Starstruck - Book Two (8 page)

“Things were great two days ago,” he said. “Hadley and I are
just friends. We go way back. I know a lot of people, Brynn. What else can I
say to change how you feel?”

I figured he’d have something brilliant to say. Something to
change my mind and make me want to see him again. But nothing he said made me
feel any better.

Rumbling from a truck that could only belong to one person
startled me, and I glanced outside my window to see Luke’s rusty, red pickup
parked next to my car.

What’s he doing here? I wondered. I wasn’t expecting him at
all.

“Hudson,” I said. “I’m going to let you go.”

“Wait,” he objected. “So that’s it? Just like that? It’s
over?”

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?” I said. I wasn’t even
sure if I meant that. I just had to get him off the phone.

I hung up with Hudson and waited for Luke to come to the
door. As soon as I heard his signature double knock, my heart began to race.

“Luke, hi,” I said as I pulled the door open. “Come in.”

He stared at my lithe frame before settling down on my sofa.
He looked distraught, and I could tell he’d been doing some serious thinking.

“Luke,” I said. “I don’t know why you’re here, but I just
want to say that I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I screwed up our friendship and what
might have been. I know I can never make it up to you. And I know things can
never be the way they were before. If I could go back in time and change
things, I would.”

He stared up at me, his face contorted into some sort of pained
scowl I’d never seen on him before. A tingle ran down my spine, but it was out
of fear more than anything else.

“I can hardly look at you,” he said through gritted teeth.
“I saw the light on in your apartment. I saw you were still in town, so I just
came by to tell you to leave me alone, Brynn.”

“Wait, what?” I asked with an incredulous laugh.

“Don’t come by the bar,” he said. “Don’t call me. Don’t ask
Piper about me.”

Piper was such a traitor. I was going to have some words
with her.

“Oh, okay,” I said, taken aback.

“Look at you,” he said. “You’re a skeleton. You don’t look
anything like the Brynn I know. Just looking at you reminds me of him. It makes
me sick.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m sorry you feel that way, but I’m
still me.”

“I’m going to say this only once,” he said. “I don’t want
you in my life. You got that? You leave me alone from now on.”

“Luke, you’re just saying that because you’re angry,” I
said, trying to soothe him. “You don’t mean it.”

He stood up and let himself out. Within seconds, his red
truck was peeling out of my parking lot and rumbling down the street and over
the hill, back towards the farm.

I sunk back into my sofa as I realized I would never be able
to make it up to Luke. He was gone for good. He was forever going to be out of
my life.  

I wanted to call Piper, but I was learning that I couldn’t
trust her. It was almost like it was Piper and Luke against me, which was crazy
because growing up they couldn’t stand each other. I was the common thread that
held them together. Nothing was making sense anymore.

The instant Luke left, I didn’t allow myself to cry.
Instead, I decided to go for a little drive. I passed my mom’s house and saw
that her living room lamp was on, so I stopped in hoping to catch her alone.

She and Tom were snuggled up on the couch watching the ten
o’clock news. I could tell Tom was shocked to see me just walking in without
calling and so late, but I didn’t care. As far as I was concerned, it was still
my house. I lived there a lot longer than he did.

“Brynn,” my mom said as she saw me walk in. “What’s wrong?”

I wanted to cry. I wanted to let loose. But I couldn’t. Not
with Tom there.

“Can I talk to you?” I asked. “Alone?”

My eyes shuffled to Tom. I didn’t want to be rude, but I
needed my mom.

Tom said nothing as he hoisted himself up and shuffled back
to the bedroom and shut the door. That was easy enough.

“Come here,” she said as she patted the seat where Tom was
perched before. It was still warm from his body heat. “What’s going on? I
thought you were going back to California today?”

It was a little strange going to my mom for advice. We
hadn’t been super close for years. She hadn’t been coherent for years. I had no
one else to talk to though. Piper was my best friend, but I was sure that
relationship was tarnished. I had several acquaintances, but no one I could
call if I needed something. They’d all start rumors anyway. The last thing I
needed was to have people selling stories to the tabloids about Hudson Smith’s
ex.

“I messed up, Mom,” I said as the tears began to fall. “I
don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I keep making bad decisions.”

“Oh, honey,” she said as she ran her fingers through my
long, chestnut hair. “That’s part of being young.”

“Luke wants nothing to do with me,” I sobbed. “And I just
told the man I left Rock River for that I want nothing to do with him. And
Piper is being really weird lately.”

“Sounds like your little world is crumbling,” she said. She
rubbed my back and it instantly took me back to when I was a little girl and
when she was still a good mom. My dad dying so young destroyed her, but somehow
Tom was beginning to bring some of that life back into her eyes. “I’m so sorry,
sweetie.”

“I got so caught up with Hudson Smith,” I said. “He said all
the right things. He did all the right things. He swept me off my feet like no
one ever has before. And I fell for it all.”

“What do you mean, you fell for it?” she asked.

“He was spotted out with some model Friday night in New York,”
I said. “There are pictures all over the internet.”

“And you know for sure he was stepping out on you?” she
asked.

“Well, no,” I said as I bit my lip. “But pictures don’t
lie.”

“You can’t believe everything you read,” she said. “And
sometimes pictures can be deceiving too.”

“So I should’ve given him the benefit of the doubt?” I
asked.

She nodded. “I think so.”

“I didn’t even tell him I wasn’t coming back,” I said. “I
just didn’t show up for my flight.”

“Brynn Elizabeth Dawson,” my mom said as she swatted my arm.
“I raised you better than that.”

