Spinster? (28 page)

"What did you do?"

"I broke his heart. I told him I didn't want to marry him and that I wanted the freedom to date other guys."

"He believed you?"

"No, not at first, but I made him believe me." Her mother grew quiet, not filling in anymore details. Tess noticed her mother's eyes were wet with tears. "So, you see, I'm living proof that you can experience utter heartbreak and come out the other side. And believe me, I was devastated. I guess he was, too."

"Wow. Did you ever see him again?"

Her mom seemed to recover and sniffed. "Many years later, after I'd married your father. It was strange to see him, painful even. He seemed very happy, had met a nice California girl. He lives out there to this day."

Tess took a sip of water, unsure if she should ask the next question, but did anyway. "Are you happy, Mom?"

The smile that lit her mother's face was bright and genuine. "Oh, sweetie. I've had such a wonderful life. I love your father with everything I have. He's taken such good care of me. I made the right choice. Your father was the man I was supposed to end up with, I'm sure of that."

"Mom, thanks for sharing that with me. I'm not sure how it really applies to my situation, but it does feel good to know that you've felt this before. You know how it feels to not want to get out of bed in the morning because he won't be part of your day. You just always seemed to have it together. Never an emotion out of place. It was hard to live up to."

"Tess, don't ever compare yourself to me. You have such a spirit in you, it was hard for me sometimes. It was like a mirror to the girl I once was. I felt like I had this part to play, and boy, did I play it well."

"Mom, don't take this the wrong way, because I'm really glad you've decided to relax, but why now?"

Her mom smiled. "It's been slowly happening, I can't explain it. But the one moment that stands out happened earlier this year.
 
I was sitting at my vanity, slipping my earrings into place, and I looked at my reflection. Like really looked. I didn't like the woman staring back at me. She was cold...she was my mother, actually." She shook her head. "I said I'd never become like her and that's just what fucking happened."

 
Tess had never heard her mother say anything worse than damn, so that in itself was shocking. The second, and no less shocking, was the fact that her mother knew she'd acted like a jerk and was sorry about it. Dare she hope she and her mom could have a real relationship? She realized she wanted that desperately.

"Oh, and your father and I have been reading this little book from India. It has opened our eyes to a whole new world. I never knew how freeing good sex could be."

"What? Are you talking about the Kama Sutra?"

"You've heard of it?"

"Mo-om! Yucky...oh my god, just got a visual...forever unclean! Wait a minute, is that why dad threw out his hip last month?" Tess's voice had gone shrieky.
 

Her mom's reply was to grin and giggle.
 

"Uggh...I think I liked the stiff version of you better."

Her mom leaned in and whispered, "Speaking of stiff..."

"Stop, stop, right there. I beseech thee to shutteth thy trap!" But she was laughing and her mom was laughing.
 

Sex talk. Bringing women together since the dawn of time.

"Where is my mom? And what have you done with her?"
 

"This is Tiffani 6.0, you might want to get used to it."
 

Could creative sex and turning sixty really cause such a drastic change? Who was she to question it?

"Well, scarring sex talk aside, I like Tiffani 6.0."

Her mother wiped her eyes. "I'm glad to hear it, Tess. You have no idea." In that moment, she saw her mom as a woman, a human being. Insecurities and doubts, like anyone else. It was strange to think her mom might have been craving Tess's approval all of these years, just as she'd craved hers. Man, she was glad she came to dinner.

"So, as far as your current heartache, have faith. Everything will work out. I have a good feeling about it."

"I don't know mom, it's complicated."

Her mom held up her hand. "I'm not talking about Wes. If that imbecile can't see what a good thing he had, then he isn't the man I thought he was...I'm talking about you, honey. Everything will be as it should—Wes, or no Wes. In life, there are road blocks and there are dead ends. You just have to decide which one's at the end of your path."

"Mom, that was probably the best thing I've heard in weeks. I do feel better." She pushed away from the table with a surprising reluctance. "Well, I better go. I need to get a good night's sleep if I'm going to be fabulous tomorrow." And for the first time in weeks, she felt as if it was a possibility.

