a moment’s thought, I close it again. This is ridiculous. I’d never even met Venetia Carter till yesterday—and already Mum and Suze have made me all paranoid. Of
course
he never loved her.

I’m not going to ask him anything else about their relationship. I’m not even going to think about it. Subject officially closed.

SHORT QUIZ FOR LUKE BRANDON

1. How would you describe the relationship you had with your old girlfriend Venetia?

a) Passionate Romeo/Juliet-style romance.

b) V. boring relationship.

c) I never really liked her.

d) She stalked me.

2. In general, do you prefer girls’ names that begin with

a) R

b) B

c) V

d) Don’t know.

3. Have you ever been in love? If so, with how many people?

a) Your wife and only your wife, because she taught you what love really is.

b) Your snooty girlfriend Sacha, the bitch who stole the luggage.

c) Your student girlfriend Venetia, with whom you had a brief fling but never mentioned her, so how could you have been in love with her?

d) Other.

4. What do you think of long red hair?

a) It’s a bit obvious and show-offy.

b) It swishes too much.

(Please turn over and complete remaining three sections.)

KENNETH PRENDERGAST