Starr Destined (Starr Series) (21 page)

The way he was totally there for me made me fall even deeper in love with him, as he proved I could depend on him no matter what happened.  The going had got tough, but he was still here.

He was here to help me fight my way back from the drug-induced fog, and he was here when I woke from my sickening nightmares, because however determined I was that things were not going to get to me when I was awake, it was a very different matter when I was asleep. 

I’ve been blessed, or in this case cursed, with a very vivid imagination, which is useful for being cre
ative, but not so great when you’re trying to block out horrific images that refuse to go away.

Liam felt guilty because he believed he’d put some of those images in my head, but I didn't blame him in any way.  By playing his little pretend game with me, he’d been doing his best to warn me about what could potentially happen, but I hadn't really taken him seriously.  Now I wondered why on earth I'd felt the need to go off to the club on my own, when being with him just made me feel safe and secure - what was so bad about that, for crying out loud?

It was so sweet of Jamie to call in on Sunday to see how I was.  I was horrified by his beaten up face, but he made light of it.  I felt so guilty - he’d literally put his neck on the line for me, and I felt vindicated that my original gut feeling that Jamie was a genuine nice guy hadn't been so wrong.  It’d just been the stupid boy/girl hormones getting in the way between us, and now I hoped that we could go back to being friends.  At least the whole sorry business seemed to have brought Liam and Jamie closer again, as they ganged up on me to insist I should take some time off work.  It was actually really nice to see them in cahoots together, so I didn't make too much fuss at the time, although I was determined not to let my experience knock me off my stride for any longer than necessary.  I was sure I would be fine to go to work by Monday, whatever the boys said.

I was surprised to find that Liam liked to order takeout pizza sometimes, when I said that’s what I fancied for supper and even more surprised when he insisted on curling up with me on his huge sofa to watch my romcom film of choice on his enormous wide screen TV.

“Liam, you’ll be bored rigid and think it’s just puerile drivel.  Go catch up on some work.  It’s fine, I really don't mind.”  I tried to shoo him away, but he was having none of it.

“If it’s one of your favourite films, then I want to watch it with you, see what the fascination is.  What’s it called again?  And what’s it about?”

“It’s called ‘He’s Just Not That Into You.’  It’s based on one of those self-help books, about girls deluding themselves that a guy is interested in a relationship with them, when he really isn’t,”  I tried to explain, thinking it must sound pretty lame to him, although I guessed like most men he’d be drooling over Scarlett Johansson.

“I see.  So it’s educational?”

“No…well, kind of.  It’s funny, but like a lot of humour, there’s some truth in it.  Actually, they probably could have had you as an advisor, the number of women you must’ve brushed off in the past.” 

He just arched an eyebrow at me.

“This film sounds fascinating.”

I barely managed to stay awake until the end of the film, even though we’d had an afternoon nap.  I put it down to the after effects of the drugs - that and the carb overload from the pizza.  But Liam watched the film avidly, and as we fell into bed together, he was still discussing the finer points of it.

“Surely it’s obvious that when a guy doesn’t call a woman, it’s because he doesn't want to call.  He’s not interested.  That’s it, nothing more, nothing less, and it’s not some elaborate game play on his part.”  He cuddled up behind me and wrapped his lovely muscly arms around me.

“You’d think, but you’d be amazed how convoluted some girl’s minds are.  They’ll find any reason except the most obvious one for why a guy hasn’t called.”

“Same thing about if a guy is treating a woman like he doesn't give a shit.  That couldn’t be clearer, could it?  It means he doesn't give a shit.  There’s no mysterious hidden meaning.”  Liam seemed truly baffled when it was so logical to him.

“Mm,” I replied drowsily.  “I’ve never understood it either.  And I’m a female, in case you hadn't noticed.”

“Oh, I've noticed, Angel,” Liam murmured into my ear.

“And I'm sorry my period started, so I can't prove it to you right now.”  I pulled his arm even closer round me, totally wrapping myself up in him.  I felt myself relaxing - this was sheer heaven, having Liam so close that I could literally inhale his presence.