As far as Wes was concerned, was it a dead end? She should have been certain, and the fact that she wasn't didn't help the situation one bit. It made it worse.

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

When Tess graduated from college she was coming into her own. New job—although assistant to the assistant editor wasn't what she'd hoped for after four years of higher learning—but it was at the
Morning News
. She had her first apartment to herself. She bought suits and high heels, like a grown up. That was right around the time she met Liam Sanders. They went to the same coffee shop, and every morning for months they would stand in line at the same time. He, always a few in front of her, since she seemed to always be running late. She hadn't quite gotten the waking up and having to look presentable thing down, after years of rolling out of bed and grabbing whatever was the cleanest and heading to class.
 

One rainy morning she went to order her venti vanilla latte and they told her it had been taken care of.

"Oh, really?" she asked, her smooth forehead going crinkly. The barista nodded and pointed over to a very attractive young man standing by the door. She'd admired him from behind from months. He always wore slacks that hugged his ass and thighs delightfully. She smiled his way and mouthed thank you. He smiled back and mouthed you're welcome. When her drink was ready, she grabbed the cardboard sleeve and turned towards the spot he was standing, only to find it empty. She'd been disappointed, but she figured it was a sign that she'd caught his eye as he had hers. Two more mornings this happened...he'd buy her coffee and then disappear. Tess vowed on the third day she would thank him to his face, maybe even ask him out.

It started the same way, he was three people in front of her, she got to the front of the line and her drink was paid for, but this time instead of waiting for her coffee, she strutted up to him.

"I wondered how long it would take for you to come talk to me." His voice was a notch above deep and held a slight accent she could't place. His hair was the color of chocolate, as were his eyes.
 

Tess drooled internally, then gave him a flirty smile. "Well, you kept escaping...Thank you, for this, and the others."

"I wasn't sure how to talk to you, so I figured you can't go wrong with caffeine, right?"
 

"Nope. That's one of the ways to my heart for sure."

"Is that so? Good to know. Look, I'm running late, as usual, but I'd love to take you to dinner sometime."

"Any time." She nibbled on her lower lip, then gave him the full affect of her best smile. He gave her an intense smolder in return, then pulled out a pen, writing his number on her cup. He looked at her name written in black sharpie. "Tess, nice to finally meet you. I'm Liam."

"Nice to meet you, Liam." She slid the pen from his fingers and wrote her name and number on his cup, then walked out, knowing he was watching her walk away. She was glad she wore that black sheath dress.

The accent ended up being Australian. The first date, the first of many. And the brown eyes melted things she didn't even know were frozen. Their love affair was fierce and passionate. The kind where they'd barely make it through the front door without ripping each other's clothes off. Liam had given her her first real orgasm, first with his mouth, then later with his very large thunder from down under. She was hooked. On the great sex, on his sweet smile. Everything about him. And he seemed equally besotted with her. They whispered tender words on sweaty skin through kiss swollen lips. Liam in her kitchen making eggs wearing nothing but his boxers. Laughs, more sex. Food, then more sex. It was the epitome of youth, playing at maturity, but with minimal responsibilities.

Looking back on her time with lovely Liam, she now knew it wasn't love, but strong affection intensified by fantastic chemistry and sex. It was destined to end, as his internship ended and he was forced to go back to Perth. They'd held each other and shed tears, but he didn't ask her to go with him and the thought had never occurred to her, no matter how cute she thought koalas were. They cared deeply for each other, but it wasn't love. She thought it might have been at the time and she'd had a few come close since then. She mourned and fled relationships in equal quantity. In all honesty, she didn't see what all of the fuss was about. Like people were blowing the whole falling in love thing way out of proportion.
 

