Speed of Light (11 page)

There’d been rumors that two teens had used the cellar for secret romantic meetings.
At least that’s the reason Mistress gave for never letting us go down there, when the sky turned green and the twisters came
. Not being in the cellar was why the tornado that destroyed DG almost killed me too.
Should have killed me
.

I jumped out of my skin when in the distance the tornado sirens blared their weekly test. “Tony reminded you they test the sirens today.
It’s just a test
,” I said. Months passing hadn’t dimmed the adrenaline shooting through me or the pulse flying at my throat. Each time they sounded, I was back in the house with Enid trying to make it downstairs to safety while the freight train made crushing impact. That we’d survived, and Meridian’s Sangre Angel, Josiah, had saved us, didn’t lessen the fear that gripped my insides.

I focused on breathing until once again the birds’ chatter and traffic on the road behind me were the loudest sounds.

“Oh, isn’t this lovely. Fancy meeting you here.” Ms. Asura’s voice came from a dense group of trees across from me. Her perfume snaked its fingers onto the breeze and wrapped around my nose, my mouth. I coughed.
Sweet, cloying, nauseating
.

I started to stand. Ready to what? Run?
No, not anymore
. Anger burned. “Where are you? I can’t see you.”

“You don’t need to see me, sweetie. Someone burned
my face. You wouldn’t know who I should punish for that, do you?”

Vines of poison ivy rustled, giving me a spot in the brush to focus on. “You did it to yourself.” I tried to sound brave.
What would Meridian say?

“Now, now, we both know that’s not true.”

“What do you want?” I demanded.
How does she find me? So easily. So often. Be brave, Juliet, be brave
.

“To see how you are, how you’re faring.”

“I’m fine.”
Lie to her—you know how to lie
.

“Doesn’t look that way to me. All mopey and teary, talking to ducks and frogs. It’s a little pathetic. Has Meridian dumped you yet? Figured out you’re useless and stupid?”

“I am not stupid.”
Meridian thinks so
.

“Can’t read yet, can you?”

How does she know that?
“Of course I can.”

“I had a job for you, Juliet.”

That’s what this is about
. “What?” My heart sped up and thwacked against my ribs.
Can I disobey? Play dumb?

“You were to find and bring me information I want. You know this.”

“Why?” I asked.
What does she want?

She didn’t answer me. I glanced around as the seconds passed.

Did she leave? Where did she go?

“I don’t have to remind you of the consequences of disobeying, do I?” She clucked her tongue. “How is Kirian?”

“Dead.”
You killed him
.

“That’s news to me. His body was never found.”

Her words stabbed. My heart thumped. “What do you mean?”
Can he be alive? Were we wrong?

She continued as if I hadn’t spoken. “It would be a shame if Meridian disappeared. Or Tony. You have so many new friends. How is Bodie? Still wandering outside alone on adventures? That cat followed him around too.”

Bodie? Meridian? Tony? Mini?

“Why would you threaten them? Why not take it out on me?”

“That’s no fun. Besides, I’ve seen you suffer. You’re quite talented at it. I wonder if you can make that into a career.”

“What do you want from me?”

“There’s a book that belongs to us. We want it back.”

“A book?”

“Pages? Cover? Writing on the inside? Ring a bell?”

“But who has it?”

She huffed as if I was purposefully being obnoxious. Maybe I was.

“Do the living mean nothing to you?” Without waiting for my response, she asked, “How badly do you want to know where your parents were dumped? They were broken up about the whole thing.” She laughed.

“If I give you something, will you tell me where to find them? And Kirian?”

“Hmm, the book, Juliet. If you’d rather know about the dead than keep your living friends safe, that can be arranged,” she stated as if truly weighing the options.

I wanted to swear at the pathetic desire in my voice.

She’ll use them. She uses everyone
. “The living, they’ll be safe too?”

“Your new friends haven’t figured it out yet, have they? That you’re playing them? How sad. Or maybe they know it all and think you won’t be able to handle the truth. Maybe they’re playing you. Hmm, has Tony touched you yet? You know he will, don’t you? What else are you good for? How could he love you like a daughter and not look for you all those years? Maybe he gave you to us. Did you think of that?”

He’s not capable of that, is he?
I knew what girls who came through DG experienced. What some of the boys cried about.
I’d fight back, wouldn’t I? I’m not fighting back now, though, am I?

“Which book?” I hated thinking she might be right that I didn’t know enough. Anything.

“You’ll know it by this marking.”

Talonlike nails the color of raw beef dropped a white piece of paper into the creek. As it floated toward me, it snagged on a rock. I leaned down. The black ink on the page was already spreading, melting off the sheet.
I can’t read it! What is this?
Ink-dyed water dripped down my hands, my arms.

“But what is this?”
Wings? A stick? Nothing in the portfolio at Rumi’s had these drawings on them. Did they?

“Dig around, Juliet, and you might be surprised as to what you find.”

“Where do you want me to bring it?”

“We’ll find you.”

“Y-you’re …” I stuttered over my tongue, words fleeing like birds before buckshot.

“Get used to it.” She laughed. “Ta-ta, we’ll be in touch.”

“Wait!”
Come back. Tell me what you know. Please!
I slogged through the water toward the opposite bank, but all I found was trampled grass and indents in the mud from stiletto heels. I collapsed, slamming my fists into the earth until my knuckles cracked and bled.
Can I give her what she wants without it killing me completely inside?

I tiptoed past Tony’s bedroom, listening for his snore and hearing nothing.
He must be out volunteering again. Saving another soul
.

I closed the bedroom door behind me, hoping I hadn’t dripped creek water in a trail down the hallway.

“Juliet?” Tony sat in a pink velour armchair he’d pulled over near my door.

