Spooky Little Girl (16 page)

“I think all of that is hooey,” Chuck declared. “I can’t believe you’re telling me those people are for real.”

“Most of them aren’t,” Ruby said, trying to be reassuring. “But every now and then, you’ll get a real one. They’re few and far between, but they are out there, and through some mix-up, they’re very much in touch with both worlds, ours and theirs. They are sensitive to the living and the non. You’ll find many animals have this ability as well. They have an awareness that goes beyond the physical, and they can sense and know what’s around them. People typically lose that the moment they are born.”

“That doesn’t sound so bad,” Lucy added. “It might be nice to be able to talk to someone through a psychic telephone, so to speak. Maybe I could send a message to my sister, or they could even help us complete our assignment.”

“Mmm, mmm, mmm, I know the lure is irresistible,” Ruby cautioned. “But when the psychics—and I mean a real one, which, as I said, is rare—show up, it is time to hightail it out of there just in case. Don’t even bother playing dead. If they’re real, they will find you. And they will want to help you over to the other side.”

“But we’re already on the other side,” Danny said with a grin. “We’ve already broken on through.”

“Exactly,” Ruby agreed. “That’s the point. We’re already on the other side. We’ve just come back to do some extra credit so we can move on to The State. But they don’t know that, and in the effort to ‘help’ us—like the living can even remotely help the dead, can you imagine?—they will try to draw you into the light so you can ‘pass’ over and find peace.”

“So the light is bad?” Lucy questioned.

Ruby shook her head. “No, the light isn’t bad,” she said quietly. “The light is
horrific
. It is not a light. It’s an energy tunnel that has been in place since the beginning of time. It is misunderstood as a passageway to the other side, but it is not. It’s real purpose is to filter out the bad and leave the good, but it can only do so much. If you get sucked into that tunnel, the density of it will render a spirit into a non-energy particle, like a speck of dust.”

The students were speechless, and Ruby continued in such a serious tone that they knew what she was saying was the truth.

“The rings around Saturn?” the teacher began. “Filled with the foolish who thought there was an easy way out. You must fight the pull. Go into the light, and you’ll spend an eternity orbiting around a dead planet as space debris. Throwing plates at the living, stacking chairs in a pyramid, and having three priests throwing holy water at you is no way to meet your objective.
Amityville Horror?
Amityville Idiots. I believe they’re now located in the yellow band of Saturn’s second ring. I mean, really. Whose idea was the marching band and a flying pig with red eyes? Your objective is to help, not to terrify. That’s the surest way of getting yourself petrified. And it’s for eternity. There’s no going back.”

“That’s so sad,” Bethanny murmured.

“It’s not sad, dear,” Ruby corrected her. “It’s the most ghastly existence you could ever imagine. I don’t want that for any of you. I wouldn’t want that for my worst enemy, and believe me, I have a couple.”

“I don’t understand,” Lucy interjected. “The living often have near-death experiences where they claim to see the light, and they go into it, feeling peaceful. How can the light be so bad, then?”

Ruby adamantly shook her head. “Those people aren’t seeing the light,” she informed them. “Do you remember your first
morning here? Do you remember waking up in the bed in the big reception dorm? Before you opened your eyes, what did you see?”

Lucy remembered. It had been calming, comfortable, peaceful. She had felt so rested. It had been soft and welcoming.

“White,” she recalled. “I saw white.”

“You were no longer physical,” Ruby added. “There was no reason to see darkness. Close your eyes now. What do you see?”

Lucy saw the same white, the white of a brilliant, soft sun, the white of everything good and nothing bad. They all closed their eyes; they all saw white.

“That’s what those people see, and if they make it to The State, they very well may see family and friends who have also made it up to that level,” Ruby explained. “But if they lose the battle and are transferred back to a physical plane, the white vanishes, as does everything that goes along with it. Psychics cannot reach where we are. They can only reach us if we are
where they are
. They have no idea that the light they think of as good is actually the worst thing possible for any spirit. If a psychic is trying to pull you into the light, resist as much as you possibly can, use whatever power you possess to escape. Do whatever you can to avoid it. Nothing is out of bounds at that point. Even scaring them is acceptable.”

“Like writing ‘Boo!’ on a steamed-up mirror the way Patrick Swayze did in
Ghost
?” Bethanny asked.

