Stash (27 page)

Although they didn’t have two children to worry about then. Having children changed everything.

The market doubled as a gas station. Gwen steered past the two pumps and parked in a space on the side of the building. Nate held her hand walking in. There were no carts to push or ride in, which disappointed Nate, but he bounced back when Gwen asked him to pick out ice cream for dessert.

He asked Gwen to read off all the names and when she got to Cookies & Cream he said that’s the one.

“I haven’t gone through them all yet.”

“Cookies & Cream,” he insisted.

Gwen added the ice cream to the basket. She found chicken breasts and drumsticks and a head of lettuce that still looked reasonable, and tomatoes that felt firm and fresh. It wasn’t their produce share from the community farm but it would do. She picked out a six-pack of beer. At checkout she divided the items into two bags, giving the lighter one with the ice cream to Nate.

They held hands again on the way out, Nate cradling the bag with the ice cream in his other arm. As they passed the gas pumps, someone called Gwen’s name.

She looked up and tugged on Nate’s hand, knocking him off balance. He dropped the bag with the ice cream.

“Mom!”

“Hi—wow.” She looked down at Nate. “I’m sorry, honey. Just pick it up. Hi.”

Nate let go of her hand and reached down.

“Sorry, I surprised you.”

“No. No, I’m just. I didn’t expect to see you here.”

Jude replaced the gas pump and the cap on his tank. He looked as if running into her up here was the most natural event, even planned, unlike the way she reacted, which was more or less as if he’d landed from another planet.

He took a step closer to Gwen. She tried to step back, but her feet wouldn’t move.

“You mentioned you had a place here—Tear Lake, right?”

“We’re up for the weekend,” Gwen said. She feared her heart pumped loud enough for him to hear.

Be normal, she said to herself. Have a regular conversation. “You have a place around here too?”

“Just a cabin that’s been in the family for years near Rainbow Lake. I’m going to visit Dana—at St. Lawrence.”

Nate recovered the ice cream bag. He stared up at Jude.

“This is my son, Nate,” Gwen said. “Nate, say hello to Mr. Gates. You met him at his restaurant once.”

Nate didn’t say a word.

“Hello, Nate, it’s good to see you again.” Jude crouched down and held out his hand.

Nate looked at Gwen, then at the hand. “Hi.”

“Are you helping your mom do the shopping?”

“Uh-huh.”

“That’s nice, Mother’s little helper. I remember when my daughter was your age. She’d always want to work at my side in the restaurant.”

He stood and turned back to Gwen. He spoke so only she could hear. “You left the other night without telling me what you came for.”

She lowered her eyes. Nate was picking splattered bugs off the front bumper and headlights of Jude’s van.

“Nate, don’t do that.” She pulled his hand away.

“You walked out.”

“Sorry, it’s just …” She couldn’t come up with an excuse. Her throat tightened. “Did you call me? Because Brian answered my phone and …”

He whispered in her ear. “You’re very beautiful, even more than you were years ago.”

She shouldn’t blush, but felt the heat rise in her face. She looked down again at Nate. Now he was scratching at the van’s license plate and flicking the dead bugs off his fingertips. “Stop that. It’s gross.” She pulled his wrist.

“Mommy, can we go now?”

“Just a sec, honey. Why don’t you get in the car?”

“The ice cream is melting.”

“It will be fine. Go ahead, I’ll be right there. And use a wipe on your hand.”

Nate walked over to their car, tugged open the door, and climbed into his car seat.

Jude said, “We should meet later, when you can get away.” He expected her to say yes. He wanted her and he told her, and she understood that with his confidence came control.

No, she was in control. He’d just handed it to her to accept or reject him. Use it.

He stepped closer and she stepped back, and just as she started to speak he leaned and touched her face as he had last time and she realized he was about to kiss her again. She raised a hand between them and held him off, glancing over Jude’s shoulder to see if Nate was watching.

“No, don’t,” she said. Then: “I told the police you sold me pot.”

That stopped him. A shadow eclipsed his face; he frowned and his Adam’s apple moved.

“I had to,” she said.

“You had to what?” he said, backing off.

“That accident I got in, I was arrested. It was either …”

“You told the police?”

