Spinster? (24 page)

Be patient.
 

Give it a chance.

Don't bail.

It didn't take a detective to see how much the girls adored their mom. In fact, she hadn't realized how muted Ella's happiness was until she saw the full force of it once her mother was back into the picture. Tess had to remember this was about the girls, not her and Wes...but that didn't ring true, no matter how many times she gave herself the lecture.
 

 
Truth be told, Tess was starting to feel like a usurper more often than not, like she was watching someone else's life play out before her eyes. Now was one of those times—watching them huddle at the table while they sang happy birthday to Kate. Their smiles and laughter. Mila's eyes bright with joy, Wes's looked just as full. "TO YOU!" They all clapped and cheered.

"Momma, cake, cake! I want da unicorn on my piece."

Mila kissed the top of her head, narrowly missing the feathers that jutted from Kate's birthday crown. "One unicorn, coming up."

"
You're
going to cut the cake?" Wes teased. "I happen to remember a certain mangling of a cake in the past." He was smirking at her, a private joke. Tess's stomach turned.

"Hey, man, that was a monstrous cake...and in my defense, Counselor, I was nervous. Everyone was watching me." Mila said the last part to Tess. Oh, did she mention how nice Mila was to her? Disgusting. Tess hated it when she wanted to dislike someone and they made it very hard by being perfectly pleasant and accommodating. She still hadn't decided if it was genuine or if it was a keep-thy-enemies-closer tactic.

"They tend to do that when you're cutting a wedding cake," Wes said with a smile. The smile didn't hold love, as much as years of shared stories and whispered secrets.
 

Tess's stomach went from churning to all out nauseated. "I'll get some more napkins." Tess said cheerfully, backing out of the room, escaping into the kitchen. She leaned her stomach against the sink, tears burning the back of her lids. She wanted nothing more than to flee this scene of domestic bliss. Just slip out the back door, no one the wiser. But Kate. Sweet Kate would be hurt if she left before they opened presents.
 

Tess had picked the shiniest silver wrapping paper she could find, and lavishly wrapped tulle around it, making a bow fit for princess. Inside was a piggy bank she'd found at a small boutique. It was a purple hippo wearing a white tutu. She had Kate's name written on it's hiney. Precious, like Kate. With that thought, she stood straighter, pulling in a full batch of oxygen. Today was about Kate, not Tess's pity party. So what if she'd finally found the man of her dreams, after years of dating pervs, stiffs, and douche bags...Even if that dream man was already slipping away. She knew it, she could feel it, and there wasn't a damn thing she could do about it. How do you fight history, and babies, and first love?
 

Answer was, you didn't

But that was the gamble of falling in love. The euphoria, and it's bitchy antithesis, despair.

"Hey beautiful, what's taking so long? Kate doesn't want to eat cake without you." Tess smiled at that, his voice like a warm hug.

Pull it together.

"
Sorry, just captivated by the cardinal in your bush." It was an convenient lie, since there was indeed one flitting and pecking at the nest she was building. His arms wrapped around her waist and he rested his chin on the top of her head.
 

"Have I told you today how amazing you are? Not many women would handle this situation with such grace."

She bit her lip. If he only knew how graceless the inside of her head was. But she was entitled to every twisted thought. They were hers, after all. Her head was the one place free of filters and expectations. Tess allowed herself to lean, transferring her weight against his chest. It was a temporary refuge, but refuge nonetheless—his scent filled her nose and his strong arms cradled her ribs. This had become her happy place. Was she going to give up all this greatness without a fight?

"Boy, you're thinking way too loud," he said. Tess felt the rumble of his voice on her shoulder blades.

"How can you think loudly? Isn't that the beauty of thoughts, that they don't make a sound?"

"Yes, under normal circumstances, with normal people. But there's nothing normal about you."

She turned, wrapping her arms around him, clasping her hands above his tight derrière. "Hey! I'll have you know, I am totally normal." She grinned. "You're right, I could hardly get that out without laughing."
 

