Status Update (#gaymers) (5 page)

“A relationship.” They were back to dangling over the crocodile pit of conversational topics Noah likely couldn’t handle, but Adrian felt the need to push a bit.

He wasn’t sure why Noah fascinated him so much, but talking with him gave Adrian a high usually inspired by solving a tricky design problem or defeating a video game level. And no, he wasn’t going to stop flirting. Whatever strange attraction he felt was undoubtedly one-sided, but he still wasn’t going to deny himself the pleasure of prodding Noah. And he wanted to believe Noah felt something for him beyond pity. Even just friendship would be nice.

And friends could ask friends about their romantic past, right? No ulterior motive required. Waiting for Noah to answer, he fiddled with the heater controls. His window was like a sheet of ice—the temperature outside must be plummeting. Pixel basked in the surge of heat from the vent, stretching his back and legs.

“I was engaged back in college,” Noah said, voice almost too low to catch over the heater fan.

“What happened?”

Noah didn’t say anything, just kept his eyes on the road. They were approaching Green River now and traffic was picking up a bit. He was quiet for so long that Adrian almost gave up and reached for the stereo, but he reined in his fingers. He was starting to learn Noah. Noah needed a lot of conversational space, but Adrian liked how Noah thought before he spoke—very measured and deliberate, like each word was important.

“It’s kind of silly,” Noah said at last, same too-quiet voice. Adrian turned the heater down.

“Try me.”

Noah didn’t say anything, but he bit his lip hard. He had nice lips—very pale, but surprisingly wide for his narrow face. Adrian couldn’t help wondering if they would change color after kissing. Not that there was going to be any kissing...

“Tell you what, your little weather station in
Space Villager
is kind of pathetic really. Let me upgrade you to a science outpost at least?” Adrian kept his voice casual, slightly disinterested even. He knew what level of backer Noah was from their conversation last night, and he also knew what might tempt the taciturn man into dishing.

“In exchange for me telling you my sad little story?”

Adrian grinned, triumph making him bounce in his seat. He had played this right. Noah
did
want to tell, he just needed a little push. If he truly wanted to drop the matter, he would have seized on the conversation changer.

“Yup. And I’ve seen the mockups of the interior of the science station. The detail on the lab stations and experiments is amazing.”

“I want the LE version. The one with the steampunk vibe with all the copper equipment.”

“You drive a hard bargain. Now, fess up.”

“It’s not really that exciting. Her name was Sarah. We were in the same Christian student organization. We were mainly friends, I guess. But everyone seemed to expect...” Noah sighed, eyes looking distant and weary.

“Hey, I get it. I’m the guy who kept going with his high school boyfriend in large part because our families were so close. I liked escaping to his house when I was home, and my mom absolutely adored him, even more so when he went pre-law. Felt like the one thing I could do that made her happy.”

“Yes.” Noah said the word like a curse.

“So what happened to make you change your mind?”

“This is the stupid part,” Noah said slowly. “And before you say anything, I don’t mean stupid like cheating. Nothing like that.”

“Of course not.” One only had to look at how Noah pampered his dog or talked about his job to see how he was deep and true.

“One day I was at a volunteer campus cleanup with a bunch of guys I knew. And they all started ribbing me about the wedding night and how I must be counting down the days.”

“And you weren’t?” Adrian took a guess.

“Not even a little.” Noah shook his head slightly. He sounded so sad Adrian couldn’t help patting his leg. He’d like to give younger Noah a hug, sit him in front of dozens of “It gets better” ads.

Eyes distant, Noah continued, each of his words heavier than the previous. “I realized in that moment that I wasn’t being fair to Sarah. I wasn’t looking forward to this huge life event she was eagerly anticipating. I was dreading it. More and more each day.”

“So you called it off?” Noah hadn’t removed Adrian’s hand, so he stroked the rough canvas of Noah’s pants, felt the tension in the lean thigh under the cloth.

“I broke her heart.”

“You did the right thing,” Adrian said with conviction.

“Fourteen years later, I can finally agree with you. She’s married now to a great guy. Has a couple of kids. It worked out okay for her.”

“And for you? How did it work out for you?”

