Steeling My Haart (24 page)

        
“Don’t
you have some place you need to be? If you can drop me in town I can get myself
home,” she said quietly, wondering where he would be heading on Christmas Eve.
Surely he would have someone or at least somewhere to be tonight. Secretly,
though, she was so grateful he had been there to rescue her.

        
“No,
sweetheart, nowhere as important as with you. Let me help, please.” He silently
pleaded to her with his eyes. “Honestly, the only thing that’s waiting for me tonight
is an empty shell of a house on a lonely plot of land somewhere a few miles out
of town. Is this it?” he asked as he pointed to her dad’s SUV lodged on the
verge at the side of the tarmac.

        
“Yes,
there it is.” She sighed, surprised at what he had just told her.

        
“Can
I have your keys? I’ll unload the food into the truck here and you can take me
back up to town. I’ll figure out how to bring your car home, okay?”.

        
“Only
if you’re sure you don’t mind. I don’t want to keep you from anyone tonight, of
all nights.” She looked at him sadly.

        
“Believe
me, you aren’t keeping me from anyone, the only thing I have in my life right
now is this beauty.” He gestured with his thumb to his truck and smiled. “Even
my mom isn’t here anymore. She moved out west with Uncle Hank a few years ago.
The sun is great for her arthritis and they have gone on a Caribbean cruise
until the New Year. So it’s my pleasure to help.” He hopped out of the truck,
she handed him the keys, and within a few minutes, he had everything
transferred over to the back seat.

        
There
were a thousand things running through her mind after his revelation and now
she knew he wasn’t in a relationship, hope sparked in her chest. She knew that
they needed to talk and clear their issues before she would consider moving
forward.
 
She was quietly hopeful
now that she might be able to find the happiness she so badly wanted with
Charlie. She slid across the bench seat and secured her seatbelt as he locked the
SUV and hopped into the passenger seat. He turned his head and flashed her the
most amazing smile she had ever seen. “You don’t know how fucking amazing it is
to see you again, sweetheart. I can’t believe you are actually sitting here in
my truck, Em. I’ve missed you so much,” he whispered the last sentence as he
dipped his head and focused on his hands in his lap. And then, as if it were
the most natural thing in the world, he reached over and took her hand in his
and linked their fingers, resting them on the seat between them as she drove
the short way to town.

        
Both
of them were so overcome with sentiment during that short journey that they
spent the time in comfortable silence, Emma concentrating on trying not to
crash Charlie’s beloved truck in the worsening rain, and Charlie simply not
speaking. He kept stealing glances across at her as she navigated the streets
and he wore a mildly triumphant smile on his face.
 
She realized that getting him back maybe wasn’t
the lost cause she had believed it to be.

        
Emma
dropped Charlie outside the closed auto repair shop over on Main Street and
left him with directions as to how to get to her house. She would have to let
the gatehouse know he was coming.
 
Without
his help tonight she would have been in a mess and she was sure she never be
able to express just how grateful she was. She drove home feeling much lighter
and happier, despite the disaster of the evening so far. As she pulled his
truck into her driveway, she grinned like a fool and had thought of sending
Bruce a message to fill him in. She had a lot to do tonight, though. So, the
full take on the events of this evening would wait until they Skyped tomorrow.

        
Conscious
of how late she was arriving home Emma hurried out of the truck and grabbed the
bags from the back. She carried the groceries in and quickly threw the bags on
the kitchen counter. The kids had been bathed and were sitting on the carpet
playing.
 
The babysitter was
grateful to be finally released from duties and rushed out to her car.
 
Closing the door she turned to the two
children and they all decided that it would be a great time to watch a
Christmas movie. She hoped that Charlie would come through on his promise about
the presents. She had no alternative at this late stage.
 

        
She
was surprised that Adie hadn’t asked too much about her parents tonight and as
they were all engrossed in watching Elf. She was fairly grateful not to have to
be explaining too much to her tonight. Leo had found his second wind and when
she heard a car pulling up outside, both of the kids were still wide-awake. She
needed them to go to bed fairly quickly now because she had so much to organize
if she were to salvage their Christmas meal.