She didn’t raise me at all really. I mostly raised myself.
But I wasn’t going to tell her that. I was finally getting the mom back that
I’d always wanted. The one I always needed. The one that was hidden underneath
a drunk layer of self-loathing and depression.

“What did he do when he realized you didn’t show up?” she
asked.

“He took it really hard,” I said.

“Does he still want to be with you?” she asked.

“I think so,” I said. “Yeah.”

“Then go back to him!” my mom exclaimed. “You’re twenty
three years old. You’re young. You’re beautiful. I don’t want you to stick
around Rock River and wait tables the rest of your life. I don’t want you to be
some farmer’s wife. Luke’s a nice enough guy, but he was never good enough for
you, Brynn. You would’ve been settling for him.”

I was shocked to hear her say that about Luke. I always
thought she loved him, but then again, she seemed to love everyone when she was
drunk.

“You never liked Luke?” I asked.

She pursed her lips and scrunched her face. “Not really.”

“Why?” I asked.

“That’s not important,” she said. “What’s important is that
you move on with your life. Go back to that movie star fella and try to fix
things. You shouldn’t have skipped out on him, but you can still go back and
make things right with him. He doesn’t sound like a jerk. He sounds like a guy who
is crazy about you and wants to be with you. Those are the men worth fighting
for.”

In my twenty-three years, my mother had never given me
advice with such clarity. Everything she said made perfect sense, and I felt
closer to her in that moment than I ever had before.

“Thanks, mom,” I said as I wrapped my arms around her. “I
feel much better.”

She squeezed me tight, and I loved that she didn’t smell
like booze. She smelled like lavender perfume and drugstore hairspray. Just
like she did when I was a kid.

I left my mom’s house and went back to the comfort of my
apartment. It was almost as if a weight had been lifted, and I felt like I knew
exactly what I needed to do. The second I climbed under the covers, I had to
call Hudson. I owed him an explanation. I still wasn’t sure if I wanted to go
back to LA or not, but I wanted to talk to him. I owed it to him to give him
the benefit of the doubt.

Hudson picked up in the middle of the first ring.

“Brynn,” he slurred. “Brynn, what’s going on?”

He was drunk out of his mind, and it had only been an hour
or so since we last talked. Hudson was never really a big drinker. He had to
have been more upset than I’d realized.

“I’m sorry I ended our conversation so abruptly earlier,” I
said.

“Brynn,” he slurred again.

I wasn’t sure if I should have a conversation with him. I
wanted him to be coherent and to remember what we were going to talk about.

“You’re drunk, Hudson,” I sighed.

“No, I’m not,” he slurred again.

“Yes,” I said, annoyed. “Yes, you are. I’m going to let you
go and talk to you tomorrow when you’re a little more clearheaded.”

“No,” he said. “Don’t let me go, Brynn.”

I sighed. I couldn’t hang up on him again. Who knew what
self-destructive measures he would take then? The last thing I wanted was for
him to drink himself into a coma.

“I was looking forward to seeing you tonight,” he said. His
words washed over me like smooth silk and I instantly remembered why I fell for
him. “I had flowers for you. And Flor made this amazing dinner for us. I
couldn’t wait to get my hands all over you.”

His words tickled my spine. I just wished he wasn’t drunk
out of his mind.

“And tomorrow,” he said. “Tomorrow I was going to fly us to
Cabo for a few days. I wanted to take you away from here for a little getaway
before I left for my next shoot. Just you and me and the sand and the waves and
Coronas and really amazing Mexican food. And you in a bikini.”

Good to know he still had a way with words even in a drunken
stupor.

“Please come back, Brynn,” he said. “I need you. I can’t be
without you.”

Hudson was fighting for me. Maybe he did cheat on me. Maybe
he didn’t. I’d never know. All I knew was that he was fighting for me. He
wasn’t giving up. Not yet.

“I love the idea of being with you,” I said. “But the
reality of it is hard, Hudson. You understand that, right?”

He sighed a long, drunk, exasperated sigh into the other end
of the phone.

“So you only do things that are easy for you?” he slurred.
“Is that the kind of person you are?”

“No,” I said, quickly realizing he was pretty spot on.

“It’s not going to be easy being in a relationship with me,”
he slurred. “But I promise to make it worth it.”

“That all sounds great,” I said. “In theory.”

“God damn it, Brynn,” he heaved. “I can’t win with you.”

My mother’s words echoed in my head. He wanted to be with
me. He was a man worth fighting for. I didn’t understand my resistance. One on
hand, I wanted to be with him. Sometimes I wanted him so bad it hurt. But on
the other hand, I didn’t want to get hurt. Hudson had the potential to hurt me.
Badly.

I wanted to be with Hudson, but the truth was, I was scared.
I was scared to have an amazing life with him and have it all pulled out from
underneath me. I was scared that someone prettier or more together or more
decisive might come along and sweep him off his feet. I was scared he’d leave
me in the dust if things got too familiar or boring.

I clearly wasn’t capable of making good decisions. I
couldn’t win at this stupid game of life no matter what I did.

“Let me think about it,” I told him. “It’s late here. I need
to go to bed.”

Hudson sighed. I knew he didn’t want to let me go.

“Don’t drink anymore, okay?” I pleaded. “Please just sober
up a bit and get to bed. We’ll talk more tomorrow.”

“Fine,” he said. “Please, Brynn. Just reconsider this thing
we have. It was pretty amazing.”

“Goodnight, Hudson,” I said as I ended the call.