It was about four weeks into her relationship with Wes when she knew she was in real trouble, that her strong lust and like were morphing into the other
L
word territory. Her heart was doing things she'd never felt. The longing, the need, the near obsessive desire to be around him. She just realized it one night, sitting across from him in an Italian restaurant. He had red sauce on the side of his mouth, but he was unaware since he kept talking in the enthusiastic way he did. Tess was zeroed in on the drop of sauce. Normally, she would have been grossed out, or annoyed.
Stop talking and wipe your mouth!
But all she could think about was how cute he was with his little saucy face, and that she wanted to lick it off, public be damned. She settled for a slow lick of her finger, which caught his attention. Tess drug the finger by his mouth and then put it back in hers. "You had some sauce."
 
She wasn't sure why she did it, it was not a conscious move, in fact her body was doing things without consulting her brain. She waited to feel embarrassed by her sexually brazen move. She had no problem being forward with someone she was using as a warm body, but this was different. He was different. She cared what he thought of her. It turned out she had no time to regret the "sauce incident" as they later called it, because he grabbed a passing waitress by the wrist, it wasn't even their waitress. "I'm going to need the check right away, please." It was a good move, if fogging up the windows of his car five minutes later was any indication.

Yep, she knew well before the words had been spoken, she'd fallen fast and hard for Wesley Caraway.
 
At first it was the idea of him—the boy she admired from afar all those years ago. She had to dissuade herself of the adolescent image she'd created and replace it with the man he was in reality. A man who would let her warn her cold feet on his legs. A man who laughed at her jokes. A man who wasn't afraid to sing to his daughters and do the voices when he read them stories. It was a big surprise that seeing him in all his dad glory would be attractive. Usually it made her puke. But in her defense, her only exposure was in the stores. "Mommy said no cookies right now. If you ask again you'll get a time out." Why did they have to use that high octave patronizing voice and refer to themselves in the third person? Her sister never used that voice, in fact she talked to her toddlers like they were grad students. That was just as weird. Her point being, Wes made parenting seem genuine and cool. If someone had asked her a year ago if she'd be fantasizing about a dude and his dad skills, she would have said, like hell. Yet, here she was.

Why couldn't she stop thinking about him? It was driving her insane. She was so naive to think time would make her fall less in love with him. But then again, this was her first time to feel this way. Maybe she should call him and ask how he was doing it, because obviously she was a distant memory. Men were assholes. In love one minute, in someone else's pants another. Then her mind went there...he and Mila together. She hated when this happened, which was more often than what would be deemed healthy. Was he doing that special thing he did with his fingers? Did she scream his name while having the best sex of her life?
 

Oh god, kill her now...like stabbing, electrocution, dismemberment...anything was better than this gnawing pain in the pit of her stomach.
 

Even drinks with friends had lost it's appeal. Pajama happy hour at Marin's had always been her favorite.

"Tess, you okay? Emma asked gently.

"What? Oh, sorry, stuck in my head there for a minute. What were you saying?" Tess poked her straw into her glass of ice, stirring her still full drink around.

"She was telling us why it sucks being single," Marin informed her.

"Oh, yeah? You need a pen and paper for that?" Tess teased, feeling sad right after. She had been getting used to having a plus one. Just when she thought she was over the worst of it she'd have a day like this one.

"It doesn't suck being single, as in woe is me, I need a man...it sucks because since I don't have a family, everyone seems to think that means I have an abundance of time on my hands...Like, work, for example. 'Emma, you can go to that conference in Afghanistan, right? Little Robby has a soccer game this weekend...Emma, you can work late, right? My wife will kill me if I miss dinner again.' I don't mind helping people out and I love my job. I make a shit ton of money, but that doesn't mean I want to go to a freaking trade show about the breakthroughs of erectile disfunction in Cleveland."

Tess and Marin snorted a laugh. "I get that, too. I always get the 'you can take on the extra story, right, Tess?'"

"I'm surrounded by workaholics at my firm, so no one seems to give a crap about kids or spouses," Marin admitted.

Emma sipped her white wine, her brown eyes looking thoughtful. "You know what's great about being single?"