        
As
the credits started rolling at the end of the film, there was a soft knock at
the door. The butterflies in her stomach began to flutter. Adie shouted at the
top of her voice, “Emmamomma, it’s Santa Cwaus, it’s Santa Cwause. Let’s go let
him in.” As she approached the door, she saw a smiling Charlie standing on the other
side of the door. Opening it wide, she wasn’t quick enough to stop a speeding Adie
from throwing herself right into Charlie’s legs. “Hey, look, Emmamomma, it’s
not Santa Cwause, it’s Chawlie, your fwiend!” she squealed as a crawling Leo
stopped at the door, raised himself onto his knees and started clapping at him.

        
“Hey,
Adie, hey, there little man, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I’m not Santa
Clause, see. But I’ve been helping your momma here with a few things tonight.
Can I come in?” he asked, waving at them and waiting patiently on the doorstep
for the kids to let him in. Emma opened the door wider and gestured for him to
come through with a huge smile that she couldn’t stop from appearing on her face.

Adie grabbed his hand and shouted at
the top of her voice, “Course you can, Chawlie, come on let’s watch Elf again!
He’s my faaavowite elf ever.” Pulling him into the house she led him to the
sofa and sat him down. She crawled straight onto his lap and Emma watched with
amazement as they entered into a deep conversation. Charlie was being so
wonderful and such a natural with the kids. If she hadn’t already been so in
love with him, her heart would have melted at the sight of them sitting there.
Even Leo, who was a lot more reserved around people than his outgoing big
sister, crawled his way over and pulled himself up on Charlie’s leg. Without
missing a beat, he reached down and gently lifted the giggling baby straight
onto his other knee and carried on chatting away about princesses and fairy
tales to the excited pair.

        
“Would
you like anything to drink, Charlie?” Emma finally said after watching
  
the scene in quiet awe for a few
minutes.

        
“No,
I’m fine, thank you,” he said and then winking in her direction he continued,
“but I think it’s time this beautiful princess and this handsome little man
were going to bed, don’t you, Momma? I heard some reindeer bells outside as I
was walking up to your porch.”

Emma played along with the rouse. “Oh,
yes, I think that is a really great idea. Come on, Adie, say goodnight to
Charlie and let’s go before Santa misses us. But first we need to set out a
carrot for Rudolph and some cookies for Santa Claus.” Emma led them both over
to the kitchen.

        
“Goodnight,
Charlie,” Adie cooed as she walked over and leaned in to plant a huge wet kiss
on his cheek, much to his amusement. Emma walked over now holding a very sleepy
Leo. Charlie stood from his position on the couch, leaned over and placed a
kiss on his little soft head and then picked up a squealing Adie and hugged her
close. “Good night, princess, good night, little man. Sweet dreams,” he said as
they all headed in the direction of the bedrooms.

As a grateful Emma turned and smiled,
he nodded in the direction of the driveway indicating silently to her to say he
would go and sort out the gifts he had managed to retrieve. She mouthed, “Thank
you” back at him and headed to the bedrooms to settle the kids in for the
night.

        
It
didn’t take long for her to put them to bed and soon they were both in a deep
sleep and as Emma made her way back out into the main room he was unpacking and
already building all of the wooden toys she had reserved at the toy store.
“Charlie,” she exclaimed, “how did you manage this?”

He smiled and chuckled slightly. “It’s
all about who you know and not what you know, Em” he replied. “Let’s just say,
old Harv owed me one.” She didn’t press him further, but she realized that had
literally saved Christmas for her.

“Thank you,” was all she managed to
croak out.

        
She
headed to the kitchen and was attempting to start preparing the meal for
tomorrow but she paused and headed to the refrigerator and took out an already
opened bottle of wine. She reached for two glasses and offering one to Charlie,
she poured herself a long drink. “No thanks, sweetheart,” he said from his
perch by her over-trimmed tree. “I need to drive home tonight.”

        
They
relaxed in each other’s presence. Although Emma had unanswered questions
hanging thick in the air, she retreated in a comfortable silence to the kitchen.
It wasn’t long before Emma realized that Charlie had built several wooden toys
and had expertly wrapped them with lengths of ribbon and paper that Emma had
collected from the grocery store that evening.

        
She
watched him as he finished off with building and wrapping the toys. Soon he
joined her in the kitchen where she was wearily attempting to start
preparations for the Christmas lunch tomorrow. She was tired, no doubt owing
largely to the stress she had endured that afternoon.
 