“That’s why I came to see you the other night, to warn you, but I couldn’t say it. I thought I’d end up in more trouble, or you’d be angry.”

He stared at her, waiting for more. She had no more.

“Gwen, I asked you not to tell anyone.”

“I wanted you to know, in case the police ask you questions.”

“That’s why you came to see me?”

She nodded. “This other thing—I can’t do it.”

Nate screamed out the open car window. “Mommy, my eye! I got a bug in my eye.”

“I’m sorry, I have to go.”

“Wait. Gwen.”

“Mommy!”

“I need to know when …”

“I hope I didn’t get you in trouble,” she said, already on her way to the car.

She ran to Nate.

She climbed into the backseat with him and shut the door.

Nate cried. She searched for a clean wipe and dabbed at the corner of his eye where a dead bug floated. She looked out the window. Jude stood next to his van, watching, squinting from the sun in his face.

Brian estimated the swim across the width of the lake measured close to a quarter mile. He swam by Nora’s side the whole way, but they didn’t talk. Nora focused on swimming, her freestyle strokes smooth and coordinated.

The cool, clear water calmed him. At work, they’d be looking for Brian, even though he’d left a message for Stephen that he was taking a long weekend, saying nothing about the information he was told to compile for the FDA. There would be messages on his desk phone and cell phone, e-mails, people stopping by his office. The FDA guy was coming. People would be asking: Where is Brian?

He believed that whatever was going to happen had already been set in motion, months or even years ago. The marketing of Zuprone would be labeled unethical or not, illegal or not, regardless of Brian’s position and explanation. Not that he wouldn’t fight any attempts to use him as a corporate scapegoat. But that was not a battle he would fight today.

Teresa was another story. Maybe the poor woman simply needed to be fucked and he could have done her a favor by obliging, although one sympathy roll when you’ve had a few drinks can turn into a bad habit. Anyway, that wasn’t the reason he’d turned her down. The temptation had not been strong. It was his love for Gwen that was strong, and it had been reaffirmed last night, not
only because they’d made love—after nine years they’d had sex plenty of times without the trumpets of affirmation—but also after nine years he knew when their bond was strengthened, their spirits connected.

Although a few loose threads remained to be clipped. For one, Brian planned to visit Jude Gates when they got back to Morrissey. His objective: demand that Gates stay away from his wife. Brian had little experience with violence, and no desire to gain more, but confronting Jude Gates was part of defending his territory, a noble cause, and in that way he looked forward to it.

He and Nora crossed the lake, stopped to catch their breath, and started back at the same steady, controlled pace. Nora alternated sidestroke and breaststroke now. Brian executed a combination crawl and doggy paddle so he could keep his head above water and eyes on his daughter. There was no need; she swam flawlessly. When they reached shallow water again, Brian put his foot down but Nora stroked until her belly rubbed the bottom. They held hands coming out of the water. He wrapped a towel around her and then himself and she sat on his lap in one of the Adirondack chairs by the water. Nora’s teeth chattered and her limbs shivered. He held her until she warmed.

“Are you going to try out for the Dolphins this year?” he asked her.

“I can make the team.”

“I know you can make the team. Is that something you want to do? They practice twice a week and have a swim meet every weekend.”

“Lauren Reed is on the Dolphins.”

“Mommy said sign-ups are next week.”

“I might take flute lessons instead.”

“Since when do you like the flute?”

“I saw a Jethro Tull video and he plays the flute.”

“Jethro Tull? Where did you see that?”

“On YouTube. Mommy showed me.”

Gwen’s watching classic rock videos on YouTube with the kids? Had she scored another bag of pot? No, she would have told him this time.

“I like the way Jethro Tull plays the flute.”

“Jethro Tull is the name of the band. The flute player is Ian Anderson.”

“Or maybe I’ll be on the Dolphins.”

“Either one is fine.”

“Can we get dressed now? I’m freezing.”

They went back to the house and dressed. Nora asked if they could go fishing. In a closet near the back door Brian found the fishing poles and tackle box that also had been part of the house purchase. He took a slice of bread to tear apart and use as bait.

Looking down into the water from the dock, they could see a number of small fish in the shallow water.

