Speak Bird Speak Again (8 page)

In
contrast to the mother-in-law's presumed hostility, the
father-in-law's attitude toward his sons wife is expected to be warm
and protective. It would not be unusual in a domestic quarrel for the
wife to appeal to her father-in-law ("uncle") against his
own son. From the father-in-law's perspective, unlike that of his
wife and daughters, the son's wife is not divisive; rather, by
providing the family with children, she contributes materially to its
growth and therefore its strength. In Tale 21, the king blesses his
daughter-in-law's efforts to bring his son back home. He should treat
her as if she were his own daughter, for he is responsible to the
head of her family in case of conflict involving her. If a woman is
unhappy with her husband's treatment of her, her family complains not
to her husband but to his father. Indeed, the tales present pictures
of some complexity in this relationship between the patriarch and his
sons wife. Tale 32, for example, would be totally obscure if divorced
from this social context. The father in that tale perceives his first
daughter-in-law as a jinni, presumably because she has enchanted his
son and keeps him all to herself and away from his filial
obligations; the attention the father and his wife lavish on the
obedient second daughter-in-law, in contrast, is meant to exemplify
the harmony that can prevail when a sons wife subserves her will to
theirs.

The
relationship between the bride's father and her husband is a critical
factor in two tales (12, 44), and it assumes secondary importance in
a third (Tale 22). In some respects Tale 12 is the counterpart of
Tale 32, for now we have the son-in-law enchanting the daughter and
taking her away from her father. Here also, the tale would remain
somewhat obscure if we did not take this relationship into account.
The father's forgetfulness in bringing his favorite daughter the bird
she had asked for indicates his unwillingness to part with her. Hence
the husband in this tale, like the wife in Tale 32, is given the
shape of a magical and utterly remote creature. In Tale 44, the king
has a daughter but no sons; his interest in a son-in-law, then,
represents interest in a son to make his heir. Finally, the second
half of Tale 22 also takes for its theme the relationship between
father and son-in-law; there, the king ostracizes his daughter for
marrying against his will. In life, such an action could lead to a
permanent rupture, but in the tale the father is ultimately
reconciled with his daughter and accepts his son-in-law as his own.

We now
turn to the relationship between husband and wife. From our
discussion thus far it should be clear why this is the most prominent
relationship in the tales: it occurs as a theme in nearly all of them
and provides the basis for the plot in several (Tales 24-27).
Marriage is a threshold event in a woman's life; not only does she
form a lifelong bond, but she moves out of her father's house as
well. This journey to the husband's household constitutes the plot of
several tales, including 7, 12, 13, 14, and, most notably, 18. For
the male too, marriage, although not so traumatic, is nevertheless an
important event, bringing great responsibilities, some of which he
may not yet be ready, or willing, to shoulder (Tale 21). Because
marriage creates an alliance between two extended families, it
complicates the system of relationships in the society. It is
generally acknowledged that the relationship of nasab (in-laws) is
never an easy one; indeed, it could be fraught with problems
throughout, from the early stages of familiarity through, perhaps,
the husband's taking another wife later. Marriages are usually
arranged between socially equal members of extended families, who at
the same time are likely to be adversaries competing with each other
for power and influence in the society.

The
tales explore various facets of married life, from the first
stirrings of desire to the building of a family and the birth of
children. With regard to the awakening of sexuality (the third group
of tales in Group I, and elsewhere), the cultural sensitivity about
this subject is accurately reflected, being dealt with indirectly,
usually through symbol (a bird in Tales 10, 11, 12). Yet at the same
time the tales adopt an imaginative reality that would not be
tolerated in the culture. In fact, what gives some of these tales
their particular character is the way this reality is used to present
the woman's viewpoint. Specifically, in several tales (10, 11, 12,
13, 15, 17, 23) it is the woman who either expresses an interest in
acquiring a husband or goes out and actively pursues one. In life, in
stark contrast, a woman must show no public interest in the subject
of sex, lest she compromise her honor. Even when the subject is her
own marriage, a modest woman would not say yes should her father
consult her wishes in the matter; most likely she would leave it to
her father to make the decision. Yet in some tales, as we have seen
(Tales 12, 22), the girls decide themselves, and against the wishes
of their parents.