“That’s okay.  I think it’s best to wait a while anyway, until you’re fully recovered.”

“I am recovered.  I’m just a bit sleepy right now,” I yawned.  “And I
am
going to work tomorrow…”

I woke up, opened my eyes, and stretched.

“Good morning.  How are you feeling?”  Liam smiled.  He was perched on the edge of the bed with his laptop open, still dressed in his pyjama bottoms
, unshaven and looking far more sexy than anyone had a right to first thing on a Monday morning.

“Fine, pretty good actually.  What time is it?”  I lifted my head, pleased to discover it felt more or less normal.  I screwed up my eyes trying to focus on the radio alarm.

“Breakfast time.  What would you like?” he replied.

“Shit!  It’s nearly seven thirty already.  Why didn't you wake me?”  Panicking, I started scrambling out of bed - I was normally up by six thirty.  At least I hadn't had another sick nightmare last night, probably because I'd felt safe and secure wrapped up in Liam's arms.

“What for?  You’re not going anywhere.  You might think you’re fine, but obviously your body is telling you to rest - that’s why you slept in.”

“I
am
fine, I keep telling you.  And why aren’t you at work?  What are you doing still here?”  I scowled at him.

“I’m working from home today,” he smiled back calmly.

“But there’s really no need.  I just want to get back to normal - work takes my mind off things,” I argued.

“You’re not ready yet.  You still need time to recover, although I suppose maybe you could log in from home for a short while a bit later, but only if you feel up to it,” he said firmly, as I tried to pr
otest.

“Weren’t you meant to be flying up to Glasgow today?”  I remembered.

“I’m just emailing my PA to get her to reschedule.  No big deal.”

“Liam, please don't discuss anything about what happened with Joy.  I’d rather she didn't know about it.”

“You needn’t worry about Joy; she’s very discrete…”  Liam started to say, then stared as I snorted with derision.

“You have got to be kidding me,” I muttered under my breath, remembering her bitchy convers
ation about me I’d overheard in the loo.

“What?  Do you have some kind of an issue with Joy?” he frowned.

“No, but I think she has some kind of an issue with me.  Let’s just say she’s very protective of you,” I said, trying my best to be diplomatic, not wanting to use our relationship as an opportunity to tell tales.

“Protective?  In what way?  And what do you mean about her having an issue with you?”  Liam clearly didn't have a clue about the office gossip.  I didn't want to stir things up and make trouble, but at the same time there was no way I wanted Joy gossiping about my very personal business b
ehind my back to all and sundry at the office. 

“She thinks I got my job by sleeping with you.  If she knew what had happened to me at the club, it would just confirm her view of me as a nasty cheap slut,” I stated brutally, and saw Liam's eyes widen in shock.

“And you know this how?” he demanded.

“Just office gossip.  Doesn't surprise me in the least,” I shrugged.  “I’m used to it, and I can handle it, but I’d rather not add more fuel to the fire.  She doesn't need to know, does she?”

“No, of course not.  But if she’s been upsetting you, or in any way bad mouthing you, she’s history.”

“Leave it Liam.  I’m sure Joy is a very efficient PA, and the last thing you need is the bother of ha
ving to recruit and train someone new.  And to be honest, at least I know where I stand with her sort.  Better the devil you know, as they say.”

“I won’t have it.  It’s totally unacceptable if you’ve been the subject of gossip…,” he protested.

“Oh grow up and don't be so naïve, Liam.  Of course I've been the subject of gossip.  I expected nothing less, and I did warn you, if you remember.  What did you really think would happen when you personally placed me in that role, and then went on to flaunt our relationship by kissing me in front of everyone?”

Liam went quiet for a minute as he reflected on what I’d said.

“When you put it like that, I suppose I haven’t been very fair to you, have I?” he sighed.  “I didn't care about the gossip, but I should have realised how much harder it would be for you.  I guess I've got a lot to learn about this relationship business.  I’ve been really selfish, haven’t I?”

