Spud (28 page)

At lunch she walked past me without so much as acknowledging me and then spent the hour talking to some of her friends. I noticed Geoff Lawson joining the group and he spent the entire time perving over Amanda. In the afternoon session we did Fagin’s scenes and sang our duet a couple of times. Once again, she instantly transformed herself into a loving, gentle creature and then, as soon as we were finished, marched off the stage like an iceberg in boots. Thank goodness I have the Mermaid or this ice queen would really be distracting me.

16:30   As the girls and boys said their farewells and headed for the bus, we locked eyes. I could swear that I saw the hint of a smile on Amanda’s face – but to be honest it was dark and immediately after that she sneezed. I shall keep watching and waiting… for interest’s sake.

Sparerib is away for the week at a science symposium in Bloemfontein. Luthuli has assured us that he is fully in charge and has permission to beat anyone he chooses to as hard as he likes. To prove his point he lashed Devries with his hockey stick for spitting a greeny in the gutter.

The Guv said A Dry White Season is a book about the ‘struggle’ written by an Afrikaner called Brink. He rates it as the finest ‘struggle’ book written thus far. The ‘struggle’ is the word all the freedom fighters use when they talk about fighting against apartheid. When he asked about my sudden interest in political novels I told him I wanted to be a freedom fighter and part of the ‘struggle’. (This is partly true, after all.) The Guv laughed and said I couldn’t struggle myself out of a plastic bag. He ruffled my hair and we sat down to a lunch of tinned spaghetti. (The Guv’s wife is still AWOL.)

23:10   On the way down to the toilet I passed Rambo coming up the stairs (he had been missing since lights out). He said he’d been working in the library. This is a bit strange since the library closes at nine and he didn’t even have any books with him. I didn’t ask any questions though and he pushed past me and disappeared into the dormitory.

15:00   In another awesome display of running rugby the under 14Es (formerly the Ds) destroyed the under 14Ds (formerly the Es) by 44-0. Lilly was bristling with pride and told us that if we continued in such form our team could be up for promotion. Waterfall High School (this weekend’s opponents) only have four teams so we don’t have a match.

21:30   The dormitory was ablaze with gossip about Rambo and Eve. Somebody saw Rambo coming out of Sparerib’s house late last night. Since Sparerib is now away, and after the kissing sequence last week in drama, word on the street is that Rambo is bonking Eve. Everyone’s green with envy – but still no word from Rambo who’s once again ‘working late’. Boggo says he’s taking even money bets that they are ‘doing something’ and five to one odds that they are actually having sex. Nobody was brave enough to put any money down.

07:30   Called Dad to wish him Happy Birthday. He thanked me for the socks and the car wax (which I had apparently bought him). He said he and Mom were going to the fish shop for dinner and were then going to watch Matlock on the telly. The last of the great party animals!

22:40   Rambo admitted there was something going on with Eve. I could tell that he was dying to tell us, but was probably sworn to secrecy. Boggo plagued him for ages about Eve and even offered him large sums of cash in exchange for the scoop. Rambo refused and threatened to murder anybody who spread any rumours.

Mad Dog, who never really gives a damn about gossip, was snoring loudly throughout the entire conversation. In fact it was so loud that it felt like the windows were rattling. As quiet as thieves, the rest of us slid into his cubicle and, obeying Rambo’s command, each boy (besides Vern, who had disappeared soon after lights out) picked up a part of his mattress and lifted Mad Dog skyward.

Surprisingly, he wasn’t very heavy and kept on snoring. Not so much as a start. We carried the mattress through the second years’ dormitory and to the top of the stairs where we had to put Mad Dog down because Boggo and Simon were overcome with giant snorts and strangled guffaws. Once they’d recovered we picked up the mattress with the snoring Mad Dog still in a deep sleep and started down the stairs. Halfway down the stairs Fatty felt the pressure and farted. There was a mad rush to evade the stench and in the process we very nearly dropped Mad Dog. Unbelievably, he still didn’t stir and we coaxed the mattress through the house door and out into the quad. We gently laid Mad Dog to rest on the frosty lawn next to the fountain slap-bang in the middle of the main quad and then galloped back to the dormitory. For over an hour we watched the sleeping bundle from our dormitory windows. Gecko became concerned that Mad Dog would contract frostbite, hypothermia or piles. Rambo collected up four blankets and skulked back into the quad and carefully tucked Mad Dog in. He reckoned the crazy bugger was still snoring when he left him.

