Starting Over (8 page)

“I called Eve.
I wanted to offer my condolences when I heard about her aunt’s
passing.”

James and Ani
considered Eve one of their closest friends. He wasn’t surprised
James wanted to reach out to offer their support. “You talked to
her?”

“Yeah, but just
for a few minutes. Her aunt’s funeral is tomorrow, so I’m guessing
she’s pretty busy with that.”

“How did she
sound?” Alex wished he could be there instead of locked in a prison
of memories of the time when she still wanted to be his wife.

“She sounded
sad, Alex. How would you expect her to sound?”

Running a hand
over his cropped, dark hair, Alex muttered a curse. “I want to be
there for her—”

“Then what the
hell are you doing here?”

Rubbing the
back of his neck to ease the knot of tension, Alex said, “I think
that’s pretty obvious. She’s done with me.”

“I never pegged
you for a quitter.” James scowled.

“Don’t do
that,” Alex said, clenching his fist. “Don’t blame me for giving
up. I practically begged her for another chance. What the hell was
I supposed to do?”

“I know what
I’d do if Ani wanted to leave me,” James said, glancing at the
photo of Eve on Alex’s desk.

“Oh yeah, what
would you do?” Alex was open to listening to any and all
suggestions.

“I’d camp out
on her doorstep if I had to.”

“That’s called
stalking. There are laws against it,” Alex muttered. He’d
considered doing what his friend suggested. At the airport in
Vermont, Alex’d walked toward the exit doors half a dozen times,
intent on returning to the inn and refusing to leave until Eve
agreed to give him another chance.

James chuckled.
“Hey, she owns an inn now. Why can’t you just check in as a guest?
Tell her you needed to get away for a while and you couldn’t think
of a better place to recharge your batteries.”

Alex smiled at
that suggestion. No way would Eve allow that. “Any other
suggestions?”

“Do whatever it
takes to prove to her that you’re willing to put her first this
time.”

Alex looked at
his friend, wondering if he was ready to hear the truth. “Was I
really that bad? I mean, if you were in my situation, do you think
Ani would have left you?”

“Hell
yeah!”

“Thanks a lot,”
Alex muttered.

James leaned
forward. “It wasn’t just your crazy hours or the travel. It was the
fact that you weren’t ready to start a family or…”

“Or what?”

“Man, there’s
no easy way to say this,” James said, grimacing. “Your wife’s been
unhappy for a long time. You were just too wrapped up in your own
shit to see it.”

“She said
something to you guys?” Alex had been too blind to see the signs
before it was too late.

“She didn’t
have to. We saw it in her eyes every time she babysat for us. It
was like her heart was breaking, wishing she could have the life we
had.”

Alex would have
been hurt less if his friend had hit him. “I can’t listen to this
right now.” He stood up. He needed to get out of the office and as
far away from his friend’s accusations as he could.

“You have to.”
James stepped in front of Alex. “I’d want you to tell me the truth
no matter how hard it was to hear.”

“Yeah, well I’m
not you.” Alex just wanted to put the situation out of his mind for
a while. Taking a ride on his motorcycle always helped him to clear
his head, but all he could think about was the memory of Eve’s arms
wrapped around his waist as she whispered what naughty things she
intended to do to him when they got home. Every part of his life
held memories of her. With no place to go and nowhere to escape, he
decided to let his friend do his worst. He wanted to be with Eve,
but since he couldn’t have her, he didn’t want anyone else’s
company. Not even his own. “Fine, whatever you have to say, say it
and then get out. I want to be alone.”

“Man, I don’t
even know where to start.” James ran a hand over his graying
goatee. “I should have come to you before, but Ani told me we
shouldn’t get involved.”

“Just say it
already.”

“You need to be
the man she married, the man you were when she met you.”

“What the hell
are you talking about? I’m still that guy.”

“No, you’re
not,” James said, shaking his head. “You’re nothing like the Alex
Bolton I met in college. That guy knew how to have a good time. He
talked about traveling the world and—”

“I have
traveled the world,” he said, feeling the need to defend
himself.