He silently walked around her and
leaning over her shoulder, gently took the knife from her hand and guided her
to the couch. He walked back to the counter and handed her the glass of wine
after refilling it.

        
“Go
put your feet up., I’ve got this.”

She looked up at him with gratitude and
lifting her legs on to the couch beside her she curled into a ball and
gratefully took the wine from him. “Charlie Haart, tell me you are really here,
in my kitchen. I swear I’m dreaming this,” she whispered sleepily.

“It’s me all right, sweetheart, I’m
right here. Now lay your head back, drink up and let me handle things in here.
I seem to remember that you aren’t at your best in the kitchen.” He chuckled as
Emma was forced to remember the many culinary disasters that she had tried to
feed him all those years ago.
  

She was mesmerized watching as Charlie
worked quickly and efficiently to get everything ready to go. She could feel
him still regarding her, with an expression she could have sworn was one of
love, as she was drifting into a semi-conscious state of bliss as sleep took
hold.

Unsure if she was dreaming or not, she
felt the strong arms that lifted her effortlessly from the couch. Hazily she
realized they were the same ones she remembered holding her safely earlier in the
evening.
 
The rocking motion was
soothing as she felt herself being carried into her bedroom. The bed dipped
under her own weight as someone laid her down and took off her socks. The
feeling of bliss shrouded her as her comforter was pulled up and over her and
tucked in delicately around her almost unconscious form.

Then she heard the whisper that came
from Charlie as he kissed her softly on her brow. “I love you, Emma McKellan
and I’m not letting you go again.” Emma couldn’t help stirring in her
semi-sleep induced state and she felt a faint smile spread across her face. She
was so tired that no matter how much she willed her eyes to open or her mouth
to say the words back, it was just impossible.
 
Just before she slipped into a deep
sleep she heard him leaving the room and checking in on the two children.

        
It
was just before six am when an excited Adie came bounding into Emma’s bedroom rousing
her from a deep sleep. She was excitedly screaming that Santa had been. As she
came round, it took her a minute to realize she was in bed fully clothed, and
she couldn’t remember having come to bed the night before. Opening her eyes
slowly, she spotted the note on the pillow next to her, and immediately the
prior evenings events replayed. Charlie had been here and she recognized the
masculine scrawl on the note as being his. Instantly, the memories of last time
she had been handed a letter for him flooded back and she hesitated slightly before
picking the note up, reluctant to see what he had written.

        
As
Leo started to coo from his crib in the nursery, Adie shot out of the bedroom squealing,
“Leo, Santa bwought us lots and lots of pwesents. There are lots under the twee,
Leo.” She could hear her explaining with a smile in her voice. It warmed her
heart to think she had made them happy, but seizing on the opportunity of
having the room to herself, she opened the folded paper and almost didn’t have
the courage to read what it said,

        
Sweetheart,

        
I
hope you don’t mind me still calling you that. Well, anyway, I’m sorry for a
lot of things. Sorry doesn’t actually seem to be strong enough for the regret I
feel for my actions all those years ago. It’s a lot to ask, but I hope one day
you will understand I honestly believed that I was doing the right thing for us
by letting you go. I’ve lived with that decision every single day since I left.
Having that brief view into your life again last night made me realize just what
I had lost when I walked away. A day hasn’t gone by these last few long years
that I haven’t thought about you or wondered whether you were happy. I have
lived a miserable, lonely life without you and seeing as I have nothing left to
lose and everything to gain I want you to know that I hope that one day we
might have a possibility of a future together.

        
Seeing
you and holding you again has brought the memories I have been trying to bury
right back to the surface. I can tell you that they are the best memories I
have.

        
I
understand your life is pretty complicated right now and me telling you all of
this is probably too much for you to handle, never mind the fact I have no idea
what you want. I just wanted to let you to know I’m here, and I always will be.
I realize I have a lot of making up to do to you, but last night was just the
start. But believe me when I say I’ve never stopped loving you.

        
I
want you to come to me this time, when you are ready and only if you think you
could possibly choose me again. I have left my cell number at the bottom of
this note. You can find me most days hanging out at M’s Place in Glen Springs.
It has kind of become my life at the moment, and if and when you are ready, I
have so much to tell you. I would also love to hear all about you, and even if
you need a friend or a shoulder to cry on, I would be honored to be the one to
be that for you too.