“Here’s the store.” Noah flicked the RV’s blinker. His face was stonier than the rocky outcroppings dotting the landscape. No amount of
Space Villager
bling Adrian could offer would sway that expression. Heck, Adrian would be lucky if Noah didn’t simply leave his ass in Green River. He had a feeling that Noah wasn’t getting him a charger only to be nice—he probably wanted Adrian to check his phone messages to ensure that he actually needed the ride to Denver. For the first time, Adrian almost hoped he had zero messages. He’d unearthed some powerful emotions in the quieter man, and he suspected he’d only heard the first layer of a longer, more complex tale.

Chapter Five

“We need to move fast—it looks like a cold front is moving in. What do you think we should do with the dogs? I’m thinking I’ll lock Ulysses in the bedroom. That way they can’t get into trouble together.” Words tumbled out of Noah’s mouth like chunks of shale sliding down a cliff face. He
never
rambled like this. He wasn’t a nervous talker, but something about Adrian turned everything he knew about himself on edge, rearranged his truths.

“Sure. You okay?”

No.
Resurrecting his memories about Sarah and that awful, hopeless period in his life had been a mistake. He still wasn’t sure why he’d answered Adrian, other than that Adrian’s kind eyes and nonjudgmental tone made him
want
to talk, and that was such an anomaly he had no idea what to do with these strange urges.

“I’m fine.” Noah finished shutting an unhappy Ulysses in the bedroom and headed for the door. “We can’t take long though. I’m not happy with that sky.”

Green River was a little dot on the map, a collection of large truck stops and small-town stores. Noah had pulled into the largest truck stop because there was ample parking for his RV in the huge lot, and a surprisingly robust pet aisle in the store. After quickly locating the electronics display, Adrian selected the cheapest replacement charger, then they made their way to the pet section. Picking something to keep Pixel warm took a bit longer. Noah grabbed a bag of small-dog chow while Adrian perused the dog jackets.

“This brand okay?” he asked Adrian, holding up the bag.

“That’s so sweet of you.” Adrian smiled like Noah had offered up flowers or something equally sappy.

“We can’t have him living on tuna.” Noah’s neck heated.

Adrian’s hand lingered on a red dog coat, then moved to a cheap knit thing with an awful orange and green argyle pattern. Noah reached around Adrian and dropped the red one in the cart. His arm brushed Adrian’s back and he was intensely aware of how close they stood, how warm Adrian was, how he smelled like the outdoors with an undertone of something fruity, how Adrian didn’t step away from the contact but instead bumped back against Noah’s touch.

“You’re too nice,” he said.

“The red is more practical,” Noah insisted. He was not sweet or nice or any of the other adjectives Adrian wanted to assign him.

“And it’s festive.” Adrian grinned. “He’ll look like a little elf. I love it.”

And Noah loved making Adrian smile like that far more than he should. He walked quickly to the checkout. They joined the line behind a harried family buying energy drinks and seven kinds of popcorn. Adrian kept glancing at the case with the iced coffee drinks.

“Which one do you want?” Noah asked.

“Nothing,” Adrian said, looking away. “I don’t need one.”

“This one?” Noah grabbed a vanilla one. “It’s a long drive. Get yourself a coffee. I don’t mind.”

“Okay,” Adrian said reluctantly. He exchanged the vanilla one for a mocha flavor, their fingers brushing.

Why, oh why, did Adrian’s touch have to affect him like this? Each little incidental contact felt like the scrape of a shovel against an artifact, the thrill of discovery racing through his veins.

Noah looked away, gaze landing on a display of chips. He grabbed the closest bag without really registering the flavor. “Get whatever you want,” he said, voice far gruffer than he’d intended.

“Yes, sir,” Adrian laughed. “You’re far too good to me, you know?”

Finally, it was their turn to pay. The cashier had more rings in her nose than in her ears and that was saying something.

“Nice hair,” she said to Adrian, fingering her own blue locks.

“Thanks,” Adrian said. “I like your gauges.”

Noah guessed that meant the odd open circles in the girl’s ear lobes.

“You guys are
so
cute,” the cashier said with a knowing smile as she took Noah’s debit card. “How long have you guys been together?”

Noah choked, air supply cut off by the rising panic in his insides. He coughed, trying to get a breath.

Adrian slapped him on the back, before turning to the cashier. “We’re just...friends.”

The cashier laughed and made a dismissive gesture with her black-tipped fingers. The pause before
friends
had doomed them—and Noah couldn’t blame Adrian for struggling to find a word. How exactly did you classify the guy you met yesterday but liked well enough to take an eight-hour drive with?

