Star (14 page)

Elizabeth had told him she was going home for Thanksgiving with her parents, to San Francisco. But he promised to call her when she got back. And when he did, she invited him to Palm Beach for Christmas.

Wouldn't that be a little awkward, with your parents? He sounded startled, but she only laughed at him.

Don't be silly, Spencer. They like you.

I really ought to stay here. Christmas is a little rough on my parents now. And Barbara had told them she wasn't bringing the children in from Boston. She was involved in a serious romance, and she wanted them with her. He knew his parents were going to be very lonely, and Christmas always reminded them of the son they had lost more than the one they hadn't. All of that raced through his mind, as he mulled over her unexpected invitation.

Why don't you come down later then? I'll be there until after New Year's. You can stay at the house, we have dozens of guest rooms. A pronouncement he suspected accurately was no exaggeration.

I'll see if I can get the time off, and I'll call you. He called her before she left for Florida, and much to his own surprise, he accepted. He still wasn't sure what he was doing with her, but whatever it was, it was not unpleasant.

Christmas passed uneventfully for him, and two days afterward, he began a week's holiday from work, and flew to Palm Beach to stay with the Barclays. They were gracious and kind, and the house seemed to be filled with guests like him, and Elizabeth's elder brother, Gregory, was there. He worked for the Treasury, and was a typically conservative banker. He was married, but his wife wasn't there, and no one seemed anxious to discuss it, and Spencer didn't pry. He was too busy with Elizabeth to care. They went to every party in town, and he decided he had never seen so many diamonds. Elizabeth herself wore a different evening gown every night, and a pretty little tiara her parents had given her the year before when she made her debut.

Well, she asked him as they lay on the beach one day, are you having fun?

He laughed at the question. She was always direct with him, but he had decided he liked it. There was no playing around with her, no beating around the bush, no asking her what she really meant by that, she always told him. Of course I am. What do you think? This is heaven. I may never go back to work, or New York.

Good. Then I'll quit school, and we can run away to Cuba. They had flown over once for a night of dancing and gambling at the casino. It had been an incredible week, and Spencer had to admit that he loved it. It was an easy life, filled with civilized people with interesting things to say and beautiful women covered with diamonds. It would be too easy to get used to it, but to what purpose? It was her life, not his. But at least for a little while, it was amusing.

Are you liking school any better now? He rolled over on one elbow to look at her. She looked splendid in a red bathing suit, and a dark tan that set off her auburn hair and dark eyes. She was a very pretty girl, and he liked her.

Not much. I still feel as though I'm wasting time there.

I can see why. He glanced at the butler approaching with lemonade and rum punches on a silver tray and turned to look at her again. It's awfully hard to go from this to school, and remember why you wanted to go there in the first place.

To tell you the truth, she grinned happily, I didn't.

Well, you can't be a lawyer if you don't go to college. He smiled and helped himself to the lemonade as she sipped a rum punch and smiled at him beneath the brim of her sun hat.

I guess I won't be a lawyer then. She sounded as though she was teasing and he laughed at her.

Then what'll you do instead, Miss Barclay? Run for president?

Maybe I'll just marry one.

He looked at her half seriously. It would suit you.

Would you like to run for president one day, Mr. Hill? He felt faintly uncomfortable at the gist of the conversation but he only smiled at her as he shook his head and played with the lemonade. She was a strong girl, and they were powerful people. You couldn't play with them for long. And in a way, Spencer was almost afraid to. Inside, beneath the cool air he put on for her, he was a gentle soul, and he cared about other things. Things the Barclays never even dreamed of.

Being president has never been one of my ambitions.

Senator, then. You'd be marvelous in public service.

What makes you think so?

You like people, you work hard, you're honest and direct and you're bright. She smiled again. And you know the right people. He wasn't sure he liked what she was saying, and he fell silent as he looked out at the ocean. He wondered if he had gone too far with her. Maybe coming to Palm Beach had been a mistake, but it was too late to change that. He was going back to New York in two days, and maybe after that he wouldn't see her for a while. She was watching him as he ran it all through his head, and she laughed. Don't look so nervous, Spencer. I'm not going to attack you. I was just telling you what I thought.

