Steeling My Haart (5 page)

       
Just
as the elevator bell rang out to signal its arrival, an almighty squeal of
excitement erupted from behind her.
 
Turning and wiping the stray tear away from her cheek, she plastered on
a smile as little Adie ran to her and grabbed her legs from behind, nearly
sending her flying.
 

        
“Auntie
Em! Auntie Em! I’m having a sweep over at your house tonight and I’m so
excited!” the little voice excitedly announced.
 

        
Emma
bent down and placed the bags and the food she was holding onto the floor and
scooped up her beautiful three-year-old goddaughter, hugging her tight and kissing
her all over her face.

        
“I’m
pretty excited, too, Adie, but you are going to have to tell me how these sleepovers
work, though.
 
I’ve never done one
before!”

        
Before
either of them could say anything, Lily abandoned the stroller and bags she was
carrying and came barreling towards the two of them and flung her arms round
them both, hugging them tight.
 

        
“Em,
thanks so much for doing this. I know it’s a lot to ask but you don’t know what
this means to me.” Her voice was shaky as she spoke and the strain was plain on
her tiny face.

        
Emma
was surprised when she looked at her friend. Lily was usually so put together
and her long shiny, blonde hair framing her tiny elfin face was the envy of any
woman, but today she noticed the usually impeccable presentation was sorely
lacking. Her normally sparkling blue eyes were a dull grey and her beautiful
hair was in need of a good wash and hung limply around her shoulders. She was
wearing baggy yoga pants, covered in kid grime and coupled with a huge hoodie
and sneakers. Emma was worried to think that this wasn’t the usual Lily, who
normally, despite having two small kids, would have at least attempted to tame
her hair and wear a little make up.

        
“Okay,
lets get you all up to my apartment and I’ll get us both something to drink,
eh?
 
Adie, sweety, would you help me
carry my bags into the elevator and I’ll help your Mommy? And if you do a good
job, honey, you can press the buttons, too!” Emma gently said as she let go of Lily
and placed Adie on the floor and picked up her things before holding the door
for the stroller.

        
The
short elevator ride was full of chatter from the over excited Adie and
contented cooing coming from the general direction of the stroller. Glancing at
the scene unfolding around her, it was clear she hadn’t any idea just what she
had let herself in for.
 
She had no
clue when it came to one on one time with one kid, never mind a toddler and
small baby.
 
Still, when she glanced
at Lily, she knew that this seemed to be the least she could do to try take
some of the strain and pressure from her shoulders, even if it was just for one
night.

        
Reaching
the front door, she released the lock and Adie bounded into the apartment.
Running around the circular entrance hallway, she then headed straight into the
main living space and excitedly pointed towards the huge widescreen television
that was mounted over the fireplace.
 
“Auntie Em, can we watch the ‘toons on the telewision, pwease? I love
the ‘toons.” She beamed excitedly, jumping up and down in front of the
screen.
 

        
Flicking
on the television she tuned into the kids channel and seated Adie on the sofa.
Once Adie was settled, Emma turned to Lily who had managed to settle Leo down to
sleep and had wheeled him to the far end of the hallway near the bedrooms so
that they could talk and Adie wouldn’t disturb him.
 

        
“Em,
I’m so worried. I don’t know what I’m going to do if I can’t get to the bottom
of this entire going on.
 
I love him
so much, but I think we’re just drifting apart.
 
I don’t know whether it’s the kids that
have changed things or what, but I was so absorbed with Adie when she was born
that things just started slipping. Then when I found out I was pregnant with Leo
something seemed to just snap with him.
 
What am I going to do?” Her voice broke as she burst into wracking
sobs.
 
Emma grabbed her tight and
engulfed her in a hug.
 

       
“Shhh,
Lil, it will all be okay.” She soothed, rocking her and rubbing her back.
 
“You need to sort this out, hun, you
really do, but I’m worried about you.
 
Are you sure you don’t want to stay here tonight? I’ll ring him and
maybe if you can get a decent night’s sleep things won’t feel so bad.”
 

        
“No.
 
He’s working again all weekend,” she
sniffed, wiping her hand across her nose. Throwing her arm around Lily’s
shoulders, Emma led her across the large open living room and to the breakfast
bar. She handed her a box of tissues before heading to the fridge and popping
open a bottle of wine.
 
She poured
two glasses and joined Lily, who was very ungracefully blowing her nose.

        
“It’s
been like this for months now – him working all day, every day, and it
seems like he’s doing everything he can to be away from us.
 
I should have said something sooner, but
I hate to dump on you. I feel if I don’t tackle it he’ll just walk away completely.”
She paused and sniffed loudly. “He’s so detached. And when we do talk, or even attempt
to, the kids seem to always need attention and he doesn’t like it.
 
And he was the one who begged me to keep
Adie when I found out I was pregnant and now look…” she halted, gulping back
almost the entire glass of wine as she did.
 
“I don’t regret having the kids for one
minute. They are so precious, but I wonder if they just came at the wrong time
for us…” She gulped back the rest of her glass of wine and reached for the
bottle as she finished speaking.

        
“Hey,
slow down a bit there, Lil, you want to be sober enough to have that
conversation. And much as I’d love to offer you some pearls of relationship and
parenting wisdom, I am the worst one to be coming to for advice, as you well
know.
 
My disaster of a personal
life speaks for itself.” She laughed bitterly more to herself than anyone but
glancing back at her friend crumbling in front of her, she softened.
 
“Look, talking is good and hopefully you
can get somewhere with him tonight. If not, you know you can come back here. In
fact I’ll make up the second bedroom for you anyway. I am sure I will be fine
with the kids,” she really laughed at her own comment this time, “and if not
I’ll just holler, but promise me you’ll text me later and let me know how you
get on?”