“Whatever. Still adorbs. Now that the court made it legal, my friends are getting married next month.” She said the last bit in a tone designed to inspire confidences, but Noah had shared quite enough for one day. As soon as she handed him the receipt, he grabbed their bags and strode back to the RV, not looking to see if Adrian was following.

“Hey. Hey!” Adrian caught up to him at the door. “Look, I’ll check my messages. Maybe it’ll turn out I don’t need the ride after all.”

Noah’s pulse was racing too fast to reply. Adrian opened the charger’s package, attached his phone, and plugged in to the RV’s port while Noah released poor Ulysses from prison and gave him a quick trot to the edge of the parking lot and back. Noah wasn’t sure what the heck he hoped for. Wouldn’t it be a relief if Trent turned up or some other solution took Adrian away?

No.
A weird sensation of loss flooded Noah. He busied himself with putting away the snacks, trying not to watch as Adrian played with Pixel.

“See! Look what the nice man got you! Puppy chow! And a pretty new coat,” Adrian cooed. Damn. He was too cute.

No.
Not cute.
Noah shook his head, trying to chase the tender, warm feeling away.

“It’s not catching you know,” Adrian said, his voice back to usual. “The gay, I mean. The cashier only made that assumption because of me. Not you. Your ‘literary inclinations’ are safe.”

Oh God. That so wasn’t helping. The cashier’s reaction had
not
been because of how Adrian looked. That much Noah knew for certain. Her assumption had everything to do with
them
—how they were around each other, how
he
was around Adrian. His attraction for Adrian felt like a forehead tattoo, broadcasting his treacherous heart to anyone with half a brain.

“I’m not worried about catching anything,” he said truthfully. One couldn’t catch what one already had.

Adrian made a snorting noise and picked up his phone on the charger. “Heck. No voice-mail messages. I’m sorry. Do you want me to call my mom? I can. There’s a covered area by that coffee place right over there—” He pointed across the parking lot to a pink coffee house with a steel awning over some picnic tables. “I probably could wait there.”

“You are
not
waiting outside. It’s got to be down to thirty now.”

“True.” Adrian studied him, eyebrows raised and mouth quirked expectantly. Probably waiting for Noah to get himself together and stop freaking out over every little thing.

“I said I’d take you to Denver. I meant it.” Noah tried hard to get his voice back to normal, to quell the sense of panic that had chased him ever since he’d brushed against Adrian in the store. The silly clerk wasn’t the problem—the real issue was how Adrian made him feel and think. It was the tiny part of him that wouldn’t have minded if the girl had been right, like a shard of pottery leftover from some earlier, more idealistic era, completely divorced from the reality of Noah’s present.

* * *

Adrian made a terrible copilot. He
hated
being this helpless—completely dependent on Noah’s goodwill to get him to Denver. He’d feel better if Noah would let him drive, but that apparently wasn’t happening.

And neither was conversation. They got onto I-70, Noah’s face looking like he was heading east to battle, like the signs counting down to Grand Junction were mile markers of enduring Adrian’s loathsome presence. Okay, maybe that last bit wasn’t fair, but Noah hadn’t said anything since pulling out of Green River, and Adrian was going a bit nuts. At first, the novelty of having his phone back had been nice, but work emails got old really quickly. Wasn’t like he was available to solve any of the code fires people were complaining about, and this late on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, few other people were around to give a damn either. Next week, they’d start counting down to the next PAX conference and deciding on what they wanted to showcase, but this week was all about taking some downtime before the madness started back up again.

He couldn’t stand the quiet any longer and reached for the stereo.

“Mind if I turn on the radio?” he asked.

“Sure. It’s set to my iPod right now though. Let me disconnect, and you can do a seek for something you like.” Noah reached for the wires connecting his music player to the stereo.

“No, no.” Adrian stopped him. “I want to see what you listen to. In fact, let me guess...”

“You think I’m that predictable?”

“No, not at all.” Adrian grinned. Noah might not realize it, but they were sliding back into flirty territory. “Like I’m betting you listen to classical music, but not while you’re driving.”

“Not while working either, actually.” Noah sounded smug. It was cute. “I like quiet while working. White noise to drown out conversations outside my office is better than music.”

“I listen to techno and game soundtracks while I work for similar reasons. I can’t stand stuff with lyrics while I work.”

