“I’m
not
anxious about this. I already know Kevin. Sure, there’s still stuff I don’t know about his current world, but under everything that’s happened since high school, I think he’s still the same guy. And he was my closest friend. I feel comfortable around him, like I don’t have to ever think about what to say or do. It just happens naturally around Kevin, and it always has.”
“What about Brooke and Finn?”
“What do you mean?” Hugo didn’t know where Summer was going with her line of questioning, and rather than spilling everything on his mind related to Kevin’s children, he figured qualifying what she meant was the best course of action.
“What do you think about dating a guy who has kids?”
Hugo took a deep breath and looked out the window at a passing farm, noticing several black cows grazing in the green grass. A farmer was driving a tractor alongside the field, kicking up a cloud of dust that seemed to be chasing him.
He didn’t know how this would play out if he and Kevin got really serious, but he wasn’t opposed to getting involved with a father. Maybe Kevin wouldn’t want to get too serious considering he’d recently ended a marriage, but from how they’d left each other, Hugo felt as if they were both opening themselves up to the possibility of seeing where their relationship could go. There was no need to overthink it or put too much pressure on their relationship so early, because he and Kevin might not work together once they really started dating. Nothing needed to be hurried or decided yet.
“I think I’m okay with it,” Hugo finally said after giving himself enough time to really consider it. “I was nervous when I first met them, but they’re good kids. They didn’t seem too freaked out by me, at least.”
“Why on earth would they be freaked out by you, Hugo? You’re like one of the least threatening people I know.”
“Gee. Thanks,” Hugo mocked.
“You know what I mean. You’re kind.”
“But I can be terrifying.”
“Come on, Hugo. Stop avoiding the question. Why do you think you’d freak them out?”
“I don’t know. I think I was afraid they’d see right through me and immediately know I was interested in their dad. I mean, wouldn’t that be hard as a kid, especially when they’re still getting used to living in two places? They already get to see him just a few days here and there.”
“Speaking of, where
do
they live?”
“Uhm, we didn’t really talk about that. I think somewhere in The Cities. It sounded like Kevin was still living in Edina so the kids could keep going to school there.”
“Good schools.”
“Yeah. I’m assuming Erin doesn’t live too far away, especially if she drives them to school.”
Summer was quiet for a while aside from singing along to the radio set to The Current from Minnesota Public Radio, playing its typical mix of indie music. Hugo’s mind was stuck on Brooke and Finn, though. He’d never dated anyone who had kids before. Well, there had been one guy who had a son living in another state with his ex-wife, but Hugo never met the kid. Didn’t even remember the boy’s name because the guy never talked about his kid.
It was weird how easily Hugo got along with Kevin’s kids, but he was still a bit apprehensive. If things got really serious between them that meant Hugo would have to make room for children in his life. What if he and Kevin decided they wanted to build a life, move in together, even get married? How would that be handled? The more he thought about it the more complicated it seemed.
“Is that really all you wanted to know?” Hugo finally asked.
“Not really, but maybe you don’t know
how
you feel about all of this yet. I was just giving you time to think.”
“Thanks.”
A few more miles passed under the tires, and Hugo could feel himself getting drowsy. He readjusted himself in his seat, turning slightly toward the center of the car, and looked at Summer driving. Her pale hair was held away from her makeup-free face by a denim kerchief that matched her smocked-top sundress, making her look like she’d stepped out of a hippie commune. Hugo loved when she dressed like her earth-crunchy self because it reflected how comfortable she was in her own skin. She looked so much better than she had when they’d headed toward the lake. She was smiling easily again, and there was no sign of stress on her face or even in her shoulders.
“Did the time at the lake help?” he asked.
She glanced over and smiled. “Yeah. Thanks for that.”
“I actually feel guilty, like I didn’t do much. That’s not how I envisioned things going at all.”
“Hey, don’t feel guilty because you took time to reconnect with Kevin. Okay?”
“Okay.” Hugo wasn’t convinced.
