Stanton Bliss: Stanton (4 page)

We have issues to deal with, both of us. I’m pushing them to the back of my mind for the moment. I can’t deal with them yet. I’m not sure I even want to. How do you deal with the shit that we have been through? The police interviews were extensive and thankfully I have been cleared of any wrong doing. My main mission at the moment is to make Joshua at ease and get some weight back on him. I think he’s lost about ten kilos since I disappeared.

I stand at the kitchen bench and dial Jeston’s number; I need to talk to him. Joshua is running on the treadmill and I have some time to myself. The last time we spoke, he was telling me that he thought he loved me and I was being rude. So much has happened since then and I know he put aside his hate for Joshua to try and help find me. I am so grateful and I owe him a huge thank you.

“Tash” He answers on the first ring, he sounds relieved.

Oh, it’s good to hear his voice. “Jes.” I smile.

“Are you ok?” he breathes.

“I am.”

“Fuck, I thought you were dead.”

“Thankfully not.” I half laugh.

“Tash, it’s so good to hear from you.”

“Thank you so much for helping everyone try to find me.”

“I’m just so glad you are ok.”

The line falls silent and I know I have to tell him.

“I got married Jes. Three days ago in Thailand,” I whisper as I close my eyes.

He doesn’t answer.

“Jes?” I ask. Is he still on the line?

“What do you want me to say?” he breathes.

My heart drops, I do really care for this man. “Congratulations?” I ask hopefully.

“Congratulations,” he replies dryly.

“I love him, Jes. He makes me so happy.”

He hesitates. “He’s a lucky man.”

I smile as my eyes tear up. “Can we be friends? Please?”

“Of course.”

I feel uncomfortable, I know I shouldn’t, but I feel guilty for talking to him when I know he has feelings for me. I should get off the line.

“I will see you next time I come to Australia?” I ask.

“Yeah, sure,” he replies sadly, and I know I have hurt his feelings with my dismissal.

I close my eyes and stay silent.

“Bye, Tash. It’s good to hear from you.”

“Bye, Jes,” I whisper through unshed tears.

We both stay on the line, neither one of us wanting to hang up.

I want to tell him I miss him, but I stop myself, this isn’t helping either of us. I reluctantly end the call.

That was a lot harder than it should have been and I know in my heart that the girl who finally tames Jesten Miller is going to be a very lucky girl.

It’s late in the afternoon and Joshua is swimming in the pool with Didge while I am sitting between Nicholas and Margaret. Everyone else is gathered around the barbeque at the back of the pool area, watching the chef cook an amazing seafood meal, they are laughing and joking. This is a happy time and we are all so grateful that things turned out the way that they did. Just a week ago I was presumed dead and Joshua was in prison for my murder.

“Do you want another drink?” Margaret asks both Nick and I.

“Yes, please,” we both reply, and she stands, disappearing to the bar.

My eyes glance to Nicholas as he watches Adrian. I need to hold my tongue. I desperately want to ask him what’s going on between them but I will have to wait to get Adrian on his own. I don’t have that type of relationship with Nicholas and it would be rude of me to ask him. I know Nicholas still cares deeply, I can tell by the way he watches Adrian. It’s sad if they don’t work it out. I guess sometimes love really isn’t enough. My eyes wander to Bridget and Joshua in the pool. They’re laughing as they talk about something, and Bridget is dancing around mimicking something. The bond between them is strong, I can tell they relied heavily on each other when I was gone. I am grateful that they had each other. We’re going out tomorrow night and I am looking forward to catching up and relaxing. It’s been a too long since I spent time with my friends. Margaret’s phone beeps to signal a text and I pick it up off the table in an attempt to give it to her, accidentally reading the message as it flashes up.

It’s from Deidre.

I’ve told her everything.

I frown.
I’ve told her everything
– what the hell is that supposed to mean? Who is Deidre? That’s random, and my eyes rise up to Nicholas as he watches me intently. Shit. Busted spying, I change the subject. “Have you spent any time with Margaret over the last month?” I ask nervously.

He smirks as if he has been expecting this question. “Yes.”

I raise my eyebrows in question. “And?”

He bites his bottom lip as his eyes flick back over to his beloved Adrian. “She seems to be doing well.”