“Definitely no techno on there.” Noah was getting into the game, and a smile cracked his somber face. His eyes had a perpetual seriousness to them, an effect intensified by his regal nose and narrow features, but a smile completely transformed him, made him seem years younger and miles less stuffy.

“No country either, I’m betting. Or rather hoping.”

“No.” Noah mock shuddered. “No country.”

“Let’s see what you’ve got. If it’s too hideous, I’ll just have to hitch.” Noah flipped on the stereo, and the strains of “Faithfully” filled the cab. “Oooh. Classic rock. We’re going to get along just fine.”

He leaned back in his seat, dislodging Pixel, who’d been dozing with a full belly of the new chow. Pixel scrambled over the console and flopped down on the carpet in front of the couch, looking wistfully at the napping Ulysses.

“I don’t think he wants to play, boy,” Adrian said.
Not unlike his owner.

“It’s more that he doesn’t know how. I got him when he wandered onto a dig site when I was in graduate school. He grew up around humans and barely met other dogs until he was grown and I ended up in Landview. He tolerates dog parks only as a means of getting ball time.”

“A real one-man dog, huh?” Adrian waited until Noah nodded before adding, “And ball obsessed. I can sympathize.”

Noah made a choking noise—something he seemed to do whenever Adrian slid in a little tame innuendo. So much better than silence. The music switched to a ballad he’d heard hundreds of times.

“This is an awesome retro playlist,” Adrian said, foot tapping out the refrain. “It reminds me of road trips with my dad. He always had on Billy Joel and Fleetwood Mac.”

“Great. Thanks for making me feel ancient. And old enough to be your dad.”

Adrian waited until Noah glanced over to give him a very thorough once-over. “Nope, not ancient. And I’m definitely not thinking of my dad now.”

“Behave.” Noah’s face flushed a deep, gratifying shade of pink. “I thought we said no—”

“Hey, you’re the one who went fishing for ego stroking, not me.”

“I did not. I don’t want...stroking.” Noah sounded prim as Adrian’s Aunt Tilda. Lord, he locked all his fun up so tight.

“Oh trust me, lots of you needs stroking.”

“No. Flirting.” Noah made a show of returning his attention to the crawling traffic in front of them. Even with holiday traffic, Adrian hadn’t expected the roads to be this bad. He bet there was an accident up ahead somewhere.

“Fine, but I’ve never met someone more in need of a little play.”

Noah made another outraged Hobbit noise.

Adorkable.

Adrian truly, absolutely was done with relationships. Especially long-distance relationships. And he’d never even touched a closeted guy, let alone one who’d locked his sexuality in a deep freeze labeled Literary Inclinations and Do Not Touch. But teasing was easy. And there was something absolutely addictive about riling up Noah.

Careful now.
You’ll end up with a hopeless crush.
Or on the side of the road
,
looking for a dog-friendly
,
non-serial-killer trucker to give you a lift.

“Is that a flurry?” Noah asked.

Adrian studied the chilly, rocky terrain on either side of the highway. The air did seem strangely misty. “Maybe.”

“Better start praying it’s not snow.” Noah’s voice was terse, but Adrian laughed as he flipped on the radio. The weather report predicted huge early snow for Cheyenne and the rest of the northern cities, but sounded like it would skip them. However, he’d grown up in Colorado and knew exactly what the ominous gray-blue clouds held. No amount of prayers would keep the coming snow at bay. He flipped the radio back off.

“This is a huge, heavy beast, though. Won’t we be fine in snow?”

“Hardly.” Noah sighed. “We’re not driving on snow tires. And if they call for chains, we’re out of luck—I’ve tried before and this is not a good vehicle for heavy snow. It turns into a slippery missile.”

“Damn. Okay. I’ll start sending go-away-snow thoughts. You do the praying thing a lot?” he asked, one eye on the already increasing flurries.

“You mean am I religious?” Noah asked. “I went to private Christian schools all the way through my doctorate and now I teach at one.”

“That doesn’t tell me anything about you
.
I want to know what you believe, not what’s on your resumé.”

“Curriculum Vitae.” Noah’s tone was all professorial as he clarified. “And as for your question, it’s...complicated.”

Traffic had slowed to a crawl—still no sign of an accident, but that was the only logical conclusion given the glacial pace.

“We’ve got nothing but time,” Adrian said, motioning at the cars in front of them.