The
marriage relationship is not necessarily a harmonious one, especially
when the couple remains within the confines of the extended family.
As we have said, the wife comes from the outside into an already
formed unit whose members share not only a common descent but also a
way of doing things. They have established a life together over many
years, and until the wife learns to conform to their ways she is
subject to criticism, perhaps even ridicule. Her in-laws do not
necessarily accept that she comes from a different background and so
may do things differently; more likely they will simply consider her
way wrong. With the husband under strong pressure to remain loyal to
the family, he may, even against his will, find himself in a
situation of conflict with his wife, as in Tales 18, 29, and 32. In
Tale 29 the man chooses - to his peril - to believe a ghouleh who
claims to be his aunt rather than listen to his wife. A striking
theme common to several of the tales (24, 25, 35, 42) is that of the
calumniated wife. Tale 24, in which a suspicious husband wrongfully
punishes his wife, clearly serves a didactic purpose, for it
addresses a specific abuse in domestic relationships. Tale 25, too,
deals with male suspicion and jealousy of a wife who proves to be in
the right. And in Tale 26 the wife insists on living with her husband
on her own terms - and wins.

Finally,
we turn to the relationship between the sister and the brother's
wife. This is one of the most important of women's relationships, and
the one with the greatest potential for growth. Initially, the sister
feels great joy at the prospect of her brother's marriage, which she
expresses publicly by dancing at his wedding and singing songs of
praise for his wife. And in fact, as we mentioned earlier, the sister
plays an important role in the selection of her brother's wife.
Together with her mother, she searches for a girl with whom they can
get along, since they will be living together in one household
possibly for life. Thus the sister provides her brother with a
critique of the girl's character and appearance - at which juncture
the potential for conflict is already strong, for the sister might
find fault with a potential bride who nevertheless marries the
brother. In the close-knit social milieu of the family the sister's
negative judgments cannot long remain a secret, and so already at the
start the new bride must overcome the sister's antipathy in order to
please her husband.

Assuming,
however, that harmony reigns at the beginning, nevertheless the
conflicting interests of wives and sisters are bound to give rise to
hostilities and friction. The wife sees the sister as a junior
mother-in-law, and so she lumps them together as a common enemy. This
conflict, which springs out of the brother's lifelong obligation to
his sister, is clearly exemplified in Tale 31, where the wife accuses
the sister of being a ghouleh. It may also explain the paternal
aunt's portrayal as a ghouleh, both in this collection (Tales 6, 29)
and throughout the tradition. Here again, the conflict between
brother's wife and sister in the tales may arise from the conflicting
loyalties both of them expect from the brother in real life. Even
though the family has actually gained a new member in the
daughter-in-law, the sister (and her mother) still feel that they
have lost a brother (and a son). The sister may think she is losing
not only influence over her brother but also his affections as a
result of this "stranger" coming into the household.
Whereas the struggle between mother and daughter-in-law frequently
breaks out into the open, that with the sister is more likely to
remain muted. The wife in turn fears, and not unreasonably given the
structure of the extended family, that her husband will be more of a
brother to his sister and a son to his mother than a husband to her.

Another
possible source of friction here (which does not occur in this
collection) is resentment over inheritance. Sisters, at least before
they marry, spend much of their lives working in the house, assisting
the wives in housework and childrearing. Yet the sisters do not
inherit, whereas the wives at least benefit from the fact that their
sons inherit. If a sister marries into a family poorer than her own,
she is bound to feel that her brother's wife has somehow disinherited
her.

With
age, however, especially after the sister marries and becomes
occupied with the affairs of her own conjugal family, raising her own
children, and coping with her husband's sister, the hostility between
her and her brother's wife lessens. As we said, the sister has a
vested interest in maintaining a harmonious relationship with her
brother and his children, and very often this harmony eventually
includes the wife, who herself no longer feels threatened by the
sister's presence in the house.