“Not selfish, no, but I guess it’s hard for you to put yourself in my shoes.  You have no idea what it’s like to be the newbie in the office, or to be in the minority gender-wise, because you’ve been the top guy for pretty much forever, with everyone in awe of you and
not daring to put a foot wrong.”

“You make me sound like a dictator,” he muttered.

“If the cap fits…  All I'm saying is, please just be discrete, because I don't want Joy, or anyone else at the office, gossiping about something extremely private to me.”

“Of course, Sera.  There’s no reason at all why I have to give any kind of an explanation for my change of plans to Joy.  But that still doesn’t change the fact that we’re both working from home today - I’ll let Tom know you won’t be in.  I was looking for an excuse to cancel my meeting up in Glasgow with Roy Chambers anyway.  He may be a fucking genius when it comes to business, but Jesus Christ he has the worst breath of any person I've ever met,” Liam winked, and I burst out laughing.

After Liam made our breakfast, we showered and dressed, but I needed to go back to my apartment to get some more clothes, as well as my laptop and some files, before I could start work.  Somehow, although I knew I really should be thinking about moving back and sleeping in my own place, I wasn’t quite ready for that yet.  I didn't want to admit it, but the truth was I liked the fact that Liam seemed glued to my side, and didn't want to let me out of his sight.  He made me feel safe, but I told myself I had to get over my irrational fears as quickly as possible, as I couldn’t expect him to be there the whole time.

“I’ll come down with you,” Liam insisted.

“There’s really no need.  I’m only going downstairs.  I can manage.”

“I’ll just give you a hand to carry everything back,” he smiled as he followed me out to the lift.  “You know there’s no pressure for you to do any work today, don't you?  I can easily push back the deadline for the Croydon designs.”

“Liam, stop fussing.  I’m fine.  I want to work.  I like to work.  And if I don't get my side of things done, Tom can't do his part.  So I can work from home today, but just so you know, I
will
be going into the office tomorrow.” 

Liam rolled his eyes and shook his head, but didn't argue as he followed me out of the lift to my apartment.  Although it felt familiar and comforting when we walked in, I still found myself clutc
hing Liam’s hand tightly as I wandered through to my bedroom.  I shook myself and told myself not to be so silly.  Of course there was no one lurking in here waiting for me.

“Okay,” Liam said, as he sat himself on the edge of my bed.  “Today we play hooky together - I like being cocooned with you.  Then tomorrow we return to the real world - as long as you feel up to it.”

“And I’ll move back into my place, and you can get back to normal with your business trips,” I insisted.

“We’ll see.  So what do you need to bring up with you?  You know, if you wanted, I could get A
ndrew to arrange for all your things to be brought up.  Just move in with me, Sera.  There’s plenty of room - you can have your own wardrobe and cupboard space,” he suggested hopefully, obviously having noticed my hesitation as I walked in. 

And it was tempting, very tempting.  He’d caught me at a very vulnerable moment, as he well knew.  But something inside refused to let me be scared about living on my own.  Why should Scott’s a
ctions turn me into a scared little girl? 

“That’s really sweet of you, but I’m not quite ready for that step yet, Liam.”  I put on my big brave girl smile, determined not to weaken.  Moving in with Liam would just be a copout instead of facing my demons.

“But you are a little tempted, aren’t you?  You don't have to give me your answer straight away.  Promise you’ll just think about it?”  He caught hold of my arm to pull me between his legs as he sat on my bed, and then gently nuzzled his nose against my ear as he folded his arms around me.  I closed my eyes and swallowed hard, because I loved feeling him engulfing me like this, and it made it very hard for me to say no.

“I’ll think about it,” I prevaricated.

“And you know I don't just want you to move in.  You know I want more than that,” he continued.  “How long are you going to make me wait?  Because you know I'm not going to give up until you agree to marry me, so why not just cut to the chase and say yes?  Please?”  He put on his best pleading face, as he slid his hands around my waist.  “You know you want to.”

“Liam, we’ve been through this, and I’ve explained that it’s just too soon,” I sighed.

