Authors: Ashley Johnson
Chapter 38
Contractions keep coming and I’m pretty sure I can’t handle any more. Wesley is on one side and my mom on the other. Amber stands beside Wesley rubbing my forehead. She’s recounting memories from our childhood to try and keep me happy. I greatly appreciate her but I so badly want to yell that none of it is really helping. Right now, I’m not too thrilled to hear about the time Karlee and I climbed into Amber’s window and put shaving cream in her hand only for her to smash it in her face when we tickled her with a feather. It is a hilarious memory but right now, I don’t care.
I want real food. My stomach is empty and all I can have are ice cubes. If someone offers me another ice cube, I’ll spit it in their face.
Dr. Barnes comes in along with a nurse, both smiling. I don’t understand right now what there is to be so happy about. They should switch places with me and then we will see who is smiling.
“How are you feeling Hope?” Dr. Barnes asks.
“Not too hot,” I reply. I had a whole other answer in my head but I didn’t want my mom to cut me some eyes. “I don’t know how much more I can take.”
“Well, if I can get some of you to step out, I’ll check your cervix and see how close we are.”
I let go of Mom’s hand to shoo everyone out. One by one, they file out. Wesley looks at me questioning whether he should go too. “I don’t think so Wesley. Stay here or I’ll kill you.”
Timidly he stays put as Dr. Barnes checks my cervix. Wesley doesn’t take his eyes off me, he smiles and whispers words of encouragement. As soon as Dr. Barnes finishes checking, another contraction hits. I’m tired of these.
“Well I have some good news, you’re dilated approximately four centimeters. That is good news in itself but the real good news is you can have your epidural if you choose to.”
“Yes! Yes, I want it now. Please Dr. Barnes. Oh I love you so much, thank you!” I attempt the first real smile since these damn contractions began. She chuckles as she explains the anesthesiologist should be here any minute.
“I can have your family wait outside the room just a few minutes longer if you’d like. That way they don’t have to walk out again.”
I wince through another contraction but this time fighting tears. Wesley looks at Dr. Barnes and answers for me. “That would be perfect thank you.”
The contractions I’m starting to feel more of feel like the worst menstrual cramp possible.
“Ow!” I cry in pain. Tears sting my eyes and I squeeze the life out of Wesley’s hand. “Please make this stop Wesley, please.” I sob like he could honestly do something.
“I would take this away from you in a heartbeat if I could Hope. You’re doing great.”
“I don’t feel so great. I hate this.”
“I know, they should be here any minute.”
As soon as he finishes his sentence, there is a knock at the door. It immediately opens and in walks the anesthesiologist with a nurse on his heels. My eyes roam over him and everything he brought with him. They land on the large epidural needle and I squirm. I don’t want that thing near me. He talks to me trying to ease my fears as the nurse stands in front of me helping sit me up. It takes Wesley’s help to get me where she wants me. My feet dangle off the edge of the bed and I half have the insane thought to take off running. I wouldn’t get far at all so I dismiss the thought.
The nurse instructs me to stay still as possible while the needle is inserted. I give her a baffled look wondering how the hell that’s supposed to happen when another contraction hits. I double over clenching my belly trying to stay still but I can’t. The nurse tries her hardest to hold me but the power of the contraction is overpowering her. Wesley offers to stand in front of me and hold me and I nod my head yes. He’s strong, he can hold me. I have no doubt in him at all. I lean over as his arms wrap around me. Another contraction hits; this one worse than the other and he squeezes me tight.
“Shh, Hope I got you. He’s almost done, ok? I love you, I’m here. I got you.” He whispers against my ear. I can’t answer him, I just feel the needle puncture my skin and the coolness spreads through my spine almost instantly putting me at ease. The nurse helps lie me back down and I’m able to let a breath of relief out.
This miracle drug is my favorite. Everyone comes back in the room smiling at the fact I’m no longer crabby and in pain. I’m actually smiling despite the crazy numbers on the machine.
“Amb, come talk to me. I won’t bite you.”
“Not anymore,” Wesley laughs. I roll my eyes at him as I motion my best friend to my side.
“I’m glad to see you’re smiling. I thought you were going to go all exorcist on us.”
“Nope, I’m good now. You never want to go through with this trust me. This is hell in a hand basket. That’s my best friend wisdom to you.” I grin.
She laughs a little uneasy and I stare at her trying to read her. She runs her fingers through her hair nervously and purses her lips into a fine line. Her eyes look around the room until settling back on me but she can’t look at me for long without starting that routine all over again.