His chuckle vibrated across her chest. "I only mean that you think harder than most, I can almost see your thoughts swirling about...And when I say you're not normal, I mean you aren't like anyone else I've ever met. Normal is ordinary, and you, Tess, you are extraordinary." She tilted her head and he kissed her. Soft and reassuring.

"Guys?" The sound of Mila's voice filled the kitchen and they pulled apart. "Oh, sorry to interrupt, it't just that Kate is about to nose dive into her cake if you don't hurry." Her voice held mirth, but her face told another story. That one look, no matter how fleeting, obliterated any questions Tess may have had about Mila's feelings towards Wes.
 

Had he noticed? If he did, his voice betrayed nothing. "Sorry, Mila. We're coming." Mila smiled, her face back to normal, and left.

Too late, Mila. I saw that.

Wesley took Tess's hand, kissing her knuckles. "Tess, I don't want to freak you out, but I'm pretty sure I'm falling in love with you." The tears that now burned her eyes were fueled by a completely different emotion than a moment before. If they'd been alone in the house she would have taken him right there on the kitchen floor. But since that wasn't the case she settled for, "Pretty sure, huh?" She teased.

His mouth curled into a half grin, his blue eyes caught a twinkle. "Okay, so I'm very sure."

"Well, as long as we're putting it out there, I guess I can add that I'm also pretty sure that I'm falling in love with you." More kissing, but it was brief, they had cake to eat.

Give this up? Not bloody likely.

"So, she's like there? All the time?" Rebel asked. Tess had needed drinks and her friends after the momentous developments that revealed themselves during a five-year-old's birthday party. One being, Wes told her he loved her for the first time. Two, realizing she loved him in kind, and she said it back...which hadn't happened since Prince had a symbol for a name. And three, and the one most fueling her need for alcoholic beverages, was the fact that Mila was still in love with her ex husband. She'd just unloaded all of the soap operatic details onto her crew, garnering various responses. Most rhymed with fuck and bitch.

Tess knocked back her Grey Goose and soda. A piece of ice slipped away from its frigid brothers, hitting her in the nose.

"Not
all
the time, but enough to make me uncomfortable." Willa, Marin, Emma, and Jen took up the other four seats around Rebel and Tess. Yup, she requested the whole gang to be her sounding board. She was confused and she needed advice, support, and about four more drinks.

"Does she spend the night over there?" Marin asked.

"What? No! At least, I don't think so...Oh-my-god, does she stay over?" A fresh new panic constricted the center of her chest.
 

"Way to go, Marin! Jesus. We're supposed to make her feel better, not drive her to the ledge and hand her a cinder block!" Emma griped. It was a good thing they were on the patio by a busy street and her voice was muted by the traffic.

"Sorry! It just came into my head and out of my mouth." Marin looked contrite, but it was a valid question, one that Tess would be texting Wes as soon as she got the chance. Which she was taking now.

"Are you texting him?" Willa asked.

"No, she's making an appointment to get her Brazilian," Rebel snipped. Willa stuck her tongue out in response. "Sorry, Wills."

Tess set her phone down. She gave her friends a weak smile. She could tell her distress was upsetting them. Tess, usually steadfast, was now more dust than rock.

"Okay, now think. Has he done anything to make you suspect he has feelings for her, or do you think you're just being paranoid?" It fell to Jen to ask the question everyone was thinking, but was too afraid to ask. Emma was outspoken. Quick to snark and say something outlandish, but when it came to direct inquiries about serious topics, she stayed mute.
 

Now that was the question no one knew the answer to but Wes. "I don't know. He doesn't act like it. But sometimes, when he doesn't think I'm paying attention, he gets this look of longing. I don't know if it's for the life they could have had, or the girl she once was, or the woman she is now. I don't know...guys, what do I do?"

Silence descended onto the mosaic tiled table they surrounded. Tess glanced at each of her friends. It was rare for her to ask for advice, so her friends had to grasp the level of confusion she was experiencing.

"Nothing? Shit. So, it's as bad as I was trying to pretend it wasn't."

"Sweetie, it't not that. It's complicated," Willa offered, diplomatic as always. The girls nodded.

"So, it's a losing proposition." It wasn't a question.