        
I
am so proud of you, sweetheart, and I didn’t want you to think I don’t see what
an amazing and more beautiful woman you have turned into. Your new family are a
credit to you and watching you with those two adorable children made me so
proud, not that have any right to feel anything like that, but I just wanted
you to know.

        
Before
I go, I managed to finish everything in the kitchen and all you need to do is
follow the written instructions I’ve left on your counter top. Hope you get
your perfect Christmas and make some happy memories with Adie and Leo. Goodness
knows, you all deserve it.

        
Oh,
and I have the key to your back door. I took it from your keychain to make sure
I could lock up. I can arrange for it to be sent back to you.

        
Good
luck, sweetheart with whatever you do and know I’ll always be

        
Your
Charlie x

        
Emma
had just finished reading the letter, the happy tears streaming down her face,
when Adie came bounding back in to drag her to the tree to open her gifts.
“Emmamomma, why are you so sad?” she asked as she saw that Emma was crying
quite a lot. “Santa had brought you things, too,” she reassured, as she jumped
on her knee and threw her tiny arms round her neck.

She smiled into the frizz of baby
blonde hair as Adie hugged her hard and sniffing she said, “You know what,
little lady? These are happy tears. Santa Claus has brought me something way
better than a present his year,” she admitted as she reflected on the words in
the letter in her hand. “Now, let’s go get Leo and start opening all the gifts
that are under the tree.” She lifted the small girl with her out of the bed and
walked toward the nursery.

        
By
eight am, everything was opened and two happy children were playing excitedly
with an abundance of new toys in the main room. True to his word, Charlie had
left Emma complete step-by-step directions as to how to prepare the feast she
had planned for lunchtime. She had wondered whether to ring her parents and
find out where they were going to be. She had thought that they would be with
her Grams for at least another few days at this stage, although the threatened
ice storm hadn’t been anywhere near as violent or prolonged as forecast.

        
After
feeding everyone and getting Adie dressed in her new fairy dress and Leo in his
cute little elf outfit, she took a few pictures of the happy scene in front of
her. This was everything she had hoped for, except for the fact that her mom
and dad were missing. As she was thinking about calling, the doorbell sounded.

        
Adie
immediately jumped up and ran to the door as Emma answered it, to her utter
surprise, there stood not only her mom and dad, but two excited-looking figures
behind them. “Bwuce! Look, Emmamomma, it’s Bwuce and Lou!” Adie squealed as the
foursome piled in from the cold, arms full of gifts for Emma and the kids.

        
After
an age of hugging and greetings, Emma broke through the excited chatter by
asking, “How? Why? When did you all get in?”

        
Bruce
answered first, “We flew in yesterday, but it was late when we arrived, and we
didn’t want to wake you.” He picked up Adie and twirled her around, causing her
to giggle out loud. “Nicky gave us a spare key to their place when we were out
here last and we just let ourselves in. It’s so good to see you all and you
didn’t think we’d miss this first Christmas, did you?”

        
Emma
was so happy to see everyone and answered, “I can’t believe it, and this is so
awesome. It’s a good job I bought enough food to feed an army, then?”

        
“Emma
love,” her dad walked over and took her into a huge hug again. “Your grams is
improving daily and your mom wanted to be here for you so we actually arrived
home not long behind these guys.” He crouched to pick up a crawling Leo and
embracing him close.

        
Emma
turned to see where her mom was and she found her standing in the kitchen
looking very impressed at the organization. “Well, Emma McKellan, I never
thought I’d see the day you’d manage to cook a decent meal, never mind
coordinate a lovely-looking Christmas lunch,” she exclaimed with disbelief on
her face.

“Gee, thanks, Mom! Way to inspire
confidence in a person,” she retorted as she blushed. “I won’t lie. I may have
had a little help.” She stopped short of confessing who had helped her, needing
to test the water with her family before mentioning her visitor yesterday.

        
“Gwampy
Nicky, Emmamommas friend Charlie helped her yesterday. He came to the house and
played for a bit.” Adie announced as the entire room fell silent, and four
pairs of eyes suddenly focused on her now blazing face.

        
“Charlie,”
her mom said. “As in Charlie Haart?” She fought back the smile that was trying
to break across her face.