        
“Thanks,
Em, and I know you stink at relationship advice,” her mouth cocked slightly at
her remark, “and yes of course I will let you know how we get on. I just had no
one to turn to.
 
It’s times like
this I miss my mom and dad so much.”

        
Both
had been victims of a tragic skiing accident, killed during a massive avalanche
the year after Lily started college.
 
She was pretty well alone in the world now apart from Emma and Gary.

        
“I
know, hun, I know, but you have me for what I’m worth and we will get you
through this.
 
Now, I hope you’ve
left me detailed instructions on how to operate your kids.
 
If not, this is going to be one
interesting night.” Lily finally cracked a smile and they both eventually dissolved
in to giggles at Emma’s remark. After several minutes, Lily regained enough composure
to be able to give out an all too brief lesson in parenting.

        
Too
quickly for Emma’s liking, Lily was dishing out hugs and kisses to Adie and
quietly checking on a still sleeping Leo then announcing she leaving.
 
All of a sudden first time babysitting
nerves were kicking in.
 

        
“Em,
honestly you will be fine. You have our cell numbers and the details of the pediatrician’s
office in case you have any issues, which I am positive you won’t. I’ve written
the important stuff down for you in the blue notebook, which I left in the
diaper bag.
 
Leo is no worse than Adie
was, and you kept her a few times as a baby. Just remember to change Leo’s
diapers and give him milk and you’ll be fine. Adie will tell you what she wants,
but don’t take any ‘little miss attitude’ from her. I’ll be back in the morning
for them. Just enjoy yourself and wish me luck.”

        
Not
reassured any, she reluctantly waved her edgy-looking friend farewell and
headed back to the apartment, not at all prepared for a night all alone with
the two little guests she now had.

        
After
quickly checking on a still quiet Adie, who seemed to be engrossed in some
hideous cartoon crap on the television, she went to get changed. It took all of
five minutes to fling on a pair of yoga pants and a tank top, and pay a visit
to the bathroom. Leo was still fast asleep in the stroller as she slithered
past him and back to the vast living area. Everything was still quiet, almost
too quiet and it took Emma a couple of seconds to register that Adie had
vanished from the sofa.

        
Slight
panic crept up to her throat as she quietly yelled, “Adie, sweetheart, where
are you?” She heard a quiet giggling coming from the kitchen behind her.
 
She hurried over and found a sniggering Adie
in the middle of a white cloud.
 
The
polished dark wood flooring of her kitchen, along with a now laughing Adie, was
entirely covered in what suspiciously looked like flaked coconut and
flour.
 

        
“Look,
Auntie Em, it’s snowing in your kitchen!” she squealed out so loud that in the
same moment Emma heard a loud cry erupting from the hallway. Laughter at the
unbelievable scene that had unfolded in her kitchen bubbled up her chest as she
quickly surveyed Adie and the disaster zone that used to be her kitchen.

        
Taking
Adie by the hand, Emma was still chuckling as she hurried down to the now
wailing baby and lifted him gently out of the stroller. Adie cheerfully sang
“It’s snowing in the kitchen, it’s snowing in the kitchen.”
 

        
Lily
had set up the stroller with the bassinet attachment so it was okay for the
baby to sleep in overnight. As she lifted him out, Adie decided to throw a
handful of ‘snow’ she had brought with her from the kitchen into the stroller
just as Leo decided to spit up all over.
 
Within seconds, the baby and his bed had become a congealed mess of
flour, coconut and vomit.

        
 
“Okay, guys, let’s get cleaned up, shall
we?” she snorted, barely containing her laughter, as she grabbed the diaper bag
from the stroller and headed to her bathroom.
 
She began to run a warm bath and placing
Leo gently down on a towel on the floor she found the kids’ toiletries in the
bag.

        
Adie
was still singing “It’s snowing in the kitchen,” at the top of her voice and Emma
then realized that for the first time since she had moved into her apartment,
the noise and especially the mess made the place feel like home. Until then, it
had been a clinically tidy space she had existed in, but Adie and Leo had made
it feel lived in, even in the short time they had been here. Even though the
place was in a total state, her heart was beginning to beat in her chest again
and the love for these two kids flowed from her.

        
Thankfully,
undressing and actually bathing the kids wasn’t too far beyond her limited
skills, despite her initial worry. She had to admit she was thoroughly enjoying
the distraction to her otherwise boring routine.
 
Within half an hour, both kids were
clean and ready for sleep.
 
She then
found a good supply of readymade formula along with pre packed teats in the
handy bag. Lily had thankfully left detailed instructions as to how to put them
together and she managed to warm Leo some milk after negotiating the still
‘snow’ filled kitchen.

        
Within
the hour, she was curled up in her bed with both of the tiny forms asleep on her,
and she took a moment to watch them. She was in awe at how perfect such
innocent, tiny beings could be. For the first time in a long time she felt a
profound kind of serenity washing over her as she watched both of them sleeping.
Then as her mind drifted, something inside her slowly broke.

        
This
scene could have so easily been her and Charlie and their beautiful child. The
melancholy she felt earlier washed over her as she tucked Adie in on a mattress
on the floor of her room. Wrapping the sleeping baby in a cozy blanket, she
decided to carry Leo out and let him sleep on her thick rug surrounded by
pillows. As she laid him down and covered him with more blankets, her stomach
growled. As she stood to head for the food she had bought earlier, her cell
phone pinged, indicating a message arriving.
 
She headed to the main door of the
apartment and found her bags still lying on the floor where she had thrown them
when she came in, along with her now cold chicken and avocado salad.