“What’s going on Amb? Everything ok with Nate?” Her and Nate are seriously perfect. So perfect, it makes me want to puke sometimes but I don’t judge her happiness. She never judged mine with Wesley so I won’t do that to her.
“Yeah girl, everything is fantastic!” she speaks a little too enthusiastically and I eyeball her.
“Spill your guts. You can’t hide things from me.”
“Hope, I’m not hiding anything.” She insists nervously.
“Whatever, just lie to your best friend. That hurts but I’ll get over it.” I close my eyes pretending to rest when in reality I’m waiting for her to crack. I hear her huff and puff before drawing in a breath.
“I wasn’t trying to ruin your day Hope.”
“How could you ruin my day? These contractions have ruined plenty for me.”
“Things with Nate aren’t going so well anymore.” She tells me nervously.
My eyes widen as a string of profanities fly from my lips. I didn’t mean to cuss but I was taken completely off guard with this. They seemed like the perfect couple.
“What are you talking about? What’s going on?”
She swallows before closing her eyes to take another deep breath. “I just thought he was serious about us. He’s been going out without me and acting like we’re nothing. I don’t get it.”
“Oh no Amb, I’m sorry. He’s a great guy, I know it. Maybe he’s just not used to this. Just give him some time.”
A tear falls from her eyes and I wipe it away before pulling her closer. I fight back tears of my own as I whisper in her ear, “I love you and you are one of the strongest people I know. He won’t walk away from you, I know he won’t. But if he does, I’ll kill him.”
She rises up laughing and hugs me. “I love you Hope. You’re a crazy bitch.”
“Childbirth seems to make me this way.” I grin as I look up to see Dr. Barnes back in the room along with the nurse who kept increasing this drip earlier. I want to scowl at her but I know no pain right now.
“Well Hope, you seem to be in happier spirits this time.” Dr. Barnes finishes washing her hands before coming to stand by me.
“I love drugs.” I state simply catching a few snickers from Wesley and my dad. For a moment I almost forgot Dad was in the room, he sat back quietly out of the way. Nolan followed doing the same thing.
“I’m going to ask everyone to step out of the room again so I can check her cervix. If all is well, we may have a baby soon.” My heart beat increases as I play those words over and over again. I’m ready to get this over with. I want to hold the baby I’ve been carrying.
Dr. Barnes proceeds to check me over and she smiles widely. “Fill me in Dr. Barnes, what’s going on?”
“I’m going to step outside and let everyone know you’re about to have a baby.”
Thanks to the epidural, I feel nothing as Dr. Barnes and the nurse instruct me to push. I push with everything I have in me. Wesley’s face is full of mixed emotions. He’s worried about me and at the same time happy. I had the option to have someone else in the room but Wesley was the only person I wanted.
Several pushes and several squeezes of Wesley’s hand later, I hear the faint cry of a baby. I gasp as I take in the sight of my daughter for the first time. I’m overcome with joy and tears are streaming down my face. I look over to Wesley whose face closely resembles mine. Our daughter is immediately taken over to the corner of the room to be cleaned up. I strain my neck trying to get another glimpse of her.
Dr. Barnes walks over to me holding her. “Would you like to hold your daughter?”
“Yes,” I whisper inaudibly. She hands my daughter to me and I cradle her tiny body to me. Her eyes are closed and her lips are plump and full. I pull her cap back to reveal very light brown hair. She has the tiniest button nose I’ve ever seen. She’s absolutely perfect.
“Do you want to hold her Wes?”
His eyes meet mine. Tears still linger as he smiles. He says nothing but reaches for her. Tears spring forward as I hear him talking to her. “Hi baby girl. It’s your daddy. I can’t believe I’m finally getting to hold you. I can’t wait to watch you grow up. You’re so beautiful, just like your Mom.”
“Wes, we need a name for her.” I say between sobs. Out of all the heartache from the past, this is the best damn day of my life.
He stares at her intently studying her features over and over again before turning to face me. “I have one in mind, but only if you agree.”
I laugh thinking about how we went through a thousand different names just a few months ago. Anything I said, he didn’t like and vise versa. We eventually gave up. “Tell me.”
“I think we should name her Harlee.” I look at him puzzled. The only thing I can think of is Harley Davidson. “Hope and Karlee give me Harlee. That’s where I got it from.” He says clearing the air.