“I’m serious.” Her tone of voice said
I mean it
with every word spoken. “This trip could’ve easily turned into a pity party for me, and I’m glad it didn’t.”
“Yeah, but—”
“But nothing! Seriously, Hugo. Seeing you and Kevin together…. It’s like it gave me hope. I thought about it a lot when I was mini-golfing with Myles. Myles is a nice guy, but he was so obvious with his interest in me. I finally had to tell him to just back off because it wasn’t going to happen. Even if he would’ve been someone I could see myself with, I wouldn’t want that right now. I want what I saw between you and Kevin, but it didn’t happen randomly. Well, that’s not entirely true with the whole six degrees of separation and all. Maybe…. ‘It didn’t happen mindlessly’ is a better way of saying it. The reconnection would never have happened at all if you hadn’t taken the last year of your life figuring out what it was you really wanted. Right?”
“I’m not sure,” Hugo admitted. “I know the last year of not dating has been really good for me. I feel like I know myself better. And I learned being alone is actually a pretty okay thing. I didn’t know that before because I was always jumping into another relationship. I was afraid of being alone in the past, and I’m sure losing my dad when I did was part of what played into my fear. Just realizing where the worry came from and seeing that being alone is good for me, I found I was able to figure out what I was doing to make my own life harder. Now, I feel ready for a relationship. I’m not sure Kevin’s quite ready so soon after his marriage ended, but maybe.”
“How long has he been separated?”
“Eleven months, but he said the marriage had been over for a lot longer than that. It was his dad dying that finally gave him the guts to leave, I guess. He told me how his wife hinted about wanting out for a while, but he was too afraid of looking like a failure in his father’s eyes.”
“Wow. His dad really did a number on him, didn’t he?” Summer asked.
“Yep.”
“Only Kevin knows if he’s ready yet,” she said with a definitive nod. “But if he really stayed in a marriage to not upset his father’s delicate apple cart, I think you have to worry more about his daddy issues than the issues he has with his ex.”
“Maybe.”
Three miles of corn and soybean fields later, Summer seemed to come to a decision. “I think I need to take time away from the dating scene,” she stated, sounding very determined. “My desire to have kids can’t be something I allow to take over my life and set me on a path that’s not right for me. Do you know what I mean?”
“Well,” Hugo laughed, “considering I don’t exactly have the right plumbing to get pregnant and never sincerely thought I’d be a father, I really don’t. But I do get how you feel like you need to sort out your priorities. Wanting something so badly you can become blind to what’s really happening isn’t uncommon. Not dating will be good for sorting all that out.”
Summer was thoughtfully quiet again, and so Hugo closed his eyes. The music was relaxing—a man singing in a gravelly voice to nothing but an acoustic guitar and a female voice singing quiet backups. Hugo sighed in contentment. Summer squeezed his hand, and when Hugo looked at her, she smiled.
“What if things get serious between you and Kevin? Are you prepared to be a stepdad?”
“I don’t know.” He really didn’t. “I don’t know a thing about parenting. And don’t be an optimist and tell me I’m good with my nieces. Watching them for a few hours or even a few days at a time isn’t the same thing as being a parent, especially considering I’d basically be seen as someone taking away from their time with their dad. They already see Kevin so rarely, I can’t imagine they’d want to share their time with me.”
“You never know.”
Hugo shrugged, not sure he was even willing to entertain these ideas.
“Besides, what would his ex have to say about that?” Hugo speculated. “She doesn’t even know the man she was married to for years is bisexual. ‘Oh hey, Erin. I’d like you to meet my boyfriend, Hugo.’ Can you imagine? She’d probably file for full custody and never allow Kevin to see his kids again. I can’t let something like that happen.”
“That’s a pretty huge assumption you just made about a woman you’ve never met.”
Hugo shrugged again, not knowing what to say and getting frustrated with himself over jumping to conclusions.
“Kevin knows Erin,” Summer said with a sternness in her voice. “How about you let Kevin worry about her? None of that should be your concern. Kevin—that’s where your focus should be, seeing if you guys really want to start something. If you do, then you need to consider how you’ll nurture some sort of relationship with those kids.”