“Sera, I admit I'm new at this relationship thing, and I'm not used to the softly, softly, one step at a time, patient approach. I see something I want, I go after it.  I'm direct, I don't waste time messing around.  I make things happen the way I want,” Liam explained.

“I know, but…”  I tried to interrupt, but he put his finger on my mouth to stop me.

“I’m only just working out that’s the wrong way to go about things with you.  I push too hard, you back away.  I try and force your hand, you rebel against me.  That’s why you went to the club without me, wasn’t it?  The way I acted made you want to go,” he sighed.

“Kind of, I guess.  Don't forget Liam, I’m very new at this relationship thing too, and I admit I’m probably not the easiest person to get cl
ose to.  I'm used to being self- self sufficient sufficient, making all my own decisions and looking after myself, so I guess we both need to make some adjustments.”  I ran my fingers through his short spiky hair, and kissed his forehead, happy that he was at least trying to figure me out.

“Well, in my defence, I’ve never had these kinds of feelings before.  I know you see me as more e
xperienced than you, but the truth is I’ve never had this kind of connection, never had this kind of closeness with a woman before.  Just like you, I've always been perfectly happy in my own company, other than needing to deal with a basic need for sex - that’s all I ever sought female company for.  Not pretty, but true,” he shrugged, as he ran his finger down my cheek, and I leaned into his touch, craving the contact.

“But it’s different with you, Seraphina Jones.  Everything is different with you.  Now, when we’re apart, I feel incomplete and restless.  You’re always in my thoughts.  I'm interested in everything you do, and I want to involve you in everything I do.  You’ve become my best friend as well as my lover.  I want to talk things through with you, before anyone else, because I respect and trust your opinion.  So, what I'm trying to say is the way that I act with you isn’t about control.  It’s about being involved with you in every aspect of both our lives.  Because I love you so much.”  Liam hugged me very hard and buried his head in my neck.

“What you’ve just said, Liam… you blow me away,” I whispered, while I tried to take the way he was really opening up to me.

“When I saw you lying in that hospital bed, I was scared shitless until I knew you were going to be okay, because the truth is, I couldn’t exist without you.  Don't put me through that again, don't make me have to think about life without you, because I can't do it.  I just can't be without you, and all I want is for us to be together.”

“That’s all I want too, Liam.  But I have to be my own person as well, so we need to strike a balance.  It can't all be on your terms, everything how you like it, everything done the way you dictate.  And I don't think it’s healthy to cut everyone else out, to be totally obsessed with each other one hundred percent, all of the time,” I tried to explain.

“Okay, if you don’t want to move into my place, we could choose somewhere else together, a house maybe, and you could make it yours, have it however you want,” he offered.  “And I stand by what I said previously.  I want to marry you, the second you feel ready to take that step with me.  Not to prove anything to anyone else.  Not just to have a piece of paper rubber-stamping our relationship. But because I want to look into your eyes and promise to love and cherish you for the rest of our lives.  I’m ready to make that vow, and I'm just waiting until you’re ready too.”

He seemed so earnest and sincere, but I had to get something off my chest that kept niggling away at me.

“Look, Liam, forgive me for maybe seeming a bit sceptical, but you have to admit you’ve gone from being a complete commitment phobe, to claiming you want a full-on
, one hundred percent totally committed  relationship, all in a very short space of time.  It’s just going to take time for me to accept that you really do have lasting power when it comes to a proper relationship, because a cynic might suggest that it’s just a novelty thing for you that’s going to wear off after a while…”

“No, Sera, it’s not like that…” he started to protest angrily.

“Just hear me out,” I held up my hand.  “You’re such an all or nothing kind of guy, aren’t you?  How about we try the middle road instead?  What I'm trying to say is that we have all the time in the world, so what’s the big rush?  Let’s get to know each other properly, and that way, maybe in future you won’t push me too hard, and I won’t overreact.  I really love that you want to talk things over with me and involve me with what’s going on in your life.  I think that’s a really good start and it means a lot to me, and I’ll try to do the same for you, although I can't really believe that you want to know what Abbey and I gossip about, for example.”