“Yeah, on
business. You’ve seen hotel rooms, airports, and board rooms in
every country. But have you ever seen the Eiffel Tower or made it
to the top of Kilimanjaro? Man, what the hell happened to
your
dreams? Remember the things we used to talk about when
we were young and stupid and ready to make our mark on the
world?”

Alex hadn’t
thought about those things in so long, he’d almost forgotten them.
Maybe life was easier that way. “I grew up and so did you. You’re a
father now. You can’t take the crazy risks we used to talk about
back in the day. Your family needs you.”

“You’re right.”
Standing toe-to-toe with him, looking him in the eye, James said,
“And you have no one. So what’s your excuse?”

Alex was
tempted to punch him in the face, to get into it the way they used
to when they were young and reckless, but James was right. Beating
the hell out of him wouldn’t change that. “You came by today to
make me feel like shit? Mission accomplished. Feel better?”

“No, I feel
worse.” James sighed and stepped back. “I love you like a brother,
and I hate to see you so miserable. Just like I hated to see Eve so
unhappy in a loveless marriage.”

“Don’t say
that!” Alex shouted, shoving him hard. “I love her, goddamn it! And
she loves me too!”

“How do you
know that?”

“She told me!”
His temper was erupting, and James was placing himself directly in
the line of fire.

“When? A month
ago? A year ago? When was the last time she told you she loved
you?”

“A few days
ago, when she let me back in her bed!” Alex didn’t know why he was
shouting. Perhaps because James was challenging the only thing he
knew for certain—his wife loved him.

Narrowing his
eyes, James said, “Let me get this straight, you guys had sex when
you went to Richmond?”

“Yeah.”

“Just as I
thought. She doesn’t want a divorce. She wants her husband
back.”

Alex wanted
that to be true more than anything, but he couldn’t deny the
conviction he’d heard in Eve’s voice when she told him it was over.
“But she—”

Holding up his
hand, James said, “Correction. She wants the guy she fell in love
with back.” He gestured at Alex’s expensive suit and shoes. “She
doesn’t want this guy. If this is all you have to offer her, I
suggest you sign those divorce papers and let her get on with her
life.”

When James
stepped toward the door, Alex grabbed his arm. “What do you think I
should do?”

“Remind her why
she fell in love with you in the first place. Make her forget why
she wanted this divorce.” James grinned. “By the way, if Eve asks,
I tried to talk to you into signing the papers.”

***

Alex walked
into the two-story home he’d built for Eve almost five years ago.
It was eerily quiet without her and he’d been spending as little
time there as possible. He glanced at the hall table and saw a
wedding photo, a photo of them on vacation, and another from the
night they celebrated the grand opening of their new factory. He
picked up the last frame and noticed for the first time that her
smile looked forced. Probably because she knew the new building
meant more responsibilities, and by that time, he was already
stretched way too thin.

As he wandered
around the house, the only sounds were his footsteps on the glossy
hardwood. He closed his eyes and imagined the house filled with
sounds of life. Children’s laughter, dogs barking, televisions
blaring, telephones and doorbells ringing. Then he realized the
house had been lifeless forever. No wonder Eve got tired of living
there. The silence was already making him crazy.

He walked
slowly up the stairs, almost afraid to face the memories. Stopping
at the doorway to the master suite, he thought about all the love
they’d made in their four-poster, king-sized bed. When he came in
too late and reached for her while she slept, she never turned him
away. Her body and the love she gave so freely, even when he hadn’t
earned it, was like a salve after the days when the business world
beat him up and left him for dead.

The tears he’d
been aching to shed for days fell freely since no one was there to
witness his moment of weakness. He turned around and immediately
wished he hadn’t. The empty room across the hall was supposed to be
the nursery. When they’d designed the house, Eve wanted it to be
right across the hall from their room so they could hear the baby
crying during the night.