Startled, I jumped. “What are you doing in here?” I turned on the light, staring at him.

“I was afraid you’d come back through the window or I wouldn’t hear you.”

“I’m here now.”
Caught
.

“And for a while that was good enough.” Tony held his head.

The disappointment in his eyes was unbearable.
What do you want from me?
I didn’t know how to answer, so I kept silent.

Tony continued. “We have to talk about your choices.”

I felt my heart pick up rhythm.
You are not my father. Every time I look at you, I see my dead mother’s scarred face
.

“I don’t know how to help you unless you talk to me.” Tony’s voice was so quiet I strained to hear. “Your mother asked me to watch over you and I failed you. I know that, but I will not fail you again. I have suspended my volunteering schedule indefinitely so I will have more time with you.”

“But …” If he didn’t leave the apartment, he might figure out how much time I spent at the creek, or trying to find this book, or in the kitchen cooking, trying to rid myself of the faces and memories by mixing ingredients together.

“I would like you to give some thought to questions you have. I called Nelli to see if her boyfriend can help us track down your father, if that’s something you’d like to do. If you want to go up to Wolf Lake to be with the kids, I’ll drive you. Also, I know a very good family therapist if you’d like someone else to talk to.”

He kept throwing out ideas and questions that made my head spin. Find my father? Go to another state? See a doctor? I desperately wished for my closet under the stairs, my jugs of treasures. I couldn’t hold on to anyone. No one stayed put. Only things stayed where they were placed. People disappeared.

“Stop.” I couldn’t breathe.
Stop! Stop! Just let me be
. The pain scalded.
Why doesn’t he know I’ll never be the good little girl he wants? He should have let me stay at DG
.

“We’ll talk more in the morning. You look tired.” He stood, joints creaking. “Can I sleep knowing you’re going to stay in the apartment for the rest of the night?”

I nodded and he moved toward me. I held myself stiff while he placed a light kiss on my forehead. He lifted his arms as if to hug me but dropped them without actually embracing me.

I closed my eyes.
Even this man doesn’t find you loveable enough to hug
.

“Good night.” Tony shut the door behind him.

I turned on the CD player Rumi gave me and hit REPEAT on the song that reminded me of my mother, “Juliet of the Spirits.” I fit the headphones over my ears and twisted the volume as high as it would go. Then I took the whole thing into the closet with me, shutting the door tightly.

The first chords filled my head. They blocked out every thing.

I tucked my head down onto my knees and let the tears flow.

How is this for screwed up?

Where is this book?

Who has it?

What’s in it?

Who will die because of me this time?

I
lay on my stomach next to Tens, enjoying the sun and the feel of him next to me. We were on a stakeout of sorts. Again.

Riverside Cemetery was one of the oldest, largest burial grounds east of the Mississippi. It never occurred to me to look for information, or more Fenestras, among the stones, monuments, and mausoleums until Rumi brought me here to visit his mother’s grave last February.

Aside from the ones Rumi pointed out, we’d found seven more, plus three that were so old the marble had washed into bumps and grooves, making it impossible to
read. The names and dates were similar in script; all had one of two epitaphs we were working to decipher.

The trees made the cemetery feel like a horticulture park, with winding bike paths large enough for cars, rather than a place where people decomposed. The best parts were the purple violets overtaking the grass, just below the surface of the mower blade. Tiny intricate buds opened into fairy slippers, so that between tendings, the earth appeared indigo from a distance, a carpet of plush purple. The air sugared with the fragrance of blooming lavender lilacs, blushed peonies, and blossomed tulip trees.
So beautiful. Peaceful
.

Tens and I lay on our stomachs on a beach towel in the grass among trees on a hill, quite a ways from the plots we’d purchased. We had a guitar case and backpacks near us to appear like teens ditching class to neck. Binoculars in hand, Tens took first shift watching all the traffic and people for anyone who looked untrustworthy.

A rusty pickup truck with door signs on it from the monument company pulled to a stop at the marked location for the grave markers. We watched four men pile out. Using ropes, pulleys, cables, and brute force, they moved the plain granite rectangles into place. From here I could see the names Roshana Ambrose and Meridian Laine Fulbright chiseled into the stones.
Anything?

My attention was drawn to a wandering soul who’d spotted me. “I’ve got one coming toward me,” I said to Tens.

A little old lady wearing a pink chiffon gown glided
over. Her feet, which were not quite touching the ground, were my only clue she was a spirit needing the window.

“I’ve got you covered,” Tens answered as I felt the wave and let my eyes drift shut.

My window appeared. “Thank you,” said the old lady as she quickly slipped across the threshold into a concert hall, where musicians played a big-band tune and the audience broke into wild applause as she walked onto the stage, growing straighter, taller, more solid as I watched.

Tens caressed my cheek. I smiled as I opened my eyes.
Shepherding souls really does become easier with practice
.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Did I pass out?” I remembered a time when the souls using me drained me so completely that I was forever sick. Now stronger, I was more able to do my job.

“No, I think you fell asleep. You snored.” He grinned and leaned into my kiss.

We didn’t get much sleep after Tony’s worry-filled venting last night. We’d spent hours trying to untangle Juliet’s mind-set and motivation.
What are we missing?

I sighed, entwining my arms around his neck and weaving my fingers in his hair. He shifted closer, pressing his hips and thighs against me. He smelled of soap and pine forests and wet dog. I flashed to Custos and pictured her tongue in my mouth instead of Tens’s.
Lordy! Not sexy!

I giggled, unable to hold back.

“What’s so funny?” Tens leaned back and gazed at me.

“I
really
didn’t get enough sleep last night. I’m feeling a little nutso today.”