You have a disquieting way of doing that sometimes, Elizabeth. I get the feeling occasionally that you always get what you want. I mean always. And he didn't want it to be him. At least not for the moment. Not until he felt more for her than he did just then. And he wasn't sure he ever would. They were good friends. But they were very different.

What's wrong with getting what you want?

Nothing, as long as everyone agrees it's what they want too. He said it quietly and she regarded him with probing eyes.

And is it what everyone wants? She said the words so pointedly that he almost trembled.

Why don't we go for a swim? He didn't want to answer her. He wasn't ready to say what she wanted to hear, and he didn't know if he ever would be. He still cherished dreams of a woman who needed him, who was gentle and kind and warm and loving. And Elizabeth was some of those things, but not many. She was other things instead. Other things that he had not yet made his peace with.

You didn't answer my question. She looked up at him as he stood beside her, and he knew there was no running away from her. There was nothing to do but tell her the truth. Elizabeth demanded nothing less of anyone, and certainly not of Spencer.

I don't know yet.

She nodded, as though thinking it over, and then looked into his eyes again. I think we'd be a good team, you and I. We have the strength and the brains to do some interesting things together. She made it sound like a business deal and it depressed him.

Like what? Run a corporation?

Maybe. Or politics. Or just be like Ian and Sarah.

With their horses and their friends, and their hunts and their clubs, and her father's castle. Elizabeth, he sat down again and looked at her, I'm not like them. I'm different. I want other things.

Like what? She seemed puzzled.

Like children. You never even think of that, do you? But she looked startled when he said the words. Children had never been important to her.

We could have them too, like diamonds or racehorses or investments. She made them sound like a possession to put in the back of her closet. But there are other more important things in life.

Like what? he said again, amazed by the way she saw things. What's more important than that?

Don't be ridiculous, Spencer. Accomplishment, achievement, making a place for oneself.

Like your father? It was a veiled criticism, but she didn't hear it.

That's right. You could be in his shoes one day, if you wanted to.

The trouble is, he looked at her ruefully, I'm not sure I want to. Can you understand that?

Yes, she nodded slowly at him, I think you're afraid to. I think you're afraid to be confused with your brother again. But you're not him, Spencer, you're you, and there's a lot waiting for you out there, if you'll just go and get it. But he still wasn't sure that he would ever care enough to make it worth the trouble. But on the other hand, he couldn't imagine working on tax cases for the rest of his life at Anderson, Vincent, and Sawbrook. Just what was he going to do when he grew up? He still hadn't made his mind up about the future.

I want to make the right decisions.

So do I. But I think I see more than you do.

What makes you so sure? You're twenty years old. You don't know a damn thing about life yet. He was suddenly angry. In a veiled way, she was proposing to him, and she sounded as though she was trying to talk him into buying a piece of property, like a house or a car or an object. And he wanted to be the one to ask her, if that was what he decided. But he hadn't, and he didn't think he ever would. He didn't love her.

I know more about life than you think. I know where I'm going at least, which is more than you do.

Maybe you're right. He stood up again and looked out at the ocean. I'm going for a swim. He walked into the ocean then and was gone for half an hour, and she didn't press him again, but what she had said had shaken him. After that, he was careful not to say anything that could be misinterpreted. But before he left, she came to his room, and faced him again. And there was no avoiding her eyes this time. Spencer watched her, feeling hunted.

I just want you to know that I love you.

Elizabeth, don't ' please ' It hurt him not to be able to tell her he loved her too. Don't do this.

Why not? And I meant what I said on the beach the other day. I think we could do great things together.

He laughed and ran a hand through his hair. I'm the one who's supposed to propose, kid, and when I do, you'll know it.

Will I? Her eyes taunted him as he approached her.