His mind
tortured him with the sound of a baby crying, and he gripped the
door handle as he wrestled the urge to drop to his knees and wail
over the dreams he’d single-handedly quashed. He’d always wanted a
family with Eve… someday. He just wasn’t ready when she was. He
needed a little more time to get used to the idea of being a
father. Now he would never be a parent because the thought of
anyone else mothering his babies made him sick. His eyes drifted to
the corner where she’d said the white rocking chair would sit. He
imagined her rocking their baby, singing a sweet lullaby, smiling
down at the beautiful little miracle their love created.

The doorbell
rang, pulling him out of his twisted fantasy. If he’d spent more
time daydreaming about their baby sooner, he wouldn’t be in that
mess. He ran a hand over his face to dry his tears. Clearing his
throat, he tightened his silk tie, knowing it didn’t matter how put
together he looked when he was falling apart on the inside. He ran
down the stairs, half-hoping he would slip and break his neck so he
wouldn’t have to deal with another day of misery.

He cursed
softly when he saw his mother and sister on the other side of the
wrought iron and glass door. He wished it wasn’t too late to
pretend he wasn’t home. As much as he loved his family, he wasn’t
in the mood for one of their inquisitions. Pulling open the door,
he forced a smile, hoping it would be enough to convince them he
was fine.

“You’re back,”
Tonya said, smiling. “How did it go with Eve?” Tonya was thirteen
years younger than Alex. She was only nine when he had brought Eve
home for the first time, and she always looked up to her as the big
sister she’d always wanted.

“I don’t want
to talk about it.” The truth was he feared he couldn’t talk about
it without breaking down. His marriage was over, and he had to
figure out how to move on without Eve. Glancing at the framed
wedding photo on the hall table, he wondered how they’d gone from
being so happy to contemplating divorce.

Tonya and her
mother shared a concerned glance before Marianne Bolton said, “We
expected you to be gone longer. When Tonya got your text about
Sharon—”

“Sharon passed
away a few days ago,” he said quietly, closing the door and leading
them into the great room. He looked around the austere space. Their
possessions surrounded him, but he felt as if he’d stepped into
someone else’s life, and he wanted out.

“Oh no,”
Marianne said, reaching for her daughter’s hand.

His family
loved and respected Sharon as much as he did, and he knew their
distress was genuine. “Eve is taking it pretty hard.”

“So why aren’t
you there with her?” Tonya demanded, glaring at her brother as
though he was the enemy. “She needs you.”

“No, she
doesn’t.” He would give anything, everything, if his wife still
needed him.

“How can you
say that?” Marianne demanded. “Sharon was like a mother to her.
Think about how wonderful Eve was when your father died.”

His father’s
death was sudden and they were all so distraught, they barely got
through the days that followed. Eve stepped up and took over,
planning a celebration of life ceremony that would have made his
father proud. All day Alex’d been sitting at his desk in a daze,
thinking about the amazing qualities that made Eve irreplaceable.
He may date again someday, but he knew he would never, ever love
anyone the way he loved her. “You don’t have to remind me.”

“What’s going
on?” Tonya asked, her voice trembling. “Is there something you’re
not telling us?”

He knew his
mother and sister considered Eve the heart of their family, and he
hated that he had to tell them his mistakes meant she wasn’t coming
home. “We’re getting a divorce.” Just saying the word nearly
destroyed him, but he couldn’t hide from the ugly truth any
longer.

“You can’t!”
Tiffany shouted. “What are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking I
don’t have a choice! I can’t force her to stay married to me!”

Marianne asked
gently, “So the divorce was Eve’s idea?”

“You think I
wanted this?” He walked to the window because he couldn’t stand to
see the devastation on their faces. He’d let down everyone he
loved, and he had to face the consequences of his actions. “Eve is
my life.” If he’d done more to prove it, he wouldn’t have to say
it.

“Then tell her
that,” Tonya said, crossing the room. She grabbed the arm of his
black Armani suit and turned him to face her. “Tell her you still
love her, that you’re sorry, that you’ll do whatever it takes to
save your marriage.” In many ways, Tonya was still naïve about love
and life. She was a senior in college, involved with her first
serious boyfriend, and she believed everyone got their happily ever
after.