“Harlee Jane Tyler.” I say out loud. He nods before smiling infectiously.
“I love that name and I love you so much Hope.”
“I love you too so much Wesley. Thank you for the perfect name for her.”
He hands Harlee back to me smiling, “I’m going to go get everyone and let them meet her.”
I hold Harlee smiling as he walks out. I haven’t gotten to talk to her yet. I blink back my tears as I begin to speak. “Hi Harlee. I’m your Mom. I wish you could have met your Aunt Karlee but you’ll always have a piece of her with you. You have a great family that can’t wait to meet you. I love you so much, definitely worth all those contractions.”
I stop when the door opens and in comes everyone. Mom rushes over to my side gasping at the bundle of perfection in my arms. “Can I hold her Hope?”
“Meet Harlee, Mom.”
I hand Harlee over to her and she immediately cradles her talking and crying. Dad holds her for a moment but not for long. She’s so tiny it makes him nervous. Nora gets her turn next basically having the same reaction as my mom. Nolan is more nervous than Dad, so he doesn’t hold her but his smile tells me how proud he is to be a grandpa.
Amber is the last one to hold her and I can see the tears well up in her eyes. I can’t tell if they are happy or scared tears but when she looks at me I smile at her letting her know everything is going to be ok. Of all people, I should know everything turns out for the best. If it can for me, then it can for her.
Mom has been camera happy since she walked back into the room. She’s already taken multiple shots of everyone holding Harlee. She clears her throat getting my attention. She motions for Wesley to stand beside my bed. I’m holding Harlee and he leans in to kiss my lips. As I turn my head to meet his lips, Mom snaps the perfect picture of our now complete, perfect family.
Epilogue
One Year Later
Harlee is all over the place trying to get into one of the kitchen drawers. Thanks to Wesley, she can’t anymore. Last time he came home from competition, he installed several child safety objects. Our cabinets and drawers are now safe from the destruction of Harlee and Amber’s little bundle of joy. A few months after she told me that she was unsure of where Nate stood, things finally turned around for her. Then she found out she was pregnant. She was a little scared at first but Nate assured her he wasn’t going anywhere.
I love Harlee to death. Sometimes it hurts to look at her when Wesley is gone to a rodeo because they have the exact same green eyes. Her brown hair consists of loose curls that almost reach her shoulders.
“Mama,” she whines begging for me to pick her up. I pick her up holding her away from the stove where I’m cooking dinner. I bounce her on my hip and hum as I stir the pot of spaghetti sauce.
Wesley left two days ago for a competition and he’s back in the running for the third title he didn’t get to get last year because of his accident. We’ve already discussed that if he makes it this year, I’ll be there to see it happen. With Harlee to keep me busy, I haven’t gotten to keep up with his riding as much as I’d like to.
“Sweetheart, I’m home. Where are you?” My eyes light up at the sound of Wesley’s voice. I wasn’t expecting him home tonight; he didn’t say anything on the phone earlier.
“In the kitchen Wes.” I call out. He walks in wearing a sexy grin on his face.
“How are my two favorite women?” He scoops Harlee out of my arms and spins her around. She giggles and coos at him before calling him dada.
“I was just finishing dinner. I didn’t know you were coming home, I missed you.”
I walk over crushing my lips against his. “I wanted to surprise you. I missed you too sweetheart. I have more good news.” He says cautiously.
I grab his hand linking our fingers together. “What is it Wes?”
“I’m heading back to Vegas.” He smirks and I want to jump in his arms but he’s holding Harlee.
“Oh my God really? Wes that’s awesome! When?”
“I leave in two days. You and Harlee are coming right?”
Vegas means that third title and I am thrilled for him. “No accidents this year right? I can’t handle that in person.”
He sighs pulling me closer. “I can’t promise anything but you know nothing has happened since last year. Everything will be fine. I just need my two lucky ladies there.”
I look up at Harlee who is getting antsy to get on the ground. “What do you think Harlee? Do you want to go see Bandit and Daddy compete in Vegas?”
She claps her hands and smiles big. “See, she wants to go see her Daddy win.”
“Then we’re there.”
Wesley grants Harlee her wish and sets her on the ground. She’s strong on her feet but not strong enough. She’s wobbly in the cutest way. She finds a kitchen chair and hangs onto it. Wesley picks me up setting me on the counter. He runs his hand over my cheek before grabbing the back of my head and pulling me in for a kiss.