"Tessy, no. It's just that, we know you. You've called it quits with great guys for a lot less," Jen pointed out.

"Wow...you guys aren't worried about him. You're worried that I'll bail. Thanks a freaking lot." Tess stabbed the straw into her second drink, a pout on her lips. She knew the prospect was not unlikely, but to hear it out loud more than sucked.

"Come on, Tess. Don't be like that. You know how you are," Rebel said gently.

"It just seems like a lot more baggage than you're usually willing to deal with, that's all," Marin added.

Tess pouted still, pushing her pasta around the plate. "But I love him. I don't think I've ever really loved someone before. I mean, how many times does the boy of your dreams become the man of your dreams, huh? Tell me, when does that happen?"

"In the love songs," Jen said

"In romance novels," Marin added.

"On the Lifetime movie of the week," Emma threw in.

"Plus, you can't hold me to how I've acted in the past. Let me attempt to be a grown up, here. I'm not trying to find reasons to run. It's just my gut is telling me that I'm setting myself up for a heartbreak of epic proportions."

Again her friends were silent, suddenly paying close attention to the food in front of them.
 

"Your silence speaks volumes."

"Sorry, Tess. It worries me that she still has feelings for him. It puts a serious wrench in the scenario," Rebel said, lifting the uncomfortable silence.
 

"So, you guys think I should break up with him?" She hated even saying it out loud. It put it out there, giving it validity now that it was spoken. To think it was one thing. To speak of it, excruciating.

"We can't tell you that. He's wonderful and...new development...you love each other. I think it might get a bit bumpy and you have to decide if you want to ride the waves," Marin suggested.
 

"Besides, now if she gets them on her own, he won't be forced to spend so much time with her. And no kids means more opportunity for spontaneous hanky panky," Willa offered, wiggling her brows.

Emma laughed. "Only you could use a phrase like hanky panky and make it sound cute." Willa's cheeks reddened.

"Guys, no offense, but I feel more confused than before," Tess admitted.

"Sorry, chica,
you
have to decide what's best," Emma said, with a shrug.

"Ugh, I am so screwed," Tess groaned, flopping her head onto the table.

"Just talk to him. Tell him how you're feeling," Rebel advised, rubbing Tess on the back.

"Yes! Ask him point blank if he has feelings for Lady Cray or not," Jen added.
 

 
Tess lifted her head. "Lady Cray?"

"Sorry, that's what we call her."

"Guys, that's mean." She wanted it to come out stern, but the laugh that followed ruined the effect.
 

"Don't lump me in! I only hang out with these bitches when you make me," Rebel teased.

"Kiss my culito, Regina," Emma said, using Rebel's real name which she knew bugged the crap out of her.

"I might lose a lip in that big ass of yours," Rebel retorted, making them laugh. Emma laughed too, after saying something derogatory in Spanish under her breath.

"I heard that." Rebel was Italian, and it was close enough to Spanish that she always knew what Emma was trying to fly under the radar.
 

"A Brazilian would actually be a good idea. I'm starting to resemble Chaka from
Land of the Lost
," Marin said, out of the blue.

"Who the hell is Chaka?" Emma asked. Marin rolled her eyes, then gave her a hard time about being a fetus. Emma retorted "excuse me, geriatric gyna. Weren't you Betty White's body double?" The playful insults continued.
 

Tess's friends managed to lift her spirits, but she didn't feel any better about her situation. She
was
taking one thing away from this dysfunctional circle time. She needed to talk to Wes.

 
But was she prepared to hear what he had to say?

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

The girls' contented chitter chatter surrounded Tess, when her phone rang. After staring at it through two rings, she put it through to voice mail, not wanting to get the answer to the question she just now remembered she'd asked in that text message two drinks ago. Tess looked up to find Rebel giving her a look of concern. "I'll talk to him later." When a text followed up the phone call, she didn't even look. She wasn't sure why she felt angry. Maybe it was because she was even having to worry about things like mentally precarious exes and uncertainty. The more likely candidate was the vodka coursing through her veins, fueling her feisty.
 

"Tess, I hear your phone dinging. It has to be Wes, everyone else you know is sitting right here," Jen said.