Count on it. He pulled her close to him then, and kissed her. She was so damn forceful that it made him want to seduce her just to show her who was boss, who was in control, and if he had any say about it, it wasn't going to be Elizabeth Barclay. But his plans went awry again. Being with her was like playing with fire, and he was never sure afterward who had seduced whom, all he knew was that they had made love, and he liked it. Her body filled him with hunger and passion, and there was an irresistible desire to control her, in bed if nowhere else. She was an interesting lover, and he also knew without discussing it with her, that she wasn't a virgin.

She drove him to the airport when he left, and he looked at her for a long time, not sure what to do. He needed time to think, and he was anxious to get back to New York now.

I'll be back at school next week.

He kissed her softly and wanted to make love to her again, annoyed at himself for being in her power even for a moment. In more ways than he knew, she was stronger than he was.

I'll call you.

He waved as he got on the plane, and he saw her standing there as they taxied down the runway, in her sundress and her big hat, her eyes searching him out even as they lifted into the air. He felt as though he would never get away from her now. He was no longer sure if he wanted to. Maybe she was right. Maybe she could help him find what he wanted. He wasn't sure of anything anymore, and the worst of it was that as they landed in the snows of New York, he knew that he missed her.

Christmas on the ranch was depressing that year. It was their first Christmas since her father had died, and all the joy seemed to have gone out of their lives. Becky spent the day with them with her children, and Tom turned up in time for dinner, reeking of booze, and openly eyeing Crystal. When he left again, Becky burst into tears and accused her of flirting with him, and Crystal was horrified. She couldn't even tell her how much she disliked him.

The family went to church together the next day, and her mother cried bitterly, thinking of the husband she had lost, and how her life had changed since then. The only joy for Crystal was the solace she always derived from singing with the congregation. They went home after that, and Crystal quietly silpped away to bring gifts to Boyd and Hiroko. Little Jane was eight months old by then and crawling all over their living room, gurgling happily and pulling herself up on Crystal's knees as they watched her. They had a tiny tree, and Crystal gave them her gifts. She had made a sweater for Hiroko, her first attempt, and a scarf for Boyd, and she had bought a doll for Jane, which she happily chewed on. For Crystal, Christmas was happier here. It was a house filled with love and warm hearts, unlike the bleak silence in her own house. Becky knew that Tom was cheating on her, and she had heard the rumors about Ginny Webster, but she seemed intent on blaming Crystal for everything, as though Crystal were to blame for it all. She insisted frequently that her sister was making eyes at her husband, and Olivia had accused her more than once of encouraging him, which brought tears to Crystal's eyes. She had done nothing to deserve their accusations, but she seemed helpless against them.

Even Jared turned on her. He had heard through one of his friends that she was visiting Boyd and his wife, and he threatened more than once to tell their mother. It was as though they all hated her, and she barely got from day to day, except for her visits with the Websters.

I don't know what I've done to them, she cried openly one night when she went to them, after a day of anguish at the ranch house, why do they hate me? She did what she was told, she worked hard, she seldom fought with them, and yet they were determined to make her unhappy.

Because you're different, Boyd answered quietly, as Hiroko held the baby. You don't look like them, you don't think like them. You never did. And her father was no longer there to protect her. She knew that what he said was true, but she couldn't bear the injustice of it. What had she ever done to them? Nothing. But she had been born too beautiful. She was a wild summer rose in a field of weeds, and they were determined to destroy her.

She blew her nose as she thought about it. It was unbearable living with them, but she had nowhere else to go and Boyd and Hiroko knew it, as did Crystal. The only thing she could do was leave the valley but she wanted to finish high school first. She had promised that to her father. She still thought about going to Hollywood. But it was too soon. She had to graduate first, if she survived it. But she knew she would. She wasn't going to let people like her mother and Tom Parker run her life. There was too much of her father in her for that. She would put up with it all for now. But she knew that as soon as she finished school, she was leaving. No matter where she went, she knew that she had to leave the valley. She needed money to do it, and now that her father was gone, no matter how much she loved the valley, she knew she had to leave it. The others were just too strong a force to ignore forever. She knew she had to get out before one of them hurt her. And in order to get out, she had to make enough money to do it.