“There they are, Daddy. I see them.”

“Shhh. You don’t want to scare them away.” Brian outfitted the pole and handed it to Nora, who let her line drop into the water. He was about to get the other ready for himself when Gwen turned into the driveway. Nate jumped out first and came running toward them, yelling, “I wanna fish! I wanna fish!”

“You have to be quiet!” Nora screamed back at him.

Gwen went into the house with the shopping bags.

“How’d it go at the store, buddy?” Brian asked Nate.

“I got a bug in my eye.”

“Did you get it out?”

“Mommy did.”

Brian breaded a hook and handed Nate the pole and helped him lower the line on the side of the dock opposite Nora.

“Now you just have to wait,” Brian told them. “Be very quiet
and still and most of all be very patient. We’re counting on you guys to catch our dinner.”

“Mommy bought chicken,” Nate said.

“That’s only for an emergency. We’d rather have fresh fish.”

Gwen came outside and halfway down to the water. She called to Brian and motioned for him to come up.

“What’s the matter?” he asked, approaching her. She looked worried, face tight, and she jerked when a car passed on the road.

“Are you crying? What happened?” He turned to keep one eye on the kids standing at the dock’s edge.

This is what happened: she ran into Jude at the market and told him she’d given his name to the police.

Immediately he slammed her with questions, anger twisting inside him. “What do you mean you ran into him? You told him? Didn’t we just go through this?”

He stopped and waited for her to answer.

She’d been surprised to see him and completely caught off guard and felt guilty and … You know it’s been a struggle for me. I couldn’t help it.

Okay, okay. Brian held her to calm her, although he’d rather shake her for being so stupid.

“What did he say?”

“Nothing, really. Nate started screaming about a bug and I left.”

“Did he do anything to you? Did he hurt or threaten you?”

“No, no.” But she’d gotten scared. A few minutes after driving away she noticed Jude was behind her, and she thought he was following her. After each curve in the road he appeared closer. Then he turned off at Route 186.

“What was he doing up here, did he say?”

“He’s got a cabin or something.”

“Where—here?”

“No, I can’t remember. Another lake. He was going to visit his daughter at St. Lawrence.”

“And he just ran into you?” Brian said. That was hard to swallow. “Did you arrange to meet him up here or something?”

Gwen shook her head. “No, no.”

“Does he know where we live?”

“I don’t know, I don’t think so. He knows we’re on Tear Lake.”

“Jesus, Gwen.”

“He won’t do anything.”

“How do you know what he plans to do? If I was a drug dealer and discovered someone turned me in to the police, I’d be pretty pissed at that person. I might want to do something about it.”

Brian tried to think of what was up Route 186. A bunch of small lakes, a lot of wilderness, he wasn’t sure what else.

“Where was Nate in all this?”

“He was with me, and then he went to the car.”

“I’m calling the police,” Brian said.

“No, I don’t think we should.”

“Better to be safe. We’ll just let them know what happened. Let them advise us on what to do.”

“I don’t want them to know I told Jude. I’m sure I committed another crime doing that. I’m like an accessory or something now.”

Brian considered this. Gwen might be right. Maybe he should call Roger first and get his advice. No, not yet. For now, the fewer people who knew, the better. But still, he wasn’t sure what to do.

He said, “That’s not our biggest concern right now. Safety is. You came home worried and told me about this—he must have done something to scare you.”

“Please, Brian, let’s just wait,” Gwen begged. “I overreacted, that’s all. I shouldn’t have. He doesn’t know where we are, and even if he did …”

“I still think we should call the police.”

“No, please. He’s not going to do anything.”

She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and stood straighter. “It’s fine,” she said, pulling herself together. “Really.”

He gave in. “Okay, if he didn’t follow you and he doesn’t know where we are, I guess nothing can come of it right now.”

Then Nora started yelling that she caught a fish, a big one for dinner: “Daddy come quick, there’s a big fish stuck on my hook!”

Gwen went inside and put away the rest of the groceries, her hands trembling on the cabinet knobs. When she shut one of the doors, a mouse darted out from its hiding place and ran across the kitchen floor, disappearing into a crack in the kick plate where two cabinets met in the corner.