        
“Oh,
my.” her dad chuckled. “The boy finally came to his senses, then, did he? About
time, too,” he declared, broadly smiling along with his wife as he threw his
spare arm around her shoulder and hugged her close.

        
“What
are you talking about, Dad?” she asked, now feeling like she was missing
something.

        
“Well,
that’d be for Charlie to tell, not me. But I’m glad he’s finally got that
stubborn young head of out his ass.” He laughed as Nicky slapped him playfully
around his head.

“Please, Mike, watch your language in
front of the children. And, yes, what are you on about? Do you know something?”

        
“It’s
not really my place to say, but I’d encourage you to talk to him, love, and let
him explain a few things.” He offered as the rest of them looked on as puzzled
as Emma was.

        
Bruce
finally made it over to her and took her in a big hug, whispering to her as he
did, “So that’s who was parked on your driveway last night when we drove past?”
He winked conspiratorially. “Way to go, Emma, and don’t forget, you’re going to
marry that man one day.”

        
Blushing,
she pulled away and they were then overtaken with the excitement of the day.
Nicky and Lou worked hard in the kitchen whilst Mike and Bruce spent the morning
talking sports. Emma managed to have some amazing quality time bonding with Adie
and Leo over the huge haul of gifts Charlie delivered for them. It was turning
out to be one of the best Christmases she had ever had.

        
Shortly
after Nicky announced that lunch was ready, Emma heard a soft knocking at the
door. Over the noise of the house, she wasn’t even sure she had heard it, but
went over to double check. As she peeked out she saw the retreating form of
Charlie walking down the driveway and back to his truck he had parked on the
roadside. Her heart melted when she opened the door and noticed a small pile of
gifts in the front porch and before she lost the nerve, she shouted, “Charlie,
wait!”

He turned around reluctantly, giving
her a awkward look, almost as if he was embarrassed at being caught.
        
“Merry
Christmas, I… er… just wanted to pop by and leave a couple of things for the
kids. Don’t let me interrupt. I’m glad to see they all made it back for you,”
he said as he gestured towards the full house. Raising his lips into a small sad
smile. “Well, merry Christmas, sweetheart. I’ll let you get back to everyone.”
He one hand up and down the back of his head whilst reaching for his truck door
with the other.

        
“I’m
glad to have seen you, but I thought you might have needed some help today. I
am used to spending this day on my own and with work it’s a welcome day off.
 
It is my third Christmas alone and I’m wondering
why I’ve had headed out here in the first place,” he rambled on as he jumped up
into his truck.

        
“Wait!
Thank you… for everything,” Emma yelled a hint of panic in her voice as she
stepped out the door and ran with bare feet down the cold pavement to hug him.
“Don’t leave. There is plenty if you have nowhere else to go. Come join us,”
she requested as she released him and held out her hand. He smiled shyly and
reluctantly reached out to her, wrapping his large warm hand around her smaller
one.

“I’d really like that, Emma. Thank
you.” He shifted and asked, “Did you get my letter?”

        
Emma
stopped and looked him right in the eye. “Yes. I did, and I choose you,” she
whispered as she lifted her face and kissed him softly on his lips. The world
stood still right at that moment and years of anger, sorrow and loneliness
poured from her into a kiss that literally took his breath away. It wasn’t a
passionate kiss nor did either of them attempt to deepen it but the tenderness
and the emotion behind it spoke volumes. As she broke away, she looked him in
the eyes. “Things will have to be slow. You’ve seen what a complicated life I
have just now. We need to talk about, a lot of things, and I need some answers,
too, but the truth is, Charlie, I don’t want to be without you anymore.”

        
He
looked stunned at the words he was hearing and it took a moment for the reality
to settle in. Lost for words, he simply hugged her close. “Oh, Em,” he choked
out, “you don’t know how happy you have just made me.”

        
“I
think I may have an idea.” She smiled broadly at him and led him up the path
and into the crowded house. “Now I warn you its chaos in there. Are you sure
you want to join us?” Humor laced her voice at the expression on his face as he
realized what he had just agreed to.

“I’m sure, sweetheart. Wild horses couldn’t
me away again,” he whispered as she led him through the door and into the
raucous laughter that has filled the house in her absence.