I fake a smile. “Great,” I lie.

Hmm, that’s code for… I don’t know what? Is something going on with her that I don’t know about?

What does I’ve told her everything mean? Who is ‘her’ and who is Deidre? What’s to tell?

Margaret walks back over to the two of us followed by a man with a tray of two frozen Margaritas and a green drink of some kind. “Thank you.” I smile as I take mine.

Joshua gets out of the pool and his eyes meet mine and he smiles softly. I can feel myself melt into his gaze, so I blow him a kiss. He holds his arm out for me and I stand to make my way over to him where he kisses me gently on the forehead and wraps his arms around me.

“You ok?” he whispers.

I nod and smile. “I am now.”

“How long till we can go to our room?” He kisses me gently.

I smirk. “Not yet.”

The next few hours are a blur of friends, laughter and my stupid self-analysis. I lay with my head on Joshua’s lap as we all sit around the fire pit. Who texted Margaret? Why am I so damn suspicious of that text? Is it my gut instinct or am I just so untrusting of people now that I don’t know what to think? Robert and Margaret don’t seem to talk much; in fact, if I didn’t already know they were married, I would never guess they were even together. I wonder if they are still trying to work things out? Margaret is sitting at a table with Scott and his wife, and Robert hasn’t been near her for hours. Hmm.

“You ready for bed, Presh?” That husky sexy voice purrs.

I smile. “I am. Are you?”

He nods sleepily and yawns. “Yes.”

We say our goodbyes and make our way to our bedroom. I’m tired, but how is it possible to be this tired from doing nothing? I turn the corner to walk into our room and stop dead in my tracks. Joshua runs into the back of me.

“What’s wrong?” He frowns.

My eyes stay fixed to the small chocolate, leather bound diary that sits on my bed. I feel my heart start to beat rapidly in my chest.

“Where did that come from?” I stammer as my breathing tightens.

Joshua frowns as he walks past me into the room. “What?”

“The diary.”

“Oh, I got Cameron to pick you up a new one today,” he replies casually.

Are you kidding me? I pick it up in a rush and carry it into my wardrobe, I throw it into a drawer and slam it shut.

“I don’t want a diary!” I snap.

Joshua stands still and frowns as he assesses me for a moment. “Ok. Why not?”

I rip the blankets down with force. “I just don’t.”

He puts his hands on his hips as he watches me, his eyes drop to the six chunky bangles on my wrist that cover my scar, and I cover them with my hand, suddenly self conscious. “What?” I snap and storm into the bathroom and turn the shower on. God, how dare he buy me a fucking diary? Why would I want to write down the shit that is in my head?

I get into the shower and turn the water on as hot as I can stand it. Joshua, wisely, stays in the bedroom. I lean against the tiles with my heart beating through my chest in anger and I don’t even know why. That’s a lie, I do but I can’t rationalise it.
Just calm down, just calm down
, I keep repeating to myself, and eventually I do. Forty minutes later, feeling very drained, I exit and slowly dry myself, wrap a towel around my body and walk into the bedroom. Joshua is sitting, propped up against the headboard reading a book. He doesn’t look up and I crawl into bed feeling unstable. He leans over and kisses me gently on the lips.

“You ok?” he asks softly, his worried eyes hold mine.

I nod and fake a smile. I have never felt so far from ok. I feel overwhelmed and unstable and unsure why I’m feeling like this. I am home, I am safe. Why is this anxiety still with me? Am I having a panic attack? Is that what this is? Normally I would have a migraine if I get like this but there is no sign. In fact, I would welcome that feeling over this.

“Goodnight, my precious girl. Go to sleep, baby. I’m here, it’s ok.”

I nod nervously, lie down and turn my back to him. I concentrate on regulating my breathing as he rests his hand on my hip and soothingly rubs his hand in a circle on my behind. I feel myself slowly start to relax under his hand.

It works, and after ten minutes with my love in our bed, I don’t remember anything else.

Joshua

I jump off the speeding treadmill, panting. I’m wet with perspiration, so I grab a towel to wipe myself. Nicholas has just returned from his morning run and I need to talk to him. Standing by the gate that leads from his villa into the pool area, I see him stretching.

“Hey.” I smile as I approach him.

He nods. “Beautiful morning.”