06:00   Mad Dog still sleeping in the quad, although all you can see is a huge pile of red blankets.

06:14   The boy on siren duty runs straight past Mad Dog without even seeing him.

06:15   Rising siren. Mad Dog turns over in his bed. The siren ringer stops and stares at Mad Dog for a moment and then sprints back to his house.

06:18   Mr Cartwright walks across the quad and into the staffroom without noticing Mad Dog.

06:19   Mr Lilly strides across the quad, sees Mad Dog, stops and stares. After a moment he shakes him awake. Mad Dog waves him away, turns over and continues sleeping. Lilly trots off to the staffroom looking terribly concerned.

06:20   Mr Lennox walks straight past Mad Dog while reading the morning paper. He comes within a foot of tripping over the sleeping beauty. Wild hilarity erupts in the dormitory.

06:22   The Glock strides out of the staffroom and across the quad. He walks past the body, stops, looks back, looks around suspiciously and then approaches the bundle of blankets. He cautiously prods Mad Dog with his shiny black shoe and then kicks him. Mad Dog kicks out sideways and turns over, clearly irritated by the interruption. The Glock kicks harder this time. Mad Dog slowly sits up, opens his eyes and stares dumbly at The Glock. He then looks around in total confusion, says something to The Glock, gathers up his mattress and his pile of blankets and gallops into the house.

Mad Dog was too confused to chase or even threaten us. He just sat on his bed, shaking his head in utter confusion as he watched the rest of us howling with mirth, staggering around clutching at our stomachs. I asked Mad Dog what he had said to The Glock. ‘Morning, Mom’ was the reply!

21:15   Guy Emberton caught Boggo wanking against the geyser behind the toilets. (What Emberton was doing lurking around there hasn’t been established.)

08:00   Boggo received the infamous ‘wanker chant’ again in the dining hall and turned a bright crimson. Mr Hall, the first team rugby coach, joined in the chant as Boggo attempted to hide his face in his porridge.

Middle of the night: Vern charged into the dormitory screaming, shouting and gesticulating wildly. Mad Dog picked him up and turned him upside down so that he wouldn’t swallow his tongue. (Luthuli has given us explicit instructions as to what to do if Vern has another fit.) It took some time for Vern to indicate that he wasn’t having a fit and that he had urgent news to tell us. After Mad Dog turned him right side up, he set about telling us, in a series of gasps and moggy gestures, that Macarthur’s ghost had visited him and Roger while they were hanging around in the crypt. The ghost had apparently lifted Roger clean into the air and then whispered something that Vern couldn’t understand, although it sounded something like ‘echo’. Vern said Roger had shrieked in terror and disappeared into the night.

Nobody was quite sure what to make of this crazy story. One thing was for certain, Vern wasn’t taking the piss – Vern never takes the piss – I don’t think Vern even knows how to take the piss! It was clear that Vern was
utterly convinced of the story. What the rest of us weren’t convinced about was whether the story was real or the mad ramblings of a gibbering cretin.

Geoff Lawson has invited me to his farm again. Since we aren’t rehearsing this Sunday I’ve accepted and am convinced that this will be the great moment of truth. All indications are that the ghost is getting restless and something must be done!

The under 14Ds (formerly under 14Es) lost their match to Waterfall. Lilly, who was watching from the sidelines, struggled to hide his delight at the result. The first team continued their season’s demolition act by slaughtering the opposition 56-3.

I am officially word perfect. At Monday night’s rehearsal I shall arrive without my script – no doubt earning a few extra brownie points from Viking!

My hair is starting to look long and shaggy. A couple of masters have seriously enquired over its length. After telling them the whole spiel about Oliver they have by and large grunted and then walked away muttering to themselves about falling standards of discipline.

Wrote a long letter to the Mermaid, who I am now addressing as Debbie in my letters. Am terribly worried that I’m no longer in love with her. I spend hours daydreaming about Julia Roberts (Amanda). Think I might be losing my grip. I took a stroll to the san after dinner and told Sister Collins that I was concerned about my life and was feeling a little odd. Before I was able to continue she shouted, ‘For God’s sakes you aren’t queer, it’s just a phase.’ She then ordered me to gargle with some foul purple liquid and take a laxative.