“If you can fog it up, sister, then you should write all over it,” Ruby confirmed. “It’s one thing for them to think you’re there. It’s quite another for you to deliver proof and watch them jump through their skin. Just remember to plug yourself in first so that you have enough energy to physically operate in the world of the living.”

“I’m looking forward to being a ghost,” Danny remarked. “I can do whatever I want, whenever I want to. I can ride a bus for free, I
can go to the movies for free, see a band for free, and I never, ever have to take a shower. I can’t wait.”

Lucy silently agreed. She couldn’t wait to get to her destination so she could finally settle in someplace for a while. She hoped that she would be assigned to Alice, because if anyone needed help, it was her sister, and that was help Lucy was more than happy to give. Sure, she’d direct Alice to find rings, car keys, spare change that has sunk below the cushions. She could even get all charged up and maybe clean the house for her sister while she was at work; Alice was so harried, she’d never even notice. Maybe she could guide Jared with homework, or perhaps fend off a bully. Lucy was excited now about the assignment. She had to be going to Alice’s; where else could she possibly be assigned? That was someplace she wouldn’t mind hanging out for a while, and, in a way, that had sort of been the plan all along.

“Don’t get too comfortable, young man,” Ruby warned. “As much as you think you’ll like mixing it up back on your home turf, you’ll have a more glorious existence in The State. You might like being back on the living plane for now, but your goal needs to be making it to your forever level.”

“Have you ever been there?” Danny asked.

“Do you know what it’s like?” Elliot questioned.

“Do they have cosmetic procedures there?” the countess wondered aloud. “They have to have wonderful doctors.”

Ruby shook her head and shrugged. “I’ll be truthful,” she replied. “I was there for a very short time. But I will tell you that it was the most beautiful place I had ever been. It was lovely and tranquil and calm. It was everything I had hoped an eternity would be. However, it is different for everyone, because everyone is different. No two spirits experience it the same way, so I can’t really tell you what it will be like for you. But I can tell you that you will be glad you are there. It’s everything you could ever want or need.”

“I don’t understand why you didn’t stay, then,” Bethanny piped up. “Why come back and teach?”

Ruby laughed a light, choppy little laugh. “Oh, dear,” she responded. “Because I did not make it to The State. It was simply shown to me as an incentive to come and teach for a little bit before I moved on. I came here, where I was needed more, instead of going back to the living plane to haunt. And with that little story, I have a surprise for some of you.”

The instructor went back behind her lectern, and then reemerged with several boxes that she presented to Bethanny, Elliot, and the countess.

Bethanny looked as delighted as a child opening the biggest box on Christmas morning. She beamed when she held up her flowing silken White Lady gown, draping it across her so the rest of the class could get an idea of exactly how ethereal she planned on being.

Elliot blushed when he opened his box, and smiled widely. The first thing he pulled out of the box was a leather sandal with what looked like ropes hanging from each side, then what appeared to be a ladies’ white tennis outfit, and then a knee-length linen cape with a little braided belt that did, indeed, match his shoes.

“Wow,” Chuck said, hesitating. “Are you … John Belushi in
Animal House?”

“No.” Elliot giggled gleefully. “I’m Socrates! I’m a thinking ghost!”

The countess had not opened her box, but left it closed on her lap, her arms holding on to it, almost like straps.

“Mrs. Wootig, aren’t you going to show the class?” Ruby asked her.

“No,” she replied quickly. “I’d rather try it on in my room.”

“I can guarantee you that it will fit,” Ruby added. “It was custom-made for you.”

“Come on,” cajoled Kirk, who was sitting next to her. “Let us see it.”

The countess shook her head adamantly.

“Fair is fair,” Elliot squealed, pretending to whip her with his little tiny belt. “I showed you mine!”

“I don’t think so,” she countered immediately, holding the box tighter.

“Come on,”
Kirk laughed. “Let us see. I’ll bet you picked something out from the Princess Diana line.”

The countess said nothing but firmly shook her head and kept shaking it until Kirk quickly and nimbly snatched the box from her lap and ran several seats away with it, where he popped off the top and began digging. From her seat, Lucy couldn’t see anything but flashes of bright pink and what looked like feathers.

A Muppet?
she thought. The countess was going to haunt as a Muppet? Where was she assigned to, Sesame Street?

“Kirk, give that back,” the countess demanded, standing up, her arms running straight down her sides, curled up at the end in little rocklike fists.

“Oh, come on, Vicki, I’m just taking a peek!” he said, laughing.