“You’re right.”
“Of course I am.”
Hugo’s phone dinged, and he looked down to see another text from Kevin.
Thanks for everything. The kids demanded that I take them water skiing again. Tell Summer she helped create monsters.
Haha. I will. She’ll be happy about it though.
I bet she will. Talk soon.
Later. :)
More Complicated Than Chopsticks
H
UGO
had no idea how Gilbert had managed it, but he had somehow gotten a gig for them at the Uptown Art Fair. The organizers of the event were more open-minded than Gilbert ever expected when he submitted his application to be admitted to perform months prior, but the letter of invitation they received was shocking, in a good way. The organizers recognized drag as an art form, which so few people did. They sounded excited to have more variety added to their entertainment stage, which generally consisted of bands, dancers, and live performance art.
Putting their show on at such a widely attended event was a new experience, but he wasn’t about to complain. Hugo was used to acting for crowds, but the drag show was almost always hidden away in dark bars, or if they were out in the open, it was at some LGBT event like Twin Cities Pride. If he and Gilbert could make more people, a broader audience, laugh and walk away feeling as if they were entertained, then they’d both be happy.
Because of the change in venue, they both agreed they needed to up the ante and really work on their performance. Thirty minutes on stage didn’t sound like much, but between the two of them, that was a lot of material to prepare, especially when you considered every bit had to be original. The rest of the Soda Pop Girls had other commitments, so it was just them, which was how they both liked it. Since Gilbert’s forte was humor and working the crowd into giggles and Hugo’s was acting, they decided to write some skits to fill in their already well-rehearsed song numbers. They also had to make things a little more PG since kids would be in attendance. That was harder than they both initially thought it would be, especially considering they’d been performing for adult audiences for years and many of their pieces were dripping with sexual innuendo.
For all of five minutes, he considered sending the script over to Kevin to read through so he could tell Hugo and Gilbert if there were still words or phrases parents might object to. Kevin seemed to self-censor really well, only allowing curse words or sexual thoughts to slip when they’d been in the heat of the moment. Otherwise, his mouth and mind seemed innocent. Hugo spent so much time with adults that he wasn’t nearly as sure about where to draw the line.
But after consideration, Hugo knew he couldn’t ask Kevin for help because Miss Cherrie Pop! would definitely have to be revealed. Now wasn’t the time for that. He decided to send the script off to his sister instead. She’d know if they needed to cut anything more for the younger kids.
Hugo was busy. Very busy, in fact. Not only was he working on rewriting his and Gilbert’s show, but he was in the middle of designing minimalist sets which could be moved on and offstage with little effort for various Minnesota Fringe Festival performances around the metro area. Not to mention the play he was directing for that same festival. He also had several auditions for an assortment of jobs and had new gigs lined up for narrating.
After taking the few days off for the long Fourth of July weekend to go to the lake with Summer, Hugo was behind and had to put in a lot of extra work to catch up. By the time Friday afternoon rolled around, he was exhausted and just wanted to go to bed. But he and Kevin had been exchanging text messages all week long, flirting with their words and talking about how badly they wanted to see each other again. They’d also been sending each other photos of inconsequential things in their lives, like a shot of Kevin’s desk with a neat stack of papers, Hugo’s coffee, a glass of wine, and bare feet nestled in plush carpet. The subject matter was unimportant, but the significance of sharing small parts of each other’s day to say
I’m thinking about you
or
I wish you were here with me
was of great consequence. Hugo was even too tired to text, so he called Kevin’s cell phone at about four on Friday, knowing Kevin would still be at work.
“Hello.” Kevin’s voice was different, but Hugo suspected this was his business voice.
“Hi. It’s Hugo.” He lay there, his phone resting on his cheek as he spoke. “I wanted to catch you before you headed home. I’m wondering if you’d mind a change in plans tonight.”
Hugo heard a door shut and suddenly Kevin’s voice sounded warmer. “What did you have in mind?”