Thus
far we have discovered that the tales are themselves empowering and
constitute a form of authority for the old women who narrate them.
The narrative style and method used draw their authenticity from the
rules and conventions handed down by the Palestinian tradition in
folk narrative. Similarly, the individual tellers, who already enjoy
social authority through their special position as old women, derive
moral authority from the tradition, which serves to validate the act
of narrating the tales to the young, thereby providing them with
heroic models for behavior. Furthermore, we discovered that the
social structure itself, which provides material for basic plot
situations, also provides the models for the authority that regulates
individual behavior in the tales.

Authority,
we said, is also invested in gender (male over female) and in age
(older over younger). We now turn our attention to these categories,
particularly in relation to the tales. Because authority regulates
behavior, knowing how it works helps us understand the meaning of
action in the tales. Reinforcing the working of authority is a system
of rewards and punishments based on deeply held cultural values, such
as respect for tradition and old age and obedience to parental
authority. Age commands respect and should command obedience. A man,
for example, might feel offended if he is taken to be younger than he
actually is. Children are taught from a very early age to kiss the
hands of their parents, uncles and aunts, and grandparents. Even
grown men do so as a sign of obedience and respect. To the extent
that behavior follows the rules, it is rewarded - mothers are always
asking for divine blessing for their children (Tale 4). Obedience to
one's father, even in situations where he is unfair or cruel, is
considered honorable behavior. In most of the tales the action
embraces a cycle of conflict and resolution that revolves around
these themes. Conflict arises when a person in authority abuses his
or her power (as in Tale 3), or when an individual wishes to go
against the dictates of the family (as in Tales 4 and 22). Resolution
consists of the return of the domestic situation to a new harmony,
entailing necessary adjustments on the part of the individual. The
social order always remains intact.

The
question of authority is also relevant to the individual's
relationship to society, and hence to the meaning of heroism in the
tales. The extended family deals with the outside world as a
corporate unit; because it is ultimately responsible for the behavior
of its members, it supports them materially, shelters them, and comes
to their aid in case of conflict. In return, the family must be able
to count on the loyalty of individual members, for only then is its
viability as a unit that can incur and fulfill social and legal
obligations guaranteed. If, let us say, the head of one family were
to promise his granddaughter's hand to the head of another family, he
must be able to count not only on her approval but also on that of
her father, his son, even if the younger man was not consulted ahead
of time. Similarly, the head of the family receiving the offer must
be able to count on all those concerned to accept it. Therefore, the
family exhibits a proprietary interest in its members, viewing them
not as independent agents but as resources. In the tales, because the
social order always remains intact, the ethic of authority is
constantly confirmed; yet at the same time there is an unquestionable
focus on the individual. One aspect of heroism thus consists in
individuals undertaking or initiating action on their own, an
emphasis that we see reflected in nearly all the tales.

Heroic
action in the tales also concerns the idea of identity in the
society. Again, from the perspective of the extended family, identity
is collective. Through respect for tradition and deference to age,
individuals are socialized from childhood to harmonize their will
with that of the family. They are encouraged to perceive themselves
as others see them and to validate their experience in terms of the
approval of others. Standing out, doing things differently, or
disobeying authority bring punishments ranging from the physical to
the psychological, such as the show of displeasure, reproach, public
censure, or social ostracism - as in Tales 10 and 35, where the
calumniated wives are placed in the "house of desertion"
(bet il-hijran). Therefore, heroic action - that is, action in
accordance with individual will - necessarily entails a capacity for
isolation and separation of self from the collective identity. In the
tales, this capacity is reflected in the prevalence of the journey
motif (Tales 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 12, 13, 14, 16, 17, 18, 23, 28, 35, 42,
44), with separation generally being followed by some form of reunion
after a new balance is established. Significantly, the journey is
often undertaken by a woman, as in the archetypal (in this regard)
Tale 13.