08:30   Released my fourth prisoner since taking Sister Collins’s laxative. Next time I’ll keep my troubles to myself!

After a wickedly boring morning Eucharist, where Reverend Bishop seemed to completely confuse himself in his sermon about fish, bread and wine, Geoff and I repeated the escape to his farm. Joseph was already waiting at the drop-off spot. The day was warm and bright and the lawns around Geoff’s farm were covered in golden brown leaves. The sun cast shadows across the house and everything was lazy and perfect.

I chose my moment carefully. I waited until we were anchored in the middle of the dam and then began the long and complicated story about Macarthur. Geoff was loving every second of it until I reached the part about his family link to the infamous Macarthur. His eyes widened and his mouth fell open in utter amazement. After making me repeat the story several times he fell into a long silence.

At last he turned to me and said, ‘I knew it. I knew they were keeping something from me. They never talk about him, they never – ‘ He stopped and nothing more was said until we climbed through the fence and onto the school fields. Before saying goodbye he said to me, ‘Spud, I’m gonna find out what happened… one way or another I will find out what happened to my great-grandfather.’

20:00   Tonight’s African Affairs meeting focused on the anti-apartheid activist Steve Biko who was brutally murdered in police custody. The police said he had slipped and fallen out of the prison window – but how dumb do they think we really are? Mr Lennox showed us a documentary about the murder and it didn’t take long for a heated debate to kick in. Stung with passion
and guilt (and way too much filter coffee), I stood up without thinking and said I was ashamed to be white! Linton Austin sniffed and gave me a withering look over the top of his spectacles and told me that shame was a useless emotion. Luthuli jumped to my defence and said that South Africa needed more white people with a conscience. I flushed with pride and felt immensely relieved that at last I had said something and wasn’t laughed at. On the way back to the house Luthuli told me he was proud of me and that his grandfather, Albert Luthuli, was a Nobel Peace Prize winner and a former president of the ANC. I looked at our head of house with a new sense of awe and admiration. No wonder he had tears in his eyes when Nelson Mandela was released. I said the first words that came into my head. ‘I want to be a freedom fighter.’

Luthuli smiled at me and said, ‘Spud, by the time you finish school the struggle will be over.’ With that he disappeared into the prefects’ room and I slipped into the dormitory full of raging ambition to join the struggle. Under the soft warmth of my fluffy Good Knight duvet I started plotting the downfall of De Klerk and his evil apartheid empire.

Woke up with a sore throat and a husky voice. Tonight the girls are being bussed in for a rehearsal and Viking’s plan is to ‘stumble through Act One’. I’m not sure how my voice will hold up. I tried to sing but sounded alarmingly like Wombat so I stopped immediately.

19:00   Astounded! Amanda just cruised past me and breezily said, ‘Evening, Spud,’ and then disappeared before I had a chance to close my mouth and put my tongue away.

Surprisingly, my voice held up fine although the
rehearsal was sheer torment. Kojak and Viking took turns shouting and screaming at us with Dodge and myself receiving most of their abuse. Even The Guv was shat on by Kojak for singing an entire song completely in the wrong key. The school band, who have been hard at work practising the music, sat in and watched the rehearsal to get an idea about the show. Before long they were yawning and after an hour half of them had fallen asleep. Not a very promising sign. Act One is meant to be an hour long: our effort came in at a shade under four – Dodge reckons he heard Viking screaming in the toilet after we had been dismissed.

My throat is in agony and I’m sneezing all over everyone. What if I have some terrible disease and I lose my role to the awful Smith or the drippy Winter? I will fight my germs in absolute secrecy! Unfortunately, when I sneeze I do it in royal style and let rip with a continuous volley of eight or nine in quick succession, which then leaves me weak and faint. (Boggo reckons that five sneezes is the equivalent of an orgasm. I sure hope an orgasm feels better than this!)

After lights out Rambo finally admitted that he’s been having sex with Eve. He says she is like an animal and likes it in different positions. He swore that if the news leaves the dormitory he will slit all our throats. Boggo was so overcome by Rambo’s revelation that he sprinted off to the bogs for ten minutes. Rambo’s shares have skyrocketed to hero status and we all shook his hand and once Boggo had returned from the bogs he even asked Rambo to autograph one of his porno mags.