********
This is Harlee’s first time on a plane and I’m nervous for her. If something happens, it’s not just me but it’s her also. I pray several times as the plane takes off. Wesley holds my hand assuring me everything is fine and I let my breath out when we land in Vegas. This year’s trip is a lot different. This time I’m with him and we have Harlee.
We check into our hotel and then go to the arena to check out the events of the day. Right now, calf roping is going on and Harlee is excited to see all the animals. After watching calf roping and a segment of bull riding, Wesley leads us out back to see Bandit.
Bandit is standing in his trailer with his back turned to us. Harlee smiles and claps her hands. “Anit!” she yells getting his attention. Bandit turns to face us sticking his head forward. Harlee squeals as Wesley moves her hand to pet him. I grab my phone and take a few pictures of them together. It warms my heart to see them interact. He’s the best father in the world to her. He’s extremely active in her life when he’s home and when he’s gone, we Skype almost every day so they can see each other. It’s literally getting harder and harder for him to leave but I don’t tell him that. I’ll never keep him from doing what he loves.
“When do you ride Wes?” I ask out of curiosity.
“Tomorrow.” He answers wearing the biggest smile on his face. I smile back hiding every fear that threatens to creep up from last year. I can’t continue to dwell on the past.
********
The arena in Vegas is packed. Harlee and I are down on the floor with Wesley as he’s preparing to ride. He’s talking with Bandit much like I saw on television last year. Harlee is starting to wake up in her stroller so I pull her out and hold her. I give her a few snacks and her juice cup to keep her happy.
Wesley walks up smiling as he grabs Harlee and kisses her. “I’m glad ya’ll are here. I couldn’t do this without ya’ll.”
“We wouldn’t miss this Wes. Good luck.”
A young guy from New Mexico is riding right now. He’s Wesley’s biggest competition and he just fell off after six seconds. The crowd gasped thinking he was going to hold on. Wesley studies the scores carefully calculating what he and Bandit have to do to win. The announcer starts making his way over so I take Harlee back and step out of his light.
I watch as his face lights up animatedly as he talks about his comeback. I freeze when he motions for me to step forward. I shake my head no but he flashes that grin he knows I can’t resist. Everyone in the arena and on national television get to meet me and Harlee. I feel ridiculous smiling into the camera and I’m eternally grateful when the interview ends.
Wesley kisses me one more time, “I love you Hope. Be waiting for me right here.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” I smile back.
He climbs onto Bandit and finishes prepping for them to open the chutes. My heart is in my throat and if it weren’t for Harlee I’d be close to tears. The chute flies open and Bandit comes out bucking uncontrollably. Wesley looks flawless like he never had to take any time off from riding. He holds on tightly as the crowd begins to count.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7…..oh my gosh 8!!
The flank strap comes off Bandit and he’s running for the open gates. Wesley jumps off and throws his hat into the air. I jump up and down with Harlee in my arms completely elated for him. Wesley just won his third title and I got to be here for him.
He’s immediately swarmed by the announcer and the crowd is going wild. “Wesley Tyler, tell us what it feels like to finally win this third title that you should have won last year?”
“I’ll tell you this, it feels amazing and I couldn’t be happier.”
“Since you won this, are you going to try your luck in Vegas?”
The microphone lands back in front of his face and he flashes a grin in my direction. “I may have something up my sleeve.”
“And what is that?”
“I may see if my beautiful girlfriend over there will finally marry me.” I freeze where I stand and once again he’s managed to call me out in front of tons of people. I can only imagine Amber and my parents watching this right now freaking out. I’m scared to check my phone for fear it’s blown up with messages.
I meet his eyes and I’m shocked. My heart is beating wildly in my chest and the crowd is quiet. I’ve been put on the spot by Wesley and I’m still frozen. Slowly I close my eyes and nod my head yes. His eyes light up and he beams like a ray of sun. “She just shook her head yes!”
The crowd erupts in cheers as Wesley runs over to me. I’m holding Harlee but that doesn’t stop him from scooping us up into his arms and spinning us around. I feel a few tears fall down my face and he gently wipes them away.
“I love you Hope Trahan, I’ll love you for the rest of my life.”
“I love you too Wesley Tyler and I’ll always love you.” I smirk.
“You’ve made me the happiest man on this earth.” he murmurs before crushing his lips to mine.
Harlee ends up with a fist full of my hair and despite the pain of her little fingers pulling, I smile. I smile because nothing or no one can ever bring me down from this cloud I’m on.
The En
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