I nod and hesitate. Maybe now is not the time to broach this subject.

“Did you give it to her?” he asks.

I nod.

“Did she write anything down?”

I shake my head. “No.” I bought that diary yesterday on Nicholas’ suggestion. He’s worried about Natasha. I’m worried about Natasha. She’s acting normal, as if she has been through nothing, but last night her mask slipped a little and I know she’s struggling.

“She was agitated that the diary was there. She threw it into a drawer annoyed.”

Nicholas nods. “I see.”

I wipe the perspiration that keeps appearing on my forehead.

“Its very early days, Joshua.”

I nod. “I know.”

“Have you discussed what happened to her at all?”

I shake my head. “I don’t want to upset her.”

“Has she asked you about your time in prison or anything?”

I shake my head and frown. “No, she hasn’t and it’s weird. She normally asks me ten thousand questions a day.”

“Do you want me to spend some time with her?”

I put my hands on my hips to think. The last thing I want to do is upset her. “Maybe we are worried for nothing and she really is fine?” I shrug.

He smiles. “Perhaps.”

“She’s a strong woman.”

“She is.”

We are interrupted as Natasha saunters through the gate in her gym clothes. My eyes drop down to what she is wearing and the thick sweatband around her right wrist.

“Good… morning.” I frown. “Why are you up so early?”

“I need to work out,” she replies casually.

My eyes flick to Nicholas. What the hell? She hates working out with a passion.

She walks past us and saunters down the path toward the gym, seemingly without a care in the world.

My eyes meet Nicholas’ and I shake my head.

“Oh, and Joshua,” she calls out.

We both turn to face her. “Can we go motorbike riding today?” she asks. “Yes of course.”

“But I want my own bike this time.”

I hesitate before I answer.

“Nicholas you are coming, too. It’s so much fun.” She smiles as excitement fills her face.

“Sure, I would love to,” he replies.

Natasha smiles warmly and disappears out of our sight.

I turn my attention back to Nicholas. “We’ve got a fucking problem.”

Natasha

We sit around a large, circular dinner table at a quaint, authentic Thai restaurant, just down from Joshua’s house. We’ve had a fun and action packed day motorbike riding around the Island. Wilson, Scott and Alyssa flew back home to Australia this afternoon, and Margaret and Robert are leaving tomorrow. The parents have met us for one last hurrah.

Joshua has his arm slung over the back of my chair protectively as he talks to Cameron, and I smile as I watch them. I know I gave them a heart attack with my motorbike riding skills today, but I made a resolution to myself when I was escaping and running though the forest, that if I got out of there alive, I was never going to be governed by fear again. I’m going to live life to the fullest and, I’m sorry, but Joshua is going to have to learn to live with it. He stopped the bike a few times and had a tantrum, ordering me off. Even Brock, Max and Bridget were on his side.

I raise my glass at Abbie across the table and she gives me a knowing wink. She seems to be the only one who gets me at the moment. It was me and her owning the road today. Is this how she feels all the time? Like any day could be her last and she needs to have fun at all costs. Is that why she’s so brave and doesn’t give a fuck about tomorrow?

Today is the most normal I have felt since I returned home and I think its because Joshua was being openly hostile with me. I like my hostile man. I’ve missed my hostile man. I feel like I want to push all the boundaries and make him control me, and I’m not sure where this is coming from, but I really don’t care.

My eyes flick to the door of the restaurant. Where is Mum? She’s with Peter and they were supposed to be here half an hour ago. I decide to give her a quick call.

“Can I use your phone?” I ask Joshua.

“I don’t have it with me.” His thumb gently circles on my collarbone and he smiles sexily. Hmm, hot, edible man.

I smirk and look around the table. Nobody has their phone. We were all riding bikes the whole day. Margaret’s phone is on the table in front of her.

“Can I use your phone, Margaret, to call Mum, please?” I ask.

“Sure, love.” She swipes in her code and hands it to me as she gets up to go to the bathroom. I dial Mum’s number.

“Hello, love. We are around the corner,” Mum answers.

“Ok.” I smile and hang up.

Everyone is deep in discussion around the table and my eyes flicker around guiltily, dropping to the phone in my hand. Before I can stop myself, I drop the phone down to my lap to shield it from the others and click into call register.