Vicki?
Lucy thought as she sat up.
Vicki? The countess is a Vicki? Who said Vicki? When did she say Vicki?

Kirk continued to chuckle as Vicki Wootig stood motionless, watching, becoming more and more scarlet by the moment until she resembled a red potato. She tried to grab her outfit away from Kirk’s grasp as he lifted the pink birded mess up for all to see and it unfolded as a transparent, silken lady robe with a flock of marabou feathers that Lucy and Bethanny both recognized as the issue for a Gold Rush Brothel Madam.

Lucy was forced to avert her eyes while the rest of the class sucked in a collective gasp.

“KIRK!” Vicki said harshly, and stomped her foot. He then
gasped and bunched it back up, and together, Kirk and Vicki fumbled to shove it back into the box.

“Somehow, I don’t think Vicki was counting on being alone in her room when she tried that on later,” Lucy whispered to her petite blond friend.

“Talk about
ghost love
.” Bethanny shuddered. “Can ghosts barf?”

“I wish they could, dear,” Ruby replied.

In a huff, Vicki plucked the box from Kirk’s grasp and looked around the room as if she was nonplussed.

“What?” she demanded of all of them as she frantically shrugged.
“What?
So what if they exploded and killed me. I paid for them, and I’ll be damned if I’m not going to get any use out of them!”

Vicki then stomped back to her seat, where she sat down in an exasperated huff.

“They were brand goddamned new,”
she growled.

The class sat quietly in the rich moment while Countess Vicki avoided everyone’s eyes.

“All right, then,” Ruby finally said, sealing the moment with a clap. “Tomorrow’s your big day. I’m very proud of all of you, and I know you’re going to be effective, wonderful ghosts. I’m sorry I didn’t get to meet any of you until we were all dead, but I hope to see you all in The State very soon, or at least when my teaching assignment has concluded. Deal?”

“Deal!” her students enthusiastically agreed, except for Vicki, who was still looking everywhere anyone wasn’t.

“Tomorrow, you’ll find out your assignments,” Ruby concluded with a smile. “I hope each one of them is a place you want to be.”

Lucy’s cheek itched.

Still half-asleep, she reached up to scratch it, and felt something odd under her head. It was rough, nubby, and irritating. It felt almost like burlap, and Lucy quite quickly realized that it wasn’t her pillow her head was resting on, and it wasn’t her bed in room number 895 she was lying in.

Her eyes flew open, and the first thing she saw was blurry lines of white and orange slicing through a dull brownish background, the lines of whatever her face was smooshed into. Lucy then recoiled, because whatever it was, it stank. Concentrated notes of mustiness, age, dust, pet, and general unpleasantness lingered around her head like a stink fog. She instantly sat up to escape the stench, and realized she had been lying on an fraying burlap couch that was every bit as old as she was.

It was a couch that people had obviously spent countless hours on, reading books, flipping through channels, and watching rented
movies with a bowl of popcorn nestled in between them. It was the kind of couch that a dog would have no problems lumbering up onto to take a nice afternoon nap, and the kind of couch where if something spilled on it, it wasn’t even close to a tragedy, and it was maybe not even worth cleaning it up. The kind of couch that was miserable to sleep on, as the middle sagged and the spring on the left side shot up with a loud announcement every time an occupant rose from the cushion, which was battered and becoming threadbare in the middle.

Lucy hated this couch. Lucy loathed the couch. It was uncomfortable, smelly, and old, and she had come to the conclusion that having no couch at all was better than having this couch.

She knew because it was her couch that she woke up on, plopped right in the middle of Martin’s dark paneled living room.

In complete disbelief, Lucy laughed disgustedly and shook her head.
Well, this is a nasty trick
, she thought.
Par for the course. You have got to be kidding me
. She had almost fully convinced herself that she’d be assigned to Alice and she had gotten her hopes up. She should have known that death was going to be a little bit more unaccommodating than that, a little more sneaky than placing Lucy in the spot where she could really do the most good. And to just plop her on the couch was almost snotty. She’d thought at least she’d have a chance to say goodbye to her classmates, particularly Bethanny, and to say thank you to Ruby. But nope. They’d just thrown her ghost ass out on the sofa and left her. Somebody obviously thought they knew better. When Ruby had mentioned that they would find out what their assignments were in the morning, Lucy had hardly thought it would be because she would simply wake up in it.